Treatment?

ab6046

What kind of treatment, if any, have you guys pursued? And how effective did you find it to be? And for those of you on meds, are you combining it with any kind of therapy?

I had my second therapy appointment yesterday and am also meeting with a psychiatrist and nutritionist in the next few weeks. The therapist highly recommended that I start intensive outpatient, as my eating behaviors are "really extreme." I do have a history of anorexia and bulimia (I now only binge, I don't purge), and I've been through residential treatment as well as intensive outpatient however that was all 10-13 years ago. I know I probably need it, and she says she thinks my bingeing is basically a result of heavily restricting for so long. I guess I am just kind of venting and trying to process this. This is a stressful time for me, as I am doing three internships, in school (should graduate with my MPH in May, woohoo!), and also volunteering. I am SURE that the stress of all of this is contributing to my behaviors, and part of me wants to wait it out. Also, I don't feel I have the time for intensive outpatient until maybe May. Any thoughts on this? I suppose I am looking for someone to say "Wait until May." Thanks for letting me vent.

irishjeepgirl1969

***The following is probably not what you want to read*** But I say it in a genuine effort to help rather than enable.

The choice is yours, of course. But why wait until May? May is not some magical point in time at which all planets align in your favor and Utopian living begins. May will find a new set of circumstances and obstacles... Or excuses. Now. That's all we are all have. Right now.

All the things that are stressing you obviously matter to you. You should matter to you as much as those things.

I know what you mean, though. On St. Paddy's Day, I am being forced by my insurer to take action. I've need assigned a case worker RN who will make me tow the line and face all my crap. I dread it, I don't want to deal with it, I am not ready. But I recognize that's just ED yapping at me. Part of me cannot wait to be free of this.

Embrace this new challenge. The longer you put it off, the bigger that problem becomes.

ab6046

Thank you, that's what I needed. You're right, there's nothing magical about May except that I will graduate. I guess the thought of doing something so intense just seems like so much work, and I have no energy these days. I feel like in many ways I am ready, but I think it's going to require a lot of effort and that is what I am dreading. And you're totally right about the problem becoming bigger with time.

mweckler

I went to a psychiatrist and told them everything I was going through and how long I have been feeling like I had no control. They prescribed me a medicine called Vyvanse that has literally changed my life.

ab6046

And all you've had to do up until now is take that? No therapy in addition? And do you anticipate being on it long term? If this is too personal feel free to private message me, or just let me know you're not comfortable sharing!

sloth3toes

I have to agree with JeepGirl.... mainly because I just don't see the benefit in procrastinating, and for sure, something else will come up to delay it. I am really trying to live as much by this.... as possible.



I might have already posted it in another thread, but, it just really resonates with me.

mweckler

The medication is paired with therapy. But it is a huge head start to getting the binging under control. The therapy is to help me figure out why I am binging. The medication I am not sure how long I will need to be on it. But it has been about 6 weeks and I am feeling really good about the treatment so far. I feel like I have control back over what I eat and how much I eat.

ab6046

That makes sense, thanks for your response!

mweckler

It is not a magic pill that fixes everything. But it has helped me to get control for the first time in years. I can still feel urges to binge when I get really stressed or overwhelmed. Like Friday I had a hell of a day at work I got home and the kids were nuts. I am not sure if they each ate a bag of sugar for lunch but they were wayyyyy out of control and I was already stressed out from work and I got the urge to binge. The only difference is where before the box of cookie I found would have completely been eaten I only ate 2. Or the bowl of chocolates I found I ate one instead of the entire thing. So that is a huge win for me. I am still sorting out my triggers it seems to be feeling overwhelmed and heavy stress that sets me off. So I am trying to learn to cope with them so that one day I will be better still.

ab6046

That's seriously amazing. I can't imagine having just one or two. It's easier to have nothing than to stop once I've started. I'm really glad that it has worked out so well for you!

mweckler

So am I. I still get scared that one day it is going to not work and I will go back to how I was. But for now I am taking it one day at a time.

mweckler

ab6046 wrote: »

And all you've had to do up until now is take that? No therapy in addition? And do you anticipate being on it long term? If this is too personal feel free to private message me, or just let me know you're not comfortable sharing!

