Guilt for being unhappy at not being at goal -18+ months out

murphyraven

I had vsg on jan 21st 2015. I was 264lbs at my highest, around 250 at surgery and today I am in the mid 170s (it fluctuates between 173 to 176). My personal weight goal was 150 and my surgeons weight goal for me was 160.

I have come such a long way. I am smaller in clothing sizes then I can remember being in my adult life. I am more comfortable and my knee pain which prompted the surgery is gone.

That said I feel guilty for not being satisfied at where I am at. I want to reach my weight goals, I don't feel satisfied at where I am at now. I know logically its not about the number on the scale, but my emotional side feels like I have not succeeded. Being so close to my goal but not being able to quite get there has been frustrating. I "get back on track" for a few days then fall off again and it feels like I will constantly fail over and over. I eat a LOT better then before but I can't seem to stay on the strait and narrow when it comes to not having some bread/sweets/no-no foods. I feel like to get to my goal weight I have to completely give up on those foods for good and it depresses me (and also makes my inner child rebel and eat them more).

I feel like if I had just been stricter during my honeymoon period I would have reached goal. I look back at myself and think, if I had just been 100% committed to the plan the entire time I would be in maintenance. I feel guilty that for all my progress I am still not satisfied. I wonder if that 20 something pounds down would make that much of a difference in how I feel about myself.

Ultima_Morpha

Have you considered focusing on a health/fitness goal instead of a weight goal to help you push through? Don't get me wrong, I am working like a beast because I want to say that I'm half the weight that I started at (less than 5 pounds to go), but most of my focus is on getting stronger and faster and trying new things.

I'm not one of those people that know what they weighed at every age (I have a friend with a log that goes back more than 20 years!) but I had initially set a goal of 185. That amounted to losing 100 pounds; still significantly overweight for my height but a weight that I could remember feeling and looking good at more than 10 years ago. When I reached that goal less than 6 months after surgery, I was a little lost!

Since I couldn't even imagine what weight goal I should set next, I decided that I was going to run a 5k. Did that in February. Ran a 10k on my 40th birthday in April (and placed 3rd in my age class!). On my way to a half marathon later this year.

Other than now wanting to get to 142.5, for so long it didn't seem remotely possible, I'm just along for the weight loss ride now. I can lose quite a bit more for my 5'4" frame without entering underweight territory.

Although my diet overall has drastically changed, I eat treats more frequently now than I did at my heaviest. I have "dessert" one or more times a day! I have a minor (okay a HUGE) obsession with finding things that satisfy my sweet tooth and fall within the guidelines I set up for myself.

One of my favorite treats is 14 grams of Nestle Dark Chocolate Chips with 14 grams of roasted, salted nuts. I eat a serving of this almost every single day. It doesn't take up much room (so I can eat it after a meal) and I find it intensely satisfying.

I like dark chocolate so there are many options in this realm of yumminess.

I make a protein pudding out of pureed cottage cheese and Jell-O Sugar Free Pudding mix.

Cottage cheese mixed with Sugar Free Jell-O mixed and topped with some nuts is delicious and satisfying.

I've been working on a few protein cookie recipes...I sandwich them together with a bit of nut butter or cream cheese for a yummy little snack.

Fage yogurt sweetened with stevia and a tablespoon of peanut butter swirled in.

Find some kindness for yourself. You've made a life change and you need to give yourself some credit for that.