Sept 11 Weekly Challenge: The Happiness Jar
themedalist
Posts: 3,218 Member
Theme: Greater Happiness
Challenge: The Happiness Jar
Here's an interesting mismatch. According to researchers, the average person has three times as many positive experiences as they do negative experiences throughout the day. But in a carryover from our hunter-gatherer days, our brains tend to overlook these positive events and instead focus and dwell on the negative things that happen to us. To survive in harsh conditions, our ancestors needed to be especially aware of dangers, losses, and conflicts. As a result, our brain evolved with a negativity bias that looks for bad news, reacts intensely to it, and quickly stores the experience in our memory. This negativity bias creates an ongoing vulnerability to stress, anxiety, disappointment, and pain. As psychologist and neuroscientist Rick Hanson observed, "Our brains are like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones".
An excerpt from his book is an excellent backdrop for our challenge this week:
Looking back over the past week or so, where has your mind been resting?
According to Dr. Hanson, the best way to compensate for this negativity bias is to regularly take in, appreciate, and savor the many good things that happen to us throughout the day.
And that's just what we will be doing this week!
This Week's Challenge: Let's be mindful and appreciate the many positive events and experiences that we have throughout the day. Let's take a moment to jot them down on a piece of paper and put them into a Happiness Jar. (A vase or oversized coffee mug works well as a Happiness Jar)
When you have a good experience, recognize it, appreciate it, and stay with it briefly and savor the moment. Let the experience sink in. Then write it down!
No good thought or experience is too small to be noted. They are all important.
Let's try to fill that jar with good things this week. Then, at the end of the week, let's take some time to review these little pieces of paper and the many good events that happened to us this week. It's a great way to recap our week.
Wednesday Check-in: Look for the updates post this Wednesday. Please post any suggestions or questions you may have for our group. And please share your good things!
Special thanks to Marta @prgirl39mfp for suggesting this challenge!
Make it a great week!
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Suggested Resources:
Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence. By Rick Hanson, PhD
(I referenced this book for its readability, but there are many other books that document the themes and observations made in this book)
Praise Is Fleeting, but Brickbats We Recall
https://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/24/your-money/why-people-remember-negative-events-more-than-positive-ones.html
Share Your Good News, and You Will Be Better Off
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/share-your-good-news-and-you-will-be-better-off/
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Challenge: The Happiness Jar
Here's an interesting mismatch. According to researchers, the average person has three times as many positive experiences as they do negative experiences throughout the day. But in a carryover from our hunter-gatherer days, our brains tend to overlook these positive events and instead focus and dwell on the negative things that happen to us. To survive in harsh conditions, our ancestors needed to be especially aware of dangers, losses, and conflicts. As a result, our brain evolved with a negativity bias that looks for bad news, reacts intensely to it, and quickly stores the experience in our memory. This negativity bias creates an ongoing vulnerability to stress, anxiety, disappointment, and pain. As psychologist and neuroscientist Rick Hanson observed, "Our brains are like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones".
An excerpt from his book is an excellent backdrop for our challenge this week:
"Your experiences matter. Not just for how they feel in the moment but for the lasting traces they leave in your brain. Your experiences of happiness, worry, love, and anxiety can make real changes in your brain. The brain takes its shape from what the mind rests upon. If you keep resting your mind on self-criticism, worries, grumbling about others, hurts, and stress, then your brain will be shaped into greater reactivity, vulnerability to anxiety and depressed mood, a narrow focus on threats and losses, and inclinations toward anger, sadness, and guilt."
"On the other hand, if you keep resting your mind on good events and conditions (someone was nice to you, there’s a roof over your head), pleasant feelings, the things you do get done, physical pleasures, and your good intentions and qualities, then over time your brain will take a different shape, one with strength and resilience hardwired into it, as well as a realistically optimistic outlook, a positive mood, and a sense of worth."
"In effect, what you pay attention to—what you rest your mind on—is the primary shaper of your brain."
Looking back over the past week or so, where has your mind been resting?
According to Dr. Hanson, the best way to compensate for this negativity bias is to regularly take in, appreciate, and savor the many good things that happen to us throughout the day.
And that's just what we will be doing this week!
This Week's Challenge: Let's be mindful and appreciate the many positive events and experiences that we have throughout the day. Let's take a moment to jot them down on a piece of paper and put them into a Happiness Jar. (A vase or oversized coffee mug works well as a Happiness Jar)
When you have a good experience, recognize it, appreciate it, and stay with it briefly and savor the moment. Let the experience sink in. Then write it down!
No good thought or experience is too small to be noted. They are all important.
