Hoss's - how I spend my time on the Eliptical
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Railr0aderTony
Posts: 6,804 Member
Please go vote if you have not done so::drinker:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/downsizinghoss/view/how-i-spend-my-time-on-the-elliptical-machine-451064
How I spend my time on the Elliptical machine
Posted on 2012-11-29 by downsizinghoss
60:00 minutes..
Ouch, my legs are tight. I seriously hate the elliptical machine. The older lady is chugging along next to me on the recumbent bike reading away on her Kindle as tight shorts from the hospital chugs away on the treadmill. It is always nice when she is here at the same time. Nice tush. Oops, don't get caught staring. The lady at the desk already thinks you are a perv.
58:00 minutes..
Who put the TV on Ellen? Oh goody. At least it is halfway over. Thank God for iPod. Now if I could get some new ear buds. I forgot the left one stopped working. Stupid stereo sound, how do I listen to my girls if I can only hear half of the tracks?
There we go, at least have the base line thumping. Good thing the guys lifting over there can't hear how many Pink and Ke$ha songs I have on here. Hey, if it works. thump thump thump. I am in fact too school for cool.
53:00 minutes..
What are those birds doing outside the window? I can't tell if they are fighting or f******? I bet the tan one wins, either way. He looks mad.
50:00 minutes..
HRM says my heart rate is still in the 120's. It was a lot easier to burn before I got in shape. One sixth of the way there. why do I even look? Ellen is still talking to the little girls from the Youtube video. I know I am nowhere close to done. I hate this machine.
45:00 minutes..
Who does the closed captioning on this show? It must be outsourced to a bunch of third graders in Botswana. I can't read lips, but I am pretty sure she didn't tell that little girl to button her navel. Bummer. Should have gotten here earlier. Tight shorts is finishing up.
42:00 minutes..
S***, not even a third done. 4 months ago I was over half-way finished by now. But noooo, gotta burn more so I can eat a friggin extra rasberry ketone. My hip is feeling pretty good at least. Starting to loosen up. Hopefully it will be numb soon at least. Gotta shift my feet again. I swear I am going to slide off of these pedals one day. What is that guy doing over there? If he drops that dumbbell he will have to change religions.
38:00 minutes..
for the love of God. Ok, Ellen was bad, but Andy Griffith reruns? At least the closed captioning should be better. No one watching this show can hear. Otis! I love Otis. I want my own cell.
35:00 minutes..
Almost halfway. This needs to hurry up. That chili from lunch is starting to talk to me and I am sweating like a *kitten* in church. Look, if I speed up I can leave little sweat trails about 3 feet in front of me. Oh crap, slow down. "Hey colonel! How you doing today?..... Yes sir, it is cold out there..... Oh, you know, just getting my workout in... Oh yes, you will see us on Sunday, the kids are singing..." How many vietnam veteran t-shirts does this guy own? Gotta hand it to him, here every day.
28:00 minutes...
Aw yeah, passed the halfway mark. Ok, only hearing part of the song is just odd. Trying to listen to the Black Eyed Peas. No voice track, but every once in a while a bunch of back up singers in high pitched voices say "in your Bentley". thump thump thump. Where is my towel? I need one of those old tennis headbands. They are supposed to keep the sweat out of your eyes. Either that or they just hold white man afro's in place. gonna go McEnroe....
23:00 minutes..
slowest hour ever. ok, here we go. Going to try to drink some water without stopping. slow down... slow down... oops. Oh well, shirt is already soaked through. Why does my right foot keep wanting to point inward? I look like I am about to tell all about Kaiser Soze. That was a good movie. I need to watch it again.
20:00 minutes..
two thirds, on the home stretch baby. Can't I just go lift now? Maybe if I dip my shoulders a little more. Get my groove on. Sing it Britney. Oh goody, the high school kids are here. Seriously, was I that stupid when I was their age? Oh no. I am the grouchy old fat guy sweating all over the gym. I hated that guy. Let me guess, bench press and then curls.... boom. bench it is.
18:00 minutes..
I bet Aunt Bea was kinda hot when she was young. I doubt she was as innocent as she acts though. But seriously, why did Andy never marry that young girl? She obviously wanted it. My grandfather used to have one of his albums. Andy Griffith singing How Great Thou Art or something like that. It was one of those albums on the TV commercials. What about Freedom Rock? Well turn it up dude! I miss K-Tel.
