4/23/15-today I celebrate

carimiller7391

Good morning everyone!!!

Today I celebrate waking up, in a good mood. I was reading articles on Bipolar yesterday, mine is severe, but with meds, very much under control. I know how lucky I am that the meds keep me in check. I'm also celebrating being able to walk a little bit better.

What are you celebrating today??

KnitOrMiss

I am celebrating the fact that I walked out of my apartment without a single morsel of crap food when I decided that I didn't have it in me to care for another EFFING heartbeat or breath after getting back bloodwork with some potentially life altering results. s. i. g. h.

My fiance had put a box of chocolates he'd been slowly working on onto the kitchen counter, and I literally had the urge to take the box and eat every crumb in that box, eat everything I've been restricting, and literally find some comfort in some food somehow... But I didn't...

carimiller7391

Carly, you did awesome!!

maoribadger

Thats a great NSV and really worth celebrating Carly. For me I am having a blip day and not sure why. Have had a few last few weeks where Ive struggled with the whole self injury impulses though ive gone a calendar month today without. Ive also been struggling from really really bad tiredness like dragging myself through treacle tiredness, generally feeling 'meh' (cant explain the feeling better) and achy sore joints. Im not sure if its my nights, my weight or whether I should get my iron levels checked. But it leaves me at a low ebb self control wise and sometimes I seem to just snap on a knife edge and it happened on the way from school run this am and I went from being totally fine to stuffing about 100g of chocolate in my face in I kid you not about 4 minutes.

But ive tried to keep within cals today so I had some pitta for brekkie, a few savoury eggs for lunch and am having some pasta for tea and shouldnt go too much over. And once again will climb back on it tomorrow. I also skipped the gym as I worked really hard last night and went to bed for an hour and do feel a bit better for a power nap.

Um not really sure where I am going with this. I guess my today I celebrate is not self harming for a month despite struggling so much with the urge even if sometimes I convert the impulses into food instead. I celebrate that even though I have days like today where I revert to old habits I am still fighting the tide with every bit of me. I celebrate that I will never just lie down and give in.

I also decided to celebrate last nights PB of 107.5kg deadlift even if my brain is wired in such a way that I keep seeing it as a failure to hit 110. Im still warming up with some peoples PB so I shouldnt be so tough on myself maybe. Again I dont think the tiredness helps my state of mind.

And Cari thats well worth celebrating. I am blessed to have never experienced Bipolar but have struggled with treatment resistant depression/S.A.D, anxiety and OCD for some years and like you am very glad Ive found a treatment option that works for me and discovered that light therapy and exercise also help. I find it very easy to beat myself up for being on medication just to get out of bed in the morning but at least I DO get out of bed and be a wife, mother and nurse rather than giving in.

So sorry long post. Mainly Im celebrating not giving in today

KnitOrMiss

That's a huge win. Giving in is so easy. Fighting is hard. And impulse kill me....

maoribadger

Yeah. Just wish I didn't feel so out of control right now. I don't cope well with the feeling. Probably a passing thing though

KnitOrMiss

I know what you mean to a certain degree. Feeling so out of control activates anxiety or amplifies it... Sending you my biggest hugs!

maoribadger

Thanks. Yeah Im defo having what I refer to as a 'bad brain' day. Even though Im much better these days sometimes they creep up. Today ive not harmed. I may have binged a bit though but I say my nutritionist tonight and shes helped me draw a line under it and move on and feel more hopeful about the rest of the weeks running up to Superhuman

KnitOrMiss

maoribadger wrote: »

Thanks. Yeah Im defo having what I refer to as a 'bad brain' day. Even though Im much better these days sometimes they creep up. Today ive not harmed. I may have binged a bit though but I say my nutritionist tonight and shes helped me draw a line under it and move on and feel more hopeful about the rest of the weeks running up to Superhuman

Awesome. I had a weird moment last night where I went from annoyed to furious and fighting angry (at an inanimate object) in about a heartbeat. I had to get the heck away. Stupid PMS messed with my emotions and such... I cried like a baby at the telly last night. It was ridiculous... Seem to be far more level today, aside from the shock this morning....

I can't wait until we can give you a title, Mrs. Superhuman Lise!

maoribadger

Lol. Clare and I have made peace with possibly coming last at Superhuman we decided last night. We are gonna be the older ones in our category (18-39 years) and possibly amongst the heavier and Im still carrying an injury atm. So we are going so we can say at least we stood up and tried and didnt give up

KnitOrMiss

As long as you finish you win!