Scared about getting intimate with someone new after weight loss and saggy skin...

photo_kyla

So I've been of the dating scene for about 2 years and am just now starting to date again, but even though I'm looking pretty good in clothing, without clothes there is all this baggy skin and lumpy cellulite everywhere from losing weight. I mean, it's BAD. I've lost about 40lbs since September and have 60 more to go to my final goal, so it's only going to get worse. Honestly, I think my skin etc looked better and more filled out when I was heavier. At some point I'm pretty sure I'll need surgery to get rid of all of the extra skin, but that's a few years off and I don't want to put the rest of my life on hold indefinitely.
There's a guy that I really like and would really like a future relationship with, but I'm terrified with even the thought of him seeing me in my birthday suit. We're not to that point yet, but I'm not sure what to do to help myself get over this. Any suggestions?

thekacks

Maybe talk to him about it when you get closer to that point. I figure if you are close enough to get naked for him in the first place... probably should be close enough to talk about your insecurities. I don't know - it's hard to say how I would feel in your shoes because I'm not there yet. But I imagine that is the advice I would give to myself lol...

Dead_Mans_Party

I had an intimate relation with a lady in your position. It honestly did not matter to me since I liked her a lot. We did talk about the issue pre-sheets and I reassured her it didn't make any difference to me. It also made her feel more comfortable with herself and with me knowing I wasn't judging her. If he can do that for you great. If not..........

lacroyx

Meh, I'm in the same situation. I look half decent in clothes but once they are off, eh. For me it's my lower stomach/lower abs (if I had abs XD) area. I know I will need to save up for surgery too down the road. Thankfully, everywhere else is ok. I have a few minor trouble spots, back of my arms mainly. It's not as bad as my stomach and unless I point it out, it's not noticeable. If I flex, it vanishes away almost completely. Things that helped me is lifting heavy. If you are, great, keep it up. If you aren't, you should. It will help tighten things up.

I am sure my stomach will be a issue for me for when it comes to intimacy in future. You on the other hand, are getting out there dating, and I'm not. You are already miles ahead of me! I figure what's the point in worrying over something that I am not even close to yet? Horse before the carriage, or however that saying goes. I don't really have much in advice though I do agree with others about talking to him. Most guys won't care. I know I wouldn't and the right guy won't as well.

lsgibbs83

I am very self conscious about my lower abdominal area, and to a lesser extent the upper abdominal area. Realistically, I know the hanging skin is shrinking but all I see is what is still there. I feel like I am forever, shall we say guiding, his hands away from that area.

When we were together several years ago I was at least 35-40 lbs heavier than I am now. He has intimately seen me both ways and seems to only notice the positive changes. Any time I try to cover up what I don't like he says "You know, we're going to be seeing a lot of each other naked".

I think it comes down to having a good relationship before getting physical to that level. True intimacy starts with the head and heart. If that is in place the sex is going to be great, regardless of what we see as our own flaws.

Besides...when laying down it isn't as noticeable.

AnnaPixie

lsgibbs83 wrote: »

True intimacy starts with the head and heart. If that is in place the sex is going to be great, regardless of what we see as our own flaws.

This!!

Like the song "love your perfect imperfections" there aren't a lot of people with perfect bodies. Embrace your perfect imperfections and he will too

OperationSuperKAT

I just want to say that, first of all, you are totally gorgeous!! Congrats on the weight loss so far.

Second, I had a boyfriend who refused to take his shirt off when we were intimate together because he was so self-conscious about his extra weight. Apparently he had been an athlete at one point and just refused to think that I could find him attractive with the extra pounds. It was so awkward for me. I really liked him a lot and all I wanted was for him to feel comfortable enough with me to be naked with me. I was certainly not thin at that point (still am not haha), but he still found me quite attractive with or without clothes. Honestly, when it comes down to it, it really isn't about you having a perfect body. It's about you both expressing in a physical way how you feel about one another. If it makes you that uncomfortable, talk to him about it. If he's a good guy who cares about you, he will listen and do his best to make you as comfortable as possible. Let him. He will appreciate it, and you will have so much more fun

BringingSherriBack

Ok I've been with a few guys since having lost weight. All were aware that I had lost a large amount of weight and not a one mentioned anything negative about my excess or saggy skin.
Honestly I was so uptight about it when I slept with the first guy that had he made a negative comment, I probably would have become an old cat lady. lol
But no not a one has ever said anything negative about it. And now I am fairly comfortable in my own skin so to speak.