A chat for the T and +
VictorSmashes
Posts: 173 Member
I noticed a guy chat and a gal chat, but I haven't seen one for nonbinary trans people. I felt like the other chats were literally directed to men OR women, and wanted to make a place for us who either don't conform (GNC), or are nonbinary.
Side note: I don't believe that if you're trans and binary you MUST be in a place specifically for trans people, but I'd like to think of this as a trans-binary-inclusive space, too.
I'm trans nonbinary/genderqueer. I am female-presenting 99.99% of the time out of necessity for school, but fall somewhere closer to masc or agender. I'm also 23 and from the PNW.
Who's out there?
Side note: I don't believe that if you're trans and binary you MUST be in a place specifically for trans people, but I'd like to think of this as a trans-binary-inclusive space, too.
I'm trans nonbinary/genderqueer. I am female-presenting 99.99% of the time out of necessity for school, but fall somewhere closer to masc or agender. I'm also 23 and from the PNW.
Who's out there?
4
Replies
-
Hi!
Nonbinary Ace from Germany here - I'm 22 and mostly presenting as feminine too because work and not being out anywhere not online. Still figuring things out since it only clicked for me about a year ago, tho in retrospect there've always been issues and hints.
Started here to loose some weight for a more androgynous look, wanny try natural methods before I go at anything like hormon therapy and surgery, especially since I still have to get sure on what I want the end goal to be.1 -
DanaLizard wrote: »Hi!
Nonbinary Ace from Germany here - I'm 22 and mostly presenting as feminine too because work and not being out anywhere not online. Still figuring things out since it only clicked for me about a year ago, tho in retrospect there've always been issues and hints.
Started here to loose some weight for a more androgynous look, wanny try natural methods before I go at anything like hormon therapy and surgery, especially since I still have to get sure on what I want the end goal to be.
That's rad, hi there. I hope your work comes around and you start to feel more comfortable there. Still, it's a good thing to wait and figure yourself out. Kind of an unpopular opinion, but I personally believe it's easier to come out once (to each group of people) rather than having to explain a previous ID doesn't fit anymore. However, some people like to do that, too, and if it works for them I can't say anything haha.
I feel that-- wanting to be skinny for an androgynous look. My education and future-career require a professional look and it pains me that not conforming is often viewed as unprofessional! At least if I can present as androgynous it'll save some of my sanity.
Mind if I add you as a friend?0 -
Ah, I'm comfortable alright at work, been in that office for two years, but it also means knowing that the people there are not open-minded enough to accept it. I had severe issues with bullying in school – for other things, just left me with an anxiety disorder bad enough that I'll not have the stress of how and when to come out and what consequences it'll have. So might just leave work in the dark.
ID change is more difficult here – they added a third gender option early this year so the process isn't for trans only anymore, but by law it requires a doctors note I need that and getting those is hard since no one here really knows how to handle nonbinaries. Queer sexualities are accepted just fine, trans is coming in as normal more and more, but nonbinary is close to unheard off. It only got attention when the ID law change had discussions spouting left and right about how “ridiculous” it was to “invent” a third gender, how mother nature hasn't meant it like that, how (minus some abnormalities) the chromosome set is deciding our gender and everything else is just a mix of feminism gone down the wrong path and the youths usual ways of having to feel special in a world of norms. Lots of *kitten*. Probably a language thing too, because 'gender' and 'sex' are the same word in german, complicating explanations... I'm still searching for a good educational book to hand my family once I decide to tell them.
Skinny I'll probably never be thanks to standing a solid 5 feet / 150 cm, but I want to try before I take more radical measures like breast reduction and hormone therapy – both being a hassle to get too, while healthy eating and more sport is going to be positive either way. But yes, sanity too. The first step to that was shaving 2/3 of my hair off and dying the rest blue lol.
