Do you agree with the 3 month rule?

Moe4572

3 months is the magic time frame.

Up until the 3-month-mark, a man is on his best behavior (or SHOULD be), he's swept up in the chemistry just like we are, he's infatuated perhaps, and he LOVES the attention a warm, loving, nice, attentive woman like us gives him.

He likes the way it feels, and it keeps him there for that 3 months. And then - everything gets REAL. All of a sudden he notices that you're a real person!

He notices that you have real feelings. He notices that he's been leading this relationship along, and now there are some EXPECTATIONS. He notices that you're not as "free-and-easy as you were at the beginning, and that you're starting to "act" like you're in a "relationship" that might - heaven-forbid - be SERIOUS.

All of a sudden it hits him. And that's when he has to make some kind of decision. His decision is - does he keep going, and take up more and more of your time and put you off more and more, or perhaps even get more deeply involved himself where he'd have to DO something? Like MARRY you, or get a home with you, or something pretty official.



This happened to me......exactly 2 days after 3 mos, my bf broke up with me ......and then about a month later, when "ran" into him online, he explained he "got scared". It did look like we would have gotten back together, but circumstances changed and just means there is someone better.

But, curious........do you agree?

jenbit

Nope.....First of all most guys I know aren't very good at keeping up an "act" secondly I've never jhad a guy break up with me after 3 months . THe number seems kinda unusual ... He should notice your a real person loooooong before a 2 month mark BTW

TheKitsune6

Never happened to me. I usually either lose interest way before that, or it is longer term.

Roadie2000

Come on now, it's not just guys.

Once the "honeymoon phase" wears off I think both people begin to not put in as much effort and start to see how the other person really is. This usually happens at around 3 months, but I wouldn't say exactly.

Moe4572

Come on now, it's not just guys.

Once the "honeymoon phase" wears off I think both people begin to not put in as much effort and start to see how the other person really is. This usually happens at around 3 months, but I wouldn't say exactly.

Definitely did not mean it is only guys that do this.......i had a friend who would often make it about 3 mos then get bored....didn't realize for a long time it was always about that amount of time.....so yes, girls do it too.

jesusHchris

My two most recent "relationships" (one was official, one wasn't) both ended right about that 3 month mark.

I'd like to argue with your logic but I think it probably holds water as a generalization.

Batter up!

lacroyx

No. Everyone is different.

pa_jorg

Never thought about it before, but it sounds about right since that's when the beer goggles usually wear off.:laugh:

jenbit

Never thought about it before, but it sounds about right since that's when the beer goggles usually wear off.:laugh:

Thats some serious drinking to have beer goggles for 3 months lol

jesusHchris

No. Everyone is different.

Eh, that's an answer that's often used in discussions to dismiss what might be a very valid concept. Generalizations and stereotypes exist for a reason. There's always the exception (usually, MANY exceptions).

I think it is ok to be aware of some of these generalizations as long as you are also aware that they are not written in stone.

TheKitsune6

No. Everyone is different.

Eh, that's an answer that's often used in discussions to dismiss what might be a very valid concept. Generalizations and stereotypes exist for a reason. There's always the exception (usually, MANY exceptions).

I think it is ok to be aware of some of these generalizations as long as you are also aware that they are not written in stone.

I agree that generalizations and stereotypes exist for a reason, I also think it's important to make a differentiation between a common trend and "ALL MEN" or "ALL WOMEN" or "ALL PEOPLE" and so on so forth.

so when the question posed is "Do you think this is the rule" I think "No, everyone is different" is a legit response yo. A better phrasing would be along the lines of "I have noticed this trend, what do you guys think?"

christine24t

I think we all put up fronts at first and it takes time to wear them down, not sure on the timeframe though.

AnnaPixie

I think it works both ways. I've had numerous 2 to 3 month relationships and ended it/been dumped right there!!

I don't think it's about 'getting scared'. I think it's just that you either like the person enough to be with them longer term, or you don't.

