A little bit about me
AlexanderK1994
Posts: 243 Member
Hi, I'm Alice, I'm twenty and I struggled with weight and weight related issues for the majority of my life. I suffer from depression and it has been a massive impact on my life, especially over the past few years.
I've always been the chubby one, slightly slower and more thorough than my peers which has been a cause for bullying throughout the years. Funnily enough, after coming to the UK, it got worse - I constantly had my mother on my case because God it's so bad that you're on the Internet all the time and you're eating crap but she never really tried to figure out what it was that impacted me in such a manner.
That led me to more problems with eating, to the point of me snapping and not eating or purging and feeling guilty for having eaten something. With help from my friends, i managed to get myself out of that mindset for a while... Then my sister moved back in with us and I had fire incoming from two sides.
The not eating business happened again, then I tried to be a vegetarian (I bow to you vegetarians out there) but that lasted about a month and in May 2012 I found MFP. I've been on a lot of diets by the age of 17 and I had little hope but despite people putting me down, I shed a lot of weight, getting back under the 60kg mark after being in the 70s for a while but that still wasn't the healthy way to do it: I did what I always do, took it to an extreme.
So I rebounded completely and three years later I'm back at it. And I know I'm doing exactly the same thing, taking it into extremes all over again but I know that I've done it before. And this time around, I'm actually doing it for myself rather than others. For once.
I've always been the chubby one, slightly slower and more thorough than my peers which has been a cause for bullying throughout the years. Funnily enough, after coming to the UK, it got worse - I constantly had my mother on my case because God it's so bad that you're on the Internet all the time and you're eating crap but she never really tried to figure out what it was that impacted me in such a manner.
That led me to more problems with eating, to the point of me snapping and not eating or purging and feeling guilty for having eaten something. With help from my friends, i managed to get myself out of that mindset for a while... Then my sister moved back in with us and I had fire incoming from two sides.
The not eating business happened again, then I tried to be a vegetarian (I bow to you vegetarians out there) but that lasted about a month and in May 2012 I found MFP. I've been on a lot of diets by the age of 17 and I had little hope but despite people putting me down, I shed a lot of weight, getting back under the 60kg mark after being in the 70s for a while but that still wasn't the healthy way to do it: I did what I always do, took it to an extreme.
So I rebounded completely and three years later I'm back at it. And I know I'm doing exactly the same thing, taking it into extremes all over again but I know that I've done it before. And this time around, I'm actually doing it for myself rather than others. For once.
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Replies
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Chibilice, I relate to so much of what you are talking about. Depression is so hard for me too. This last year I've been in and out of the doctors trying all sorts of depression meds. It's been a crazy ride. Also I think my eating problems and purging are so related to what's going on in my life. I feel like once I learned to do it, it became a viable option to have my cake and eat it too.
So where are you right now with things: trying to lose weight, maintain, not restrict etc? I'm trying to maintain and not have crazy food behaviors which isn't going so well. That's why I want to do a support challenge in this group. 0
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