Returning to Work

lovelyrose11

After 2 years of being a stay at home mom I am back working full time. I have a 2 year and a 8 month old. The 2 year I was there for all of his "firsts." My 8 month old has recently started doing the military style crawling all around the house. Well, yesterday I pick him up from daycare only to find out that he crawled on all 4's all the way across the room! Instead of being excited I was so sad that I missed it. When we got home I put him on the floor and tried to convince him to crawl but he just did his usual military crawl. My question is, how do you moms cope with missing the "firsts?" Don't get me wrong. I know I am so blessed that I was able to stay home for 2 years. I realize that, but it doesn't make this any easier.

On a side note - Do any of you sometimes worry they will bond with the caregivers more than you? I know for sure my oldest hasn't but I worry the little one will

chickybuns

I am having a particularly hard time with this now that Miles is doing so much more (almost 9 months). I just keep thinking if there are ways around it, I don't think there is at least right now. I just try to really enjoy the time I have with him. My parents watch him so I think that helps and I want him to have a good bond with them. But I sometimes worry that he will be more bonded with them than me. Although my work has been really stressful latley, I am away from him about 35 hours a week. So that is better than a regular full-time job. Just hang in there, it will be good for them to have that socialization too. I want Miles to go to daycare when he is around 2 for that aspect, but just part-time. Sorry for my rambling.

Jenny_Rose77

I really struggle with this. Financially, based on what I would earn working, it makes just as much sense for me to stay at home versus finding some sort of daycare/nanny for my son. Gideon is almost 8 months now, and I am looking into things that I can do part-time so that I can have a sense of myself as someone other than "mommy." That said, being "mommy" is definitely the most important thing in the world to me, and I worry about how I will create a balance so that the time away from my son is enriching to both of us--as opposed to painful. Sigh...I definitely haven't figured it out! So for right now I am choosing to be SAHM.

Finally, I'll say this: 95% of my son's waking time is spent with me. I joined a gym with childcare, and guess what? He crawled for the first time there. He pulled himself up for the first time there. Unreal, right? It happens.

Your babies will always love you best.

vim_n_vigor

It is definitely hard, but I know that if I don't work we lose our house, cars, insurance, etc. Don't worry about the bonding. I know kids in foster care that started immediately after birth who still get excited to see their parents. You'll always still be mom!

ks4e

(((hugs)))

I've been a WOHM for the past 6 years and have 2 children. My husband and other family members help watched my oldest son, and then we put him in a nursery school twice a week. He was surrounded by loving individuals daily, but he never once forgot who his Mommy is. I did miss a few milestones, and yes, it was hard, but I had to tell myself that I was helping to give him the best life I possibly could with my job and income.

I have an 8 month old daughter in addition to my now 6 year old son and we are repeating the pattern of my husband or other family members watching the children. There are days where she wakes up right as I'm leaving and she starts crying. It breaks my heart all over again, since my son did the same thing many years ago.

But I give them hugs and kisses and I leave to do my job. It's still hard though.

lovelyrose11

Thank you everyone! It really helps to hear all your advice. Yes, working full time is what is best for me and my family. When I was a SAHM. We were barely making it by. Now we are more comfortable and actually making ends meet. So I know this is the right choice. But, it is still hard. Thank you guys!!!!

lilchino4af

I had to return to work when our daughter (first) was 8 weeks old (only got 6 weeks maternity leave but I took 2 extra weeks paid leave). Financially I make more than we'd save in childcare costs so it doesn't make sense for me to be a SAHM for money reasons. Granted, there have been times I've entertained the idea for the same reasons you stated, not wanting to miss any firsts, but at the same time, her being in daycare gets her used to other people and kids to help her learn to be socialable, and also helps her immune system growing up by catching the different bugs that go around. It's mostly fun to hear the stories her teachers tell us about her day when we pick her up, but sometimes it is bittersweet when it's her firsts. But when we enter the room and she breaks out into a huge smile and/or laugh, or her crying stops because mommy/daddy is there, that's all it takes for us to know we're still her favorites And, a silver lining to it is that with both my husband and I working, if she has her firsts at daycare, her seconds are at home and "firsts" for him and I to experience together.

ks4e

Thank you everyone! It really helps to hear all your advice. Yes, working full time is what is best for me and my family. When I was a SAHM. We were barely making it by. Now we are more comfortable and actually making ends meet. So I know this is the right choice. But, it is still hard. Thank you guys!!!!

