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Do you ever feel not listened to?
Kenda2427
Posts: 1,592 Member
Do you ever feel like some "professionals" don't listen to you when you are trying to ask or explain something to them? This has happened to my twice recently, and I'm starting to get aggravated.
A few weeks ago my husband and I went to a fitness store to make some inquiries. We have our own little home gym but I want to start lifting more and heavier. I have a cheap weight bench and barbell set. It was soon apparent that this was no going to be adequate for our needs. So we thought perhaps a good bench and a squat rack, and of course a new good bar. I am telling the lady, who tells me she is a personal trainer, what I am looking for. She immediately takes me over to the weighted bars they use in some fitness classes. They come in assorted weights up to 30 lbs and proceeds to tell me how great these are and how she uses them with all her classes. My husband looks at me and says she's not listening to you. So I tried again and she is still pushing these bars and not addressing my real question. Finally I said look I was already deadlifting 80 lbs, bench pressing 55, squatting 40 and my plan is to increase that. She then stopped dead, looked at me and said oh if you are already doing that you need a rack! You need to talk to someone else. Seriously? That's what I told her from the beginning.
Last night I had a session booked with a personal trainer. I had emailed him ahead of time and told him what I was doing and wanted some sessions to make sure I had proper form and was lifting correctly before I started increasing my weights. I go to my appointment and he also seemed to disregard what I was saying. I explained that I wanted proper form and mentioned the bench press which he dismissed and said oh that takes too long to learn, that's a whole session itself. I'll put you on the sled to pull and push around the track, well that's fine if I'm at the gym but doesn't work at home. I mentioned that I am not a huge fan of machines but really liked using the leg press, the reply was "no that's hard on the back, I don't think any machines are good, but I can show you how it works if you really want". I had told him I was considering a squat rack at home but due to the expense of everything I wanted that I may just rejoin the gym. He agreed it was expensive and then said I would be doing goblet squats. I tired again explaining with my squats I have to do a lower weight because I have to lift the bar over my head and onto my back. He said that's getting into Olympic lifting stuff, that's dangerous! Finally at the end he asked if I had any questions, I was feeling rather deflated and not listened to I so said here are my goals; I want to bench press 100 lbs, deadlift and squat 150 lbs and full chin ups. He then says well if you are looking to do that you need a squat rack. I went home feeling quite disappointed. I meet with him again tonight to start the program he is going to build. We shall see what that entails.
I know I am only little and older, just shy of 50, a towering 4'11" and weigh about 108 but is that any reason for people to dismiss me and my fitness goals? I am not an assertive person by nature but I feel if I have stated my goals I should be listened to. I shouldn't have to bulldoze my way through to get the "professionals" to listen to me and help me achieve my goals, not try to put me in a pink dumbbell category.
Has anyone else had similar issues of not being heard?
A few weeks ago my husband and I went to a fitness store to make some inquiries. We have our own little home gym but I want to start lifting more and heavier. I have a cheap weight bench and barbell set. It was soon apparent that this was no going to be adequate for our needs. So we thought perhaps a good bench and a squat rack, and of course a new good bar. I am telling the lady, who tells me she is a personal trainer, what I am looking for. She immediately takes me over to the weighted bars they use in some fitness classes. They come in assorted weights up to 30 lbs and proceeds to tell me how great these are and how she uses them with all her classes. My husband looks at me and says she's not listening to you. So I tried again and she is still pushing these bars and not addressing my real question. Finally I said look I was already deadlifting 80 lbs, bench pressing 55, squatting 40 and my plan is to increase that. She then stopped dead, looked at me and said oh if you are already doing that you need a rack! You need to talk to someone else. Seriously? That's what I told her from the beginning.
