So true.........
AnnaPixie
Posts: 7,439 Member
I know that this is so true for anyone I've ever had a relationship with. It just fits. When it's hard work and doesnt flow right, then I don't think you're right for each other.
True? False?
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I know that this is so true for anyone I've ever had a relationship with. It just fits. When it's hard work and doesnt flow right, then I don't think you're right for each other.
True? False?
Tough one. I don't believe in fate or any sort of outside destiny. I don't think that everyone necessarily is granted a birth right to love and happiness, even though I do believe everyone DESERVES it but it takes hard work and a little luck.
I've also kind of been tossing around the idea lately that any two people could be soul mates if they were able to connect on a level deeper than shared interests, looks, etc. I'm still trying to work out whether I think that deeper level exists, though, and if my damaged head can tap in to it. If it does, I think that it just takes a sh*tload of looking inside oneself to find it. When two people meet who have both found that level and are willing to share it, then... it clicks?
However, I don't think that relationships fail in order to leave you ready for your one true love. I think they fail because one or both partners are not ready for it or can't match the puzzle pieces of their surface level characteristics (hobbies, etc). I think the picture is a romanticized fantasy that people use to feel better about a bad situation. Pretty gloomy, huh?
I also think the dude is wearing capri pants. That's what really bothers me here.0 -
Maybe I'm just a jaded cynic, but I have a very hard time believing in the concept of "the one." From my experience in dating, it always seems like it puts way too much pressure on the other person to be the person that I want them to be, or vice versa. I've dated some pretty shady characters having been blinded by what I wanted to see, rather than what I actually saw. Who knows, though? Maybe someday the perfect man will walk into my life, sweep me off my feet and make me not care one bit about any of my past relationships! It sure is a nice thought. *sigh*
Oh Chris. Ha! I had to look back at the picture to notice the capris. How funny :laugh:0 -
I've also kind of been tossing around the idea lately that any two people could be soul mates if they were able to connect on a level deeper than shared interests, looks, etc. I'm still trying to work out whether I think that deeper level exists, though, and if my damaged head can tap in to it. If it does, I think that it just takes a sh*tload of looking inside oneself to find it. When two people meet who have both found that level and are willing to share it, then... it clicks?
I think that deeper level exists subliminally. That's what I'm trying to say, that if it fits, it just fits. No deeper analysis necessary. It just works. Not in every way. I mean, nothing is ever perfect! However, there is a connection that I feel with some people, and other people, no matter how good looking or good they are on paper, if I dont feel it, then it's just not going to work.I also think the dude is wearing capri pants. That's what really bothers me here.
You are so funny! I actually think you and I would get on great IRL :flowerforyou:0 -
Yes, I agree with this. I'm willing to bet the reason you haven't found this yet is because the right guy hasn't popped up, and not because YOU aren't there yet.I think that deeper level exists subliminally. That's what I'm trying to say, that if it fits, it just fits. No deeper analysis necessary. It just works. Not in every way. I mean, nothing is ever perfect! However, there is a connection that I feel with some people, and other people, no matter how good looking or good they are on paper, if I dont feel it, then it's just not going to work.
Also agree 100%.I actually think you and I would get on great IRL :flowerforyou:0 -
Maybe I'm just a jaded cynic, but I have a very hard time believing in the concept of "the one." From my experience in dating, it always seems like it puts way too much pressure on the other person to be the person that I want them to be, or vice versa. I've dated some pretty shady characters having been blinded by what I wanted to see, rather than what I actually saw. Who knows, though? Maybe someday the perfect man will walk into my life, sweep me off my feet and make me not care one bit about any of my past relationships! It sure is a nice thought. *sigh*
Oh Chris. Ha! I had to look back at the picture to notice the capris. How funny :laugh:
Hmmm! Good point. I'm not so sure I believe in 'the one' either. But I do believe there are some people that are right for you and there are others that are not. Some people 'get you' and others just don't. And then there are various others along the way. It's a matter of finding that person that gets you and seeing if the other things fit into place. Mostly, it doesn't fit, unfortunately. But when you do find someone that you click with you then realise the others were just nowhere near 'right' in the first place.
