Man problem vent
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ldrosophila
Posts: 7,512 Member
* long vent be warned
I need to vent it's about my stupid boyfriend..yeah not married because I dont want to marry him.
A little background I'm the breadwinner, and I make good money. We both work at the same place. He makes more money than any other place he's worked at. We make enough for nice cars, a nice house, and an RV. We can afford to take trips and we can buy things like his expensive cigars and solar panels for the RV. Oh and we work 4 10hour shifts, so we have a 3 day weekend, and not to mention he isnt on call 24/7 like he was with his old job.
The problem is his boss is a weasel. He's a jerk, and will throw you under the boss in a second. The BF wants a new job...I dont blame him. He can find a job, but it means moving and living in a more expensive area. However, I've looked and I cant make as much nor can I find full time jobs. This isnt good enough for him. He keeps saying well if you werent happy we would go, and it's true I would look for work I did look for work and found a higher paying job with a great schedule. However, being the loving girlfriend I have looked. I had an interview and have thrown out resumes all over the place. Due to the Obamacare thing now companies are cutting hours and only hiring for 30hrs and it would cut my pay in half. I can't live off of that! Let alone support a child on that.
I wont get paid as much I lose my insurance and I'm pregnant. I could take a couple part time jobs, but I lose my insurance and benefits. There isnt anything I can do, and frankly if this child survives I think I'd want to make more money so I can offer him/her a better life. I would be open to moving back home to be near my parents and go back to school, but he has to support us and with our current bills he cant. He's even said in the past we go where your job is...so now he's flipping a 180.
I finally told him you know what there's nothing I can do. You figure it out. I told him if he needs to go to a different city..go! I told him he needs to hurry up and figure out what he's going to do so I can figure out how I'm going to raise this child alone.
I know he wouldnt have anything to do with this baby's life either. Which makes me sad because I will have to instill that even though your Dad is an idiot doesnt mean you arent special and worthwhile. I of course would get child support out of him, and not let him out of his responsibility.
I've been pretty emotionally stable this pregnancy. He is so lucky with me no crazy outbursts. I'm even keel. He doesnt really support me a lot nor baby me some with this pregnancy. I've accepted I'll never get to be a stay at home mom even though that kills me. I dont even let him see me cry, nor am I going to cry over him. The only thing I'll cry about is this baby not knowing his/her father.
End vent.
I need to vent it's about my stupid boyfriend..yeah not married because I dont want to marry him.
A little background I'm the breadwinner, and I make good money. We both work at the same place. He makes more money than any other place he's worked at. We make enough for nice cars, a nice house, and an RV. We can afford to take trips and we can buy things like his expensive cigars and solar panels for the RV. Oh and we work 4 10hour shifts, so we have a 3 day weekend, and not to mention he isnt on call 24/7 like he was with his old job.
The problem is his boss is a weasel. He's a jerk, and will throw you under the boss in a second. The BF wants a new job...I dont blame him. He can find a job, but it means moving and living in a more expensive area. However, I've looked and I cant make as much nor can I find full time jobs. This isnt good enough for him. He keeps saying well if you werent happy we would go, and it's true I would look for work I did look for work and found a higher paying job with a great schedule. However, being the loving girlfriend I have looked. I had an interview and have thrown out resumes all over the place. Due to the Obamacare thing now companies are cutting hours and only hiring for 30hrs and it would cut my pay in half. I can't live off of that! Let alone support a child on that.
I wont get paid as much I lose my insurance and I'm pregnant. I could take a couple part time jobs, but I lose my insurance and benefits. There isnt anything I can do, and frankly if this child survives I think I'd want to make more money so I can offer him/her a better life. I would be open to moving back home to be near my parents and go back to school, but he has to support us and with our current bills he cant. He's even said in the past we go where your job is...so now he's flipping a 180.