I am all about sharing my story I want people to be able to freely talk about what they are going through, especially men who are battling this. I honestly thought I was crazy and could not figure out what happened and how l was not able to control my eating.

RespectTheKitty

I went through therapy for a really long time dealing with my binge eating. TBH, it really didn't help me because it never got to the root of why I keep binging, and that's my intense self-hatred. To this day, I still deal with the self-hatred, but I have a little bit better understanding of why I beat myself up so much and engage in self-destructive behavior. Right around this past Christmas I had a bit of an epiphany (with the help of my boyfriend) and decided to try to start taking care of myself instead of beating myself up. I can't tell you exactly why I decided to do it... more or less I was just fed up with hating myself so much and thought, maybe if I could get healthier I would feel better about myself.

As far as the binging, it happens a lot less frequently, mostly because I'm sleeping better and not waking up in the middle of the night to go eat. My doctor gave me Lunesta to help me sleep through the night, and it works pretty well. On the nights I don't take it, I usually still binge.

ab6046

RespectTheKitty wrote: »

I went through therapy for a really long time dealing with my binge eating. TBH, it really didn't help me because it never got to the root of why I keep binging, and that's my intense self-hatred. To this day, I still deal with the self-hatred, but I have a little bit better understanding of why I beat myself up so much and engage in self-destructive behavior. Right around this past Christmas I had a bit of an epiphany (with the help of my boyfriend) and decided to try to start taking care of myself instead of beating myself up. I can't tell you exactly why I decided to do it... more or less I was just fed up with hating myself so much and thought, maybe if I could get healthier I would feel better about myself.

As far as the binging, it happens a lot less frequently, mostly because I'm sleeping better and not waking up in the middle of the night to go eat. My doctor gave me Lunesta to help me sleep through the night, and it works pretty well. On the nights I don't take it, I usually still binge.

Thanks for your response. May I ask how you define better taking care of yourself? It sounds like that has helped you with the bingeing, which is great. If it's too personal, no need to reply.

RespectTheKitty

No, it's fine. Taking care of myself, in my opinion, means eating healthier and exercising more, and yes, losing weight. So that's why I started MFP. Well, actually I started at the gym first, and the trainer there recommended MFP for watching calories to help with weight loss.

Taking care of myself also means finding ways to alleviate stress and anxiety (taking a bubble bath really helps me), and trying to work through situations which usually cause me stress, like being out in public or dealing with my family. It also means working on my relationships, trying to be a better girlfriend, a better mom, etc.

It also means trying not to beat myself up so much, to be kinder to myself, to allow myself a little slack. Like in losing weight, I know it's not going to go perfectly. There's going to be some slip-ups. And that's okay, as long as I'm on the right track.

sloth3toes

Laura @RespectTheKitty has kind of gone over a lot of what I think, as well, in her reply.

My story is that I've had such a low stress job for about 7 years, that it's actually being combined with a very high stress job and another guy went on stress leave because of it, and guess who got stuck in his place? So, I decided to come at this situation head-on. I started getting just a bit of exercise, almost every day... either at home on the Stairclimber or Treadmill, or a few laps at the pool, or going to the gym. I am quite honestly doing 1/3 the number of laps I was doing before I quit... and 1/2 the weight I was doing before. But, I'm doing something. I put every book / DVD and CD set about relaxation, meditation... yoga, Tai Chi.... you name it, on hold at the library. One guy's audio books, I listen to in the car. The guy might be a bit of a quack, I'm not sure, but a lot of what he says, is just common sense. The whole meditation thing might sound a bit flaky.... So far, it seems that the age-old recommendation to 'breathe' is at the heart of meditation... and I find it actually does help me to relax.

I'm not even exactly sure where I"m going with this.... but..... what Laura defines as 'Taking Care of Yourself....' I think is what I started to do, without really defining it. I've tried to stop stressing over my weight so much.... and more focused on just not binging..... and lately, it seems my binge urges are less... and I have to think that it comes from de-stressing.

