Stress Management

Alioth

What sort of tactics do you use to help yourself manage stress?
I'm having trouble with racing thoughts. All the plans and ideas and items on my short term and long term to-do lists keep running through my head, especially at night when I should be sleeping. I think perhaps if I write out all my concerns and to-do's on paper it might help, so I ordered a wedding organizer today from Amazon.
Has this happened to any of you? Do these feelings wear off, or do they continue until the big day? I'm not normally like this.

MsMarlaJean

My biggest Stress relief comes from exercise especially my cardio boxing class (lots of punching bag work! ) If you are the type that likes structure and routine getting more organized will probably help out a lot! I just got myself a binder and found a free checklist on-line...

Maybe some deep breathing, yoga and/or meditations might help? Getting out in nature helps me too! I am still a ways out from my wedding and living on an island has limited my options for vendors and many other things plus I tend to be pretty laid back in general, I don't think I have been hit with these feelings yet, so I can't answer your other questions, but it's good to know what might be heading my way

brisingr86

I was really stressed early on (probably the first month or two), but getting some of the major vendors (church, venue, photographer) lined up really helped. I still get twinges because my fiance wanted to be responsible for the dj and we still don't have a signed contract (we decided on someone months ago; might be switching since there seem to be some communication issues, which don't really bode well). If the wedding planner you ordered has checklists for X, Y, Z months out, that should help (alternatively or in addition, WeddingWire.com or "the knot" have free planners you can use that break out to do lists for you by month once you plug in your wedding date; I use WeddingWire based on a recommendation from a friend). You have to adjust somewhat for your area, but for me, it helps to see yes, there's a lot to do, but it's in more manageable pieces and helps me prioritize.

I want the day to be great, but there's also a part of me that doesn't care that much as long as I'm married to the right man at the end of the day. Reading is stress relief for me. Just curling up in bed with a good book (nothing particularly thought provoking; I'm a fantasy fan, so good ol' escapism) helps clear my mind. I have enough other stressful stuff at work that tends to get to me more than the wedding stuff.

I'll give you the same advice that was given to me (repeatedly): "This is supposed to be a fun time, so enjoy it. DON'T STRESS!"

Easier said than done, I know, but true enough. I think the biggest thing is to select quality vendors and then trust them to do their job. You're getting married this one day in a given year (hopefully), but they do their job for weddings probably 100 times a year. You will get through this and your big day will be amazing! Hope your stress decreases soon so you can enjoy the planning process.

Alioth

Thank you, MsMaria. Those are really good ideas. I'm going out tonight to the park to walk on the track--burn calories outside in nature and see if that helps me sleep tonight. I went tearing through the house today looking for my aerobics dvds, but the cases were all empty. I need to either buy a new one or search harder for the old ones. And yes, I am a structure person for sure.

brisingr, that makes a lot of sense. Prioritizing will help a lot so I know what I should focus on at a given time instead of trying to figure everything out at once. I do have a sci-fi book right now, so maybe I should try that too. Thanks for the good advice on not stressing! It really is fun when I think about it.

brisingr86

If you're having trouble finding DVDs and don't want to spend the cash for new supplies, check the forum threads for references to free workout sources. I can't remember what the sites are, but I think maybe even YouTube has the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred videos and there are a lot of resources online for workout videos that are free if you can link your computer to a tv (or have a roku or smart tv) or just workout looking at your computer.

CostaRica120

Definitely get it down on paper. That really helps. Yes, it all feels overwhelming, but each small task isn't the biggest deal, and you can totally handle it! And as Sarah suggested, once you have some of the bigger stuff and vendors checked off, it really helps. I found all year, I'd have one night every month or two where I was up almost all night with my brain racing. So yes, it's totally normal! But usually our bodies/brains just naturally don't stay in that stressed out state for too long, so have some faith in that. When you're too overwhelmed with the tricky stuff, take on a small and fun project (like ordering favors, or maybe looking into honeymoon options). Those things need to be checked off the list, too, but they're more manageable and will make you feel more accomplished.
Let us know what's stressing you out and we can help!

Alioth

My internet speed makes it difficult to stream videos on youtube. I might just get a dvd at Walmart. I did finally find my Fit in Six PS3 Move game. I'm using that for now. The workouts on it are generally only 3-15 minutes long, so you have to pick a lot of them to get anywhere.

I went to Hobby Lobby last night and Sam's Club. Took my notebook and jotted down decoration ideas and prices on materials. I got stuff for my engagement party next week. Once the engagement party is over next week, I will feel a lot better.

