is it people not knowing how to help or am I just dumb?
fluffy_satsuma
Posts: 1 Member
so, after being recovered from anorexia for over a year now I've gone back to certain old habits. I've started purging again and I obsessively calorie count, and on some days I'll fast throughout most of that day. but it seems different this time, I'm having more frequent binge eating episodes and the focus is mainly on purging with a different mindset. unlike when I struggled with anorexia, I now focus more on looks than numbers.
a few months ago I was transfered to the adults eating disorder team for my city and they're helping me a lot, but I'm pretty sure they're ons of the reasons I've developed a brand new shiny little ed.
what happened was I was talking to one of the people who is supposed to help at that center and he kept asking me if I make myself sick after eating. the reason I go to the bathroom almost every time after I eat is because I have a tiny bladder actually and I kept telling him that I'm not used to rushing my drinks or having enough water. but he still kept asking me the same question. eventually I flipped once I got home after that one appointment where he asked me most and just did it.
I feel really bad for doing this again obviously but I know how addictive purging behaviours are and that it's not so easy to get out of.
I'm just wondering if 1.
I'm being dumb and thinking too much about what people think of me and want.
Or 2.
It's just a new coping mechanism that I'll have to settle with for a while because I've not had much else to latch onto for a while.
Sorry if this doesn't make any sense, at least I tried. hope that some of you who read this will understand.
a few months ago I was transfered to the adults eating disorder team for my city and they're helping me a lot, but I'm pretty sure they're ons of the reasons I've developed a brand new shiny little ed.
what happened was I was talking to one of the people who is supposed to help at that center and he kept asking me if I make myself sick after eating. the reason I go to the bathroom almost every time after I eat is because I have a tiny bladder actually and I kept telling him that I'm not used to rushing my drinks or having enough water. but he still kept asking me the same question. eventually I flipped once I got home after that one appointment where he asked me most and just did it.
I feel really bad for doing this again obviously but I know how addictive purging behaviours are and that it's not so easy to get out of.
I'm just wondering if 1.
I'm being dumb and thinking too much about what people think of me and want.
Or 2.
It's just a new coping mechanism that I'll have to settle with for a while because I've not had much else to latch onto for a while.
Sorry if this doesn't make any sense, at least I tried. hope that some of you who read this will understand.
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