A lot of the time we end up forcing things to be right by trying to accommodate the other person. I think we do this as we are all desperate for love. As a species we just can't live without it. So, we settle. However, I have definitely experienced the right fit a few times in life and it's never forced. It just IS.0 -
Yes, I agree with this. I'm willing to bet the reason you haven't found this yet is because the right guy hasn't popped up, and not because YOU aren't there yet.I think that deeper level exists subliminally. That's what I'm trying to say, that if it fits, it just fits. No deeper analysis necessary. It just works. Not in every way. I mean, nothing is ever perfect! However, there is a connection that I feel with some people, and other people, no matter how good looking or good they are on paper, if I dont feel it, then it's just not going to work.
No, I would say I've found it 3 times in my life. It's just circumstances that prevented it being a lifetime thing. I'm talking from experience. It does exist. And I can only hope I experience it again...... and youre right, the guy needs to be on the same page too! THAT is what was lacking in my last beautiful encounter...........awwww :brokenheart:
But there is always hope.....
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I'm pretty sure that I am too picky. As much as anyone hates to admit it, I really am. The problem isn't that I'm picky with how someone looks, as I've had hopeless crushes on seriously beautiful men and men who most would overlook as just not being attractive at all. It's always the brain for me. When it comes to dating sites, I'll talk to just about anyone, but I'll dismiss them very quickly if I find them boring. I always feel a bit out of the loop though, because I honestly don't care if a relationship works out. I suppose I have figured out how to be happy single because I was taught when I was younger that I wasn't attractive enough to deserve a man unless he was gross and rejected by everyone else. (Not bitter, I promise. I went to a very shallow school where being attractive was almost a sign of your spiritual worth :laugh: )
Now I just tend to think that if I meet somebody amazing who literally makes my little world brighter by being in it in some way, then I'll be happy to be in a relationship. I know I'm probably too young to say this, but I have a very hard time believing that a perfect man for me exists, and I really don't want to settle. Please don't get me wrong, I have a very high respect for many men and very much enjoy my close friendships with the men I am friends with, but for some reason, it just never seems right. When I do give up and date someone, it always ends badly.
Anna, I'm envious of your "beautiful encounters." I would love to have at least one someday. It wouldn't even have to be a lifetime event 0 -
Relationships take work and effort. But they shouldn't be so difficult! I grew up in a home where my parents went through hell but toughed it out. They've been married 36 years. So I grew up thinking I had to work hard when with someone.
It's probably why I stuck with my marriage years after it was over. And I'm proud that my parents have been together so long but I don't want to waste my life being unhappy, crying, angry, etc.
Now, if it's not working out (problems, incompatability, etc) then I can walk away. I love that security I have within me!
I am not sure if I believe in the one. But I definitely am looking for someone where it's right and it just fits. I think I will just feel it too.0 -
I agree to a degree. There are certain people who just mesh really well together and makes the relationship feel effortless. With that said there will always be hurtles to overcome and fights to be had at some point, I think it's more of how you handle those and move past them that really makes that person shine0
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I agree to a degree. There are certain people who just mesh really well together and makes the relationship feel effortless. With that said there will always be hurtles to overcome and fights to be had at some point, I think it's more of how you handle those and move past them that really makes that person shine
Agree!
I also feel believe that there is more the just one of 'the one' for you because if you could only meet one person a lot more of us would be sadly single searching for this being. But that doesn't mean you should just stick it out with anyone and be miserable. yes relationships take work, but it is 50/50... and people just won't mesh - whether it be personality, hobbies, values, communication style, abuse, addictions, what have you.... there are people better suited for you than others, and we should never settle!
