We are pleased to announce that as of March 4, 2025, an updated Rich Text Editor has been introduced in the MyFitnessPal Community. To learn more about the changes, please click here. We look forward to sharing this new feature with you!
A 'hello' from the UK, and some thoughts on the gay scene...
dekutree
Posts: 65 Member
Hullo, dear LGBT+ers. Please indulge me in an introduction and a bit of a ramble, or feel free to ignore...!
I'm a 28 year old gayman in the UK, and this isn't the first time I've struggled to manage my weight. All of my adult life it's been something I have never managed to get on top of, and although I've had some successes (even losing about four stone), I've never managed to keep the weight off. This time it's different though. I can't say exactly why, but it feels very different. Partly doing it 'myself' with MFP is very liberating (In the past I've gone to product-pushing diet clubs which - in my opinion - paradoxically perpetuate the difficulties of emotional eating but don't give you the skills to actually deal with them) and perhaps partly being that bit older now. My 30th birthday is in 18 months, and it'd be great to be in shape for the first time in my life as I go into my thirties.
Being overweight, I've always been somewhat terrified of the gay social scene (by which I mean the sort of 'typical' gay bars and clubs, certainly the sort of general ones you get in smaller towns here in the UK). They always seemed so full of impossibly skinny and beautiful boys. Well, I know this isn't entirely true, but it *feels* that way when you're self-conscious. And I think it is fair to say that fairly skinny is the majority. I know there's the bear scene and other areas which sort of fetishise certain body types, but I don't feel comfortable subscribing to that when my body isn't the way I would like it to be anyway. Being fat and gay feels like being a minority within a minority group, a situation which has contributed to general negative feelings about myself over the last decade.
To be honest I'm not sure how much I'd go out on the gay scene even if I were skinny and beautiful. I certainly wouldn't go for the music... just for the affore-mentioned pretty guys. But I guess it'd be nice to have more gay friends, as I don't really have many. Most of my friends I know through the music scene here (I'm a performer/composer), which is pretty much entirely straight as far as I can tell!
So I don't know what the point of this post is exactly, but feel free to add me for general MFP support and chatter. Also, what are your thoughts on the 'scene'? Have you had similar experiences?
I'm a 28 year old gayman in the UK, and this isn't the first time I've struggled to manage my weight. All of my adult life it's been something I have never managed to get on top of, and although I've had some successes (even losing about four stone), I've never managed to keep the weight off. This time it's different though. I can't say exactly why, but it feels very different. Partly doing it 'myself' with MFP is very liberating (In the past I've gone to product-pushing diet clubs which - in my opinion - paradoxically perpetuate the difficulties of emotional eating but don't give you the skills to actually deal with them) and perhaps partly being that bit older now. My 30th birthday is in 18 months, and it'd be great to be in shape for the first time in my life as I go into my thirties.
Being overweight, I've always been somewhat terrified of the gay social scene (by which I mean the sort of 'typical' gay bars and clubs, certainly the sort of general ones you get in smaller towns here in the UK). They always seemed so full of impossibly skinny and beautiful boys. Well, I know this isn't entirely true, but it *feels* that way when you're self-conscious. And I think it is fair to say that fairly skinny is the majority. I know there's the bear scene and other areas which sort of fetishise certain body types, but I don't feel comfortable subscribing to that when my body isn't the way I would like it to be anyway. Being fat and gay feels like being a minority within a minority group, a situation which has contributed to general negative feelings about myself over the last decade.
To be honest I'm not sure how much I'd go out on the gay scene even if I were skinny and beautiful. I certainly wouldn't go for the music... just for the affore-mentioned pretty guys. But I guess it'd be nice to have more gay friends, as I don't really have many. Most of my friends I know through the music scene here (I'm a performer/composer), which is pretty much entirely straight as far as I can tell!
So I don't know what the point of this post is exactly, but feel free to add me for general MFP support and chatter. Also, what are your thoughts on the 'scene'? Have you had similar experiences?
0
Replies
-
I know exactly how you feel fella. I've also struggled with weight since my teens, always been big. Managed to lose a load when I was 28/29 (around the time I came out) and then gained it all back again after I met my now ex over a period of 7 years. (Apparently that's a common thing. ;o) )
If I knew in my mid-30s what I know now with my 40s only a couple of months away I could have saved myself a whole load of heartache and self-loathing and loneliness.
The scene in the UK and especially London, I have perceived to be far more pretentious than in other cities\countries.
At the end of the day, you have to be comfortable in your own skin, be comfortable with who you are as a person.
I also shied away from the scene when I was at my heaviest because I wasn't,
I hadn't yet embraced my Inner Bear (something I have only done in the last year or so and quite proudly so), and more so now I am actually not ashamed to go out and about in a shall we say more snug fitting Brighter coloured Shirt or Polo than I would have when bigger (gone are the blacks and greys).
I now have this attitude, if you don't like what you see, don't f*cking look and keep your f*cking comments to yourself (or at least at a volume where I won't hear them.). For every prissy queen that takes offence at the sight of us bigger blokes, there's one that won't be able to keep his eyes of us.
This journey we are on, it's empowering, it's liberating and it's worth it. Screw the naysayers and sabotagers.
If you ever fancy going out for a night in London, let me know, I'll happily join your for a few drinks.0
This discussion has been closed.