Annoying people
Merylk34
Posts: 54 Member
so I was hoping for some advice. I met another fellow vsger at my orientation who came up to me asking if I was postop and how far out. I explained I was preop just like her and she then gave me her unwelcome opinion about how I was a "lightweight" and didn't need surgery. I kinda brushed her off and politely ignored her. We met again at our nutrition class and again she made her unwelcome opinion known to me and the rest of the class. A few others stood up for me and told her to zip it. Through the class she and her companion would comment about how some people only get surgery for vanity reasons. I finally told her to mind her own business, not in the nicest way. Flash forward to today for preop class while getting weighed in guess who happened to be right behind me making comments about my weight and not needing surgery. I about lost it on her. Apparently I will be running in to this loud mouth more frequently since our surgeries are the same day (go figure)so I'm assuming our follow up appts will be about the same. How would you deal with it??
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Replies
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It's crazy that this is coming from another sleever!! If she comes to you with this again, tell her that you do not need her opinion and then ignore her forever more!! Try not to let ignorant folks bother you. It's easier said than done though.0
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I would talk to your surgeon about it and see if you can be scheduled at different times of day from her. You don't need that negative attitude bringing you down.0
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I agree with jm1, to me it sounds like that she may not be fully ready herself mentally to be so hostile. Avoid at all costs she hasn't walked your path nor does she know your circumstances - ignore, she looks like the idiot with her commentary. And not for nothing but shame on the program for allowing the bad behavior.0
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Yeah I honestly don't understand her or why she feels the need to make me feel bad because I may not weigh as much as her. Everyone else from those classes has been nothing but supportive. We encourage each other which helps with this process, well everyone but her. She kinda gets shunned now because of her behavior by everyone else. I'm going to call my surgeons office and see if I can make sure I don't run into her. I don't normally talk bad about people but she seems like a pretty miserable person and wants everyone else to be miserable with her.0
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It sounds like she is angry and you have become the target. My advice is to follow what the bible says and kill her with kindness. This idea works amazingly well
Randy0 -
It sounds like she is angry and you have become the target. My advice is to follow what the bible says and kill her with kindness. This idea works amazingly well
Randy
I like this idea, and want to follow it but she makes it so hard. Maybe she just needs more support and understanding and isn't getting it elsewhere so she takes it out on me0 -
It sounds like she is angry and you have become the target. My advice is to follow what the bible says and kill her with kindness. This idea works amazingly well
Randy
I like this idea, and want to follow it but she makes it so hard. Maybe she just needs more support and understanding and isn't getting it elsewhere so she takes it out on me
Randy's and you are right she definitely needs some sort of support, let's all hope she get it.0 -
jm1fullerton wrote: »I would talk to your surgeon about it and see if you can be scheduled at different times of day from her. You don't need that negative attitude bringing you down.
And Randy's right too, but if you can't kill her with kindness, what jmfullerton said is what I would do. One of my best friend's daughter just had the sleeve. She's 30 and only needs to lose a little over 100 pounds. I had to lose 220 when I started. Doesn't make her surgery any less necessary than mine. Judgmental people are usually just so unhappy with themselves they put others down to make themselves feel better. Too bad for her.0 -
She is jealous....I would just laugh at her lol0
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I've seen this attitude towards "lightweights" on other forums and I think it really comes down to envy. You will likely get to your goal weight in much less time than those of us that are/were "heavyweights" and you could very well be someone else's idea of goal and that may make them feel bad about themselves. While she had absolutely no right to make comments to or about you, there's a chance you may encounter this attitude again (and not just from her), so I think developing a bit of a thick skin is probably your best approach. YOU know why you are pursuing surgery, and living a happy, healthy lifestyle is the best "revenge."
