Motivation
steverhnm
Posts: 6 Member
Well, I think its time to get my health back. I'm 56 years old, have everything I could want except my health, and its killing me. I feel like I am an old man sometimes, bending down, getting up... It shouldn't be that way at this age. 25 years ago I was quite fit (after being overweight for most of my childhood), I had no idea what great shape I was really in, I took it for granted. I WANT IT BACK. I lost my only brother to suicide in 1991, he was 33, I was 30. At that point I decided that if I did not stop drinking, I was headed there as well. Then comes living life after eliminating alcohol. Quitting drinking is easy, living life afterwards is the hard part. I resorted to food and mental health medications and started putting on 10 pounds a year. I am now 315 Lbs, when I should be more like 190 Lbs. I have tried numerous diets, blah, blah, they work for awhile but something is always missing. I used Fitness Pal a couple years ago and lost 30 Lbs just by making sure I put all my food entries in and exercise in every day. It really helped me get a better understanding of calories in vs calories out - in reality, not my imagination or rationalization. It worked until I "hurt myself" (always an excuse). I stopped doing it and as a result put all the weight back on.
Now I am back where I started, and the unhealthy living just resulted in a trip to the Mental Health emergency room. I have become despondent, depressed, confused, dreadfully sad, to the point of maybe hurting myself. Much of this has to do with how I treat myself and my body, the lack of exercise, and the dam medications I am on because meds are easier than exercise and eating right. I may still need the meds, but something has changed and I can't help but think if I regain some resemblance of healthy eating and regular exercise (I sit at a desk all day) that I will be less reliant on meds. This is my attempt to turn this around. I'm afraid if I don't change my ways my days will be limited. I have to make a life change here.
I want to continue to sail the Sea of Cortez and beyond on my 36 foot sailboat that I have been preparing for my retirement for the last couple of years while sailing as well. But I can't do that being... dare I say it..."morbidly obese". There, I said it, that is the status of my body. I feel shame that I have let it get to this point. I know I need to move past the shame and look at the positive, but if I don't own the shame how am I to move past it. I will not speak of my personal shame of being overweight again....
So I am reaching out. I am not sure if I can do it alone, although I will try. Talking with others that have not walked in my shoes doesn't work. I have l;ost friends over it, as nobody wants to talk to a depressed overweight person. I know I am not the only guy out there with this problem. I am looking for a small band of brothers/sisters that will support each other during difficult times. Not hold back in calling things as they are, helping each other over the hump to get our heath and physical bodies back. I may be talking to myself here, that's OK, at least I can get it out in the open, make it real, and hold myself accountable by blogging.
We are all personally responsible for our own future, what I/we do now will determine how long we live. I choose to make a change.
Now I am back where I started, and the unhealthy living just resulted in a trip to the Mental Health emergency room. I have become despondent, depressed, confused, dreadfully sad, to the point of maybe hurting myself. Much of this has to do with how I treat myself and my body, the lack of exercise, and the dam medications I am on because meds are easier than exercise and eating right. I may still need the meds, but something has changed and I can't help but think if I regain some resemblance of healthy eating and regular exercise (I sit at a desk all day) that I will be less reliant on meds. This is my attempt to turn this around. I'm afraid if I don't change my ways my days will be limited. I have to make a life change here.
I want to continue to sail the Sea of Cortez and beyond on my 36 foot sailboat that I have been preparing for my retirement for the last couple of years while sailing as well. But I can't do that being... dare I say it..."morbidly obese". There, I said it, that is the status of my body. I feel shame that I have let it get to this point. I know I need to move past the shame and look at the positive, but if I don't own the shame how am I to move past it. I will not speak of my personal shame of being overweight again....
So I am reaching out. I am not sure if I can do it alone, although I will try. Talking with others that have not walked in my shoes doesn't work. I have l;ost friends over it, as nobody wants to talk to a depressed overweight person. I know I am not the only guy out there with this problem. I am looking for a small band of brothers/sisters that will support each other during difficult times. Not hold back in calling things as they are, helping each other over the hump to get our heath and physical bodies back. I may be talking to myself here, that's OK, at least I can get it out in the open, make it real, and hold myself accountable by blogging.
We are all personally responsible for our own future, what I/we do now will determine how long we live. I choose to make a change.
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