Caught Him on POF - What To Do??
Skinny_Jeans_Soon
Posts: 326 Member
I have been exclusive with my boyfriend for 2 months. I caught him active on a dating website (POF) and he told me he had a chive album of dirty pics on his phone. So my question is for the guys. Is this normal dating behavior for a man? I'm new to dating after being single from divorce a year ago. I need help understanding what is normal, I don't want to be the nag girlfriend but I don't want to be naive either. Help!
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Replies
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not normal.....Plus if it makes you uncomfortable he should delete it ...period0
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not normal.....Plus if it makes you uncomfortable he should delete it ...period
This.
If he is not at a point where he would deactivate his POF account and delete his nudey pic cache, then perhaps you should reevaluate how much you really want to be with this guy.0 -
Is his POF account active? You can see when the user last logged in. If he's logged on recently, it's not normal. If it's just an old account, he may have been too lazy to delete it (I have one on some small dating website that I keep forgetting to delete, but haven't logged on in over 6 months).
As far as his dirty pics. It depends on the relationship. Some men have them, some don't (some women do, too). Some women are ok with it, some are not. If you are not comfortable with it, you need to talk about it. An actual conversation and not rude comments thrown back and forth. Then take it from there.0 -
Is his POF account active? You can see when the user last logged in. If he's logged on recently, it's not normal. If it's just an old account, he may have been too lazy to delete it (I have one on some small dating website that I keep forgetting to delete, but haven't logged on in over 6 months).
As far as his dirty pics. It depends on the relationship. Some men have them, some don't (some women do, too). Some women are ok with it, some are not. If you are not comfortable with it, you need to talk about it. An actual conversation and not rude comments thrown back and forth. Then take it from there.
You're so smart.0 -
leave the poor guy alone and let him do his thing0
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Awww... I
you too Ty.... 0 -
Thanks everyone. It was an actual active account and he was online searching for girls while he was at the station working. It's how we met actually.
The pics bother me, he knows it. I guess I will wait and see what happens. I really like the feedback.0 -
Thanks everyone. It was an actual active account and he was online searching for girls while he was at the station working. It's how we met actually.
The pics bother me, he knows it. I guess I will wait and see what happens. I really like the feedback.
If we were exclusive and he was online looking, he would be my ex-boyfriend. No discussion needed. But, that's just me.1 -
Is his POF account active? You can see when the user last logged in. If he's logged on recently, it's not normal. If it's just an old account, he may have been too lazy to delete it (I have one on some small dating website that I keep forgetting to delete, but haven't logged on in over 6 months).
As far as his dirty pics. It depends on the relationship. Some men have them, some don't (some women do, too). Some women are ok with it, some are not. If you are not comfortable with it, you need to talk about it. An actual conversation and not rude comments thrown back and forth. Then take it from there.
*swoon*
I have a little girl crush.0 -
Thanks everyone. It was an actual active account and he was online searching for girls while he was at the station working. It's how we met actually.
The pics bother me, he knows it. I guess I will wait and see what happens. I really like the feedback.
If we were exclusive and he was online looking, he would be my ex-boyfriend. No discussion needed. But, that's just me.
That was my immediate thought as well, then he said all the right things...grrr!!0 -
ACTIVE on a dating website? I'm pretty sure that's not what exclusive means, and that's definitely not cool. Dirty pics I don't think are a big deal, just a little immature.0
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Thanks everyone. It was an actual active account and he was online searching for girls while he was at the station working. It's how we met actually.
The pics bother me, he knows it. I guess I will wait and see what happens. I really like the feedback.
If we were exclusive and he was online looking, he would be my ex-boyfriend. No discussion needed. But, that's just me.
That was my immediate thought as well, then he said all the right things...grrr!!
Just be careful. If he has promised to deactivate it, then follow up with him and be sure he has.0 -
Two questions. What do you mean you caught him active on POF? Was he on the computer and you caught him browsing and messaging other women? Did you see that his account was still open and not hidden? And given that he was out searching for other women to date and not just that he still has an open account, how was it determined you were exclusive? Did you actually talk about being exclusive or did you start having sex two months ago and assume you were exclusive because sex is part of a monogamous commited relationship?0
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Is his POF account active? You can see when the user last logged in. If he's logged on recently, it's not normal. If it's just an old account, he may have been too lazy to delete it (I have one on some small dating website that I keep forgetting to delete, but haven't logged on in over 6 months).