Last night I found out that two of my bridesmaids (including maid of honor) won't commit to being in the country over the summer. Does this mean I have to push the date sooner a few weeks and stress out the groom? Or do I boot them off the list and get two other bridesmaids? I never imagined that my friends wouldn't be available for what I consider to be my largest life's event. I will need time to think it over and talk with my fiancee to decide on a plan. But because of this, I gave up on sleep around 4:00 am last night. Haha.

I'm losing weight though. Hooray! I will be fabulous!

CostaRica120

My best friend took a job abroad for 9 months, knowing it would mean missing my wedding. A good thing to learn and accept early on is that no one will care about your wedding as much as you do.
If you're flexible on a date, and they can ensure that they'll be available for your new date, then go ahead and change it if you won't be out deposits or anything. But otherwise just move on. It would suck for you to shift things around and then find they still can't come...or that it causes other important people not to be able to attend.

Woohoo on the weightloss though. Whenever I am stressed, now my fiance says "hey, at least you're skinny" hahah...(only because he knows how focused I am on my weight..not because he cares whether I'm thin or not)

MsMarlaJean

Oh my, that's seems so harsh of them, although I must admit I did have to decline being a bridesmaid once for one of my high school friends' wedding because I was just out of boot camp in the Navy and only had so much leave, just starting out...

Not sure how flexible you are or if your feel bads are hurt too much, but even if they don't/can't commit is there a chance they may still be there? Perhaps you can make your maid of honor a friend that is willing to commit and then have your other friend still be a bridesmaid if she happens to be in the country?

We are giving our besties choices--like behind the scenes roles, wedding party roles or doing something that they would be great at like Marriage Commissioner or Master of Ceremonies. That way nobody has to do something they don't want to do. We decided to do this because we are SO lucky to each have like 7 REALLY close friends each, however I would prefer to only have a few standing up with us in our wedding party so this was one way to narrow our numbers, even though we also have to be ok with the fact that our numbers may not match in the end.

YAY for the weight loss!!

Alioth

Yeah. It's perfectly reasonable that people already have plans for summer vacations and family time they don't want to miss. Like you said, it's not their wedding, so it's not as important to them as their own lives. I found out yesterday that ANOTHER bridesmaid will be at the beach. So that's 3 out of 4 now. I do have three more people I could ask though. It'll work out one way or another.

I think the Navy is a pretty good reason to be absent! The service is a pretty hefty responsibility and people can't pick their schedules much. What is the Marriage Commissioner and Master of Ceremonies? I guess I have a LOT to learn about weddings and roles. I should look into this more. A giant wedding party would be nice, but I have very little money to play with. I'm with you on a smaller group being more practical. I suppose the world would not end if the numbers didn't match.

MsMarlaJean

In the State of Alaska, for $25 dollars anyone can become a marriage commissioner for a day or a year and perform weddings (marry us together). We aren't having the ceremony in a church (both sets of parents attend different churches) and since we both were born and raised here we have several mutual close friends and one in particular that could have easily fit in on both sides of the wedding party, so we've asked her to become commissioned to marry us (we have a back-up choice should she decide not to do the public speaking thing-since it's not for everyone).

The Master of Ceremonies will be for the Reception, since I don't know if we will have a traditional DJ or band yet, I still know I want someone to be sure to move things along on a timeline because we are having a later Cocktail reception and are only renting the venue for a certain number of hours and he is a real people person and can get on a mic and move things along as needed and make announcements, like safety points, pointing out the kids activity table, introduction of Wedding couple, bouquet toss, and etc. I don't think this is a traditional title, but it's what I think of when I think of what I want him to do

Sorry to hear about #3, but glad you have back-ups! GREAT ATTITUDE! You totally got this!

Alioth

That's a nicely flexible system. Makes perfect sense what your Master of Ceremonies is going to do. Things should go very smoothly.

I got my bridesmaid situation straightened out. One is going to come home early from the beach to be in the wedding. God bless her for her sacrifice. Two others have been replaced by super reliable friends. The offshoot of this is that all my bridesmaids will be gorgeous brunettes--my mother pointed out. Another good thing is that my brother's girlfriend has offered to help me plan. She was a very successful wedding planner for a few years at a large historical venue. She is highly organized and started giving me useful advice immediately. I feel less insecure with these three new gals helping me out. I've started sleeping at night again. Hooray for sleep!

Thank you, ladies, for putting up with my nervous questions. I can't wait to see how your weddings turn out.

CostaRica120

That's wonderful! Wedding planning will be full of ups and downs for sure but it will alllll work out at the end of the day. And that's huge that your brother's GF will be lending her experience! There are so many things that I've already learned that I'd do differently if only I'd know. My FI and I joke about how much more smoothly our 2nd weddings will go (hope not, of course!)

purebells

@CostaRica120

CostaRica120 wrote: »

A good thing to learn and accept early on is that no one will care about your wedding as much as you do.

I totally agree with this!