Good luck! I didn't want to sugar coat anything and make it seem like it won't be hard. It will be, but you are also their mother and always will be. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

RBXChas

I had to return to work when our daughter (first) was 8 weeks old (only got 6 weeks maternity leave but I took 2 extra weeks paid leave). Financially I make more than we'd save in childcare costs so it doesn't make sense for me to be a SAHM for money reasons. Granted, there have been times I've entertained the idea for the same reasons you stated, not wanting to miss any firsts, but at the same time, her being in daycare gets her used to other people and kids to help her learn to be socialable, and also helps her immune system growing up by catching the different bugs that go around. It's mostly fun to hear the stories her teachers tell us about her day when we pick her up, but sometimes it is bittersweet when it's her firsts. But when we enter the room and she breaks out into a huge smile and/or laugh, or her crying stops because mommy/daddy is there, that's all it takes for us to know we're still her favorites And, a silver lining to it is that with both my husband and I working, if she has her firsts at daycare, her seconds are at home and "firsts" for him and I to experience together.

^Yup, all of this!

blink1021

Its the hardest thing I ever had to do was put my oldest in day care. He is 9 now and I have to work in order for us to live. I missed everything with him. I was very bitter and unhappy because I missed so much. When he started talking he used to call me by his babysitters name which tells me he spent more time with them than with me. Its heartbreaking especially when he was 5 he looked at me and asked why I couldn't stay home so he could get on and off the bus at our place. What do you say to that I will not discuss finances around my kids. This time around I was lucky I still work 40 hours a week but my daughter who is 8 months managed to do all the firsts at home either at night or on the weekends. Not sure how I got so lucky. Hoping when she walks it will be at home with me too.

Wish I could say it gets easier but it doesn't I have a SIL who tells me that I should never of had kids if I was going to let strangers raise them. This coming from the woman who lives in a house owned by her parents and reproduces like rabbits.

redheadmommy

It is hard to balance work with family. My daughter just turned 8 months this week, and she starts at the dayhome next week. It will be just a getting used to week,, but from September she will be there for good. I will be working at home most of the time , and she will be in a dayhome 8 am to 3:30 pm. She is not crawling yet, but very very close. I am sure she will end up crawling there:( she also already babbling a lot, and many times she kind of says mama and dada, but not consciously yet. I am us she will say her first clear word at the dayhome as well.
But you know what, in this last 8 month i spend away from her max 3 hrs a week and I missed the first rolling over .
My son went to a daycare when he was 9 months old, and I didn't miss anything, because he did everything home first. You just never know.
For me bonding with the dayhome lady, daycare teacher , babysitter etc is very good thing. It shows , the kid loves to be there and he/ she is in good hands. Plus humans are social creatures , we designed to have wider range of social interactions. our ancestors lived together with the extended family and multiple generations. Personally, we do not have grandparents who live close by, and the dayhome lady kind of fulfils that role in our children life, and the oter kids there fulfil the cousin roles, which again is missing from outr children lives.

All of us want the best for our children, and after careful consideration, some stay home other goes back to work. The important part is to make sure the time we actually spend with our children is quality time.

lovelyrose11

Its the hardest thing I ever had to do was put my oldest in day care. He is 9 now and I have to work in order for us to live. I missed everything with him. I was very bitter and unhappy because I missed so much. When he started talking he used to call me by his babysitters name which tells me he spent more time with them than with me. Its heartbreaking especially when he was 5 he looked at me and asked why I couldn't stay home so he could get on and off the bus at our place. What do you say to that I will not discuss finances around my kids. This time around I was lucky I still work 40 hours a week but my daughter who is 8 months managed to do all the firsts at home either at night or on the weekends. Not sure how I got so lucky. Hoping when she walks it will be at home with me too.

Wish I could say it gets easier but it doesn't I have a SIL who tells me that I should never of had kids if I was going to let strangers raise them. This coming from the woman who lives in a house owned by her parents and reproduces like rabbits.

Your SIL should not condemn you for having to work! Plenty of women work and raise a family and they are great mothers. It sounds like you are doing the best you can for your children and that is what makes an amazing mother! I know as they get older they will appreciate all the sacrifices you have made for them. I know now that I'm a mother, I see MY mother in a whole new light. I appreciate all the hard decisions she had to make. Even if I don't agree with some, I appreciate that she was doing the very best she could with what we were given. I love her more now than ever. I hate how mothers are so mean to each other. It is so refreshing to be able to come here and receive positive support!!!