Caught Him on POF - What To Do??
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Skinny_Jeans_Soon
Posts: 326 Member
I have been exclusive with my boyfriend for 2 months. I caught him active on a dating website (POF) and he told me he had a chive album of dirty pics on his phone. So my question is for the guys. Is this normal dating behavior for a man? I'm new to dating after being single from divorce a year ago. I need help understanding what is normal, I don't want to be the nag girlfriend but I don't want to be naive either. Help!
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Replies
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not normal.....Plus if it makes you uncomfortable he should delete it ...period0
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not normal.....Plus if it makes you uncomfortable he should delete it ...period
This.
If he is not at a point where he would deactivate his POF account and delete his nudey pic cache, then perhaps you should reevaluate how much you really want to be with this guy.0 -
Is his POF account active? You can see when the user last logged in. If he's logged on recently, it's not normal. If it's just an old account, he may have been too lazy to delete it (I have one on some small dating website that I keep forgetting to delete, but haven't logged on in over 6 months).
As far as his dirty pics. It depends on the relationship. Some men have them, some don't (some women do, too). Some women are ok with it, some are not. If you are not comfortable with it, you need to talk about it. An actual conversation and not rude comments thrown back and forth. Then take it from there.0 -
Is his POF account active? You can see when the user last logged in. If he's logged on recently, it's not normal. If it's just an old account, he may have been too lazy to delete it (I have one on some small dating website that I keep forgetting to delete, but haven't logged on in over 6 months).
As far as his dirty pics. It depends on the relationship. Some men have them, some don't (some women do, too). Some women are ok with it, some are not. If you are not comfortable with it, you need to talk about it. An actual conversation and not rude comments thrown back and forth. Then take it from there.
You're so smart.0 -
leave the poor guy alone and let him do his thing0
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Awww... I
you too Ty.... 0 -
Thanks everyone. It was an actual active account and he was online searching for girls while he was at the station working. It's how we met actually.
The pics bother me, he knows it. I guess I will wait and see what happens. I really like the feedback.0 -
Thanks everyone. It was an actual active account and he was online searching for girls while he was at the station working. It's how we met actually.
The pics bother me, he knows it. I guess I will wait and see what happens. I really like the feedback.
If we were exclusive and he was online looking, he would be my ex-boyfriend. No discussion needed. But, that's just me.1 -
Is his POF account active? You can see when the user last logged in. If he's logged on recently, it's not normal. If it's just an old account, he may have been too lazy to delete it (I have one on some small dating website that I keep forgetting to delete, but haven't logged on in over 6 months).
As far as his dirty pics. It depends on the relationship. Some men have them, some don't (some women do, too). Some women are ok with it, some are not. If you are not comfortable with it, you need to talk about it. An actual conversation and not rude comments thrown back and forth. Then take it from there.
*swoon*
I have a little girl crush.0 -
Thanks everyone. It was an actual active account and he was online searching for girls while he was at the station working. It's how we met actually.
The pics bother me, he knows it. I guess I will wait and see what happens. I really like the feedback.
If we were exclusive and he was online looking, he would be my ex-boyfriend. No discussion needed. But, that's just me.
That was my immediate thought as well, then he said all the right things...grrr!!0 -
ACTIVE on a dating website? I'm pretty sure that's not what exclusive means, and that's definitely not cool. Dirty pics I don't think are a big deal, just a little immature.0
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Thanks everyone. It was an actual active account and he was online searching for girls while he was at the station working. It's how we met actually.
The pics bother me, he knows it. I guess I will wait and see what happens. I really like the feedback.
If we were exclusive and he was online looking, he would be my ex-boyfriend. No discussion needed. But, that's just me.
That was my immediate thought as well, then he said all the right things...grrr!!
Just be careful. If he has promised to deactivate it, then follow up with him and be sure he has.0 -
Two questions. What do you mean you caught him active on POF? Was he on the computer and you caught him browsing and messaging other women? Did you see that his account was still open and not hidden? And given that he was out searching for other women to date and not just that he still has an open account, how was it determined you were exclusive? Did you actually talk about being exclusive or did you start having sex two months ago and assume you were exclusive because sex is part of a monogamous commited relationship?0
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Is his POF account active? You can see when the user last logged in. If he's logged on recently, it's not normal. If it's just an old account, he may have been too lazy to delete it (I have one on some small dating website that I keep forgetting to delete, but haven't logged on in over 6 months).
