New to Group and Introducing Myself

whaleofafemale

Hello, I'm Jacqueline and I call myself a whale because I weigh more than a baby Orca. I'm not certain how much I weigh right now because my digital scale currently flashes 'ERR' at me because I'm heavier than the 450 lb weight maximum. It's amazing thinking I'm over 100 times heavier than I was at birth when I should be only about 31 times as heavy. It's an odd way of viewing it really, but the truth is still there that I'm a little more than 3 times heavier than I should be.

I know how I got here and why I gave up on myself. My reasoning made sense to me before but now that I am so fat that I could actually just die at any moment my reasoning no longer makes sense. As I gained weight I saw my fat as my protection. It's my shield of armour protecting me from going through something horrifying again. I made myself almost impossible to abduct or drag into some alley. My goal was to protect my life and now I'm risking my life every minute I remain whale-sized, and I just don't want to die.

So here I am joining what appears to be the biggest community on the internet containing people similar to me, and I hope that virtually being around others like me will help me reach my goal. I would love to make some e-friends here, hopefully some with a similar weight to my own, some who have already been successful or reached their goals, and really just anyone willing to maybe help save a life.

KarenZen

Hi Jacqueline, and welcome! I also started at over 450 with an "error" on my scale. Turns out I was 494 and closer to dying than I wanted to admit.

I have to run out the door in a minute, but I'll write more later. I'll also send an invite to MOBO MOTO, our challenge group for the morbidly obese.

I'm so glad you found us... you are NOT alone!
Karen

carimiller7391

Hi Jacqueline, welcome to the group. At my highest I was 411 lbs. I have one of those industrial scales at home. I've had all 3 bariatric surgeries (lap band, sleeve and bypass) as recently as 01.26.2015. I'm currently trying to discover what foods to eat as my surgeons guidelines allow carbs... carbs send me on a HUGE downward spiral into junk food. I'm actually looking at a LCHFMP (low carb, high fat, moderate protein) program where my carbs come from my veggies and some fruits. It's definitely hard. I'm setting up a 10 week plan to eliminate foods in stages and work my way from 75grams of carbs a day to 20 and being in Ketosis (burning fat for fuel).

Not sure how long you've been on MFP, but the MOTO MOBO group is good, so is the group for low carbers. Can't remember the actual name. It's a closed group, but if interested, send me a private message and I will see if you can be added to the group.

Welcome!! Feel free to jump in and post whatever subjects you like to talk about.

Cari

KnitOrMiss

Low Carb Group: http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/discussions/394-low-carber-daily-forum-the-lcd-group/ There should be a link to request to join if interested.

And I'm sorry to fly by but am headed out to lunch and am on a timetable, but you definitely found the right group. We do not consider anyone hopeless. I topped out the scale at 319 (highest RECORDED weight - who the heck knows if it was higher), but every pound, no matter where you start is a pound lost and a battle scar won! Welcome!!!

KnitOrMiss

whaleofafemale wrote: »

Hello, I'm Jacqueline and I call myself a whale because I weigh more than a baby Orca. I'm not certain how much I weigh right now because my digital scale currently flashes 'ERR' at me because I'm heavier than the 450 lb weight maximum. It's amazing thinking I'm over 100 times heavier than I was at birth when I should be only about 31 times as heavy. It's an odd way of viewing it really, but the truth is still there that I'm a little more than 3 times heavier than I should be.

I know how I got here and why I gave up on myself. My reasoning made sense to me before but now that I am so fat that I could actually just die at any moment my reasoning no longer makes sense. As I gained weight I saw my fat as my protection. It's my shield of armour protecting me from going through something horrifying again. I made myself almost impossible to abduct or drag into some alley. My goal was to protect my life and now I'm risking my life every minute I remain whale-sized, and I just don't want to die.

So here I am joining what appears to be the biggest community on the internet containing people similar to me, and I hope that virtually being around others like me will help me reach my goal. I would love to make some e-friends here, hopefully some with a similar weight to my own, some who have already been successful or reached their goals, and really just anyone willing to maybe help save a life.

Alright, I'm back with some time to spare...

