Been away awhile....
Thaeda
Posts: 834 Member
Hello VSG lovelies! I have been away a good while-- did a quick scan of the posts- see some new faces, and some old friends-- hello! I am three years post-op. Gained 20 pounds in the last year - mostly because I stopped obsessing about every thing I ate. I exercised in ways that felt good rather than for "maximum burn". I stopped writing down what I ate because I just wanted to feel "normal" for awhile. To be able to stop counting and measuring and on and on. This past summer, I pretty much lost my taste for meat and now I am mostly vegetarian. I say "mostly" because very once in awhile I will have a little chicken or a piece of steak, but rarely. I also eat sushi evey now and again.
I just had my annual follow up with my surgeon (well, not MY surgeon because he left the practice, but A surgeon-- and a very nice one-- although not NEARLY as cute as the last LOL). I went to him with my story--- I lost a bunch, I got crazy obsessed. I got all the way down to 160-something and was convinced I needed to lose 10 more pounds. I restricted, I binged, I cried, I struggled-- and then about 5 months ago, I said "to HELL with THIS"-- I did not have surgery to still feel like I was in prison. NO MORE fake ANYTHING-- no more Splenda, no more protein bars, no more counting, no more doing hours and hours of exercise-- DONE DONE DONE. So, some days I ate well, and others I ate a bunch of crap. I still binge eat most nights-- that has been going on since about 6 months post op in some form or other. Of course a "binge" now looks WAY different than it used to pre-op (maybe a cupcake and some Cheetos as compared to three cupcakes, half a pizza, and a whole bag of Cheetos)-- but still, it has helped put weight on.
The plan: I am taking Qysmia- a medication that is supposed to help with food obsession. Just started it today-- we will see. I am meeting with the nutritionist March 3rd-- I have NEVER been vegearian-- I have NO CLUE what I am doing.
More aerobic exercise-- have been doing a lot of yoga-- but not as much aerobic stuff. I am also going to meet with a psychologist recommended by the surgery center. I am not optimistic this last thing is going to help much. I have been in therapy LOTS. I have a PhD in Counseling-- I know what my issues are. I just haven't yet been able to conquer them (although, I DO feel like I am making progress in that area in general).
The FEAR: I am scared. I am scared I will slide back into obsession. I am afraid I will want to be smaller and smaller-- like before. I am afraid I will play that "how little can I get away with eating" game like I used to-- an then have it boomerang back in the form of binges. I am afraid all of the logging and tracking and all of it will lock me back into the nut ward I broke free from aabout 5 months ago.
Ambivalence--- I have a real issue with this whole "thing" around "needing" to lose weight. I am not sure what is necessary health-wise and what is just prescribed by society. I am not sure if attempting to manipulate my body shape/size with calries and exercise and all of it is even worthwhile....anyone here who remembers me will also remember this was a theme in some of my prior posts. So... the journey continues. I will be working with a nutritionist, so I have to write down what I eat-- which annoys me and scares me (see "Fear" section above) at the same time.
So, it is good to be back. I have a much busier life/job than I used to so I am not sure how much I will be able to post, but I want to offer support where I can. Blessings!
I just had my annual follow up with my surgeon (well, not MY surgeon because he left the practice, but A surgeon-- and a very nice one-- although not NEARLY as cute as the last LOL). I went to him with my story--- I lost a bunch, I got crazy obsessed. I got all the way down to 160-something and was convinced I needed to lose 10 more pounds. I restricted, I binged, I cried, I struggled-- and then about 5 months ago, I said "to HELL with THIS"-- I did not have surgery to still feel like I was in prison. NO MORE fake ANYTHING-- no more Splenda, no more protein bars, no more counting, no more doing hours and hours of exercise-- DONE DONE DONE. So, some days I ate well, and others I ate a bunch of crap. I still binge eat most nights-- that has been going on since about 6 months post op in some form or other. Of course a "binge" now looks WAY different than it used to pre-op (maybe a cupcake and some Cheetos as compared to three cupcakes, half a pizza, and a whole bag of Cheetos)-- but still, it has helped put weight on.