Congrats to you on making a decision to improve your health and good luck with surgery and beyond!0 -
Thanks everyone. Your right about thicker skin. And I usually brush things off easily but I was thrown so far off by her rude comments especially from someone going through weight issues like myself. I appreciate all your advice.0
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You are both on a path to have a healthier life. Her path may be longer than yours, but it doesn't change the fact that you both are in a position where you are looking to get help to accomplish that goal. Plus, she has no idea what other medical factors might be playing into your decision. I may have been the "lightweight" in my group, but from the outside you couldn't see that I had barely controlled blood pressure, barely controlled blood sugar, and sleep apnea. You can kill her with kindness, you can tell her that she has no idea what your issues are and since she is not walking in your shoes she should not try to judge you. While it may be a hard thing to do, you can just ignore her. Do not let her spoil this positive, proactive step you are taking to a healthier life.0
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Loriloftness i was in the same mindset as you. I know I may be a "lightweight" but I do have my fair share of health issues and was recommended by my dr to pursue this path. For someone to constantly bring up that issues just really got to me.
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If I ran into her post-surgery on the recovery floor while doing laps I might accidentally run over her toe with my IV pole. Accidentally. Twice. Just sayin'.
My pre-surgery BMI was around 58. My husband's was 36. Without knowing the details, you would never know that he had far more co-morbidities than I did and needed it at least as bad as I did.
-Phill0 -
I would just flat out ask her "What's your problem with me? My journey is none of your business, so back off"
I had similar issues when I was preop. I even had a NURSE ask me "Are you sure you want to do this? You are so small, you don't need surgery"
I was almost 290 at my highest, and 251 day of surgery. Apparently I hide my weight well LOL
I just ignored all those comments, and kept my eye on the prize!
Only YOU know what's right for you!
Keep your head up, and keep your eye on the prize!
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I would just flat out ask her "What's your problem with me? My journey is none of your business, so back off"
I had similar issues when I was preop. I even had a NURSE ask me "Are you sure you want to do this? You are so small, you don't need surgery"
I was almost 290 at my highest, and 251 day of surgery. Apparently I hide my weight well LOL
I just ignored all those comments, and kept my eye on the prize!
Only YOU know what's right for you!
Keep your head up, and keep your eye on the prize!
I guess I hide my weight well also. I'm only 5'2" I started at 241 I am down to 215 now. I was over 40 bmi. It's taken me a while to get down this much and it's been hard. It wasn't like I woke up and the weight fell off. I've been exercising like a mad man and watching and logging everything I put in my mouth that's probably why I got so hurt that someone who obviously knows the struggle would make these comments. And everyone is right that she of all people should be more understanding. She doesn't know my health issues. Which are plenty. I think the comment that hurt the worst was that (and she was obviously talking about me) some people only get surgery for vanity reasons. I only need to impress one person (my husband) and he loves me if I'm 100 or 500lbs.
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I was just over 50 BMI when I started the process. I was very successful pre-surgery and was down 100 pounds as my surgery date approached. The only negative comments I got about the surgery were from a friend at work. He was concerned about the surgery risks and with my pre-op success, he wanted me to reconsider the surgery and just keep doing what I had been doing. It was certainly not insulting or from a stranger like your situation. I welcomed the challenge and did give it a lot of though before I continued. My history showed me that while I had been successful losing weight in the past, "something" always came up and I would lose my mojo.
I echo the others who say that we all make our decisions and no one else can ever really be in our shoes. Be happy and resolute in your decision. As for a response to your support group tormentor, I would go for firm politeness that your decision is between your doctors and you.
Be strong and proud of your pre-surgery accomplishments!
Rob0 -
Mean girls suck. That is all.
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It is your business and yours alone. And you, working with your doctors, determine the best plan of action for you. This other person is inconsequential and I would advise your surgeon about their harassment and ask for help with making sure you don't end up near each other on surgery day or post surgery. You just don't need that stress. You know why you are taking this journey. Best wishes!!0
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If I ran into her post-surgery on the recovery floor while doing laps I might accidentally run over her toe with my IV pole. Accidentally. Twice. Just sayin'.
My pre-surgery BMI was around 58. My husband's was 36. Without knowing the details, you would never know that he had far more co-morbidities than I did and needed it at least as bad as I did.
-Phill
Exactly--well I probably wouldn't run over anyone's toe!
I had around 130 to lose, but was only beginning to see a negative health impact (edema and sleep apnea). I have a friend who is trying to get the sleeve who has chronic knee pain, diabetes, and a slew of other health problems at a much lower bmi than I was. She needs the surgery maybe even more than I did even though she has far less to lose. What she does have is "weighing" more heavily on her!0
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