As far as his dirty pics. It depends on the relationship. Some men have them, some don't (some women do, too). Some women are ok with it, some are not. If you are not comfortable with it, you need to talk about it. An actual conversation and not rude comments thrown back and forth. Then take it from there.
*swoon*
I have a little girl crush.
She's mine!0 -
Is his POF account active? You can see when the user last logged in. If he's logged on recently, it's not normal. If it's just an old account, he may have been too lazy to delete it (I have one on some small dating website that I keep forgetting to delete, but haven't logged on in over 6 months).
As far as his dirty pics. It depends on the relationship. Some men have them, some don't (some women do, too). Some women are ok with it, some are not. If you are not comfortable with it, you need to talk about it. An actual conversation and not rude comments thrown back and forth. Then take it from there.
basically this.0 -
Is his POF account active? You can see when the user last logged in. If he's logged on recently, it's not normal. If it's just an old account, he may have been too lazy to delete it (I have one on some small dating website that I keep forgetting to delete, but haven't logged on in over 6 months).
As far as his dirty pics. It depends on the relationship. Some men have them, some don't (some women do, too). Some women are ok with it, some are not. If you are not comfortable with it, you need to talk about it. An actual conversation and not rude comments thrown back and forth. Then take it from there.
*swoon*
I have a little girl crush.
She's mine!
What the? NO! You can't just go around collecting all the logical people. NO!0 -
Is his POF account active? You can see when the user last logged in. If he's logged on recently, it's not normal. If it's just an old account, he may have been too lazy to delete it (I have one on some small dating website that I keep forgetting to delete, but haven't logged on in over 6 months).
As far as his dirty pics. It depends on the relationship. Some men have them, some don't (some women do, too). Some women are ok with it, some are not. If you are not comfortable with it, you need to talk about it. An actual conversation and not rude comments thrown back and forth. Then take it from there.
*swoon*
I have a little girl crush.
She's mine!
What the? NO! You can't just go around collecting all the logical people. NO!
Logical & Hot0 -
Two questions. What do you mean you caught him active on POF? Was he on the computer and you caught him browsing and messaging other women? Did you see that his account was still open and not hidden? And given that he was out searching for other women to date and not just that he still has an open account, how was it determined you were exclusive? Did you actually talk about being exclusive or did you start having sex two months ago and assume you were exclusive because sex is part of a monogamous commited relationship?
Good questions. If someone is your favorite on POF you can look to see how often and when they are online. My profile is hidden but I can see when he is on. I randomly checked and he was online at that very moment so I text him and asked him why. His account isn't hidden or inactive. It's active and he's online.
About being exclusive, I wasn't ready but he initiated the conversation and made it clear he didn't want me talking to or seeing anyone else. I told him we could give it a shot. So yes we had the exclusive talk and I have been behaving as I promised but have an issue with him searching POF and having pics of his naked ex on his phone if we are "exclusive". I told him my concerns and he said the right things, deleted the pics (supposidly) and inactivated his account (I haven't been on to validate). I am still worried, I don't want to be naive and end up heart broken.0 -
Do you yourself have an active POF account?
Is that how you caught him?
:huh: :huh: :huh:0 -
Two questions. What do you mean you caught him active on POF? Was he on the computer and you caught him browsing and messaging other women? Did you see that his account was still open and not hidden? And given that he was out searching for other women to date and not just that he still has an open account, how was it determined you were exclusive? Did you actually talk about being exclusive or did you start having sex two months ago and assume you were exclusive because sex is part of a monogamous commited relationship?
Good questions. If someone is your favorite on POF you can look to see how often and when they are online. My profile is hidden but I can see when he is on. I randomly checked and he was online at that very moment so I text him and asked him why. His account isn't hidden or inactive. It's active and he's online.
About being exclusive, I wasn't ready but he initiated the conversation and made it clear he didn't want me talking to or seeing anyone else. I told him we could give it a shot. So yes we had the exclusive talk and I have been behaving as I promised but have an issue with him searching POF and having pics of his naked ex on his phone if we are "exclusive". I told him my concerns and he said the right things, deleted the pics (supposidly) and inactivated his account (I haven't been on to validate). I am still worried, I don't want to be naive and end up heart broken.
Well I would just validate that his account is inactive, and let it go. It sounds like he is willing to work on things. If you hold on to your suspicions, then you could end up sabotaging things with him later. Let this go, and just keep your eyes peeled for red flags in the future, but don't look for problems where there aren't any.0 -
Do you yourself have an active POF account?