The plan: I am taking Qysmia- a medication that is supposed to help with food obsession. Just started it today-- we will see. I am meeting with the nutritionist March 3rd-- I have NEVER been vegearian-- I have NO CLUE what I am doing.
More aerobic exercise-- have been doing a lot of yoga-- but not as much aerobic stuff. I am also going to meet with a psychologist recommended by the surgery center. I am not optimistic this last thing is going to help much. I have been in therapy LOTS. I have a PhD in Counseling-- I know what my issues are. I just haven't yet been able to conquer them (although, I DO feel like I am making progress in that area in general).The FEAR: I am scared. I am scared I will slide back into obsession. I am afraid I will want to be smaller and smaller-- like before. I am afraid I will play that "how little can I get away with eating" game like I used to-- an then have it boomerang back in the form of binges. I am afraid all of the logging and tracking and all of it will lock me back into the nut ward I broke free from aabout 5 months ago.
Ambivalence--- I have a real issue with this whole "thing" around "needing" to lose weight. I am not sure what is necessary health-wise and what is just prescribed by society. I am not sure if attempting to manipulate my body shape/size with calries and exercise and all of it is even worthwhile....anyone here who remembers me will also remember this was a theme in some of my prior posts. So... the journey continues. I will be working with a nutritionist, so I have to write down what I eat-- which annoys me and scares me (see "Fear" section above) at the same time.
So, it is good to be back. I have a much busier life/job than I used to so I am not sure how much I will be able to post, but I want to offer support where I can. Blessings!
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Welcome back!!!1
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Welcome!1
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@Thaeda . Try not to sweat the scale. Thats only one measure of health. I'm still in "obese" range but am happy with my body and life. Those last few pounds aren't going to make much difference.0
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Jamieeldred wrote: »Welcome!
Thanks much!1 -
Aztec4Life wrote: »@Thaeda . Try not to sweat the scale. Thats only one measure of health. I'm still in "obese" range but am happy with my body and life. Those last few pounds aren't going to make much difference.
I hear you... and at the same time I at LEAST want to stop the regain- I have been gaining slowly now for awhile. I would like for the night time eating to stop. Also, I want to work with a nutritionist to figure out how to eat vegetarian and still get adequate protein without too many nonsense carbs and without soy. But you are right-- focusing on the scale too much can be counterproductive.2 -
Thaeda, it's so good to see your face here again!!0
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Good to see so many of my messengers back. I too am about 3 years out. Gained 20 lbs. also because of broken ankle and sitting on butt for two months. Trying to get back on track and lose the 20. I know my clothes will feel better. Love fitness pal.2
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hi I'm from ma too had vsg0
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Hello Thaeda and welcome back!! How is the Qysmia working for you??? 0
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Hi Thaeda. I haven't been on here in ages. I too have gained weight back, about 22 lbs. I went on a cruise in January and gained 10 lbs. Then I gained another 10 since I got back home. I feel disgusted with myself. I was looking back at pictures before I gained the weight back and I looked & felt so much better. Well it's April 1, so I decided to be honest and confess my new weight and be honest and accountable. I'm back. It's good to see you on here. I haven't been on the forum in ages.1
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Thaeda is great to have your words of wisdom back on here. You have been my inspiration when I am done. I know you can do what you set out to. Please let me know how Qysmia works for you. I am so obsessed with my next meal that I eat because it is 9 o'clock, 12 o'clock, 6 o'clock even if I am not hungry. Something to help with the obsession would be great.
By the way. You look Marvelous Darling!!0 -
I tried to post from my phone but apparently it didn't work, so I'll try again. Thaeda, it is great to see you. I have been off for awhile too, so it is wonderful that the first thing I see when I come back on is an update from you. I mostly haven't been on because I felt a bit ashamed that I have gained 24 lbs back in the last 18 months. I know this can happen, and I see that others have had a similar experience. I just didn't expect year 2 to be this hard. I am going to go back to my books from surgery and model my eating closer to what it was year one. I will be interested to hear how the Qysmia works for you, or what it does for you. I have never heard of this rx.2
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