A disturbing look into my head about my success so far....

melissasue0317

So I feel like I am in self-sabotage mood again. It comes and goes, I usually kick it so I know I will. Just not quite there yet. My activity level has been ok so no major issues, just bad bad food choices.

I met with a plastic surgeon about 2 weeks ago in regards to a panniculectomy. I have lost 125lbs so far and have a large amount of excess skin on my stomach, arms, and my poor previously perky boobs are no longer awesome (hahaha, sorry guys). My insurance may cover this procedure but to get "optimal" results, he would take away my belly button lol. IE NO BELLY BUTTON EVER AGAIN. I don't know why, but this makes me super hesistant. The doctor and his nurse were very honest with me about expectations. Their thoughts basically ended with I would enjoy the panniculectomy results but I would not "feel satisfied" enough because my ab muscle separation will not be addressed, nor would my arms/boobs. I started my journey just over 6 months post-partum from my twins, so carrying them alone did a number on my muscles everywhere.

The difference between a panniculectomy and abdominoplasty (tummy tuck) is a panniculectomy only removes the apron of the skin. There is no undermining of tissue or tightening of old muscles. Of course, there is the financial difference which is thousands $$$$$.

My mental battle:
~ I have worked my *kitten* off to get healthier and though I am "healthier" I am more self conscious and saggy than when I was 322lbs.
~ I have worked this hard to know that I can't do anything about the skin and appearance without surgery, so whats the point of killing myself in the gym.
~ I still need to lose more......but still need surgery
~ Its amazing that I have lost this much without other interventions so I should be patting myself on the back and I know that...
~ If I am going to do any surgery, why not go for the whole thing. Fix it all in one go, tummy tuck/arm lift/breast lift with possible augmentation. Recover times, out of work times, etc will be about the same. It would just be a huge financial cost that we would have to save/finance.


UGGGHHHH. Keep truckin, Melissa...Just keep on and the answer will come.

carimiller7391

Melissa, Big hugs to you.... You need to do what will make you the happiest. I have a friend on another board who went for tummy tuck and breast lift, but no arms yet. She said she didn't do arms at the same time as she needed to be able to get out of bed, and she was right. She thanks God she didn't do everything at once. Do what makes you happiest. Also, food for thought... sometimes burn unit docs will remove the excess skin for free for their burn unit patients, the anesthesia and initial "removal" of skin might be able to cut down the cost so the actual tummy tuck and breast lift could be done right after and just be paid for. Hope this helps!!!

KnitOrMiss

Oh, Melissa, honey. Do you know that this is one of my biggest, I won't say fears, but concerns about losing weight? I'm already all floppy and saggy and just stretched out. At 39 next month, I very much doubt any elasticity will return - anywhere. My boobs too are getting floppy in addition to the tummy area, but what kills me is that I AM NOT LOSING MY SIDE BOOBS. How the heck does that work?!?!?!?

Anyway, I have a task I have to wrap up at work, but wanted to make sure you saw this post I did yesterday. It doesn't directly apply, but some of it does.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/KnitOrMiss/view/worth-fighting-for-751803

Long story, surgery aside, if you aren't okay with continuing to stay healthy, there's no point at all in the surgery. Yes, it would be weird not having a belly button, but can you imagine being slimmer and smoother again? I cannot fathom that. Can they do imaging to show you what it presumably would look like? I would think that it would help with image acceptance.

We ALL struggle through the "why do we bother attitude. We get penalized for getting fat, we get penalized for losing fat. I mean, we can't win. I personally would set a goal. Keep a journal and work on maintaining flat out for 6 months. Does the doctor recommend waiting until goal weight to have the surgery or now?

I promise you, you aren't alone in this. I'll be back to write more later, hon... And honestly, I think without this mental battle, none of us would have ever needed this group in the first place!!!

melissasue0317

I do know that my drive to be healthier far exceeds my want for cheetos lol. My goal in life is to provide my kids a healthy lifestyle to lessen the struggle that I always have with food.

I have no idea how I would look/feel "slim". Its a strange place to be right now. Just another hurdle that I need to overcome and continue pushing on. I decided on a new goal of 175lbs by the first of the year, then by spring/summer to re-visit the surgeons and get the exact plan/cost of everything I might need done. I just haven't started working towards that new goal yet. Maintaining but not moving.

I may not know you guys personally, but I appreciate this group and the honesty it brings.

KarenZen

Melissa, thanks for sharing your story! I have 300 pounds to lose (100 gone and 200 left), so I know I'm going to be looking at plastic surgery too, and I have no idea how to pay for it either. That said, I've already decided that when the time comes, I WILL. At 51, I don't need a perfect body (I've NEVER had one! Fat since childhood!), but I want a lighter, healthier, more active body, and flapping skin is not part of that vision.

I think your decision to set your goal, hold it for 6 months, then finance the surgery is a good one, and a plan I'm going to follow too. My goal weight is 175 too (I'm 5'9"), so if I add in extra skin weight, I'm guessing 210 will be a good surgery weight. In the meantime, Google bariatric foundation garments... lots of good lightweight bodysuits are available until your surgery.

Karen

maoribadger

melissasue0317 wrote: »

My mental battle:
~ I have worked my *kitten* off to get healthier and though I am "healthier" I am more self conscious and saggy than when I was 322lbs.

You are healthier. Not though which is a posh word for but. You are healthier. The excess skin must suck it really must but your heart is thankig you for all your hard work

~ I have worked this hard to know that I can't do anything about the skin and appearance without surgery, so whats the point of killing myself in the gym.

You dont have to kill your self in the gym if you dont want to but if you do its about more than looks. Im not gonna teach you to suck eggs but I dont believe theres such a thing as a wasted hour exercising. If you need a reason think how great you feel after a workout

~ I still need to lose more......but still need surgery
~ Its amazing that I have lost this much without other interventions so I should be patting myself on the back and I know that...

Yes you should. Here *pat* have one from me xxx

~ If I am going to do any surgery, why not go for the whole thing. Fix it all in one go, tummy tuck/arm lift/breast lift with possible augmentation. Recover times, out of work times, etc will be about the same. It would just be a huge financial cost that we would have to save/finance.

Only a call you can make but sounds like you knw what you want to do and just need to work out your 'how'. I wish you nothing but the best with this one as you deserve to love the body you are in

wennim

Isn't it odd to have worked for something so hard and not get the results you dreamed of?

I have also lost 125 lbs and have lots of saggy skin. It's weird how I weigh less than I did when I was younger and was fairly confident in my body.. but I too struggle with the way my new body looks. I have excess skin on my arms, neck, inner thighs, abdomen and we don't even want to go there when talking about my boobs. I hate the way I look naked and compression shorts and tanks are my must have work out ware.

I won't be able to have surgery. It would be too much of a financial burden to my family. I have tried to make a point during my journey to instill in my kids that they need to love themselves imperfections and all. My husband and I did discuss it at one point and one of the boys brought up how a young friend of ours has a large birth mark on her face that her parents won't be removing. That little girl looks up to me and what would I be telling her if I had something done purely for cosmetic reasons? Each person has to deal with this decision on their own and I don't fault the people who can handle it to go ahead and do it if they think it will help. Good luck on your difficult choice and I hope your are happy with the outcome.