Outdated vs. Updated strategies for coping

9thChakra

Please feel free to visit this thread every so often to read or to add as much or as little as you want about the topic of Coping Strategies.

You may find it helpful to share any or all of the following:

-What is your coping strategy?
-When did you start using it?
-How did you learn this strategy?
-How did/does it help?
-How did/does it hurt?
-When do you use this strategy?
-Is this a strategy you want to stop using?
-If yes/no...why?
-Is there new strategy you've begun to use to replace an old strategy?
-Do you need ideas for a new coping strategy but don't know where to find one?
-If yes, are you open to others sharing ideas with you?
-Anything else you want to add...

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In working with my therapist, support group and books I've learned about triggers and recognize I have some. I've learned about coping strategies and recognize that I use some that worked for me in the past when I was a child but are no longer helpful and are actually somewhat harmful.

Currently, I am exploring writing as a way of coping.

All for now.

9thChakra

9thChakra

Yesterday I found myself getting angry. It was triggered by having what I thought was a brilliant idea. I went to Kickstarter to see if ideas like it have gotten funded. I found that someone was almost/essentially doing the same thing....like super really close to the idea I had. This made me feel blocked. This made me feel like I couldn't do it even though I want to also.

I stewed and pouted. Then I actually watched the video of the project. While it's remarkably similar it is different for several reasons. I actually like it. It didn't seem that it would be funded...time running out/not enough supporters. But I understood where this artist was coming from. Due to the nature of the product/idea It really brought up a lot of feelings about not be connected to my family as well as the pain I'm experiencing from the abuse.

I found myself standing up and pacing and tuning in to myself. I kinda wanted to eat but could feel that I was not hungry. I then went into the exercise area where I have a tall mirror. I just started talking aloud about whatever was coming up and then I started slowly moving in ways that felt good.

I had to resist the urge to exercise in a program-like way. I had to resist simply starting an exercise routine or plan or anything. The reason I had to resist be because I know if I do it with the feeling of "I need to be better" then I'll end up stopping. To me it was more important to just rant in the mirror, stretch, sway, breathe deeply, cry, karate chop the air...whatever..,and simply be okay with being in that moment of anger and talking it out.

I then decided to video tape myself during this time so I could later see what it looks/sounds like. I've thought about creating short stories or films about my experiences with my healing. I also feel blocked by that because I feel like I don't know where to start. But filming my true emotions and not feeling self-conscious about looking ridiculous felt good. I sometime have these physical ticks that come up when I talk about my abuse and they were occasionally happening as I spoke.

So...filming myself and/or documenting my feelings in some way seems helpful to me. I was able to release a bunch of feelings and energy and not eat or watch t.v. to cover things up.

9thChakra

icimani

I've learned to watch/change the way that I talk to myself, especially when I'm triggered.

"I can't do this - I'm never going to feel better". Turned into - I know it doesn't feel good now, but you've been through this before and come out of it, and you will this time too.

"I'm so stupid for feeling this way". Became - you have every right to feel sad/bad. You lived through some really terrible stuff, some very NOT normal stuff, and it's normal to feel bad about it.

And I have to remind myself - would I stay friends with someone who talks to me the same way that I talk to myself sometimes? Probably not.

The reason I had to resist be because I know if I do it with the feeling of "I need to be better" then I'll end up stopping.

This spoke to me a bit - I still struggle with the feeling of never being quite good enough. And if I try to tell myself that I am good enough it all comes out feeling like a lie. So instead of feeling like I'm lying two myself, I've settled on just trying not to be so down on myself - and just showing myself the same respect that I'd show someone else. I still have a ways to go on this, but the way that I talk to myself is definitely a factor.