Last night I had a session booked with a personal trainer. I had emailed him ahead of time and told him what I was doing and wanted some sessions to make sure I had proper form and was lifting correctly before I started increasing my weights. I go to my appointment and he also seemed to disregard what I was saying. I explained that I wanted proper form and mentioned the bench press which he dismissed and said oh that takes too long to learn, that's a whole session itself. I'll put you on the sled to pull and push around the track, well that's fine if I'm at the gym but doesn't work at home. I mentioned that I am not a huge fan of machines but really liked using the leg press, the reply was "no that's hard on the back, I don't think any machines are good, but I can show you how it works if you really want". I had told him I was considering a squat rack at home but due to the expense of everything I wanted that I may just rejoin the gym. He agreed it was expensive and then said I would be doing goblet squats. I tired again explaining with my squats I have to do a lower weight because I have to lift the bar over my head and onto my back. He said that's getting into Olympic lifting stuff, that's dangerous! Finally at the end he asked if I had any questions, I was feeling rather deflated and not listened to I so said here are my goals; I want to bench press 100 lbs, deadlift and squat 150 lbs and full chin ups. He then says well if you are looking to do that you need a squat rack. I went home feeling quite disappointed. I meet with him again tonight to start the program he is going to build. We shall see what that entails.
I know I am only little and older, just shy of 50, a towering 4'11" and weigh about 108 but is that any reason for people to dismiss me and my fitness goals? I am not an assertive person by nature but I feel if I have stated my goals I should be listened to. I shouldn't have to bulldoze my way through to get the "professionals" to listen to me and help me achieve my goals, not try to put me in a pink dumbbell category.
Has anyone else had similar issues of not being heard?
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Replies
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Reading this I got so mad.... If only I had been there to give those people a "high five" to the face... With a chair!
I haven't had similar experiences, the only 2 trainers I meet with were very supportive of free weights and recommended them.
Give me 20 minutes to calm down, get my thought in order and find you some stats and recomandations for you0 -
Ok, I feel calm now... So let's continue
1. Deadlifts, squats, bench press, overhead press, chin-ups and pull-ups are what we call natural movement patterns. That means that they duplicate normal movements that the human body was adapted to do for as long as we existed. If someone thinks that's not safe, they are plain stupid!
Babies, when they try to pick up stuff, they will naturally squat down because it's a normal body movement. Before toilets were invented everyone did squats because they had too ( we're talking thousands of years). Every time you pick something heavy of the ground you are deadlifting! Pushing and pulling ones body is not some fantastic task but it's the most normal thing in the world!!!!
2. These days in our society most trainers read a manual take a test and go on about their lives working with people who need to loose weight, people who come and go based on seasons... They are not exactly qualified past a certain level. They don't help much once you are within a good cardiovascular range and weight. I strongly believe you don't need a personal trainer as much as you need a strenght coach, someone who understands your goals and knows how to take you there.
3. Best possible recomandations at this point include finding an on-line strenght coach that will check your form as you upload videos of your lifts. That will be more convenient than scouting trainers in your area.
4. I compared your current stats and your goals against the strenght training standards and I believe your goals are achievable. You can check them out yourself at
http://www.exrx.net/Testing/WeightLifting/SquatStandards.html
At the bottom of the page you will find the links for all the exercises.
5. To start with, I recommend you aim to deadlift and squat your bodyweight and them move onto working towards 1.5x bodyweight. To make sure you can continue a progressive load program and get strong, protein should be in the 40% range, you should eat at your TDEE daily and drop high intensity cardio for mild walks.
6. You are a total bad*** Kenda, don't let silly people stop you from achieving your dreams!!!0 -
Thanks Danelutza!! I appreciate the feedback and the indignation on my behalf
Just makes me more determined to do this and show this morons little people can kick *kitten* too0 -
That's the spirit Kenda!!!0
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I have had the same thing happen Kenda when shopping for a specific thing. Growing up I always played softball, I would go to the store knowing exactly what I wanted and people wouldn't take me seriously because I was a young girl playing sports(what do girls know about sports right? Wrong!)
I completely understand the annoyance and frustration. I hope Danelutza's video suggestion is beneficial to you, and Danelutza you are awesome!!0 -
I have had similar things happen in the past and wasn't nearly as good at insisting on what I wanted or explaining, which is one reason I've taken so long to start getting to where I wanted with lifting (my fault for not having the confidence or will in this area, for whatever reason). I'm actually really happy and proud of you that you insisted on being heard, even if it is ridiculous that it was so hard.0
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Thanks for the kind words. He did seem to have taken my last statements into consideration. He did show me the proper form for bench pressing and some upper body exercises. We were supposed to meet again tonight for lower body but he had to reschedule so we will see on Monday if we tackle the squats and deadlifts.0
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Sounds encouraging!0
This discussion has been closed.