Relationships should have a sense of ease, of trust, of camaraderie, and no one should be left feeling 'WTF' is this all about all of the time.... You mesh or you don't, and you should feel enough trust in the fact that someone else will be out there better suited for you!0 -
Anna, I'm envious of your "beautiful encounters." I would love to have at least one someday. It wouldn't even have to be a lifetime event
Don't be envious hun, it will happen to you. One day you will talk to someone that just seems to be your other half! It may or not work out, as Atjays rightly said, there are other hurdles to overcome, but I think you will know what I mean when it happens. It might have already happened with one of your friends! 0 -
I believe opposite of most of you...I think there is "the one" and you will know when you meet them, but then could get sidetracked or circumstances come about that you can't be together. I have a coworker who met her husband, was married within 6 mos and she has been marrried for almost 26 years......and you can STILL see that she and her husband are in love--he is "the one" for her.
I think I have mentioned before.....my dad and stepmom and mom and stepdad dated before my mom and dad got together. then my dad and mom divorced when I was 2 and they both went back with the ones they were with before they met each other and both have now been married for 37 years........so circumstances pulled them apart (stepdad went into Marine Corp and stepmom went to school in Midwest), but they ended up with the right person for them............0 -
I don't believe in the one ...I also don't believe in love at first sight or the lightning bolt. Ithink that there are several people in this world of however many billion who would be good matches and love each other. I do think each love is different and that none are wrong. But I think all that the one buisness is a nice selling idea from hollywood and rom-com (ugh)0
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I actually read an article recently suggesting that you should avoid people with the mentality there there are soul mates and "one ideal" person out there for you. The reasoning was that people with this mindset will tend to be fleeting when times get difficult. Instead of working through troubles and communicating wants and needs and resolving difficulties, they will more than likely chalk it up to the most recent partner not being the one and move on to the next.0
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It shouldn't be too hard work, especially in the beginning of the relationship.
There are specific moments that will require you to work harder: marriage, births, moving together, change of location... Surely, none of this can "flow" naturally and it will necessarily stress the relationship, and force the partners to discuss things seriously.
It also gets easier as you age, as you are more confident about yourself, have less and less boxes to tick, and feel probably less compelled about finding a "perfect match" but instead someone with who you can spend some good time (but with who you don't necessarily want to build something together).0 -
I actually read an article recently suggesting that you should avoid people with the mentality there there are soul mates and "one ideal" person out there for you. The reasoning was that people with this mindset will tend to be fleeting when times get difficult. Instead of working through troubles and communicating wants and needs and resolving difficulties, they will more than likely chalk it up to the most recent partner not being the one and move on to the next.
I agree with this...0 -
i dont agree with the idea that right relationships are easy and wrong was are hard because i know there are plenty of relationships where people just overlook crap and those are easy in terms of them jst going with the flow even when there are clear warning signs.
all relationships are work whether they be good or bad. the difference is the type of work you're putting into the relationship. the right kind of work wont feel like work, but that's doesnt by any means that you're just cruising through it.0 -
I was told once by a very wise friend that 99% of the relationships you enter into will fail. Not because there is anything wrong with either person in the relationship, just it wasn't meant to be.0
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Unfortunately I'm just too bitter to give superb advice but to break it down and give my 2cents worth:
1. I don't believe in magic
2. Nobody just "walks" into your life, the only way this happens is via the internet, there are connections everywhere
3. Makes you understand why it never worked out with anyone else... problematic words here "Makes you" - nothing makes you do anything. You choose to "make" yourself.
I don't believe in "meant to be" I believe in two people understanding that each of you is very different and each party CHOOSES to figure out whatever the probmes that arise may be. And are willing to say "I picked you because I liked you" and I'm going to work it out.
:flowerforyou:
Edit: I must have hit a button and it posted too soon.0 -
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I don't believe in "meant to be" I believe in two people understanding that each of you is very different and each party CHOOSES to figure out whatever the probmes that arise may be. And are willing to say "I picked you because I liked you" and I'm going to work it out.
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Well put, I agree.0
