GREAT FEELING (NSV) don't judge please

ProgressNotPerfection32

Ok so here it goes...... There's a gal I was hired on with 4 years ago. We teach the same grade level. You know the type............ She's one of those who knows it all, kisses *kitten*, throws you under the bus to get ahead, EVEN went ring shopping and got engaged to her long time boyfriend the WEEK after Matt proposed to me because I was engaged, she even had a student teacher her third year, last year (which I don't think is enough experience to teach someone ALL you know about the profession) ............. She was a big athlete in hs and college and was fit, of course very pretty, before she had her baby last year. When we got hired on i was my highest weight of 235 lbs. I'm not a mean spirited person by ANY means, but when it comes to her I want to be better at something..... ANYTHING. She really let herself go, and last fall it made me smile a bit when I was smaller than she was. She half heartedly started running again and walking, and in the spring was losing a lot of the baby weight. Well I'm in the training today with her and noticed that I'm WAAAAY more toned and lean than she is now!! It's nice to finally be better at something because I feel like we are in a constant non spoken competition with each other.

Please don't judge me on being a mean person, it's just a neat NSV for me to have accomplished because I have worked SO DAMN HARD to get where I'm at right now.


I also wanted to add this: most of you don't know my back story. I grew up sheltered but privileged. I had my daughter and her father didn't want any more kids so I raised her and went back to college on my own at 22, with the help of family. I was in an abusive relationship and marriage for 4 1/2 years after my daughter turned 1. During my divorce, I got pg with my son, and raised him on my own (no father around) with help of family and a minimal paying job. Then met my wonderful husband and got a teaching job finally. Life had been a struggle for me, especially weight wise due to lack of money/resources/ etc since I was 21 yrs old. So I understand my coworkers inability to get in shape is from having a child and lack of motivation. But my view on it is, she has a picture perfect life (always has) and for once in SO LONG, it's nice to have the feeling that I'm back in control of my life again. Even if that means sounding like a total witch in my NSV post.


I'm rambling and hope I make sense :-) sorry!!!

danirosevoelkel

First of all you're not shallow at all for feeling that way. I know exactly what kind of person you're speaking of, everything is dang competition to them! Second, you should be DAMN proud of where you are because you worked your @$$ off for it. And hearing you're whole story made me just amazed at how you have taken your life by the reigns and made it into what you wanted. I'm so glad you got away from an abusive relationship. I know many woman aren't strong enough to do so and so I'm happy you weren't one of them. I was in one briefly but the first punch he threw, that was it for me. I met my husband about a month after and pegged him for a rebound and gave him a week LOL. Life is so funny

Some people just need to feel bigger and better then others, I just let it go and thank god I'm not of them. I mean ya, I get a little envious from time to time, but I'm happy to say that I create my own happiness... not chase after nor try and copy someone elses!

We will just call her a copy cat.

Funny you said this because I was showing off my hard work yesterday to a few select co workers with my progress photo and one of "those" people saw it and immediately went on the defense mode! Like she saw me in the break room about an hour later while I was grabbing water (I'm proud each time I walk right past the soda machine!) and she was all out of breath and talking about how she just did 100 crunches and wanted to know how many I could do? I was like, "how ever many Jillian makes me!" lol...anyways, she needed to feel better than I was!! Crazy!! I kept thinking in my head, why are you trying to impress me??

Anyways...here I am rambling!! I wish was all lived close together, I bet we sure would have some good times

mrshallewell

Anyways...here I am rambling!! I wish was all lived close together, I bet we sure would have some good times

HERE HERE!

Seems like we've all had a bad run in something or another. Mine is family members. Moved in with my dad at 16 due to many disagreements with my mom and college was closer so less far to travel. He would always pile my plate full and high telling me i wasnt eating enough. Then when i was 18 he started making really horrible comments like "whens your baby due?". During this time I found out my Paternal Grandmother was a prostitute earlier in life, and 2 members of my family on my dads side (1 blood relative and 1 in marriage) had sexually molested their own children.
Talk about a F~<k3d up family.
After I got married I moved back in with my dad as my husband and I were planning on saving a deposit for our own home, when my dad moved his Dad in with us (one of those mentioned above). I would only go and get food when they were out and spent the rest of my time upstairs, but i would have so much food to make sure i wouldn't end up hungry and have to go back downstairs when they were there.
Moved out and havent looked back since, but its taken me this long to decide i need to do something drastic about my weight. and im finally getting somewhere and IM NOT GOING BACK.

We are strong women and we will get past this hurdle no mater who (family, colleagues or friends) try and discern us!

danirosevoelkel

I suppose its story time for us all.

