6 months till surgery and a little background history

synysterplague

I'm trying to currently lose 69 pounds so i can get bariatric surgery. The nurses and doctors say if i dont lose 69 first I wont be able to get the surgery. I'm planning on Roux-en-Y gastric bypass. Their going to do it laproscopically. I currently weigh 504 pounds. im only 5'3''. i try to get around but my back is so bad that is very difficult to. I have spinal stenosis and i also have degenerative disc disease in my spine as well. I'm only 25. My weight problem started after my grandpa died when i was 11. I watched him pass away. A month later i started getting severe depression. Little to anyones knowledge i also had/have Asperger's syndrome which is a High Functioning Autisic disorder. Those two combined cause schizophrenic type symptoms and they put me on medication for schizophrenia which i didnt have. I gained 100 pounds in a year on a medication called Depakote... The stuff is horrible (by this age i was 13.) Now, I'm 25 and they did discover and finally diagnose the asperger's syndrome. so now i can be weened off the medication that makes me overweight. so far i have lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. Right now i feel like it isnt good enough for anyone. I have a fitbit account, and i dont exercise much but im going to start soon, its just hard to when you live around a highway. But the reason i feel like its not good enough for anyone, is cause everyone was pointing out how my fitbit is adding calories on myfitnesspal when it should be subtracting them. and someone pointed it out and it made me feel bad. I'm physically handicapped, i can not exercise normally because of my back and my weight is so bad. I dont like it when people point out the negative in me and what i do. I'm trying to change, and so far i have. isnt it good enough? anyway i should have my surgery 5 months from now, ive got 4 months down. Hopefully i can lose 69 more pounds like i lost the first 10. I just feel like nothing is good enough for people anymore. *facepalm* sorry for being whiny. I'm just upset.... I also watched my grandma pass away here in my home the 8th of may. 6 days after her 85th birthday. I wish she could have lived to see me have this surgery done and me lose the weight i need to lose.

KnittyKittyEMD

Hi Jessica,

I’ve been pondering your post for the last week. You are dealing with so many things right now, maybe it would be good to break it up a bit and look at a few things at a time.

First, the deaths of your grandparents. Everyone grieves differently. I dealt with a similar situation. My grandmother’s and my birthdays are just a few days apart and when she died suddenly; her viewing was on my birthday. We were extremely close and it shattered my world. I had nightmares for years and had vivid dreams where we would be having in depth conversations about what occurred after her death, changes in the family dynamic, etc. I sought treatment and just when I thought things were better, my grandfather died. That event brought with it another wave of grieving. Please don’t hesitate to talk to a professional. Complicated grief can take years to come to terms with. Don’t rush yourself. No matter how much it hurts, you need to acknowledge your feelings and how they are affecting your life now. That’s the first step in moving on.

You did not mention if you receive support for your Asperger’s or any anxiety, challenges with social interactions or self-esteem issues you may be experiencing. This along with any medications you may take for Asperger’s and your disc disease may alter your emotions. You’ve crossed one hurdle by getting a more accurate diagnosis (than schizophrenia). I hope you will seek professional treatment in addition to any local/online supports groups that may be available. Does your hospital’s Bariatric Surgery department offer regular meetings?

You may want to explore some books and additional online forums. Some good books include Before & After by Susan Marie Leach (http://www.bariatriceating.com), Gastric Bypass Surgery: The Psychological Journey by Ranesa McNally and The Weight Loss Surgery Coping Companion by Tanie Miller Kabala. I read all of these books and was able to get them at my local library. Some additional online support/resources include http://bariatricfoodie.blogspot.com and www.obesityhelp.com . If you like “yarny” things, www.ravelry.com is, not only a fabulous site for patterns and tutorials for knitting, crochet and spinning but has fantastic forums and discussion groups that include bariatric surgery.

In regard to exercise, all movement is good movement. Youtube has videos of Chair Fitness with Blanche Black and others with Richard Simmons. Don’t discount exercising with the Silver Foxes. You can adapt yoga/pilates to what you can do in a chair or on the bed until you are comfortable on the floor. Check with your doctor before starting any exercise or nutrition plan. I wouldn’t worry about the fitbit syncing with myfitness pal as it seems like a technical glitch. Myfitness pal has an extensive list of exercises and activities (including housework and gardening) that you can track though “Your Diet Tools”.

We all get whiney occasionally. Acknowledge the feeling and MOVE ON. Wallowing in self-pity and despair will not get you to your goal. 10 pounds is terrific. You didn’t get to this weight overnight and it’s not going to disappear overnight. Every pound lost and every step forward is a victory. Cherish these victories and rely on this strength when things get tough. You said “I just feel like nothing is good enough for people anymore.” You MUST to do this for yourself. Surround yourself with positive and encouraging people. Be prepared to drop the Debbie Downers and Negative Nancys. People will always point out negatives and offer boatloads of criticism. Let that ship sail by.

:flowerforyou: