Stress getting the best of me.
miked7344
Posts: 26 Member
Sharing my feelings on a public forum is not something I normally do. I've told these things to my loved ones but it's hard to take to heart their comforting words because they are not dealing with what we as cancer survivors go through in the same manner. They are my loved ones and obviously they are on this coaster ride with me and everything does impact them as well. Yet it is still different, or at least I feel so, being the one fighting this disease.
Last January I started changing my lifestyle and managed to lose 80lbs by September 2012. Then my world got flipped upside down. I lost a close friend to Mantle Cell Lymphoma. He was buried on September 11th. One week later my appendix ruptured and subsequently was diagnosed with appendiceal cancer. I had additional surgery as the first stage of treatment in November so during the last part of 2012 my weight loss was slowed to a crawl. I was fine with that though. Come January I started losing again, at my control, and managed to lose another 30 lbs. Now after 6 months of chemo It was approaching time for another CT and first PET scan. My stress and anxiety levels have shot up as I began taking the last two treatments. I have taken the scans last Friday. Now I have to wait for the results to come back and it is driving me crazy.
Before when things would happen, and by things I mean different aches and pains or new sensations, I wouldn't pay much attention to them unless they didn't go away. Now every little new thing I feel makes me nervous. I can't help it. So now over the last month I have put back on 25 pounds and it's starting to depress me as well. I don't know what I'll do if the test results come back with bad results. I'm trying to keep from losing total control.
I know that I am the one that has control over my lifestyle and I don't really expect any additional words of wisdom that I haven't heard already. I just thought if I put it down on "paper" and shared with fellow cancer survivors that know and understand the feelings I am having because you have them too I would feel a little better. I know there are a lot of people out there who has felt or is feeling the same way I am now. It's nice that we have places like this to vent a little frustration. So now that i've vented a little of mine I pray all of you continue to have a successful fight.
Last January I started changing my lifestyle and managed to lose 80lbs by September 2012. Then my world got flipped upside down. I lost a close friend to Mantle Cell Lymphoma. He was buried on September 11th. One week later my appendix ruptured and subsequently was diagnosed with appendiceal cancer. I had additional surgery as the first stage of treatment in November so during the last part of 2012 my weight loss was slowed to a crawl. I was fine with that though. Come January I started losing again, at my control, and managed to lose another 30 lbs. Now after 6 months of chemo It was approaching time for another CT and first PET scan. My stress and anxiety levels have shot up as I began taking the last two treatments. I have taken the scans last Friday. Now I have to wait for the results to come back and it is driving me crazy.
Before when things would happen, and by things I mean different aches and pains or new sensations, I wouldn't pay much attention to them unless they didn't go away. Now every little new thing I feel makes me nervous. I can't help it. So now over the last month I have put back on 25 pounds and it's starting to depress me as well. I don't know what I'll do if the test results come back with bad results. I'm trying to keep from losing total control.
I know that I am the one that has control over my lifestyle and I don't really expect any additional words of wisdom that I haven't heard already. I just thought if I put it down on "paper" and shared with fellow cancer survivors that know and understand the feelings I am having because you have them too I would feel a little better. I know there are a lot of people out there who has felt or is feeling the same way I am now. It's nice that we have places like this to vent a little frustration. So now that i've vented a little of mine I pray all of you continue to have a successful fight.
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Replies
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Hi! I see no one has replied to this yet, so I just wanted to let you know that people like me are listening, and we know what it is like. I don't think this site notifies you of responses, so I will send you a pm as well.0
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Hi Miiked! I just saw your post....
Wish I had some great profound words for you. I don't. All I know is that cancer sucks and so does stress. You're able to handle both- That's what I keep telling myself!!
Hugs!0 -
My stress rant.....
My 75 year old mother was diagnosed with colon cancer ( I finished treatment in February '13). She lives 15 hours away in a small town and refuses to come here to see the doctors. She's having surgery there next week,It's a fight at every turn. ( Some of the stuff you wouldn't even believe if I wrote it..heck, I doubt I'd believe if I read myself!)...Anyway-
For some reason her being diagnosed has really sent me for a loop. I'm stressing so much. Add to that, our hospital has started putting our medical records and tests on line so you can access them yourself and I noticed my CEA( cancer marker) which was low when I was diagnosed and low throughout treatment---- and is still low- has risen .04 since last month ( 0- 6 is normal, mine is 2.5) . It's obviously not a huge deal or my doctor would have said something but it just concerns me that it rose....Like many of you, every ache and pain now is a concern!!!
Walking really does help me with some of the stress and at the very least gets me out of the kitchen and away from food but I'm not able to do any upper body weights, due to a port in my chest, so my body shape, although a little smaller, hasn't changed. I still look and feel fat! This adds more stress. Ha!
Ok- enough whining and complaining- I should go walk!0 -
Hi Daltem. I'll pray for you and your mother for clean bill of health. I was blessed to have my PET/CT Scan come back normal. Now in wait and see mode. Nerves will be uneasy still for a long time but feel like a ton of weight lifted from my shoulders. Now I'm ready for a vacation LOL.
Best of Luck to you,
Mike0 -
Thanks M!
And congrats on your clean PET!!!!0 -
Mike,
I hope things are going better for you. I have always tried to live a stress free life because I also have Rheumatoid disease on top of the cancer & any stress triggers flare ups. I deal with pain 24 hours a day, but when the flare ups hit, I am usually walking with a cane and can't open a jar.
Exercising has always relieved stress for me very well. One thing that I had to turn to strengthen my muscles so I can walk was running. It helps clear the fog and gives me time to think while releasing stress. Perhaps running, biking, hiking, or swimming would help you keep peace in your body.
Lanny0
