I'm back....

maoribadger

....and I really need help. Am on my phone so too much going on to post it all tonight but checking in with the groups I trust to touch Base with a plan to start again

KnitOrMiss

(HUGS) Hey, Marine. Holler when you have time. I'm here (just not much on the weekends). Happy to help as I can!

wennim

Welcome back! Things are pretty quiet in here but it is great to see a familiar face in here again.

MommaLovesToLoseIt

Hi there :-). I'm fairly new to the group, but feel free to add me as a friend. I have lost about 80 pounds of the 170 I want to lose, so almost at the half way point.

KnitOrMiss

MommaLovesToLoseIt wrote: »

Hi there :-). I'm fairly new to the group, but feel free to add me as a friend. I have lost about 80 pounds of the 170 I want to lose, so almost at the half way point.

That's awesome! Don't forget to build in some maintenance stages there, it gives your metabolism a break to ramp back up and lose again! Congrats, @MommaLovesToLoseIt!

maoribadger

Thanks everybody. Well in a nutshell I was doing great last year, hitting the gym hard, had dropped over 50lb and was perilously close to hitting my 4 stone. Then the black dog bit me in the *kitten*. I have had mental health problems for years and should have seen it coming but I was so focussed on getting promoted at work I ignored all the obvious triggers. First I quit the gym in december. Then I started to eat crap and never really got back on it.

Over new year I suffered some flashbacks from a cardiac arrest I had dealt with the previous new year involving a kid the same age as my 4yo who is currently being assessed for ASD (which was adding to my stress as I cannot stand my family support worker) and I started self harming again after a 10 month break. Over Jan and the start of feb I just slipped further and further down. I stopped going out, stopped showering. I actually held it together long enough to secure the promotion I had been chasing and have been doing the job about 6 or 7 weeks now. Eventually I self harmed again 3rd week of feb and took an overdose

Went to the GP the following day and told him what I had done and he signed me off work with depression and increased my antidepressants. He asked me to see my psychiatrist and I refused but over the week that followed I ended up in the ER with chest pain. They phoned Child Services when I told them about the overdose. I can only think the stress caused what occurred next and over the next week I experienced my first true bout of mania, I have had times in the past where I have felt manic but have always been able to keep a lid on it, this time I simply couldnt.

I was sleeping maybe 3 hours a night. I cleaned everything I could get my hands on, I was texting some really random stuff now I read it back andI spent about £400 on new clothes. I had the most awful motor tics, my legs were shaking and jumping constantly and I didnt stop moving for maybe 5 days. In the end my friend took me to my GP who extended my sick note and forcefully redirected me to the psychiatrist due to the mania. I've seen a nurse from his office now and had a telephone consultation and they have readjusted all my tablets so I am now on 2 antidepressants and an antipsychotic plus sleeping tab as needed and am feeling the most stable I have in years. I have a full consultation with my shrink next week and am reengaging with my psychologist and self harm counsellor. I am aiming to be back at work in 10 days. Child services spoke with my kids school who said they had no concerns and felt we were a stable happy family and it was a blip so they shut the case. I have spoken with my kids headteacher who is happy with things.

So now I have made the decision to come back here. I have been just logging in daily for a week now and am going to recommence logging again from tomorrow. So I may need a little support to get myself back on track and know I can rely on you guys to help me. Sorry if thats all oversharing but I wanted to explain where I am at so I can be clear about what I want to do next and so you might understand if I seem a little random/off at times

KnitOrMiss

maoribadger wrote: »

Thanks everybody. Well in a nutshell I was doing great last year, hitting the gym hard, had dropped over 50lb and was perilously close to hitting my 4 stone. Then the black dog bit me in the *kitten*. I have had mental health problems for years and should have seen it coming but I was so focussed on getting promoted at work I ignored all the obvious triggers. First I quit the gym in december. Then I started to eat crap and never really got back on it.

Over new year I suffered some flashbacks from a cardiac arrest I had dealt with the previous new year involving a kid the same age as my 4yo who is currently being assessed for ASD (which was adding to my stress as I cannot stand my family support worker) and I started self harming again after a 10 month break. Over Jan and the start of feb I just slipped further and further down. I stopped going out, stopped showering. I actually held it together long enough to secure the promotion I had been chasing and have been doing the job about 6 or 7 weeks now. Eventually I self harmed again 3rd week of feb and took an overdose

Went to the GP the following day and told him what I had done and he signed me off work with depression and increased my antidepressants. He asked me to see my psychiatrist and I refused but over the week that followed I ended up in the ER with chest pain. They phoned Child Services when I told them about the overdose. I can only think the stress caused what occurred next and over the next week I experienced my first true bout of mania, I have had times in the past where I have felt manic but have always been able to keep a lid on it, this time I simply couldnt.

I was sleeping maybe 3 hours a night. I cleaned everything I could get my hands on, I was texting some really random stuff now I read it back andI spent about £400 on new clothes. I had the most awful motor tics, my legs were shaking and jumping constantly and I didnt stop moving for maybe 5 days. In the end my friend took me to my GP who extended my sick note and forcefully redirected me to the psychiatrist due to the mania. I've seen a nurse from his office now and had a telephone consultation and they have readjusted all my tablets so I am now on 2 antidepressants and an antipsychotic plus sleeping tab as needed and am feeling the most stable I have in years. I have a full consultation with my shrink next week and am reengaging with my psychologist and self harm counsellor. I am aiming to be back at work in 10 days. Child services spoke with my kids school who said they had no concerns and felt we were a stable happy family and it was a blip so they shut the case. I have spoken with my kids headteacher who is happy with things.

So now I have made the decision to come back here. I have been just logging in daily for a week now and am going to recommence logging again from tomorrow. So I may need a little support to get myself back on track and know I can rely on you guys to help me. Sorry if thats all oversharing but I wanted to explain where I am at so I can be clear about what I want to do next and so you might understand if I seem a little random/off at times

Lise, my heart just broke into about a million pieces reading this...

I don't really know what to say except thank goodness it wasn't worse than this to see how badly you needed help - and that you are, if forcefully, getting the help you need. Knowing what's involved in mania and all, something you might want to address with your psychologist and counselor is that it is very likely that you will ever be able to reduce or stop medications. I know that had always been a goal before...

I just read a book at the recommendation of our friend Cari called "An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness" by Kay Redfield Jamison. It was a happy, sad, overwhelming and yet hopeful read... I highly recommend it.

Love and hugs, my sweet friend,
Carly

persistentsoul

I am back too but had to create new profile as could not remember password for this one until now, started a group with my new profile though so will be using that one. See below, next post is me re-incarnated as ObesityWarrior.

RunawayCurves

Here I am still me. still a persistent soul but now in warrior mode. My long absence is also due to bipolar hell. I totally get it. I am glad you are back and glad I am back. No surrender. However hard we fall, however long we stay down. We get back up when we can. Bipolar is shlt but have to make the very most of the better spells. big hugs from me too

Ps. because I could not find this group when started new profile I started a new group that is active so anyone is welcome to join as long as highest weight ever was near to or well over 300lb.
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/112934-over-300lb-daily-accountability-group