Don't mind, go ahead! Journeys are better together
0 -
I feel that so much! I'm so sorry that that's happening. Here where I live they were talking about a third gender option as well, but I can't remember if anything got through and there was definitely naysayers talking about how ridiculous it was. Here's the thing: if 1 in 2000 people are born intersex, then it's not "ridiculous" or "radical," it's more people than who are diagnosed with cystic fibrosis (http://www.isna.org/faq/ten_myths/rare)! If chromosomally or naturally there are non-binary sexes then there are non-binary genders. The extreme right are just defending their "right" to be bigots is all. *shrug*
I'm 154 cm (5'1" ish) and I soooooo totally get it. It's hard to be short and be seen as anything other than feminine when you're curvy. I had full top surgery in Aug 2015 and while it helped tremendously when it came to getting a job, I'm still hella dysphoric and have a lot of body dysmorphia. Don't let that dissuade you from ever having top surgery or a reduction, but I just think if you can manage, then do manage before surgery.
Do you still have that side/undercut? I had one a while back then I went full shaved 2 years ago! I still keep having to convince myself not to because of school and I can't make up for it with makeup (pretty bad contact dermatitis prevents me from using makeup).1 -
A lot of it isn't even really about how many people are affected, it's just a mix of lacking education on the matter and misinformation. Like a lot of people got upset because they thought every public place would have to install a third no-gender bathroom and who was going to pay for that? The lack of a good equivalent for „they“ makes it harder too since there are a dozen official variants going round and no one knows the right one – I've settled on Xie/Xir for myself (using an english word in german throws me off and I read that one in a real lovely inclusive book and it just clicked) tho I'm fine with They in english-speaking environments.
Yes, it's so hard! With a loose hoodie, a cap and my nice new glasses I can pass for a pudgy boy though. Don't have much breast to start with, so loosing some weight and see how much they bother me standing out more is a kind of test where the dysphoria starts – currently it's more like two flabs of flesh that I could do without but don't mind having that much either. Idk. Time will tell.
Oh, yes! Just got it a month ago, after a lot of thinking – I've already went from long hair to short bob and then a pixi and I felt I'd need to cut off more to be really happy. Worked great. Since the remaining top hair, barely enough for a pixi, is bleached to blonde as a base for my colorful semi-permanent dyes I'll keep that for at least half a year, more likely longer. Got 6 pots of color for touch ups here, ranging from dark blue over turquoise to dark green and I intend to cycle through that every month. Makeup I don't wear either. Wouldn't even know how, I was the kind of quiet book nerd kid that never bothered about looks much. All I got now is some blue glitter lip gloss and a small palette of of bright-colored eye shadow in the rainbow colors that I have yet to try. And nail polish is more a way to keep me from chewing nails if I have to face some stressfull times.0 -
Well my comment on the amount of people affected was more toward the fact that people use that to dismiss us. But yeah, inconvenience is an issue too. And logistics. If they didn't install a third bathroom, do they mix each bathroom? Do they mix only the men, or the women? Other option, convert them to single stalls? In Dublin there were a lot of businesses that had gendered restrooms which were basically floor-to-ceiling tall stalls separated by sections of the room! They're already mixed and yet technically "separate." I understand some of those concerns, but a man can easily walk into the women's room just the same as walking into a mixed gender room.
You should/could/may definitely experience some decrease in those areas and hopefully you do!
I used to bleach and color my hair when I was working at my last job, but I've been trying to keep it natural as I grow it out. Then today I chopped about 3 inches off again! I like to think the chin-length bob is technically androgynous and given how long it's taken for the front to catch up with the back, I keep having to cut the back to the same short length anyway. Hopefully the layers added look androgynous lol
I don't know how to use makeup either, as I developed dermatitis at an early age due to swimming. I only recently bought lip color to look slightly feminine at school and interning. We'll see how much I hate that. Nail polish is really fun! My brother likes to wear it a lot, and sometimes I do, too. I have short nailbeds though and nail polish makes them look shorter.0 -
In my opinion unisex bathrooms were the best. Here there's stalls anyway and it's not like anyone controls who enters. Once long lines build in front of the woman ones I've seen the ones bold enough just walk into the mens one.
I will see. It's not like I have any expectations yet and I loose it as much for my health as for a better body feel, so it's a win anyway. And since it's a slow change I can grow used to it and see how I feel with it.