Let's try to fill that jar with good things this week. Then, at the end of the week, let's take some time to review these little pieces of paper and the many good events that happened to us this week. It's a great way to recap our week.
Wednesday Check-in: Look for the updates post this Wednesday. Please post any suggestions or questions you may have for our group. And please share your good things!
Special thanks to Marta @prgirl39mfp for suggesting this challenge!
Make it a great week!
...............................................................................................
Suggested Resources:
Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence. By Rick Hanson, PhD
(I referenced this book for its readability, but there are many other books that document the themes and observations made in this book)
Praise Is Fleeting, but Brickbats We Recall
https://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/24/your-money/why-people-remember-negative-events-more-than-positive-ones.html
Share Your Good News, and You Will Be Better Off
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/share-your-good-news-and-you-will-be-better-off/
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Replies
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If you're wondering, "Can I just record my happy events as a note on my phone?"
Yes, that will work as well. The reason I'm suggesting writing it down is because we tend to remember things better when we write them down. And since one of the goals of this week's challenge is to remember these happy events, there's a lot of merit to writing them down.
On the other hand, making notes on your phone is often easier and more accessible since we have our phones with us. And a permanent electronic record of these happy events has a lot of value too.
As always, whatever works best for you.0 -
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I'm ready for a brain make-over. Bring it on!4
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I read the article about sharing good news. I have a small group of special friends who coffee together every Thursday morning. We share what's happening in our lives and have lots of laughs. We go to the house of the friend who has Parkinson's and can no longer go out easily. Last week someone asked about a trip I have coming up. It was so much fun telling of all the great places I will see, but in the middle of the telling, I felt sad and guilty for being so excited because I know she won't be traveling and having new experiences like that anymore. It's hard to know how to find that balance of sharing my excitement with dear friends with the compassion of not sharing something that will make someone else feel sad. It's a lot to ponder on.5
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I read the article about sharing good news. I have a small group of special friends who coffee together every Thursday morning. We share what's happening in our lives and have lots of laughs. We go to the house of the friend who has Parkinson's and can no longer go out easily. Last week someone asked about a trip I have coming up. It was so much fun telling of all the great places I will see, but in the middle of the telling, I felt sad and guilty for being so excited because I know she won't be traveling and having new experiences like that anymore. It's hard to know how to find that balance of sharing my excitement with dear friends with the compassion of not sharing something that will make someone else feel sad. It's a lot to ponder on.
It is hard to find that balance, @nebslp. But hopefully, even your friend who has Parkinson's and can no longer travel would be happy and excited for you.
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I am going to really like this challenge! I think of myself as a fairly upbeat and optimistic person already, but until I started noticing, appreciating, and tracking the many good things that happened to me, I really underestimated the sheer number. A little bit of mindfulness goes a long way!
I like the idea of sharing our good news/events. Here are just 5 happy things that happened to me or I recognized today. Just a sampling… Today's list is longer than these 5 things.
1. The sun is warm and the birds are chirping and it's a lovely September morning as I walk in my woods. There's no threat of a hurricane where I live and I'm grateful for that.
2. My daughter left this weekend to start her new job down in Virginia. Though I miss her and she's now 600 miles away, I got to Skype with my parents today and they were so excited to see her yesterday. They were so happy and that made me happy.
3. I can walk much faster on my treadmill than I could even a few weeks ago. 2.5 mph is a good clip and I can do it!
4. My physical therapist Ryan has been nudging me to get new shoes that will be more supportive of a foot/walking issue that I have. My new shoes arrived yesterday and I wore them to my PT session this afternoon. He said I'm walking much better with these shoes. Plus, supportive shoes may help me avoid foot problems down the road. That makes me very happy!
5. The customer in line at the grocery store behind me very kindly helped the elderly woman behind him with her groceries. Some of her groceries were quite heavy and she just couldn't manage. He then told her that he would be glad to put her bags in her car for her. Good Guy #1.
This was a double jolt of happiness when I realized that my husband would have done the same thing. Good Guy #2.
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Because I knew I needed to "look" for something to put into a Happiness Jar this week, I sat outside on the back patio for the first time in ages, without any plan of how to use the time, other than waiting to see what I would notice if I just allowed myself to be still and quiet and not pay attention to what I still need to do in the back yard. I set the timer so that I would actually linger there awhile. I sipped my coffee without bringing a book to read or a to do list to make. I wanted to see what I would notice that would make smile and bring a gift of unexpected happiness to my morning.
Here are a few of the things that made me smile:
We are in the last days of our bit of unseasonably cooler weather that we have been having, especially in the morning before it warms up only into only the high 80s. I have been working outside on these mornings, which has been good, but I have probably inadvertently missed simply enjoying them just for what they were: cooler!
