Moving the "goal posts"

Thaeda

I was listening to a podcast with a researcher interested in WLS folks. She mentioned one of her studies that I found very interesting because I have seen it play out in my own life. Here is what it was about: Pre-surgery, WLS patients were asked to circle a picture of the body they presently have and the body they wanted to have. There were diagrams on the page of people in various stages of thinness/overweight in order from very obese to emaciated. Every three months or so the patients were asked to complete the task again. Here is the interesting part--- as they lost weight (post surgery), the patients accurately circled the picture of the body they had-- but they kept MOVING the goal body they wanted. Meaning if initially they chose as their goal a body that was moderately overweight, the next time they chose a normal weight body. Then as they got closer to their goal weight, they selected thinner and thinner bodies as their ideal. The goal was ALWAYS the same distance from where they were-- regardless of how much weight they lost. THey were always "moving the goal posts"-- and never getting to their "goal" because their ideal was always changing.

This really resonated with me. Despite being a weight and size I never fathomed I could be, I find myself wanting to lose "just a little more" to get "just a little thinner". Hearing about this study created awareness that I have been unfair to myself-- by not allowing myself to just enjoy having "gotten there"- because I keep saying "not quite yet". I keep moving the "goal posts".

pawoodhull

Really good points. As you know, I'm still working to "get there". I want to get to a point where I am done losing, am comfortable being done losing, and be able to maintain where I'm at. I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to "get there".

garber6th

Very interesting. I wonder if part of the reason the goal posts keep moving is because in the beginning, WLS patients tend to base their expectations on past experience. In the past, most of us would get to a certain point and hit a wall or start to regain. Many of us didn't set the bar too high because of fear of failure. Maybe moving the goalposts is correllated to the success we have and the confidence we gain along the way, and we see different possibilities with that? I do see your point in enjoying where we are at, though. I would like to lose another 20 lbs, but sometimes I slow down and remind myself that now I have a strong, healthy body and I can do things I couldn't do a year or two ago. I remind myself to appreciate the gift I gave myself when I chose to have surgery. Thanks for sharing this Thaeda, it really got me to think!

rpyle111

I am currently at (6 under) the goal I set at the beginning of this process. I intentionally did not pick the center of the Healthy BMI range for my height. I chose a larger number that was under a BMI of 30 and near the bottom of Overweight.

As I saw that goal come into reality, I thought about shooting for a lower number. I decided that I was happy with where I was, and while I may go a bit lower as I ramp up calories and am in the middle of the very active golf season for me, I am not sure I want to be much smaller. I can see myself ramping up exercise and weight lifting as things calm down at home, and if that results in some more loss through exercise, i will be fine with that.

I realized a couple of weeks after hitting goal that for the first time in over 30 years, I am neither trying to lose weight or beating myself up for not trying to lose weight.

It feels pretty awesome and I hope all of you get to a place like that!

Rob

Thaeda

garber6th wrote: »

Very interesting. I wonder if part of the reason the goal posts keep moving is because in the beginning, WLS patients tend to base their expectations on past experience. In the past, most of us would get to a certain point and hit a wall or start to regain.

I thought this, too-- but it was not just that their goal kept changing-- it changed in such a way that the distance to the goal was always the same. For example, if the goal was "three body sizes" away pre surgery-- then it was still "three body sizes away" when they chose their ideal figure 6 months post op--- even if the "goal" they chose was an extremely thin and unhealthy looking person. There seemed to be little awareness that they were already at or very close to a healthy weight.

Thaeda

rpyle111 wrote: »

I am currently at (6 under) the goal I set at the beginning of this process. I intentionally did not pick the center of the Healthy BMI range for my height. I chose a larger number that was under a BMI of 30 and near the bottom of Overweight.

As I saw that goal come into reality, I thought about shooting for a lower number. I decided that I was happy with where I was, and while I may go a bit lower as I ramp up calories and am in the middle of the very active golf season for me, I am not sure I want to be much smaller. I can see myself ramping up exercise and weight lifting as things calm down at home, and if that results in some more loss through exercise, i will be fine with that.

