In love but...
lsgibbs83
Posts: 254 Member
I am terrified to actually say it. I loved him years ago and still do. I always have said I would never get that involved again. Yeah...until he came crashing back into my world last fall. Now it is all I want. Every time he calls, when we hang up I just think "God I love that man."
When we are together he says things like how it would be great to come home from work to each other every evening, how nice it would be to fall asleep with each other every night, how it gets better and better every time we are intimate, and how wonderful and right it all seems. In fact, when he first contacted me again he asked if I had every considered getting married to anybody I had dated after him. When I said no he said "Never say never. You don't know who you might meet next week or who may come back from your past that never thought thinking about you".
There are a lot of complications right now. He has custody of his children and they pretty much went through hell with their mother before he got them back. His sons live with him and his daughter is staying with his parents until things settle down with the boys. I get that anybody new has to be delicately introduced, especially with his oldest son.
He is self-employed and generally works 7 days a week. By the time he picks up his younger son at his parents' and spends some time there with his daughter then gets home it is typically 8:00 or later. He calls every evening and often touches base with me throughout the day. We try to spend one night a week together but that doesn't always happen. Last week the boys were ill and I had a nasty cold. This week his Dad was admitted to the hospital so he is running between his shop, helping his Mom, and keeping up at home, yet he still has taken the time to call. Sometimes I feel like I am just another task he needs to worry about, not that he has ever expressed that. He has said that my house is where he can let it all go and relax.
So here's the problem. I am scared to death that with everything going on I am the one expendable in his life. For most of my life I have gotten lost in the shuffle (good kid that didn't require a lot of attention, good grades, middle child, etc...) or have been the one left standing alone wondering why I wasn't good enough.
I am afraid to lay all of my cards on the table again, even though I usually find myself biting my tongue to keep the words from slipping out.
I don't know if there is a good answer...I just needed to get it out of my head.
Thanks.
When we are together he says things like how it would be great to come home from work to each other every evening, how nice it would be to fall asleep with each other every night, how it gets better and better every time we are intimate, and how wonderful and right it all seems. In fact, when he first contacted me again he asked if I had every considered getting married to anybody I had dated after him. When I said no he said "Never say never. You don't know who you might meet next week or who may come back from your past that never thought thinking about you".
There are a lot of complications right now. He has custody of his children and they pretty much went through hell with their mother before he got them back. His sons live with him and his daughter is staying with his parents until things settle down with the boys. I get that anybody new has to be delicately introduced, especially with his oldest son.
He is self-employed and generally works 7 days a week. By the time he picks up his younger son at his parents' and spends some time there with his daughter then gets home it is typically 8:00 or later. He calls every evening and often touches base with me throughout the day. We try to spend one night a week together but that doesn't always happen. Last week the boys were ill and I had a nasty cold. This week his Dad was admitted to the hospital so he is running between his shop, helping his Mom, and keeping up at home, yet he still has taken the time to call. Sometimes I feel like I am just another task he needs to worry about, not that he has ever expressed that. He has said that my house is where he can let it all go and relax.
So here's the problem. I am scared to death that with everything going on I am the one expendable in his life. For most of my life I have gotten lost in the shuffle (good kid that didn't require a lot of attention, good grades, middle child, etc...) or have been the one left standing alone wondering why I wasn't good enough.
I am afraid to lay all of my cards on the table again, even though I usually find myself biting my tongue to keep the words from slipping out.
I don't know if there is a good answer...I just needed to get it out of my head.
Thanks.
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I think it says a LOT that even though he is running on a crazy busy schedule, he is still taking time out to call you. It honestly sounds like you are driving yourself crazy wondering if he is going to dump you, but he is putting forth so much effort to let you know he thinks you are important. Why not just say it? Either way you will know, and that can be one less stress on your mind.0
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Been there! I moved in with my current bf w/o saying it. Those words just had so much weight and power that I wasn't ready to give them away. He didn't say it either though even though he said we almost said it a couple of times but chickened out because he wasn't sure how I felt.. But it was obvious he did. We also had dated before and he was just completely different than before in a good way. His actions were definately of love.
Then one day as I was falling apart (I was super homesick for a month), the words came out of him on FaceTime of all things. He's a pilot so facetime is a blessing when he's gone so much! Anyway, it felt great to release it.
Now we say it a thousand times a day.
I was afraid too. He always has so much going on and with his job sometimes it gets hard. So it'd be easiest to let me go as a relationship (either with me or someone else) is work! And his job would probably be so much easier w/o the stress of a gf, especially a live in one.
BUT then I also know that he loves me and my love. I know I'm special to him and I see his efforts. For the most part, I've gotten a whole lot better at it. I see my value and know I'm worth the work, the stress and he'd be crazy to let me go.
Relax and enjoy your relationship. I try to remember that the minutes I waste worrying, are minutes I'm losing of joy. If you're in love, say it. Trust me, I know it's hard but it's such a release!! And nothing feels as good as when the one you love, loves you back! If he's putting in effort when his world is so busy, that's a great sign that he cares very much about you and the relationship. If you truly wrap your mind around that, it should settle your mind.0 -
Thank you ladies. You are right, I am making myself crazy and he is making a huge effort in the middle of the chaos. Thank you so much for helping me put it in perspective.
I think I had just been looking forward to spending more quality time with him than we usually get that when the plans we made got derailed it was incredibly disappointing. Especially since we didn't see each other the weekend before. After my daughter left on Friday for a weekend of babysitting I didn't see another human until Tuesday morning and the only voice I actually heard was his. By the middle of the day on Sunday I was getting stir crazy and was starting to annoy myself!
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I'm alone a lot! The best thing to do once I hit that point is get out!! I actually enjoy being alone in silence but I can only do it for so much. I'll go out get a pedi and wine or even treat myself to avacado rolls and a Jeremiah red at Bjs Brewhouse and sit at the bar midday. Because Im the queen of overthinking... So I know it does me no good feeling stir crazy inside with no one to talk to. Thats a recipe for crazy thinking!
If you look from afar at your relationship you will see the path.. Sometimes it's straight (good!) and sometimes it curves unexpectedly. You make it through the curves and bumps and before you know it you're back onto the straight path. That's all relationships.
Good luck!0 -
Overthinking is a bad habit for me as well. Normally when I need to clear my head I disappear with my cameras for the day but near zero temps made that not an option.
This weekend is looking like a bust as well. His Dad was discharged from the hospital today and apparently is convinced that the doctors just sent him home to die. Up until the last week or so he was in relatively good health for a nearly 80 year old man. Now he is pretty much confined to bed and his Mom is understandably distraught.
He is spending tonight there and will meet with the home health nurse tomorrow. The weather is supposed to turn bad again all weekend and as much as I would LOVE for him to be stranded here it just isn't practical. If he is home it is a 5 minute drive to his parents' house if he should be needed. It is about 20 from my house in good weather. It could take an hour or more if we get the snow and ice that is predicted.
He does need to go to the VA clinic tomorrow to pick up his Dad's prescriptions. To get there he has to go nearly right past my office. Maybe I can talk him into stopping in for just a minute.
On a more positive note, he slept through his alarm yesterday morning and needed to be up no later than 5:30 this morning. I told him I could call him this morning to make sure he was up. He said he would rather I nudge him with my elbow. When I told him I would love to but not until I get to know his boys he said "every morning?". Um...let me think about that...YES!
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