Mind games

nkac1980

Never in my life have I experienced being told I need to eat and get some meat on my bones. Last week 4 different people made such comments and it really started to mess with my head. During my 8 month transformation I felt like a complete failure at losing weight because it was never consistent. I would stay at the same weight for 2 months or more and then lose a little. When I finally did get to my goal weight I increased my calories and slowed my exercise and holy crap started losing more weight than the previous 7 months. My body is changing. I do want the weight loss to stop but have realized I have no control over it. When people say I really need to stop losing I feel like a lost kitten. I wanted the surgery to gain control but it's not working out that way. Judged when I was fat. Judged now that I'm thin. I can't win

rpyle111

I think a lot of the 'too thin' comment come from the change people see in you. That doesn't make it OK, just understandable to me. I am happy with my weight goal and depending on how well I know the person, I either smile and ignore the comments or go into a little bit of detail about how I am happy with my goals and weight and am working toward maintenance.

I also found that right after i hit goal, the de-stressing dropped a couple more pounds off. I see goal as a range and am not sweating movement within. If you are losing more than *you* are comfortable with, you'll need to start experimenting with calorie levels versus activity levels to find your maintenance level. It doesn't have to happen overnight, just log well and see what your body wants.

Rob

pawoodhull

So sorry you are feeling judged. Rob's right, most of it comes now from folks having a hard time accepting the change. I get it too as my upper body as gotten much smaller than anyone at work every saw me before (and I've been here 20 years!). But I'm still carrying a lot on the bottom and am not to goal. But I still get the "how can you lose more, there's nothing left to lose!" comments. If you are happy where you are and your doctor is happy where you are, ignore the comments. As for losing more, just keep upping the calories and it will eventually stop and level out. Patience kiddo. You didn't lose it overnight and you won't figure maintainence out overnight either.

loriloftness

Don't let these comments mess with your head. I just minutes ago had someone tell me I'm "withering" away. Well, as compared to where I was before surgery, yes I look much smaller. But, as compared to the population of women I am not even average yet. I think Rob & Pat are correct in that people just are getting used to a new look for us. You will know if you are unhealthy or not. If you are not unhealthy, just don't give these comments a 2nd thought.

garber6th

People just don't know what to say or how to react sometimes. My sister in law told me my face looks emaciated. EMACIATED. Really? I said, no, you just never knew that I had cheekbones and a neck. I know she didn't mean to sound negative. If I had thinner skin, it might have upset me, but through this whole process I have learned to let the comments like that roll off my back. You and your doctor know what you are going through and as long as you are working together, ignore what people say, they are opinions, not facts or medical diagnoses. You took control of your health when you made the decision to have surgery. Like Pat said, it might take a minute to figure out maintenance, but you will.

boomerkae

Getting the same. I was told I look healthy now, only in comparison to my first couple months out where I looked "piqued". I've heard I'm going to blow over with the wind, nothing left to lose...
I have 30 to go to my goal and people think that's crazy. The bmi we know is wonky, but that will label me normal, and that's about as normal as I'll ever be. I carry a lot in my stomach and hips still, and I too, hope I don't lose anymore in my collarbones! !

People are shocked and often don't know how to respond. Some may even be upset by your success and come off offensive even if they don't realize it. Do what makes you happy and healthy and know it may take a little time to get there.

pcoppock

I'm still about 90 pounds from goal, but my hubby is only 15-20 pounds away. He's lighter than I have ever seen him. What he gets rom people is that he looks thin and great now. Funny thing is, he's the same weight as in Highschool, when people called him fat.

It's all a head game, and one that I try not to play.

-Phll

nkac1980

I agree, I think people just don't know what to say. I know some of it is just me being sensitive and dealing with this new image in the mirrior. Sometimes, I look at myself and think I look like the same ol girl I have always been. Logically I know I must look different having lost 80+ lbs. Recently I saw a You-tube video where a toddler sitting in her car seat is hollering at her dad who was trying to help her get buckled in. Little girl says "You worry bout your own self". I think it applies here. lol

bethkallastrask

I always say, according to my nutritionist and my doctor I am right on track and I am in the normal range for my height. If you were a stranger and didn't know the fat me you would think I was normal sized.

I have lost over 120 pounds (96 post op) and I was about a size 16-18, now I wear a size 4 pants and a medium shirt. And what is with sizing anyways, a size 4 says a 28 inch waist, but my waist is sooooo NOT 28 inches, more like 31. Ah whatever they can do to make us feel better about ourselves I suppose. Little do they know, that stuff doesn't define me, I define me...not a size or a number on a scale.

pawoodhull

Bethkallastrask, sizing is a joke! In highschool I weighed 160, was told I was 20 pounds over weight and wore a size 16 (1974 BTW). Today I'm about 225 and wear a size 18 X-lg? Really! I'm 65 pounds heavier and only 1 size up? So when did the clothing industry resize everything to make it appear we were smaller? And this rant is why I do not consider a size goal, just a weight goal. Sizes have been corrupted!

DrSchmincke

When I was losing rapidly I did get some concerned comments. Some people worried that I had cancer! Others said I looked pale and peaked. Now I am at goal for 5 months and I admit I do look better because my skin has contracted - I have firmed up and got my color back. Now I am amazed to hear the comment that I am "petite" and "tiny", words that were never used to refer to me when I weighed this weight at 20. It may be that rapid weight loss makes you look pale and that time will give you back a glow and make you look more healthy at your chosen weight.

boomerkae

DrSchmincke wrote: »

When I was losing rapidly I did get some concerned comments. Some people worried that I had cancer! Others said I looked pale and peaked. Now I am at goal for 5 months and I admit I do look better because my skin has contracted - I have firmed up and got my color back. Now I am amazed to hear the comment that I am "petite" and "tiny", words that were never used to refer to me when I weighed this weight at 20. It may be that rapid weight loss makes you look pale and that time will give you back a glow and make you look more healthy at your chosen weight.

Yep! I think this is what happened with me!

pawoodhull

DrSchmincke wrote: »

When I was losing rapidly I did get some concerned comments. Some people worried that I had cancer! Others said I looked pale and peaked.

And this is part of why I told family, friends and most of my co-workers before surgery. People see that rapid weight loss and either think really sick or weight loss surgery. No point in being coy about it. Diet and exercise alone just don't have the same rapid results. I also find that telling everyone about my surgery is a great means of keeping myself on track. Let's face it, I can disappear from here and never be accountable to any of you, but the people I see everyday? If I give up and slide back into my old lifestyle and habits and regain all my weight? Well I still have to see them and they will know I failed. Thats a huge deterant to me.