I am posting this thread as a Confession the I Messed Up as a Parent
allofme32
Posts: 92 Member
My 18 year old son has been steadily gaining weight in the past two years going from a size 38 pants to a size 46+. We went to doctor yesterday and he weighed in at 380 lbs.
I have been obese for the last 20 years. A serial dieter going on and off diets with no real success.
Only recently have I been successful losing 30 lbs.
I have been trying to be a good example for him encouraging him to join me. However I have been procrastinating and eating horribly (yo-yoing again). I feel horrible that I have past on my bad eating and lifestyle habits to my son. I see that my 8 year old is steadily gaining weight also.
I am posting this thread as sort of an "out loud" confession that I Messed Up.
I failed as a leader and a parent to teach my kids healthy habits. It does not matter that my parents did not teach me these good habits. I am not making any excuses. I am smart enough to know the difference. There is a multitude of available information out there for me the learn about leading a health lifestyle.
This "curse" ends with me!!!! I promise that I will break the bad habits and become the mother that they deserve. I vow to lead by example and change my life. I promise that I will do everything in my power to get healthy and get my children healthy also. It is not a "fad diet" thing or a quick fix thing. It is a "change your lifestyle 360 degrees thing!!".
I pray that God gives me the strength and the wisdom to achieve this goal.
"For with God nothing will be impossible.” Luke 1:37
If anyone reading this has any advice, please inbox me or post on this thread.
I have been obese for the last 20 years. A serial dieter going on and off diets with no real success.
Only recently have I been successful losing 30 lbs.
I have been trying to be a good example for him encouraging him to join me. However I have been procrastinating and eating horribly (yo-yoing again). I feel horrible that I have past on my bad eating and lifestyle habits to my son. I see that my 8 year old is steadily gaining weight also.
I am posting this thread as sort of an "out loud" confession that I Messed Up.
I failed as a leader and a parent to teach my kids healthy habits. It does not matter that my parents did not teach me these good habits. I am not making any excuses. I am smart enough to know the difference. There is a multitude of available information out there for me the learn about leading a health lifestyle.
This "curse" ends with me!!!! I promise that I will break the bad habits and become the mother that they deserve. I vow to lead by example and change my life. I promise that I will do everything in my power to get healthy and get my children healthy also. It is not a "fad diet" thing or a quick fix thing. It is a "change your lifestyle 360 degrees thing!!".
I pray that God gives me the strength and the wisdom to achieve this goal.
"For with God nothing will be impossible.” Luke 1:37
If anyone reading this has any advice, please inbox me or post on this thread.
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Good morning....Take baby steps. List out your goals and list where you are now. Be very honest. Then make your road map on how to achieve your goal. There will be bumps in the road as nothing is perfect, but if you have a set plan in place it will make it easier.
Hope this helps!0 -
Bless you hon. That took guts. Do I think you messed up. No. I think the habits were not passed down to you so how could you pass them on. Do I admire you for making a stand? Hell yes. Your son is only 18. It's not too late to fix things and you sound so determined I'm sure you can do it together.
It's one of my biggest fears that I will pass my eating habits and weight problems onto my kids so thankyou also for a timely reminder of why I'm doing this. Feel free to add me for support x0 -
Thank you for coming in here and having the courage to speak. As you make your plan, use as many resources as you can afford. Meet with your doctor, a nutritionist, an exercise coach/trainer. Join a gym. Here in Maine, our YMCA has a sliding scale for membership fees and no one is turned away because they can't afford it. Enroll your friends in your changes and ask for their help. When I had gastric sleeve surgery in December, my neighbors filled my freezer with soft, healthy foods like lentil casserole.
I would also suggest that you have a heart-to-heart with your 18 year old. Read your post to him--even read the responses. He's old enough to be an active, leading part of this process, and I'll bet his results will be astounding. Teenage boys lose fat and gain muscle at an incredible rate.
As an adult child of parents who "failed" my siblings and me, I can honestly say I harbor no resentment, even though all of us were morbidly obese from early childhood on. My parents did not have the tools they needed. I am only sad for them.
Welcome! I hope this group is a Great resource for you!
Karen0 -
Personally, I think it is time to enlist the whole family to create a plan together. Everyone's motivations and focuses might be different, but I think if you all get on the same page, y'all will be an unstoppable force. I know that when my daughter was 8, she would have loved being included in family decisions and planning this way - and would have resisted the change like a cement block that was set if she wasn't consulted but informed... And kids in elementary school are learning about nutrition and things. Going to farmer's markets together and finding new fun things to try - or starting martial arts together - all manner of fun, amazing bonding adventures can be in your future! Good luck.0
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Your story made me think so much of myself.
I am currently obese.
Have been for a very long time.
My little girl is 4 months old now and the day she was born I realised that I cannot let her go down this same road.
I must set a better example.
To that end I have lost 55 pounds since her birth and I have about 55 left to go.
So yes, do I think you failed? Yes I do.
Do I think we can improve? Yes I do.
Good luck!0 -
And honestly, I can't consider this a failure, because to me, that implies that it is over and done. All of us are here fighting back with all we've got, so there is no failure at all in that! (HUGS)0
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KnitOrMiss wrote: »And honestly, I can't consider this a failure, because to me, that implies that it is over and done. All of us are here fighting back with all we've got, so there is no failure at all in that! (HUGS)
QFT. Listen to this lady. Shes very wise in many ways0 -
Thank you all for the kind words. I like what KitOrMiss said about failure implying that the fight is over. Thank you for that. I realize the fight has just begun.