Is that how you caught him?
:huh: :huh: :huh:
She said her's is hidden which is pretty much putting a hold on it instead of deleting it.0 -
Do you yourself have an active POF account?
Is that how you caught him?
:huh: :huh: :huh:
She said her's is hidden which is pretty much putting a hold on it instead of deleting it.
I'm hiddin, no one can message me or see me. I don't exist on POF unless I unhide it.0 -
Two questions. What do you mean you caught him active on POF? Was he on the computer and you caught him browsing and messaging other women? Did you see that his account was still open and not hidden? And given that he was out searching for other women to date and not just that he still has an open account, how was it determined you were exclusive? Did you actually talk about being exclusive or did you start having sex two months ago and assume you were exclusive because sex is part of a monogamous commited relationship?
Good questions. If someone is your favorite on POF you can look to see how often and when they are online. My profile is hidden but I can see when he is on. I randomly checked and he was online at that very moment so I text him and asked him why. His account isn't hidden or inactive. It's active and he's online.
About being exclusive, I wasn't ready but he initiated the conversation and made it clear he didn't want me talking to or seeing anyone else. I told him we could give it a shot. So yes we had the exclusive talk and I have been behaving as I promised but have an issue with him searching POF and having pics of his naked ex on his phone if we are "exclusive". I told him my concerns and he said the right things, deleted the pics (supposidly) and inactivated his account (I haven't been on to validate). I am still worried, I don't want to be naive and end up heart broken.
Well I would just validate that his account is inactive, and let it go. It sounds like he is willing to work on things. If you hold on to your suspicions, then you could end up sabotaging things with him later. Let this go, and just keep your eyes peeled for red flags in the future, but don't look for problems where there aren't any.
This is exactly what my mom said to do. Thanks.0 -
FYI - Just because you have hidden your profile, it does not mean you are completely "hidden". How do you know he wasn't hidden as well?
From the POF FAQ:
If you have hidden your profile, the following users will still be able to see your profile:
Users you contact after you hide your profile
Users who have messages in your inbox
Users on your favorites list
Users who have you on their favorites list
http://www.pof.com/HelpCenter/helpCenter_hideProfile.aspx
ETA the POF Link.0 -
And, FTR... I loves you all.
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Do you yourself have an active POF account?
Is that how you caught him?
:huh: :huh: :huh:
She said her's is hidden which is pretty much putting a hold on it instead of deleting it.
I don't like hidden accounts on POF. To me it's not putting it on hold because you can still look and message people ... they just can't find you. He may feel because you are on, he has a right to be too, even though you are hidden. Since he is on your fav's list, he can see you online just like you can see him. Personally, if you want his gone, you need to make yours go poof too. Just my opinion.0 -
I really think you both should have deleted your accounts. What's the point in being exclusive if you're still looking/checking a dating site?
I'm sure you'll work it out. At least you've confronted the situation and have agreed to move on.......:flowerforyou:0 -
Do you yourself have an active POF account?
Is that how you caught him?
:huh: :huh: :huh:
She said her's is hidden which is pretty much putting a hold on it instead of deleting it.
I'm hiddin, no one can message me or see me. I don't exist on POF unless I unhide it.
But why were you on there?
To spy on him?0 -
This is a hot mess. You've only been with him 2 months and you're spying on him??
If you're spying on him already, there's no trust. Right now should be where you believe he can do no wrong, you believe him, you're in la la land.
That's not a way to start off.
Why were you spying on him?? Is this what you regularly do when you're dating someone??0 -
Read all the responses and a couple things I agree with...
1. If you are still in fact hidden and haven't entirely deleted your account then you really have no basis. I mean, you have done the same thing, whether you logged in for gain or to spy on him. (Becky's POF FAQ summed it up, he can see you are online too, etc.)
2. Were you really spying on him? ie, you logged in solely to see if he had, but not for your personal experience/gain? If yes, eek! Why don't you trust him?
3. If you have addressed it with him - then why not go back on POF one last time, see that he did in fact delete it - DELETE YOURS - and move on. If you still see he has logged in since you talked, then break up with him if you want too.
4. He has EX'S naked pics on his phone? WTF? to me that is classless and tacky... At first I thought they were of him and I went meh who cares, but then I later on read they are of his ex's.. to me that is NOT ok, especially since HE asked YOU to be exclusive. that would enough for me, but we all have our own boundaries.0
This discussion has been closed.