So, I guess I'm just trying to give you my version of Taking Care of Yourself.... I think my version is trying to accept myself the best as I can now.... and not to get so wrapped up in all the things that are wrong with me.... and maybe, just maybe... if I just get some exercise, some rest, some relaxation.... and 'try' to eat as 'healthy,' as possible... then, maybe, over time, good things will happen.

mweckler

I think those are great things you are doing @sloth3toes. We all need to take care of ourselves, and find ways to help us cope with stress. I am seeing a pattern from what people post about triggers for binges, and most of us stress is a binge trigger.

msty112

Well I made my first appointment at an eating disorder center. Couldn't get in for a few weeks but it's a step in the right direction! I feel really good about it. Hopefully this helps me

ab6046

That makes me so happy, and I'm sure it will help! I think being able to vent about what's going on can make a huge difference. That's why I'm all over this forum all the time haha!

mweckler

Great job @msty112. I know a few weeks seems like a long time, but it will be here before you know it.

ab6046

sloth3toes wrote: »

Laura @RespectTheKitty has kind of gone over a lot of what I think, as well, in her reply.

My story is that I've had such a low stress job for about 7 years, that it's actually being combined with a very high stress job and another guy went on stress leave because of it, and guess who got stuck in his place? So, I decided to come at this situation head-on. I started getting just a bit of exercise, almost every day... either at home on the Stairclimber or Treadmill, or a few laps at the pool, or going to the gym. I am quite honestly doing 1/3 the number of laps I was doing before I quit... and 1/2 the weight I was doing before. But, I'm doing something. I put every book / DVD and CD set about relaxation, meditation... yoga, Tai Chi.... you name it, on hold at the library. One guy's audio books, I listen to in the car. The guy might be a bit of a quack, I'm not sure, but a lot of what he says, is just common sense. The whole meditation thing might sound a bit flaky.... So far, it seems that the age-old recommendation to 'breathe' is at the heart of meditation... and I find it actually does help me to relax.

I'm not even exactly sure where I"m going with this.... but..... what Laura defines as 'Taking Care of Yourself....' I think is what I started to do, without really defining it. I've tried to stop stressing over my weight so much.... and more focused on just not binging..... and lately, it seems my binge urges are less... and I have to think that it comes from de-stressing.

So, I guess I'm just trying to give you my version of Taking Care of Yourself.... I think my version is trying to accept myself the best as I can now.... and not to get so wrapped up in all the things that are wrong with me.... and maybe, just maybe... if I just get some exercise, some rest, some relaxation.... and 'try' to eat as 'healthy,' as possible... then, maybe, over time, good things will happen.

Love this. I just started reading a book on bingeing and this sentence is really striking to me and supports many of the points you made: "it's impossible to binge if you refuse to yell at yourself."

msty112

My first appointment at the binge eating clinic is on Monday. STarting to get really anxious about it. I've never been in any kind of conselling before so I have all these fears about talking about my problems with a stranger.

mweckler

When I finally went it was hard for me to start talking, but once I finally started it all just kind of came pouring out.

irishjeepgirl1969

msty112 wrote: »

My first appointment at the binge eating clinic is on Monday. STarting to get really anxious about it. I've never been in any kind of conselling before so I have all these fears about talking about my problems with a stranger.

Good for you, though, for facing this. You are very courageous! I'm not sure I could do it.

ab6046

msty112 wrote: »

My first appointment at the binge eating clinic is on Monday. STarting to get really anxious about it. I've never been in any kind of conselling before so I have all these fears about talking about my problems with a stranger.

I know how you feel, but at the same time, it's kind of nice that they'll be strangers! You may feel more compelled to share things you might not otherwise. I bet that after your first appointment, you will feel some sense of relief.

sloth3toes

msty112 wrote: »

My first appointment at the binge eating clinic is on Monday. STarting to get really anxious about it. I've never been in any kind of conselling before so I have all these fears about talking about my problems with a stranger.

