Straight up Binger

TEJR47
TEJR47 Posts: 3 Member
I'm a Binger. I have been since I was a child, after an incident of sexual abuse. My mother would say I'd take my entire Halloween bag into my room and demolish it in one or two sittings and shove the candy wrappers into somewhere "hidden" (to a child it's hidden, to the parent it's very apparent). As a teen I'd buy out my entire allotment of fundraiser candy I was supposed to sell and just eat it all myself. In college I'd gotten to the point of eating nothing except a huge amount of chocolate chip cookies or Ben and Jerry's. I could maintain my weight for a long time because I'd restrict in other areas and save up my binge calories. It was very intentional on my part, and no one ever said anything because I maintained a healthy weight all that time(5'6" and 125-140). I got married and started eating meals...and still binged at night or in the car, sometime when my husband wasn't around. But I couldn't keep the weight off anymore and ballooned up to just shy of 300 (including 3 90 lb swings between 200 and 300 with 2 pregnancies).

I have struggled with depression and anxiety for years, and this is when I binge the most often. Last summer I turned 40 and thought I was okay with that, but crashed into a horrible depression for most of the fall and into the winter...and packed on the 50 lbs I'd lost the year before. And didn't care.

I've tried restricting calories with WW, but that sympathetic head tilt was enough to set me off on another binge. I actually don't feel hungry very often, but I hunger for the binge. The feel of chewing until I'm tired of chewing. It's hard to explain, but maybe other bingers will understand.

I'm 5 days in with MFP now and so far so good. It's always easy at first. No binges. It'll be a struggle to not binge. I don't think it's necessarily difficult to keep under the calorie count, just from wiping through an entire box of Oreos in one sitting.

No question, really, but just putting it out there that there are bingers out there who struggle each and every day. It doesn't make us less worthy people, nor does it make us weak. We have an eating disorder. That's all. It's an illness. A very misunderstood illness.

Replies

  • ElizabethMcMorris
    ElizabethMcMorris Posts: 1 Member
    i always binge, like it's na big problem. i either don't eat or i binge. idk how to stop...
  • Nony_Mouse
    Nony_Mouse Posts: 5,646 Member
    Hi guys, and welcome to the group :)

    Are either of you getting therapy? Honestly, I really do believe it is key to breaking the ED behaviour. You need to understand why you are doing it, recognise the emotions etc that trigger a binge, and learn new behaviours to deal with the triggers instead of binging. Not easy, but oh, so important. Keeping a journal can be a really useful tool. When you feel like binging, stop and question why. Write it down.

  • karrieflowers
    karrieflowers Posts: 8 Member
    Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who looks in the mirror and sees the reality of what I have done to my body. I was previously 125-130lbs
  • I have had an ED since 14 years old, maybe earlier. I am emotional, but live a rather normal life full of work, school, family, boyfriend, etc. I use to binge and purge, but about 3 years ago I started using laxatives and hardly purge anymore when I binge (think entire quart of ice cream, package of Oreos, jumbo honey bun and donuts). I will have a perfectly normal day of eating and be within MFP range on healthy foods, but a desire just strikes. I feel thoughtless, manic and dive in. I eat to the point of being so sick I can't move. I feel ill from my heart out. I need help. I am now 151 and have a goal set at 130. At 2lbs a week, I can achieve my goal in 10 weeks. Eating 1200 calories a day is not impossible, I do it and then 10PM strikes, I become focused and I decided, even when not hungry it's more of a craving to binge, I triple what I ate that day in a single sitting. I need friends to help me through this - any advise or success stories?
  • kinskey
    kinskey Posts: 65 Member
    I have struggled with binge eating disorder for 30 years, I identify with everything you guys have said. Yesterday I joined overeaters support group on Facebook. Theywork with the overeaters anonymous principles. since then I've already identified my trigger and feel much better this morning knowing I'm finally on a path towards tackling this. I have tried to do this on my own so many times, it doesn't work. Support is definitely key.