I will send friends request to you all.0 -
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This was and still is my fear. I became obese in my teens though being very active so it wasn't horrible. I continued to gain over the years. Looking back on my childhood and adolescence we (my brother and I) were often comforted by food from our parents, outings or "treats" and so much soda I can't even wrap my head around. They went through a messy divorce so that Just added to it. I wasn't taught how to view food as nutrients to live, a source to make you healthier. They too have expressed their regrets of this to me. My brother went opposite of me and became fitness obsessed (fueled by junk food lol) but in his late 20s is just realizing that food can be a great thing too. He has never been overweight.
My heaviest known weight is 322lbs at 30. I very easily could've been more though. My twins were 6 months old when I realized that I would never see them graduate or marry if I continued my path. So I changed. Small things at first. No more soda or sweet tea. Is amazing how easy of an adjustment that was. Taking one floor of stairs once a week. PORTION CONTROL. that's the key. planning your meals. don't stress if you fall off track bc it's life. Especially with us, it's the only life we have known. Dust off, keep trying.
Your kids will love you regardless. The tough talk about weight is so hard but needs to happen.0 -
Giving advice on weight loss is like tossing a garnered into a mind field. The one thing I think anyone is this group can tell you is to take it one day at a time (it's already been said). Loading yourself with so much emotional baggage isn't going to help you cross the goal line. I know that saying that to you as a mother is easier said then done, but give yourself a little bit of distance, because regret and shame wont be what helps you change your life.
Any of us who have lost a significant amount of weight (I know MFP no longer shows are progress bars at the bottom of posts) thats about all you can do... taking it one day at a time. Thats how the problem built over time, and thats how the problem will be fixed. It is best to think of it that way because their will be times where progress is slow and difficult, but it wont matter, because what is slow and difficult when compared to a lifetime of obesity. I can also say thinking of it as weight loss wont help. Weight loss is just the benefit (a small one of many), the change is lifestyle is first and foremost.
Now, as a 27yo son of once similarly obese parents I would say you should start by forgiving yourself. My parents were both obese at some point in their lives, and it's taken years for them to get to (or close now) to their healthy weight. I don't blame them for where I got to, did plenty of that damage on my own. Yes I gain plenty of bad habits from them, but it doesn't matter in the end. I started out on this journey 449 days ago at 328lbs, i'm now 0.1% away from finely being considered overweight after 124lbs of loss. I'm close to being at my goal weight and my parents are as healthy as they can be. Shame, embarrassment and regret did little of that heavy lifting.
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Giving advice on weight loss is like tossing a garnered into a mind field. The one thing I think anyone is this group can tell you is to take it one day at a time (it's already been said). Loading yourself with so much emotional baggage isn't going to help you cross the goal line. I know that saying that to you as a mother is easier said then done, but give yourself a little bit of distance, because regret and shame wont be what helps you change your life.
Any of us who have lost a significant amount of weight (I know MFP no longer shows are progress bars at the bottom of posts) thats about all you can do... taking it one day at a time. Thats how the problem built over time, and thats how the problem will be fixed. It is best to think of it that way because their will be times where progress is slow and difficult, but it wont matter, because what is slow and difficult when compared to a lifetime of obesity. I can also say thinking of it as weight loss wont help. Weight loss is just the benefit (a small one of many), the change is lifestyle is first and foremost.
Now, as a 27yo son of once similarly obese parents I would say you should start by forgiving yourself. My parents were both obese at some point in their lives, and it's taken years for them to get to (or close now) to their healthy weight. I don't blame them for where I got to, did plenty of that damage on my own. Yes I gain plenty of bad habits from them, but it doesn't matter in the end. I started out on this journey 449 days ago at 328lbs, i'm now 0.1% away from finely being considered overweight after 124lbs of loss. I'm close to being at my goal weight and my parents are as healthy as they can be. Shame, embarrassment and regret did little of that heavy lifting.
Patrick, this is a very compelling writing - and I love giving the OP a balanced perspective! That is just one of many things I absolutely love about this group - we've all been there in the dirty trenches - and so we all "get it." Hugs, love, and high fives on that progress!!! Carly0 -
Giving advice on weight loss is like tossing a garnered into a mind field. The one thing I think anyone is this group can tell you is to take it one day at a time (it's already been said). Loading yourself with so much emotional baggage isn't going to help you cross the goal line. I know that saying that to you as a mother is easier said then done, but give yourself a little bit of distance, because regret and shame wont be what helps you change your life.
Any of us who have lost a significant amount of weight (I know MFP no longer shows are progress bars at the bottom of posts) thats about all you can do... taking it one day at a time. Thats how the problem built over time, and thats how the problem will be fixed. It is best to think of it that way because their will be times where progress is slow and difficult, but it wont matter, because what is slow and difficult when compared to a lifetime of obesity. I can also say thinking of it as weight loss wont help. Weight loss is just the benefit (a small one of many), the change is lifestyle is first and foremost.
Now, as a 27yo son of once similarly obese parents I would say you should start by forgiving yourself. My parents were both obese at some point in their lives, and it's taken years for them to get to (or close now) to their healthy weight. I don't blame them for where I got to, did plenty of that damage on my own. Yes I gain plenty of bad habits from them, but it doesn't matter in the end. I started out on this journey 449 days ago at 328lbs, i'm now 0.1% away from finely being considered overweight after 124lbs of loss. I'm close to being at my goal weight and my parents are as healthy as they can be. Shame, embarrassment and regret did little of that heavy lifting.
Thank you for sharing this with me. Congratulations on your success.0
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