Try not to think of it as stressful, but as stress-relieving. By sharing your problems with someone who might have meaningful solutions for you, you are making a huge step towards recovery. The quicker you trust any kind of counselor, and give them the straight dope on your problems, the quicker they can help you find solutions. Just say what you have to say.

mweckler

They need to know everything so that they can help you to the best of their ability. So as hard as it may be at first be brutally honest with yourself and the Doctor. Once I started to open up and let it out like I said everything came flowing, and some of the stuff was hard to say out loud in front of someone, but it has been the best thing I have ever done for myself, because I have gotten on a treatment plan, I get to take some cool pills every day, and I feel better now than I have in years. You have the support of everyone in this group, and hopefully a good support system at home as well.

ab6046

Yesterday I met with a nutritionist for the first time in probably about twelve years. Now I am super nervous. We didn't talk much about what I should be eating and how much or anything like that, but she mostly asked about my history and eating habits and stuff. Anyway I will cut to the chase: SHE IS RECOMMENDING I EAT 2,500 CALORIES A DAY, EVERY DAY. You have to understand that when I am not bingeing I try to eat around 1,200 calories a day. This is more than double that number, and I am horrified. I WILL gain weight if I consistently eat that much. However, if it does keep me from bingeing, then I suppose I will gain less weight. I have been very inactive recently, and will continue to be so. I know I am rambling but I'm seriously so afraid of this. I guess the worst thing that will happen is that I will binge...which I guess I will do anyway. But like many of you probably do, I tend to restrict between binges to overcompensate so this just seems crazy to me. But at the same time, I'm kind of excited. Maybe telling myself I can eat a lot more will reduce the bingeing, I don't know. Plus, it will allow for a lot more food so if I really want a doughnut for example, I can likely make it fit.

Ramblings:
Some history about me, not sure if I've ever mentioned this: I've struggled with some form of eating disorder much of my life. I tend to alternate between massive binge cycles and heavy restricting cycles, and I cannot seem to find balance. I used to struggle with bulimia, but I got help for it and after a few years of inpatient, residential, intensive outpatient, hospitalization, etc. (I was 15 at the time, I'm now 28) I was able to overcome the purging. I eventually began to struggle with anorexia, and now I just have major issues with binge eating (no purging). This is largely tied to my history of restriction, so I am really hoping that upping my calories significantly will help me. I hope that I can at least stabilize and start to lose weight again, but I need to do that in a healthy, sustainable way. I don't have that much to lose, and I want to raise my goal even higher. But my big fear at this point is the constant dramatic fluctuations in weight; it wreaks havoc on my self-esteem. It's really embarrassing to go home for the holidays at 133 pounds, and then find myself at 156 a week later. Like I said, I need to find balance. Ever since that significant weight gain in December, I lost about ten of it relatively fast (obviously much of it was water) but I've since gained most of it back and just keep jumping up and down with my weight. My weight trend says I'm at 151.6 today. I've been at a much higher weight before, and I know this number is at the low end of overweight for my height (5'5). But really what I want is to STABILIZE, and find balance. If I could just be consistent, that would be great. It's not so much about the actual number, but more so about the inconsistency of it and shame associated with such dramatic weight changes in short periods of time (whether it's gains or losses).

Sorry for the massive rant and ramblings. The stress of upping my calories so much is really causing me anxiety, although realistically if I do eat 2,500 daily and don't binge then I will come in at MUCH lower weekly calories totals than I have been lately!

msty112

I think it is a valid suggestion and is worth giving a try. Though I don't have the history you so with eating disorders, I also get stuck in the binge and restrict cycle of eating. I have a feeling my appointment on Monday will yield a similar suggestion. We also have similar stats. I'm 5'4 and at my last weigh in almost 2 weeks ago I was 150. I keep telling myself that I would be happy if I could get back down to 135 but when I was 135 I still wanted to lose more.

ab6046

Yep, me too. It's never good enough, unfortunately. At this point I feel like I just want to be comfortable, and I think a big part of that is just not fluctuating so dramatically ALL THE TIME. During the course of my MPH program (a year and a half), bounced around within a thirty pound weight range. It's ridiculous.

msty112

First treatment session was this afternoon. The woman was super nice and it felt good to talk about things, didn't get to talk a whole lot about what is currently going on because we were discussing a lot of history and things. Wasn't a super helpful session for me and I'm a bit skeptical if it will work for me. Came home from the appointment to find that my dad, who was watching my daughter, didn't put her down for her nap so now I'm dealing with an overtired 2 year old who is screaming her head off. Even though I shouldn't be angry at my dad, I am and now I am bingeing and crying because I'm losing hope.