I finally told him you know what there's nothing I can do. You figure it out. I told him if he needs to go to a different city..go! I told him he needs to hurry up and figure out what he's going to do so I can figure out how I'm going to raise this child alone.
I know he wouldnt have anything to do with this baby's life either. Which makes me sad because I will have to instill that even though your Dad is an idiot doesnt mean you arent special and worthwhile. I of course would get child support out of him, and not let him out of his responsibility.
I've been pretty emotionally stable this pregnancy. He is so lucky with me no crazy outbursts. I'm even keel. He doesnt really support me a lot nor baby me some with this pregnancy. I've accepted I'll never get to be a stay at home mom even though that kills me. I dont even let him see me cry, nor am I going to cry over him. The only thing I'll cry about is this baby not knowing his/her father.
End vent.
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Replies
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Stand your ground. You've got to think about what's best for you and your baby to be. I know it sounds cliche, but this comes from experience. It's not just an opinion.
You are so very right to be thinking about your insurance benefits while you're pregnant etc. and your future finances. If he thinks that a move is necessary for his livelihood, support him, but stand your ground knowing that you may have to be separated for awhile. A new job, a nicer boss could help him see things in a better light and by standing firm for what's best for little one, you'll gain mad respect for yourself; but, most of all, if you do see a future with him- support him in this decision. Stand by him, even if it's from a distance because it's important for everyone to feel the love and support from people you're close to.
As for the uncertainty of how you would possibly do things solo temporarily- you'll be amazed by how strong you are when you are put into the situation. You'll establish a new normal and will find support in others who in similar situations.
You can even put a timeline on it and plan that if he makes a move, and that once baby is born, things have settled, and he likes what he's doing and you see a promising future then you can make the move. You'll have time to prepare personally and financially. Trust yourself and your instincts because in the end that's all you have when you are taking care of a newborn and yourself.0 -
Not to sound mean but you're going to have a child to take care of...no need to take care of a grown man too.
My best friend has two kids. Her first was with a man that never paid a dime, was never involved, etc... His name didn't go on the birth certificate until she was 17 and he wanted rights (not responsibility mind you, just the rights to see her). She is a well adjusted 18 year old headed off to college this fall.
Her other child has a deadbeat dad. He pays child support (when he feels like it) and has her every other weekend. Just enough to fu*k her up emotionally. She's 11 and a mess.
In hindsight, she says she'd do it all alone again rather than with a man that doesn't want to man up and be a good father. And sadly, child support = parental rights and he can intervene whenever he wants to. Just food for thought.....0 -
I'm so sorry you are going through this. It looks like you tried to support him in wanting a different job somewhere else, but it is true, insurance and benefits are very important for you right now being pregnant. Does he know how much it costs to deliver a baby? Maybe just let him know the numbers.. maybe send him a link to this article: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/01/health/american-way-of-birth-costliest-in-the-world.html?hp&_r=1& (showing how a vaginal birth/newborn care on average costs 30k and 50k if you need a c-section.) Maybe he will see that it's not worth changing jobs right now because of those very large costs that would hit you with no benefits.
Hopefully he will listen to logic?0 -
thank you all for the support0
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Unfortunately as a woman/mom, you are ultimately responsible for your baby. You need to do what is best for you and your child. He is a boyfriend and not a spouse so you are not obligated to him. So sorry that you are going through this now when you need him the most.0
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I know he wouldnt have anything to do with this baby's life either. Which makes me sad because I will have to instill that even though your Dad is an idiot doesnt mean you arent special and worthwhile. I of course would get child support out of him, and not let him out of his responsibility.
So, the only reason he'd have anything to do with the baby is because you happen to live in the same place? Really? Has he told you this or is this just how you feel?
If he really is like that, will he really stay when the baby comes? Babies are a lot of upheaval and even strong couples can struggle with the pressure. I agree with everyone that you have to do what is best for you and the baby. If he really is only with the baby out of onvenience, I wouldn't factor him in at all.0