As far as his dirty pics. It depends on the relationship. Some men have them, some don't (some women do, too). Some women are ok with it, some are not. If you are not comfortable with it, you need to talk about it. An actual conversation and not rude comments thrown back and forth. Then take it from there.
*swoon*
I have a little girl crush.
She's mine!0 -
Is his POF account active? You can see when the user last logged in. If he's logged on recently, it's not normal. If it's just an old account, he may have been too lazy to delete it (I have one on some small dating website that I keep forgetting to delete, but haven't logged on in over 6 months).
As far as his dirty pics. It depends on the relationship. Some men have them, some don't (some women do, too). Some women are ok with it, some are not. If you are not comfortable with it, you need to talk about it. An actual conversation and not rude comments thrown back and forth. Then take it from there.
basically this.0 -
Is his POF account active? You can see when the user last logged in. If he's logged on recently, it's not normal. If it's just an old account, he may have been too lazy to delete it (I have one on some small dating website that I keep forgetting to delete, but haven't logged on in over 6 months).
As far as his dirty pics. It depends on the relationship. Some men have them, some don't (some women do, too). Some women are ok with it, some are not. If you are not comfortable with it, you need to talk about it. An actual conversation and not rude comments thrown back and forth. Then take it from there.
*swoon*
I have a little girl crush.
She's mine!
What the? NO! You can't just go around collecting all the logical people. NO!0 -
Is his POF account active? You can see when the user last logged in. If he's logged on recently, it's not normal. If it's just an old account, he may have been too lazy to delete it (I have one on some small dating website that I keep forgetting to delete, but haven't logged on in over 6 months).
As far as his dirty pics. It depends on the relationship. Some men have them, some don't (some women do, too). Some women are ok with it, some are not. If you are not comfortable with it, you need to talk about it. An actual conversation and not rude comments thrown back and forth. Then take it from there.
*swoon*
I have a little girl crush.
She's mine!
What the? NO! You can't just go around collecting all the logical people. NO!
Logical & Hot0 -
Two questions. What do you mean you caught him active on POF? Was he on the computer and you caught him browsing and messaging other women? Did you see that his account was still open and not hidden? And given that he was out searching for other women to date and not just that he still has an open account, how was it determined you were exclusive? Did you actually talk about being exclusive or did you start having sex two months ago and assume you were exclusive because sex is part of a monogamous commited relationship?
Good questions. If someone is your favorite on POF you can look to see how often and when they are online. My profile is hidden but I can see when he is on. I randomly checked and he was online at that very moment so I text him and asked him why. His account isn't hidden or inactive. It's active and he's online.
About being exclusive, I wasn't ready but he initiated the conversation and made it clear he didn't want me talking to or seeing anyone else. I told him we could give it a shot. So yes we had the exclusive talk and I have been behaving as I promised but have an issue with him searching POF and having pics of his naked ex on his phone if we are "exclusive". I told him my concerns and he said the right things, deleted the pics (supposidly) and inactivated his account (I haven't been on to validate). I am still worried, I don't want to be naive and end up heart broken.0 -
Do you yourself have an active POF account?
Is that how you caught him?
:huh: :huh: :huh:0 -
Two questions. What do you mean you caught him active on POF? Was he on the computer and you caught him browsing and messaging other women? Did you see that his account was still open and not hidden? And given that he was out searching for other women to date and not just that he still has an open account, how was it determined you were exclusive? Did you actually talk about being exclusive or did you start having sex two months ago and assume you were exclusive because sex is part of a monogamous commited relationship?
Good questions. If someone is your favorite on POF you can look to see how often and when they are online. My profile is hidden but I can see when he is on. I randomly checked and he was online at that very moment so I text him and asked him why. His account isn't hidden or inactive. It's active and he's online.
About being exclusive, I wasn't ready but he initiated the conversation and made it clear he didn't want me talking to or seeing anyone else. I told him we could give it a shot. So yes we had the exclusive talk and I have been behaving as I promised but have an issue with him searching POF and having pics of his naked ex on his phone if we are "exclusive". I told him my concerns and he said the right things, deleted the pics (supposidly) and inactivated his account (I haven't been on to validate). I am still worried, I don't want to be naive and end up heart broken.
Well I would just validate that his account is inactive, and let it go. It sounds like he is willing to work on things. If you hold on to your suspicions, then you could end up sabotaging things with him later. Let this go, and just keep your eyes peeled for red flags in the future, but don't look for problems where there aren't any.0
