This may be the only safe place to post...
Hanfordrose
Posts: 688 Member
I am coming to this small, Christian group area of the Boards, hoping to share something that has me hurting today...something that continues to upset me.
This morning, I read a comment on MFP friends status. Her words were 'training for life'. Those words struck a cord in me. It made me realize that MFP is not just for counting calories, losing the weight, reaching a goal and going back to the old way of eating.
That thought and the recent number of posts about going out and eating on special days led me to make a blog about 'special days' or 'free days' or weekend parties and drinking which can undo the work of all the other days. It seemed safe enough, but I made a BIG MISTAKE. I copied my blog to the open Community boards. What happened next was a nightmare.
At first, the comments were just negative..."You do it your way. I will do it mind." The posts progressed to ruder remarks, including some profanity. Then, the most horrible thing happened. My friend read my post and assumed it was my judgement of her, which was the farthest thing from my mind at the time. She responded to the post in anger and out of mispreception of what I had written. She immediately personalized my comments, which were not meant as any kind of condemnation of her.
My friend's attack was fierce and distorted what she knows about me. She wanted to hurt me, and she did...not just her cruel words but the fact that she chose to unfriend me in that post. I wrote a message to her, apologizing for any offense or hurt that she had taken from my post. I tried to explain that the post was not about her or condemning her; but she responded with more anger.
I hurt someone today. I didn't mean to hurt her, and I certainly didn't want to lose her as an MFP sister. Now, I just feel sick about it. I forced myself to eat a meal supplement bar in place of my lunch and afternoon snacks, because I just didn't want eat anything. I know that I cannot do that. I can't just stop eating, because I am upset.
Yes, I prayed. I prayed, before I wrote my message to my friend. I prayed for her, when I got the angry response. I prayed, before I came here to ask for your prayers.
That horrible post which was meant to be helpful has grown to 4 pages of venom, with people expecting me to defend myself from the angry words of my former MFP sister. I can't and won't respond. That would only add to her hurt and encourage more venom, with more people taking sides. That would only make the post more popular with the folks who enjoy tearing people apart.
The one thing that I do know. The open community boards are NOT A SAFE PLACE to post your thoughts. I never imagined so many people would be so ready to attack me. The only safe place that I thought I could come and ask for prayers of peace would be here. I also ask for prayers to end the hurt and pain that my friend is feeling...perhaps, even some realization that I do love her and never meant the post as criticism of her. I also would like prayers for me to accept that I can't change what has happened today.
I just feel sick to my stomach, and I know that I cannot go back to the open boards again. It isn't safe.
This morning, I read a comment on MFP friends status. Her words were 'training for life'. Those words struck a cord in me. It made me realize that MFP is not just for counting calories, losing the weight, reaching a goal and going back to the old way of eating.
That thought and the recent number of posts about going out and eating on special days led me to make a blog about 'special days' or 'free days' or weekend parties and drinking which can undo the work of all the other days. It seemed safe enough, but I made a BIG MISTAKE. I copied my blog to the open Community boards. What happened next was a nightmare.
At first, the comments were just negative..."You do it your way. I will do it mind." The posts progressed to ruder remarks, including some profanity. Then, the most horrible thing happened. My friend read my post and assumed it was my judgement of her, which was the farthest thing from my mind at the time. She responded to the post in anger and out of mispreception of what I had written. She immediately personalized my comments, which were not meant as any kind of condemnation of her.
My friend's attack was fierce and distorted what she knows about me. She wanted to hurt me, and she did...not just her cruel words but the fact that she chose to unfriend me in that post. I wrote a message to her, apologizing for any offense or hurt that she had taken from my post. I tried to explain that the post was not about her or condemning her; but she responded with more anger.
I hurt someone today. I didn't mean to hurt her, and I certainly didn't want to lose her as an MFP sister. Now, I just feel sick about it. I forced myself to eat a meal supplement bar in place of my lunch and afternoon snacks, because I just didn't want eat anything. I know that I cannot do that. I can't just stop eating, because I am upset.
Yes, I prayed. I prayed, before I wrote my message to my friend. I prayed for her, when I got the angry response. I prayed, before I came here to ask for your prayers.
That horrible post which was meant to be helpful has grown to 4 pages of venom, with people expecting me to defend myself from the angry words of my former MFP sister. I can't and won't respond. That would only add to her hurt and encourage more venom, with more people taking sides. That would only make the post more popular with the folks who enjoy tearing people apart.
The one thing that I do know. The open community boards are NOT A SAFE PLACE to post your thoughts. I never imagined so many people would be so ready to attack me. The only safe place that I thought I could come and ask for prayers of peace would be here. I also ask for prayers to end the hurt and pain that my friend is feeling...perhaps, even some realization that I do love her and never meant the post as criticism of her. I also would like prayers for me to accept that I can't change what has happened today.
I just feel sick to my stomach, and I know that I cannot go back to the open boards again. It isn't safe.
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Replies
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Oh, Sue, I'm so sorry this happened! People can be so cruel sometimes. I won't even go read through those pages on the forum, because I would be tempted to respond and just keep it going longer.
Unfortunately, when you post something that is not popular, you will be attacked. Pretty much it's a guarantee. Controlling the appetite is not something that most people are interested in doing. They want to eat what they want to eat. I'm getting to where I don't even miss some of the foods I have decided are not fit to eat anymore--at least, most of the time. The more I eat healthy, the less I want the junk that I used to enjoy. But most people aren't willing to deny themselves enough to get to that point.