I don't intend to bleach it heavily – I don't mind the roots and the part that's shaved short is staying my original brown anyway. Chopping off always feels great! Don't think there is any gender-specific hairstyles anyway, in the old ages men used to have just as long hair as woman or the womans short – egyptians preferred to shave off all body hair and wear fancy wigs and I'd bet a lot of these late-medieval powdered wigs had short hair beneath. It's hair. Whatever goes with you is fine.
My thing is, I never cared how it looks to others. Just was too scared as a kid/teen to do anything that'd stand out, thanks to feeling awful and wishing I could just existing. With lip color I would probably use it more if there were more colors that aren't a shade of red/pink/beige/brown. My nails are always clipped short and I always get the polish over the edges, but I don't care. It's about the pretty color, not perfection.0 -
Hi DanaLizard and VictorSmashes!
I guess there are at least 3 of us here. I am older, so, with no resources or vocabulary growing up, it took me longer to understand my identity. I identity as genderqueer, being a hodgepodge of female, male, and non-binary (just depends on the day).
One thing that I find hard to navigate is when groups specify a gender (such as "ladies night out" or "boys club"). I'm never sure if I am welcome or if I will feel comfortable.
I like that you started this discussion. Hopefully we can keep it going!
I've been on MFP for about a month. I'm trying to lose the 20 pounds that I gained in the last 5 years (but will be okay losing 15). I've lost 5.5 pounds so far since the beginning of May. It's slow going, but I have plenty of time.1 -
Hi there, trans genderqueer and mostly identify as a guy. I’m trying to lose weight before I get surgery for top. So if you have any ideas for workouts I can do, that would be great1
-
Hi! I'm non-binary sometimes and gender fluid sometimes. I really relate to the comments about wanting to lose weight to look more androgynous. My body is so curvy that people always assume I am a woman and I would just love if that didn't happen all the time. I'm also aiming to lose weight so I won't worried about being denied a breast reduction (so I can bind more easily on the days I want to bind).
I'm new to using the forums. I have a hard time with how binary everything is. I am so happy for this little group.
I would love more friends. So please feel free to add me and we can go on this journey together.
Oh yeah! I'm trying to lose 40-60lbs1 -
Jzaback004 wrote: »Hi there, trans genderqueer and mostly identify as a guy. I’m trying to lose weight before I get surgery for top. So if you have any ideas for workouts I can do, that would be great
While losing weight, you should try for a balanced exercise routine that includes cardio, strength, flexibility, and balance. Be careful to eat enough protein and lose weight at a safe rate.
Once you have lost weight and after you are fully recovered from surgery, you can do a bulk with a serious weight training regimen. Be sure to read up on doing so safely and ideally get a high quality personal trainer to get you started.
While there are limits to how much muscle you can build with your natural levels of testosterone, you can look at photos of XY body builders and see that it is possible.2 -
dangermooch wrote: »Hi! I'm non-binary sometimes and gender fluid sometimes. I really relate to the comments about wanting to lose weight to look more androgynous. My body is so curvy that people always assume I am a woman and I would just love if that didn't happen all the time. I'm also aiming to lose weight so I won't worried about being denied a breast reduction (so I can bind more easily on the days I want to bind).
I'm new to using the forums. I have a hard time with how binary everything is. I am so happy for this little group.
I would love more friends. So please feel free to add me and we can go on this journey together.
Oh yeah! I'm trying to lose 40-60lbs
Personally, I stay curvy at every weight. I'd probably have to get to underweight to start losing the curves, and I would never do that to my body. Clothing choices can help, but, for me, I have tried to just accept that it doesn't matter what other people see. I know who I am.1 -
I would say if you want to look more male, then focus on upper body strength training with a bit of lower body to balance it out, while if you want to look more female then some upper body but more lower body focused. If you want to be both/neither, then more equally split, or possibly slightly leaning toward whichever is weaker on you.
Visually males tend to have a stronger/bigger upper body, while females tend to have a stronger/bigger lower body. So mimic that in your workout structure. Male oriented strength routines like Body Beast or P90X are very upper body focused with generally only 1 or 2 days a week given to lower body or total body (upper and lower combined), while female oriented strength routines like Brazil Butt Lift are the opposite. If you want to look a particular gender, then you can mimic this.