I think it takes 2 to 3 months just to get to know someone enough to make that decision. Cracks start to appear after 2 dates, so I don't necessarily agree with the best behaviour thing, its just how many and how wide those cracks are that will determine the future of the relationship.

whierd

Wow, that sounds like a lot of pressure.

iulia_maddie

Or he didn't like you all that much and "i got scared" was an excuse.

PlayerHatinDogooder

I subscribe to the 3 minute rule.

BondBomb

Or he didn't like you all that much and "i got scared" was an excuse.

Yep.
I sure hope its not true. My new bf and I have not quite hit the 3 month mark. I would very much like to keep him.

Going4Lean

I think 3 months is too fast to be considered a relationship.

I was asked once in my whole life after 3 months and i said it was too fast and that is where it ended.

kimad

I think 3 months is too fast to be considered a relationship.

I was asked once in my whole life after 3 months and i said it was too fast and that is where it ended.

You think 3 months is too soon to be exclusive? How long do you suggest?
I went exclusive recently after 1.5 months... Good timing for me as I couldn't
Keep up with the multiple dating lol.

We (or I anyways) went in with a friends mindset so he's seen alot of undesirable Kim haha and he is still around so I hope we beat 3 months . I think it takes time to get to know someone and while I don't think 3 months is a rule it may just be a coincidence.

kimad

Or he didn't like you all that much and "i got scared" was an excuse.

I agree with this 100%

flimflamfloz

I agree that generalizations and stereotypes exist for a reason, I also think it's important to make a differentiation between a common trend and "ALL MEN" or "ALL WOMEN" or "ALL PEOPLE" and so on so forth.

so when the question posed is "Do you think this is the rule" I think "No, everyone is different" is a legit response yo. A better phrasing would be along the lines of "I have noticed this trend, what do you guys think?"

Looks like I have to call my lawyer before answering this one. Or I'll get a wrist slapping.

Anyway, yes it is true. The 3 month mark exists and it is real in most people's mind. I have experienced it too. In fact the 3 months, 6 months and 1 year mark are real. They are like milestones in the relationship. New year's Eve as well, and when I was younger, school summer holiday was a milestone as well.
It's just easier to reconsider your relationships at a few key moments rather than constantly. Also, it's true that after 3 months you've normally seen a good chunk of the "real personality" of the other person, and in a variety of contexts.

If you don't believe it, google:
"4 month mark in relationships" => nothing
"5 month mark in relationships" => nothing
"2 month mark in relationships" => ok, we're getting some things here...
"3 month mark in relationships" => DAMN!

3 months relationships are a statistical/empirical fact. People are different, but in large aggregates you see trends.

All of a sudden it hits him. And that's when he has to make some kind of decision. His decision is - does he keep going, and take up more and more of your time and put you off more and more, or perhaps even get more deeply involved himself where he'd have to DO something? Like MARRY you, or get a home with you, or something pretty official.

Note: created a topic for the comment below...
This part of the question annoys me more, but it is funny to note that subconsciously you did exactly as I would expect.
Here is the point: I was discussing about that the other day, about the fact that there is a (probably) reasonable expectation from most people for a relationship to "evolve", otherwise the relationship is considered a failure, because it stalled (I'm not sure this should be the case, but it is as it is in our day and age).
However, in the mind of pretty much everyone, "evolution" in a relationship means "vertical" evolution, as in: moving together -> engaged -> marriage -> children. A bit like being "promoted" in a job to a "superior" status/responsibility (vertical evolution).
If being engaged, marriage and children aren't an option for you in a relationship, how do you propose to offer this needed-by-most "evolution" in your relationship? How about "horizontal evolution" and more importantly, what would this mean in the context of a relationship?

AnnaPixie

I think 3 months is too fast to be considered a relationship.

I was asked once in my whole life after 3 months and i said it was too fast and that is where it ended.

:huh: What are you waiting for?? You either like someone or you don't!! You either want a relationship or you don't??

dbrightwell1270

I think we all put up fronts at first and it takes time to wear them down, not sure on the timeframe though.