This morning there was enough of a breeze that actually caused the sheets on the clothes line to make that flapping sound that only sheets can make if they catch the breeze just right. It was a cool and pleasant breeze this morning.
It was totally quiet! There were no sounds of yet another new roof being put on a nearby house. No sounds of a radio or men talking accompanying the tearing off of shingles. It was very, very quiet. I really like quiet.
A few leaves were drifting down on the breeze. Wow, maybe we will actually have a bit of autumn this year instead of summer rushing into winter with hardly a glimpse of autumn. Autumn is my favorite time of the year, but it is sometimes very hard to find for any length of time here. The same with spring. We are forecast to be heading back into the 90 + degree weather and warmer mornings again. So this morning was a gift.
I spotted a humming bird briefly checking out the hibiscus bushes by the house before going to the garden. Two sparrows flew to sit on the lattice on the side of the patio. How do they ever fly just so that they land in that little spot and sit for a while. They never even noticed me.
When the timer went off I spent a few more minutes listening for 'my' mocking birds and cardinals, but they were not around this morning. Instead the big grackles were. They are definitely not on my favorite bird list and would not add to my happiness. So I wrote some to-do things down and decided that it was time to get moving and water the back fence garden while listening to my current audio book from the library.
:flowerforyou:6 -
This is a great challenge! Thanks for posting it @themedalist and thanks for suggesting it @prgirl39mfp. Being grateful and noticing the good is so important. I kind of try to make it my mission.
@nebslp, I'll bet your friend enjoys hearing your plans and loves that you share them with her. Being too concerned about making someone in such a situation feel bad actually set up inhibits the free flow of conversation that she needs.
My short list today:
1. My early morning walk gave me a beautiful view of the morning star (really the planet Venus) peeking out from the clouds at dawn - a magnificent start to my day.
2. I'm on day 23 of my 30 days of Yoga, and it is getting easier. Also, my family is not complaining that I am in the way as I do my yoga in our small living room while they head out to work.
3. I got to work out with my sister and all my friends at Curves this morning.
4. My students gave some interesting speeches and seemed interested and engaged when I was teaching in class today.
5. I was able to help my daughter cope with a problem and see the humor in the situation.
6. My husband had made dinner when I got home from work.
Yep, my list is getting pretty long. I'll try filling up that jar.5 -
Beautiful observations @texasgardnr and @77tes! I love your posts. This is really a mindfulness challenge and since we have a mindful eating challenge next week, we will be getting in some mindful practice!
"Being grateful and noticing the good is so important. I kind of try to make it my mission". I hope you don't mind @77tes, but I'm stealing your personal mission statement and making it my own!3 -
Just reading y'all's happy messages made me happy. And I could see those little birds on the trellis and hear that sheet flapping in the breeze as I read about it. Good people, nature, and comfortable shoes...all are blessings! Your posts are on my happy list today.5
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I was actually thinking the same thing as @nebslp ! I could actually hear those sheets flapping in the breeze! Reading these actually took me to a different place as I imagined what I was reading. Thank you everyone for sharing! I write every night in my "5 things I'm grateful for today" journal. I also have a Ball canning jar on our counter that we call our smile jar. I have different colors of sticky notes by it and when something cool happens, we write it on the sticky note with the date and at the end of the year, we go through them and realize how blessed we really are. Being grateful is really important to maintain peace in your soul. I try to focus on it daily. xoxo3
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OConnell5483 wrote: »I was actually thinking the same thing as @nebslp ! I could actually hear those sheets flapping in the breeze! Reading these actually took me to a different place as I imagined what I was reading. Thank you everyone for sharing! I write every night in my "5 things I'm grateful for today" journal. I also have a Ball canning jar on our counter that we call our smile jar. I have different colors of sticky notes by it and when something cool happens, we write it on the sticky note with the date and at the end of the year, we go through them and realize how blessed we really are. Being grateful is really important to maintain peace in your soul. I try to focus on it daily. xoxo
What a great family tradition. And you're right. Being grateful makes for a peaceful soul.
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I read the article about sharing good news. I have a small group of special friends who coffee together every Thursday morning. We share what's happening in our lives and have lots of laughs. We go to the house of the friend who has Parkinson's and can no longer go out easily. Last week someone asked about a trip I have coming up. It was so much fun telling of all the great places I will see, but in the middle of the telling, I felt sad and guilty for being so excited because I know she won't be traveling and having new experiences like that anymore. It's hard to know how to find that balance of sharing my excitement with dear friends with the compassion of not sharing something that will make someone else feel sad. It's a lot to ponder on.
How sad. Glad you are able to still share it with her. Hugs.0
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