Gender genetics don't really matter that much in the muscle building arena, it's more about where you put the work. More effort on upper body will net more upper body muscle growth, and the opposite is also true. You can't alter your rate of muscle growth beyond the max that your genetics allow, but you can control where that muscle growth is focused if you choose. There are plenty of genetically female bodybuilders with a very top heavy, masculine shape, and there are definitely body building drag queens who look amazingly feminine.
For something more gender neutral, then a balanced, more evenly split routine. A lot of martial artists and ballet dancers are very balanced and achieve male or female or androgynous looks with just clothing changes. It's more of a long and lean and fit look without being bulky in either the upper or lower body, if that makes sense.
It's a challenge to alter body composition, but it's not impossible.2 -
Hi everyone. Thanks for joining the queer brigade lol I'm sorry it's been a while since I've checked in-- I've been busy with school and studies and my ever-confusing health.
boldknee-- I'm excited for you! Nip that weight problem right in the bud. You can do it. Once you get up where I'm at, the losing feels hopeless at times.
jzaback004-- Sorry I didn't get back to you, but I'm glad other people suggested some things. I had top surgery in 2015 and while I don't regret having it done most days, I do wish I had put in the effort to lose the weight then. The most important thing I've heard is work on your core and your chest prior to having surgery (and all else but focus on those) because it'll make recovery smoother and it may help your overall end goal, if you've been working toward a more masculine body that is.
dangersmooch-- It really depends on where you have it done. My surgeon was Dr. Tony Mangubat in Tukwila and while he asked if I was sure about doing it at 200+ lbs, he obviously went through with it. My suggestions are like those to jzaback004 and in addition to that, I've heard that working on your obliques helps tremendously in gaining that "masculine" frame, or cutting curves. Ultimately the goal would be to bulk the obliques, hard but I've heard it works.
tcunbeliever-- Thanks for the comprehensive suggestions! Genetics definitely play a big role in composition and muscle building, although I do agree it isn't necessarily a gender thing, it's more of a family thing.
--Granted, I have been an athlete multiple times in my life so I know it gets easier and easier each time you come back around, but I know that I see immediate results as soon as I jump back on the wagon, whereas for some people it takes weeks, if not months. This is something my whole immediate family sees (both in me and in themselves). I do agree that perseverance is key though, when you don't have this er... "gift" (I also have the "gift" of gaining FAT easily and having a bunch of other medical issues).
I'll try to add you all, but I've been pretty AWOL lately. Like I said busy, and with that not eating right, and experiencing what concerns me may be diabetes (yay... but at least if I just suck it up and lose the weight it could/should go away).0 -
"boldknee-- I'm excited for you! Nip that weight problem right in the bud. You can do it. Once you get up where I'm at, the losing feels hopeless at times."
I'm 5'3" and I used to weigh around 200 pounds. It is absolutely possible to lose, so don't feel hopeless. We are here to help.0 -
"boldknee-- I'm excited for you! Nip that weight problem right in the bud. You can do it. Once you get up where I'm at, the losing feels hopeless at times."
I'm 5'3" and I used to weigh around 200 pounds. It is absolutely possible to lose, so don't feel hopeless. We are here to help.
Ooh yeah that's about where I'm at. I'm 202 lbs and 5'1". I've been trying to lose for years haha. I lost 43 lbs in 2017 and have gained more than that back, although I'm back down 24 lbs from the 57 lbs in total I regained (from 212 to 169 to 226 lbs in the last 5 years). I had body dysphoria and body dysmorphia, which at the time I had thought I was fatter than I was. Now I have body dysmorphia and forget I'm so huge.
The hopelessness itself is more a factor of other issues though and I'm not giving up on losing weight this time! Even if I took a 2 week break recently.0 -
Question for the group: How do you feel about body hair?
Personally, I would be happy if every bit other than my head, eyebrows, and eyelashes disappeared. I was curious if this was just a me thing or something other non-binary, quenderqueer, etc people felt too.1 -
Another question:. What do you think of the new Mattel Creatable World dolls? Would you have liked these as a child? Would you buy them for a child in your life? Would the gender/gender identity of the child make a difference in your decision to buy?0
-
I didn't even know about these, so thank you for pointing them out!