Greetings, Jacqueline. First thing I want to say is I hope that term you apply to yourself comes from a place of love. I had to learn to work hard on my positive self speak because I used to use words like shields, in the manner of, "If I hurt myself with these words first, no one else can do that to me."

I started to do the calculations to figure out how I compared to other things, but honestly, for me, it doesn't matter. After being in a miserable marriage for far to long, I had to learn to love myself as I was, fat, flawed, and in denial - or live with the fact that if I couldn't love myself, nor could I truly love anyone else nor them me. I learned to love myself at that 319 pounds. If I hadn't, I don't think that I could still be on the path to claiming the old me back - for forging this hellacious path to the new me.

Okay, that said...

I think the way you describe arriving here at our destination of misery and hopelessness is a journey we've all taken, in some form or variation. It makes me SO VERY SAD for all of us that we had to suffer so, at the hands of ourselves or anyone else...

I don't know specifically where you want to focus, but here is one of my favorite sayings. "Weight is treated in the kitchen. Fitness is handled at the gym." In my personal opinion, the best thing you can do is do some serious soul searching - the first step you took was finding this fabulous group!!! - and figure out exactly what you are willing to give up and try, what this all means to you, what hopes and dreams you've given up on that you want to fight to earn back, all of that hard stuff.

Then, start making small changes. Most of us who have achieved our ... stature ... have some type of metabolic disorder compounding with psychological and physical conditions. That being said, we have to break addictions and habits and comfort settings within ourselves. All of our journeys are long and winding roads. For me, I had to break up with food as a comfort measure and I had to break through food addictions compounding by secret binging insane quantities of food.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step - or the journey of 1000 oz begins with a single bite.

This group is fabulous about getting to the nitty gritty with people, being real, being supportive, being flawed, being passionate, and just helping people any way we can, because we've all been there - or we wouldn't be here.

So any question you have, don't hesitate to holler because someone will speak up.

Much love and hugs,
Carly

maoribadger

Hi and welcome to a lovely group of people. Im Lise. At my heaviest I was 270 but on a small five foot three frame, I was in pain and rapidly getting sicker and I knew it was all my own fault. I suffer from depression, anxiety and OCD and have had treatment for PTSD as well. Its been a rough few years which ended with me at my lowest last May. Fast forward 290 days (I was a bit iffy the first cpl months before I hit my stride) and I am 51lb down and feeling so much better. From my perspective Im not a low carber. I eat a 40-30-30 split of carbs, protein and fat and I hit the gym HARD 4x a week which is key to me in maintaining my success and my mental health. I also blog on a regular basis as thoughts about my weight and weight loss journey hit me.

Please be kind to yourself. In the end it doesnt matter how many mistakes you made on the way to your top weight, what matters and defines you is that YOU want to change YOU. Start by losing 1lb. Then repeat. Dont look at how many you need to lose in total it will overwhelm you. If you have 150 to lose then lose 1. And repeat that action 150 times. Its so much easier to stick to

Here if you wish to share your thoughts with us further
x

KnitOrMiss

maoribadger wrote: »

Hi and welcome to a lovely group of people. Im Lise. At my heaviest I was 270 but on a small five foot three frame, I was in pain and rapidly getting sicker and I knew it was all my own fault. I suffer from depression, anxiety and OCD and have had treatment for PTSD as well. Its been a rough few years which ended with me at my lowest last May. Fast forward 290 days (I was a bit iffy the first cpl months before I hit my stride) and I am 51lb down and feeling so much better. From my perspective Im not a low carber. I eat a 40-30-30 split of carbs, protein and fat and I hit the gym HARD 4x a week which is key to me in maintaining my success and my mental health. I also blog on a regular basis as thoughts about my weight and weight loss journey hit me.

Please be kind to yourself. In the end it doesnt matter how many mistakes you made on the way to your top weight, what matters and defines you is that YOU want to change YOU. Start by losing 1lb. Then repeat. Dont look at how many you need to lose in total it will overwhelm you. If you have 150 to lose then lose 1. And repeat that action 150 times. Its so much easier to stick to

Here if you wish to share your thoughts with us further
x

Thanks for that reminder, Lise. We all need perspective from time to time!