15:00 minutes..
three quarters of the way there. ok, check the HRM, flip to the calories burned screen, divide by three, add that back to the total. I am going to need to hit the rowing machine. Need to burn more. I seriously should bring two towels. Look at that puddle! It runs down the arm and drips to the mat. My hip hurts. I am going to need a walker. How do women wear bras? Seriously, this HRM strap is driving me nuts.
12:00 minutes..
Almost to single digits! I really want to stop. Just a little more. Uh oh. Chili coming through. I really should remember to turn that fan this way before I start. Oops. No secret about that one. Just look around the room with your nose scrunched up. Pretend to be trying to see where it came from. No, don't blame the Col. Look at the highschool kids. Everyone loves to blame them for stuff. Man, that kid is pretty strong. punk. OK, their blonde friend is really cute, and yes hot. Dude, she is probably 15 years old. Just look away.
8:00 minutes..
Home stretch! Just a little more. How can I possibly sweat this much? I am going to have to stick bandaids on my nipples next time. they are rubbing like hell. I don't know what muscle group that guy is supposed to be working, but I didn't know you could even hold a barbell at that angle. Bye Andy. How can you not whistle along with the end of the show? Even if you can't hear it.
5:00 minutes..
Seriously? I feel like a walrus up here. I am so wet I just climbed out of the ocean. Not cool. I am not looking at the 15 year old. Does she really have to use that treadmill? man I need a shower. I can't even find a dry spot on the towel any more. How does anyone use the arc trainer and not hear 76 Trombones in their head? He needs a big baton and a hat with a feather sticking out of it. Right here in River City.
3:00 minutes..
Aw yeah, turn it up beeyatch. Almost there. Let's run for it. Wow, I am flinging sweat everywhere. I am like some giant stinky sprinkler. Too bad it is cold outside. It would be seriously fun to play in the sprinkler after this. Well, after I sit. My hip is killing me. I am going to need a medic alert at this rate. I've fallen and I don't want to get up.
1:00 minute..
Push it baby! I love this. RAWR! Here you go.. 30... That's right, old man is kicking it kids. throw them curls up. 20... faster, faster, bring it home daddy 10... hurry up already. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1..
Yeah, cool down my a**. I am done. That felt good. Why do people act like this is hard? Time to go get some more water and make sure everyone sees how sweaty I am. That's right.. my gym. About to row and then throw some metal around punk. Break a sweat pretty boy. That's right darlin, sexy old fat man in the house.
Doh, calf cramp. Gotta sit down..
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/downsizinghoss/view/how-i-spend-my-time-on-the-elliptical-machine-451064
How I spend my time on the Elliptical machine
Posted on 2012-11-29 by downsizinghoss
60:00 minutes..
Ouch, my legs are tight. I seriously hate the elliptical machine. The older lady is chugging along next to me on the recumbent bike reading away on her Kindle as tight shorts from the hospital chugs away on the treadmill. It is always nice when she is here at the same time. Nice tush. Oops, don't get caught staring. The lady at the desk already thinks you are a perv.
58:00 minutes..
Who put the TV on Ellen? Oh goody. At least it is halfway over. Thank God for iPod. Now if I could get some new ear buds. I forgot the left one stopped working. Stupid stereo sound, how do I listen to my girls if I can only hear half of the tracks?
There we go, at least have the base line thumping. Good thing the guys lifting over there can't hear how many Pink and Ke$ha songs I have on here. Hey, if it works. thump thump thump. I am in fact too school for cool.
53:00 minutes..
What are those birds doing outside the window? I can't tell if they are fighting or f******? I bet the tan one wins, either way. He looks mad.
50:00 minutes..
HRM says my heart rate is still in the 120's. It was a lot easier to burn before I got in shape. One sixth of the way there. why do I even look? Ellen is still talking to the little girls from the Youtube video. I know I am nowhere close to done. I hate this machine.
45:00 minutes..
Who does the closed captioning on this show? It must be outsourced to a bunch of third graders in Botswana. I can't read lips, but I am pretty sure she didn't tell that little girl to button her navel. Bummer. Should have gotten here earlier. Tight shorts is finishing up.
42:00 minutes..
S***, not even a third done. 4 months ago I was over half-way finished by now. But noooo, gotta burn more so I can eat a friggin extra rasberry ketone. My hip is feeling pretty good at least. Starting to loosen up. Hopefully it will be numb soon at least. Gotta shift my feet again. I swear I am going to slide off of these pedals one day. What is that guy doing over there? If he drops that dumbbell he will have to change religions.
38:00 minutes..
for the love of God. Ok, Ellen was bad, but Andy Griffith reruns? At least the closed captioning should be better. No one watching this show can hear. Otis! I love Otis. I want my own cell.