I realized a couple of weeks after hitting goal that for the first time in over 30 years, I am neither trying to lose weight or beating myself up for not trying to lose weight.

It feels pretty awesome and I hope all of you get to a place like that!

Rob

I bet that is an awesome feeling! I am looking forward to getting to "good enough" one day soon.

janet0513

This is very interesting. Perhaps with success there is more hope of attaining the goal so they extend it out a little. I am actually surprised that they circled the correct current body. The other day I was at a cookout and wouldn't sit in one of the chairs (there were 3 of these) I actually had my boyfriend switch with me so i didn't have to sit there. He finally asked why I wouldn't sit there and I told him that I don't think I can fit....he sure gave me the I am crazy look. First off he told me I wasn't fat (he is too nice...but I am getting there) and secondly I switched with him (he is 100 lbs heavier than me) and I told him my hips were wide. I guess I don't see myself any differently weight wise. Sometimes I get bloated and feel like all the weight is back.

loriloftness

That is really an interesting finding. I think my "moving target" is because I have never (in my adult life) been the weight that I am now, much less a lower goal weight. I have no idea if my "goal" weight is a reasonable expectation or not. I wonder if part of the moving target has to do with how the people perceive themselves? I tend to see myself as heavier than what my weight is. Maybe my distorted view of my body would make me want to always be thinner than I am? It's a really interesting topic.

JreedyJanelle

I am way below what I Dr said was reasonable. I am 17 pounds below my April anniversary weight, my doc said I didn't need to lose any more then, but I wanted to lose 18 more. He asked me why and I told him I wanted to get to my high school weight. Well now I am a pound from that goal, and I just set myself a new goal to lose 5 more beyond that goal (so I have a buffer). Hmm, I guess I fit in that category of moving target. My original goal was to get to size 12, well I am now in a size 8, now I am trying for size 6. Can you say obsessed?

aylajane

Thaeda wrote: »

garber6th wrote: »

Very interesting. I wonder if part of the reason the goal posts keep moving is because in the beginning, WLS patients tend to base their expectations on past experience. In the past, most of us would get to a certain point and hit a wall or start to regain.

I thought this, too-- but it was not just that their goal kept changing-- it changed in such a way that the distance to the goal was always the same. For example, if the goal was "three body sizes" away pre surgery-- then it was still "three body sizes away" when they chose their ideal figure 6 months post op--- even if the "goal" they chose was an extremely thin and unhealthy looking person. There seemed to be little awareness that they were already at or very close to a healthy weight.

I think this may have something to do with the fact that almost no one seems to be ever happy with themselves. Everyone thinks that losing weight will make them like themselves, that they will be happy as soon as they get to a certain size or weight. But when they get close, they are still not happy (because maybe their weight wasnt the problem in their life in the first place!) so they think losing weight is still the solution or it is an excuse to still not be happy.

I am very happy with my weight, but not my body. Lots of loose skin, etc. If you gave me pictures of my own body and others, I would pick another. I could have the body of my dreams, and my guess is that I would dislike my hair or the way my fingers look bony. We are our own worst critic!

pawoodhull

[/quote]I think this may have something to do with the fact that almost no one seems to be ever happy with themselves. Everyone thinks that losing weight will make them like themselves, that they will be happy as soon as they get to a certain size or weight. But when they get close, they are still not happy (because maybe their weight wasnt the problem in their life in the first place!) so they think losing weight is still the solution or it is an excuse to still not be happy.

I am very happy with my weight, but not my body. Lots of loose skin, etc. If you gave me pictures of my own body and others, I would pick another. I could have the body of my dreams, and my guess is that I would dislike my hair or the way my fingers look bony. We are our own worst critic! [/quote]

This is very true. Although I do like myself, who I am that is, I would like my body better if I could hit my goal and lose all the excess skin. I'm going to be 59 in a few months and for the first time I feel like I look old. It's all the loose saggy skine on my face, neck, hands, etc. But I'm not exactly young, so why does this bother me? Could be your point, although I like me, I do not like how I look.