You have much wisdom, and I am blessed by your blogs, especially when you mention praying for this or that. It reminds me how important prayer is. Thank you for being a blessing!0 -
After reading your post I went to YouVersion Bible and this is the first thing that popped up:
"How do you feel about being misunderstood today"
https://www.youversion.com/notes/7585055
My thoughts & prayers are with you,0 -
I'm so sorry you've had to deal with all of that. I think it's sometimes too easy to misread what someone says online, especially if you don't know them personally. But please don't beat yourself up too hard about it. You've prayed about it, you've tried talking to your friend about it. Hopefully (prayerfully) when she has had time to calm down and think a bit more about what you said she will become your friend again. I think one of the hardest things we face as Christian women is dealing with times that we've hurt someone else and forgiving ourselves. Hugs to you.0
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My dear friend, I'm so sorry that you've been under attack! I wouldn't wish that on anybody. You're such an inspiration to me, and you're so open about your faith, and you encourage me to pray even more than I do, already!
You're absolutely right, you do have to be careful, where you post, as people can and are very cruel, and it'll hurt to the core, when you read what they logged.
I want you to know, that I lifted you, your friend, and those whom have been so cruel to you, and asked God to bless them and forgive them. Sue, I asked God to bless you and give you His peace about this and that this situation be another way that you may be able to grow more in God.
Remember, they did the same to Jesus, how much more would they do to you? When you've done all you can just STAND!!!
I love you, Sue and God bless you,
- Nancy Jean -0 -
My sweet hubbie has 'ordered me' to not go back to that post again, hoping for it to get better...less venomous. Some of the recent post have attacked me for being 'the pastor's wife' on her high horse and other such references to my Christian life. I fully understand where those kind of comments are completely inspired by Satan. The rest are just your average trolls who love to include rude pictures and make fun of anyone and everyone.
Ed's right. I can't stop that post, and visiting it only makes me feel worse. I will just continue to pray for people to stop posting and let it die.0 -
This, too, shall pass.
I have followed the entire diatribe and can only shake my head in disbelief.
I agree with your decision not to respond...just let it die on its own because to respond is to only add fuel to the fire.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.0 -
Sadly there is evil in our world. We just have to stick together and try to keep the evil at bay. Sue please feel comfort in the fact that although you may have unintentionally hurt 1 person, you have helped and inspired dozens. My mother is a pastor, and I know what it's like for people to hold us to a different standard. Praying for you.0
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I have written to MFP management twice, asking them to delete this post.
Ed insisted that I not look at it anymore, after reading one horrible post from a young lady saying that I am "almost 70 years ago and only have about 10 more year to live"...while she will be around for the next 50 years. I was so shocked to read something like that.
I may be 68, but I don't think that anyone should be telling me that I have one foot in the grave so to speak. I can't get over the rudeness of these people.
I really appreciate you, my friends, who are still praying for me. This has been a trial that I will have to overcome. In the meantime, I will continue to thank God for keeping me in His loving hands.
Isaiah 50:9 "Behold, the Lord GOD will help me; who is he that shall condemn me?"0 -
Oh Sue, I am so sorry. My heart aches for you. Everyone's words are true. You know more than I do. You are a wise woman and I am blessed to read your posts. I hope you don't stop sharing, at least through your blog. You are an inspiration and remind me of a Mom. I don't have mine anymore and your words are an encouragement she would give.
Praying for healing for your friend and for you. You are hurt and God will take care of both of you.
Blessings friend.... alli0 -
So sorry this has happened to you. Maybe your friend can find a place in her heart to forgive you. We all have opinions about things and we should never get upset when someone post their opinion and what you posted was just that YOUR opinion. Evidently it struck a nerve to those that felt the need to lash out at you. There is nothing wrong with treating yourself, but you have to still consider the fact that you have a limited calorie intake and if you would rather have a piece of chocolate cake than eat a full course meal, then you have to suffer the consequences. It was just taken too far and I appreciate what you said because I myself have said in times past I think i'm gonna splurge today or it's the weekend i'm gonna eat what I want, and it doesn't work like that.0
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Dear Sweet Sue - I am so sorry you had to experience what you went through today. Unfortunately there is a lot of hate and venom on the walls at all times and some of the topics you see in the ticker just makes me shake my head.
What you wrote today was a cold hard reality check that needed to be said. If it means anything, I needed to read your words today. I am about to go visit my sister for a few days and was thinking about all of the foods I was going to eat while gone because I've been "so good and deserve it". You gently reminded me that I need to stay focused and on track. What I really deserve is to meet my goals and be healthy.
I have this quote taped to my computer keyboard at work - If God brings you to it, He will get you through it – He will either lighten your load or strengthen your back.
You have God by your side every instant of your journey and your amazing hubby with you every step of the way. We will always be here for you too.0 -
Thank you all for your love and prayers.
Hallelujah! I am thrilled to report that MFP totally deleted that post. I didn't want it hurt anyone else.
I will continue to make blogs, knowing that they are my way of sharing and hopefully encouraging others. On the blogs, I can edit my words or even delete the whole blog, if I chose. More importantly, I can delete any inappropriate comments (like profanity or rude remarks) with a quick click on delete. That is the advantage to starting your own blogs. You can moderate them without the help of MFP staff.0