Mattel is brilliant, just in general...the whole Monster High line paired with the Ever After line, so they are competing with themselves and just reeling in all the money by having different dolls.
This one is even more brilliant because you can make your doll however you want it, and at $30, it's still a very reasonable price for parents.
I think this will be one that everyone likes, traditionally gendered kids want to be able to customize and have unique dolls just like kids that are not traditional genders.
My daughter is traditionally female, but she loves taking the faces off her dolls and repainting and reclothing them into something else, either from a show/anime or just from her imagination. This allows kids of any age to do that without having to learn a crafty set of skills to accomplish customizing their toys.0 -
tcunbeliever wrote: »I didn't even know about these, so thank you for pointing them out!
Mattel is brilliant, just in general...the whole Monster High line paired with the Ever After line, so they are competing with themselves and just reeling in all the money by having different dolls.
This one is even more brilliant because you can make your doll however you want it, and at $30, it's still a very reasonable price for parents.
I think this will be one that everyone likes, traditionally gendered kids want to be able to customize and have unique dolls just like kids that are not traditional genders.
My daughter is traditionally female, but she loves taking the faces off her dolls and repainting and reclothing them into something else, either from a show/anime or just from her imagination. This allows kids of any age to do that without having to learn a crafty set of skills to accomplish customizing their toys.
Okay, I totally want to see dolls that your daughter turned into anime characters. What a cool craft! And, have you seen the anime where the girl makes like a hundred dolls of one the other girls in town. It's supposed to be just hero worship, but, geez, that is freaky when they show her bedroom full of the dolls!0 -
Hi all,
I'm genderdluid nonbinary leaning towards agender or masc most days. Please add me if you're in this thread, I would love to have more trans+ friends who are trying to lose weight as well. My weight keeps fluctuating and it's really hard to lose weight but I think once I lose some weight it will really help me not feel quite so dysphoric because the guy shirts I want to wear don't sit right over my tummy even when I'm binding and that sucks.0 -
Question for the group: How do you feel about body hair?
Personally, I would be happy if every bit other than my head, eyebrows, and eyelashes disappeared. I was curious if this was just a me thing or something other non-binary, quenderqueer, etc people felt too.
I keep falling out of checking this thread but YES. I just shaved my legs and I feel so clean. I sometimes shave my arms but I hate the stubble that grows out, and it makes me feel dirtier. I have dense, dark body hair and sometimes I feel like I need to go get it professionally waxed. As it is, I epillate my legs.landryferguson wrote: »Hi all,
I'm genderdluid nonbinary leaning towards agender or masc most days. Please add me if you're in this thread, I would love to have more trans+ friends who are trying to lose weight as well. My weight keeps fluctuating and it's really hard to lose weight but I think once I lose some weight it will really help me not feel quite so dysphoric because the guy shirts I want to wear don't sit right over my tummy even when I'm binding and that sucks.
Hiya! I feel this so much. Welcome to the thread-- I don't check in here often because of school, depression, and falling off the wagon A LOT but I'll still come back in once in a while heh. I'll add ya, 'cause I feel like we need to be there for each other. I've looked into potentially buying spanx for my own stomach, but I'm worried that if I do, it'll give me reason to give up on trying to lose it. However, it's an option for you. When I first had top surgery, I got really dysphoric and dysmorphic about my large stomach, and living in the closet as a woman means a lot of presumptions that I'm pregnant (yuck), so I feel you!0 -
Hi, me again!
What kinda underwear do you wear? Not being creepy, just curious what others wear. I keep getting ads for Jockey Y-front and boyshorts here on MFP. I've bought boyshorts once but they rolled up like crazy and had seams in weird places, so that was a failure even though I liked how they looked. My fav right now are hipsters from Exofficio. They are like very short boyshorts, but without any leg roll-up issues. Cost a fortune, though, even when on great sales. I get them more for their great wicking properties because I walk a lot and live in a climate not suitable for humans most of the year 😁.1 -
Hi, me again!