My journey started when I was 14, I (ashamed, very ashamed) attempted suicide. I swallowed something like 500 Excedrin and just had had enough. My mother, though I love her, was no saint and was manic depressant and bi polar and she drove me to that point. I begged my dad (who hated me cause I was a girl not the boy they wanted) to let me stay with him, that I was breaking and he said no. After I got back from the hospital, the very next day, my mother forced me to clean up the entire house and I fainted. I ran to see my grandmother and she took me away from my mom. I remember wanting to hug my mother and tell her I loved her before I left but she shoved me away and told me she would find a way to hurt me somehow.

After being with my grandma for about two years she started issues insane rules on me. In every night by 5pm including weekends and eventually I just wasn't allowed to go anywhere. So I ran away and she promised to do better...she got much much worse! grounding me for week long blocks! I had a boyfriend, I was 16 and him and I took off together. We got jobs and an apartment and life was finally going decent. Well then all he wanted to do was party when I wanted a home! So everyday we would have his friends over and I got sick of it. Eventually his anger started coming out like ripping the phone out of the wall when I tried to call my friend, who was a girl. One day I was just getting home after spending the day with my brother who had been gone away for years and so my boyfriend never met him. I gave my brother a tight hug goodbye and I guess my bf was watching because as soon as I got in the door, he hit me. And I left that night. He killed my birds, he threw my two kitties off the balcony..he was a monster! And later I found out that his father is in jail for murder! Glad I left.

Not long after our break up, I met my current husband Louis. He was different and shy but adorable and I fell for him fast. He however is an alcoholic and that's been really hard on us. I guess I have trouble understanding the need and want and desire for something that destroys you. Things go so bad that he and I were done a few years back, we split the kids and he had his ticket to Texas and I was ready to wash my hands of this. But two days before his flight he came to me and begged me to just go with him (we lived in Cali). Just go with him and start over and I did... just dropped everything and bought a ticket. He is currently on probation for his 2nd DUI, this last time was with our girls and he still thinks he did nothing wrong. He is on his last draw and he knows it. I love him but I can only go so far.

So that's my story more or less...

ProgressNotPerfection32

Wow......it seems we all have some sort of story...... And we probably are all in the health situations we are in due to emotional eating. I know I am.


I grew up with a single mother.i was adopted at birth. My bio mother was 15 at the time. My adoptive parents divorced when I was 2 because my dad was an addict and alcoholic. He eventually got clean and sober.........he was extremely attentive and loving towards me. My mom had been and still is very overbearing. I was never allowed to make choices or decisions for myself. Doors couldn't be shut in the house without ridicule, including bathroom and bedroom doors. I was her best friend and her only source of love and affection. I started rebelling around 6th grade, although very complacent and easy going. Had my first boyfriend and kiss at 10, got to 2nd base and 3rd by 9th grade. I always was with guys who were as emotionally unavailable as my mom was. I remember her crying one night because I didn't give her a hug and kiss before bed (I was 18) and her saying its my responsibility to make her happy and feel loved. She always told me she just knew she would die young. Very emotionally and verbally abusive towards me. I was spanked until I was 18 and moved out. I went to college for 2 years and drank and drank and then started sleeping around. Very ashamed to admit I had slept with over 100 guys in 3 years, just looking for that emotional connection and love............at 21 I was about ready to be kicked out of college due to such poor grades. Moved back home to take a semester off and of course that wasn't good enough for my mom, because time off means you won't go back. I went out with a boyfriend clubbing one night and was too drunk to drive, so we crashed a his place. Didn't call mom and let her know, she reported me as a missing person and sent family looking for me. I got home, packed my things and left. We didn't communicate for 6 long months. During that time she had a nervous breakdown that almost killed her because she had lost total control of me. That weekend I left, my best friend introduced me to Ecstasy and god did I love it!!!! I justified it because it was a pill, not REALLY. A drug, right?? I was rolling 5 days a week for months. Lost my job. Living with my dad. That was almost rock bottom for me. Found out I was pregnant with my daughter, and swear she saved me...I was 13 weeks when I found out and by the grace of God she is healthy because I was drinking and using still..... I was so desperate for a boy, because I didn't want a girl to go through what I did. To this day, she still attempts to run every aspect of my life. we even teach together and since shes been there 25 years, she thinks she can tell me how to do my job. That's where this story ends and my previous story picks up.


I have to laugh, I am supposed to co facilitate next week with the PERSON mentioned in the first post. My mother just left telling me exactly what to do and how I need to approach her and handle things from here, like I'm a damn kid and an incompetent fool. Got to love people trying to run your life.

We all are stronger women because of our pasts. I am so proud to call you friends!!!

danirosevoelkel

Stronger and we know what we are capable of pulling through

I'm so happy to know you guys!