I don't really agree with this. Maybe when I was youngeer this was true. Any more, I am who I am. My time is valuable enough that I am not going to waste it pretending to be something I am not in the hopes that someone I barely know will like me. If a person likes me, I'd rather it be because it is really me and not because I pulled a bait and switch. If they don't like me, I'd rather not wait 3 months and get more invested in the process.

TheKitsune6

I think we all put up fronts at first and it takes time to wear them down, not sure on the timeframe though.

I don't really agree with this. Maybe when I was youngeer this was true. Any more, I am who I am. My time is valuable enough that I am not going to waste it pretending to be something I am not in the hopes that someone I barely know will like me. If a person likes me, I'd rather it be because it is really me and not because I pulled a bait and switch. If they don't like me, I'd rather not wait 3 months and get more invested in the process.

Same here. I'm me from the get go. I have enough quirks that they either find me endearing or annoying and it's better to get that out in the open straight away. Maybe this is why I haven't encountered the 3 month timeline.

kimad

I think we all put up fronts at first and it takes time to wear them down, not sure on the timeframe though.

I don't really agree with this. Maybe when I was youngeer this was true. Any more, I am who I am. My time is valuable enough that I am not going to waste it pretending to be something I am not in the hopes that someone I barely know will like me. If a person likes me, I'd rather it be because it is really me and not because I pulled a bait and switch. If they don't like me, I'd rather not wait 3 months and get more invested in the process.

Same here. I'm me from the get go. I have enough quirks that they either find me endearing or annoying and it's better to get that out in the open straight away. Maybe this is why I haven't encountered the 3 month timeline.

I agree as well ... Was a bit confused with the other thread about this. Why would you pretend to be someone else for a few months and then go bam here I am!! He or she would feel blindsided.

MissingMinnesota

I think we all put up fronts at first and it takes time to wear them down, not sure on the timeframe though.

I don't really agree with this. Maybe when I was youngeer this was true. Any more, I am who I am. My time is valuable enough that I am not going to waste it pretending to be something I am not in the hopes that someone I barely know will like me. If a person likes me, I'd rather it be because it is really me and not because I pulled a bait and switch. If they don't like me, I'd rather not wait 3 months and get more invested in the process.

Same here. I'm me from the get go. I have enough quirks that they either find me endearing or annoying and it's better to get that out in the open straight away. Maybe this is why I haven't encountered the 3 month timeline.

I agree as well ... Was a bit confused with the other thread about this. Why would you pretend to be someone else for a few months and then go bam here I am!! He or she would feel blindsided.

But sometimes those quirks people have at 1 month seem cute but at 3 months are annoying as all get out.

raige123

I've heard of the 7 month itch ... but never the 3 month rule. It's kind of funny because my ex just recently ended thigs with me at almost 8 months.

TheKitsune6

I've heard of the 7 month itch ... but never the 3 month rule. It's kind of funny because my ex just recently ended thigs with me at almost 8 months.

I thought it was the seven year itch?

kimad

I've heard of the 7 month itch ... but never the 3 month rule. It's kind of funny because my ex just recently ended thigs with me at almost 8 months.

I thought it was the seven year itch?

Me too and with respect to marriage but I guess everything.

kimad

I can see 8-12 months ... Some 'experts' say that men know by 1 year if they see you as marriage material. So if not I guess the relationship would start to break down then?! Just a thought. I made it 9 months with my gambling ex, that's when I was ready for things to evolve more (for us that meant more than 1-2 dates a week lol) and he didn't see me as the one. Thank god in hind site!! Addictions are a no no for me.

Tube_socks

I completely agree. Not maybe exactly at 3 months but whenever it hits. I'd say it's around 2-4 months. That's why I was dumped by Smiley at 2 months, why I dumped Hulk at 2 months and why bf and I are still together after hitting the itch around month 4.

It hits me. I start to think, I get restless, scared, confused. I think about breaking up or could I possibly be with this person forever. When Smiley broke up with me, I remember Anna saying that I will have many 2 month relationships. And I've accepted that. Most relationships I have will end in failure. That's ok though because all I need is 1 really good one to stick.

Anyway, back to the point. It happens. Whether you talk about it with them, whether you think about it, whether you lose interest or they do.