What kinda underwear do you wear? Not being creepy, just curious what others wear. I keep getting ads for Jockey Y-front and boyshorts here on MFP. I've bought boyshorts once but they rolled up like crazy and had seams in weird places, so that was a failure even though I liked how they looked. My fav right now are hipsters from Exofficio. They are like very short boyshorts, but without any leg roll-up issues. Cost a fortune, though, even when on great sales. I get them more for their great wicking properties because I walk a lot and live in a climate not suitable for humans most of the year 😁.
I mistyped. It's the Exofficio hipkini that I like!0 -
Hi, me again!
What kinda underwear do you wear? Not being creepy, just curious what others wear. I keep getting ads for Jockey Y-front and boyshorts here on MFP. I've bought boyshorts once but they rolled up like crazy and had seams in weird places, so that was a failure even though I liked how they looked. My fav right now are hipsters from Exofficio. They are like very short boyshorts, but without any leg roll-up issues. Cost a fortune, though, even when on great sales. I get them more for their great wicking properties because I walk a lot and live in a climate not suitable for humans most of the year 😁.
I normally wear seamless underwear from Ross that are kinda silky feeling or seamless underwear from Target. I can't stand weird seams lol.0 -
I wear string thongs during the day, and bikini cuts at night or with those dresses that just cannot seem to stay out of my butt crack...I usually buy mine from amazon...there are so many options, and I love the customer reviews...plus, I'm a bit geeky so end up with bunches of super heroes and disney patterns. Lately I've gotten some bikini cuts that have a wide stretchy lace on the leg bands and waist...I'm loving how those both look and also seem to stay in place and not roll.
The only boy shorts I really loved were Hanky Panks, and those are super pricey so I only owned one pair that I got for a special occasion dress...to be fair, they are about 5 years old now and starting to fall apart, but that's a long time for stretchy lace to last.1 -
I used to be boxer-briefs all the way, until I went on vacation in spring and bought ExOfficio “give-n-go” men’s briefs. Got me back into brief style. I gave in and bought hip-style women’s underwear and wear those most days. I still think boxer-briefs are great for thigh rub, but only if I invested in new ones, since they wear out quickly.
So briefs, specifically those exofficio and Hanes moisture wick hip “panties.” I also hate box cut or boyshort cut, because I also find they either roll or dig in, or don’t cover enough of my Latin *kitten*.
Good question!
I have a clothing question for those who are overweight, still wear bras sometimes (perhap in the closet in some sitches?), and either: a) have had top surgery, or b) have disproportionately small breasts.... Where do you shop for bras?
Background: My transition is on halt, I’ve had top surgery, and my chest (albeit fat) is certainly masculine, plus nipples showing is a problem. But they dont make 40AA anywhere.
I’m stuck on sports bras which are too narrow for the straps, and tank tops or camis, which roll up since I’m now a pear.0 -
I am lucky enough to have a real bra shop locally for unusual sizes...Kiss & Makeup in Richmond, VA...I'm not sure where you are located but I'm sure they will ship if you don't have a bra shop locally.
I have had very minimal success with bras on Amazon...even when the brand and size is one I have purchased before the sizing is not consistent from Amazon like it is from the bra shop...I suspect the Amazon bras are fakes from overseas and that's the reason they are off.0 -
I've been so tempted by boxer briefs - they look comfy. But being, unfortunately, curvy at every size, I don't know that any would fit.
Also can't help on the bra question. The day my mom said I couldn't run around shirtless anymore like my brother was one of those both sad and confusing days in my childhood. And when she said I had to wear bras...😫.
Still a C cup no matter how thin I am.0 -
Tcunbeliever,
I will try to find a bra shop. Or balls to start transitioning in this rural town. (Fortunately we have resources, unfortunately we also still have an ABUNDANCE of backward hicks.)
Bold_rabbit,
I totally feel that. I’ve always been curvy, no thigh gap, etc etc even when I was 100 lbs. I size up for boxer briefs, haven't gone below XL even while losing weight in that area, because of my hips and thighs themselves.
For bras, before surgery I had a much smaller ribcage, but that meant my chest was 34-36G, or what I actually wore was 40DD, with the chest brought in, and the cups still weren’t big enough. Bras are a nightmare!0