35:00 minutes..
Almost halfway. This needs to hurry up. That chili from lunch is starting to talk to me and I am sweating like a *kitten* in church. Look, if I speed up I can leave little sweat trails about 3 feet in front of me. Oh crap, slow down. "Hey colonel! How you doing today?..... Yes sir, it is cold out there..... Oh, you know, just getting my workout in... Oh yes, you will see us on Sunday, the kids are singing..." How many vietnam veteran t-shirts does this guy own? Gotta hand it to him, here every day.
28:00 minutes...
Aw yeah, passed the halfway mark. Ok, only hearing part of the song is just odd. Trying to listen to the Black Eyed Peas. No voice track, but every once in a while a bunch of back up singers in high pitched voices say "in your Bentley". thump thump thump. Where is my towel? I need one of those old tennis headbands. They are supposed to keep the sweat out of your eyes. Either that or they just hold white man afro's in place. gonna go McEnroe....
23:00 minutes..
slowest hour ever. ok, here we go. Going to try to drink some water without stopping. slow down... slow down... oops. Oh well, shirt is already soaked through. Why does my right foot keep wanting to point inward? I look like I am about to tell all about Kaiser Soze. That was a good movie. I need to watch it again.
20:00 minutes..
two thirds, on the home stretch baby. Can't I just go lift now? Maybe if I dip my shoulders a little more. Get my groove on. Sing it Britney. Oh goody, the high school kids are here. Seriously, was I that stupid when I was their age? Oh no. I am the grouchy old fat guy sweating all over the gym. I hated that guy. Let me guess, bench press and then curls.... boom. bench it is.
18:00 minutes..
I bet Aunt Bea was kinda hot when she was young. I doubt she was as innocent as she acts though. But seriously, why did Andy never marry that young girl? She obviously wanted it. My grandfather used to have one of his albums. Andy Griffith singing How Great Thou Art or something like that. It was one of those albums on the TV commercials. What about Freedom Rock? Well turn it up dude! I miss K-Tel.
15:00 minutes..
three quarters of the way there. ok, check the HRM, flip to the calories burned screen, divide by three, add that back to the total. I am going to need to hit the rowing machine. Need to burn more. I seriously should bring two towels. Look at that puddle! It runs down the arm and drips to the mat. My hip hurts. I am going to need a walker. How do women wear bras? Seriously, this HRM strap is driving me nuts.
12:00 minutes..
Almost to single digits! I really want to stop. Just a little more. Uh oh. Chili coming through. I really should remember to turn that fan this way before I start. Oops. No secret about that one. Just look around the room with your nose scrunched up. Pretend to be trying to see where it came from. No, don't blame the Col. Look at the highschool kids. Everyone loves to blame them for stuff. Man, that kid is pretty strong. punk. OK, their blonde friend is really cute, and yes hot. Dude, she is probably 15 years old. Just look away.
8:00 minutes..
Home stretch! Just a little more. How can I possibly sweat this much? I am going to have to stick bandaids on my nipples next time. they are rubbing like hell. I don't know what muscle group that guy is supposed to be working, but I didn't know you could even hold a barbell at that angle. Bye Andy. How can you not whistle along with the end of the show? Even if you can't hear it.
5:00 minutes..
Seriously? I feel like a walrus up here. I am so wet I just climbed out of the ocean. Not cool. I am not looking at the 15 year old. Does she really have to use that treadmill? man I need a shower. I can't even find a dry spot on the towel any more. How does anyone use the arc trainer and not hear 76 Trombones in their head? He needs a big baton and a hat with a feather sticking out of it. Right here in River City.
3:00 minutes..
Aw yeah, turn it up beeyatch. Almost there. Let's run for it. Wow, I am flinging sweat everywhere. I am like some giant stinky sprinkler. Too bad it is cold outside. It would be seriously fun to play in the sprinkler after this. Well, after I sit. My hip is killing me. I am going to need a medic alert at this rate. I've fallen and I don't want to get up.
1:00 minute..
Push it baby! I love this. RAWR! Here you go.. 30... That's right, old man is kicking it kids. throw them curls up. 20... faster, faster, bring it home daddy 10... hurry up already. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1..
Yeah, cool down my a**. I am done. That felt good. Why do people act like this is hard? Time to go get some more water and make sure everyone sees how sweaty I am. That's right.. my gym. About to row and then throw some metal around punk. Break a sweat pretty boy. That's right darlin, sexy old fat man in the house.
Doh, calf cramp. Gotta sit down..
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I thought it was already posted but I was wrong, AHTH All hail the Poobah0