Shame

loriloftness

I saw something today that made me sad. It was a posting on another WLS group. A lady had been successful in losing a large amount of weight on her own (over 150lbs) but still had more to lose and couldn't do the rest successfully, so she had WLS. She is upset that people have been asking her about losing the weight. She said she doesn't tell people because she is ashamed that she had the surgery. She sees it as failure because she couldn't lose the rest of the weight like she had lost the first amount. I tried to tell her it takes courage and bravery to be proactive and take that step to make your health better. I just think it is sad that a person would take the steps needed to make their life better and healthier, but live with shame inside their head because of it. I feel no shame at all about the decision I made and I celebrate the life the surgery (and my hard work) is giving me.

rpyle111

With my success pre-surgery (100 pounds down), I had those same thoughts. I had proved to myself that I could behave in a way that would result in weight loss. What flipped the switch for me was my history of successful weight loss, followed by regain when "something" happened. The birth of my daughter was a previous "something", where I was at the bottom of a significant weight loss. The resulting changes and stresses made weight loss/maintenance a lower priority and the weight came back on.

There was a post here that talked about her weight loss journey and her decision to have the surgery and she said (paraphrasing); "At this point in my life, 'maybe' wasn't enough".

That struck me. My hips were arthritic, and my exercise was beng curtailied because of this. If I had any significant regain, I was less and less able to believe that I could put together the successful effort to re-lose it. So I went ahead with the surgery, and have really not had any second thoughts.

Just my thoughts,

Rob

bonitadonita

I agree with you, I have no regrets. I love my new life. Yes, we had the surgery, but it is a life changing event. We still have to watch what we eat, excercise and maintain our nutrient levels. We too made a sacrifice to make this life decision.

aylajane

I have always been good at the exercise side of things. But my appetite was out of control and I was always either miserable from stuffing myself or from being hungry. I struggled over 30 years (I am 43) up and down and up and down. No amount of exercise could undo the damage I could do with food. I could EASILY lose 50 pounds, but could not EASILY keep it there! I (like all of us) know what to do to lose weight... Knowing how was never the issue. I was never "lazy" about exercise or trying to eat well. I simply couldnt keep doing it. I had a black hole for a stomach.

THen I looked at my mom and aunts and other family and saw them having the same struggles as me their whole lives... and they are 20 years older than me... I thought about 20 years from now STILL struggling and decided "NO". I want something permanent. I dont need magic - I need something that will allow me to make better decisions on food, and KEEP those decisions. I need the knawing black hole to go away.

Now it is still completely up to me to exercise and eat right, but I have the ability to control my appetitle ... which if I could have done in the first place I would not have needed surgery. I still have to do what everyone else does, I just dont have to be miserable the whole time. I swear sometimes all the surgery did was sew up the black hole I had for a stomach.

asia1967

I completely agree with everyone. It is a tool to help with the hard work. No different then a hammer or screw driver. For me I would probably not be here. My health was that bad that the doctor gave me 5 years if I didn't do something about it. So I lost 60lbs on my own by then I was approved for surgery and have not had 1 regret other then I wish I had done it sooner.
It gave me a better handle on my appetite, but it is up to me to make the right choices and exercise.
The feeling of failure comes from the stigma that society has put out there about taking the "easy" way out. IMHO.
We are healthier, happier people. Let the haters, hate.:p

pawoodhull

There's no difference between having my knee repaired 37 years ago so I could continue to walk and having WLS so I could continue to live. And believe me, at 386 pounds, death was simply a matter of time. There is nothing shameful about being smart enough to realize you need help and getting it. And like Rob said, we might be able to take it off, but keeping it off is the other half of the process and without the surgery most of us wouldn't be able to maintain the loss. You find her again and connect her with us on this site. Sounds like she can use all the support she can get.

asia1967

And like Rob said, we might be able to take it off, but keeping it off is the other half of the process and without the surgery most of us wouldn't be able to maintain the loss. You find her again and connect her with us on this site. Sounds like she can use all the support she can get.

^^^
Exactly Pat!

Sammers48220

asia1967 wrote: »

It is a tool to help with the hard work. No different then a hammer or screw driver.

This! I read a blog post where the woman said, "would you congratulate someone on pounding in nails with their fists because they refused to use a hammer? No. It doesn't make sense to feel bad about using the best tools available to you."

There's no shame in WLS. It's one of the very best (if not THE best) tool we have to get healthy. And I'm proud of the fact that I'm doing everything I can to make my health better. It makes me so sad when I see that people feel ashamed . They should be proud that they took control!

mycatsnameisbug

I too have struggled with this. All the people who truly matter in my life have been super supportive so far. I know I made the right decision for me for sure. Like many others, my problem was never losing weight, picking the right foods or even exercising (as much as someone can at 280+/-) my problem was the INSANE hunger I struggled with daily. For the first time in my entire life, I am not starving all the time. I have no doubt that this was the right choice for me.

That being said, the stigma of wls is awful. Not everyone knows I had the surgery. Because of this there is NO filter on many and I have heard sooo many negative things said about others who had the surgery. Big ones I hear are taking the easy way out and having the surgery when you're young (I'm 29). But frankly, who WOULDNT take the "easy way" out (I use quotes because we alllll know this is NOT easy). If there was a safe and effective way to get to a healthy weight quickly so I could move the hell on with the rest of my long life why wouldn't you opt for it? That's like saying, I want to be healthier... But not for another decade. I knew I was gambling, and odds were not in my favor. This is what I tell myself when I am feeling down or judged by someone ignorant of what life is like as a morbidly obese person. In all honesty, my only regret is not having done this at 18.

Anyways, people here have been so incredibly kind and supportive. I hope the original person from the op finds us here