Introduction: Trigger Warning
StillHunger
Posts: 6 Member
Hi,
I'm not sure I really belong here but I don't think what I do with food is normal... I have been able to keep my disordered behavior at bay, mostly it's been in the shadow of my depression and suicidal behavior/self-destruction stuff. I thought I had put this behind me but two weeks ago I got really re-triggered and I thought I was back to those days little calories and I thought about fasting. In my 20s I think I had an eating disorder for a few months... I don't think I have a full-blown eating disorder, because when I eat a lot at a time, I don't purge... I never did. Now I'm in my 30s. I'm overweight according to my BMI
I know it's just a number but I can't help feeling bad.
Sometimes I cry about it and feel totally helpless. I want to like my body but I just don't know how to do it.
Like I said... I'm not a typical anorexic or a binge eater but lately I have been feeling scared that I will go back to the days of diet cokes and diet jell-o...
I want to exercise more and eat better but things get tangled up in my head and I find myself just wishing those old thoughts would not creep in. I don't really know who to talk to, people don't believe me and I guess I don't believe myself... that I have a problem, maybe?
I joined MFP so I can track my calories and activity better...
I'm not sure I really belong here but I don't think what I do with food is normal... I have been able to keep my disordered behavior at bay, mostly it's been in the shadow of my depression and suicidal behavior/self-destruction stuff. I thought I had put this behind me but two weeks ago I got really re-triggered and I thought I was back to those days little calories and I thought about fasting. In my 20s I think I had an eating disorder for a few months... I don't think I have a full-blown eating disorder, because when I eat a lot at a time, I don't purge... I never did. Now I'm in my 30s. I'm overweight according to my BMI
I know it's just a number but I can't help feeling bad.
Sometimes I cry about it and feel totally helpless. I want to like my body but I just don't know how to do it.
Like I said... I'm not a typical anorexic or a binge eater but lately I have been feeling scared that I will go back to the days of diet cokes and diet jell-o...
I want to exercise more and eat better but things get tangled up in my head and I find myself just wishing those old thoughts would not creep in. I don't really know who to talk to, people don't believe me and I guess I don't believe myself... that I have a problem, maybe?
I joined MFP so I can track my calories and activity better...
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Replies
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Welcome!
I hope MFP helps you attain your goals.
I struggle daily.
Feel free to add e if you'd like0
