Dumped....

TheLongRunner

I have really be struggling to stay "afloat" for a week now due to my boyfriend of 9 months (who was living with and planning a future with me) abruptly breaking up with me. I feel I have no answers and we have not spoken since the breakup call. I know in my heart I just need to move forward at this point. Psychoanalyzing why he has chosen to leave me in the dust is destroying and immobilizing me.

Does anyone have any suggestions of how to get through an unexpected breakup...gracefully? I am so sad at this point and have no anger yet. He comes to get his stuff on Tuesday and I am planning on not being here for my mental health.

How do I get to MAD when all I feel is broken and sad? I really want to be mad...

pa_jorg

Time. Time is the only answer to a broken heart. So sorry to hear what you are going through though! :flowerforyou:

Oh and if you were living with him and he dumped you over the phone, he's not someone you want in your life.

TheLongRunner

Thanks for the response. He was living with me all summer until he left for school (an hour away) at the end of August. I agree it was extremely douche-y to break up with me over the phone. I should be angry about that. Gotta get angry...

lacroyx

Wow. What a douche. Sorry to hear you going through this.

How do I get to MAD when all I feel is broken and sad? I really want to be mad...

I found working out is a great way to release. Physically and mentally you'll feel better. I wish I learned this in my 20's, instead I sat on my butt behind a computer screen and ate junk food 24/7/365. :laugh: Which lead to getting as big as I was.

AnnaPixie

Fortunately, we humans have built in coping mechanisms. I know you dont believe this now, but in a few weeks/months time you'll start to see how and why things didnt work out. You'll pick up your touche off the ground and you'll start looking for someone that truly loves you. There's no need to get angry. That won't make it easier. Just roll with your feelings, be good to yourself and remember that life is a journey not a destination. No one person can make you happy or sad. Not really! Happiness is a place within you.........you can cope just as well on your own :flowerforyou:

As an expert in broken hearts, I know this to be true! :bigsmile:

jesusHchris

I don't know... but isn't anger sort of a miserable emotion also? I think I might want to achieve something like relief or hopefulness. I wonder if you could sit down with a friend and talk the whole thing through until you come to the realization that it really wasn't going to work out anyway and feel some sort of gladness that you can now move on with your life.

Too hippie? Go take a Krav Maga class and pretend the punching bag is him. They teach you nut kicks right off the bat.

RunIntheMud

*Hugs* Sometimes guys are just jerks and we have no other answer than that. It will hurt and yes, eventually time will heal your heart. I've learned that if I look for one good thing that I can take away from every relationship, it helps to move on. You then know there was a purpose for that relationship.

Prahasaurus

Too bad about your loss. Sorry for the cliche, but time truly is the ultimate healer.

On an unrelated note, you really lost an incredible amount of weight. Wow, just wow...

--P

jesusHchris

...
On an unrelated note, you really lost an incredible amount of weight. Wow, just wow...

--P

Yeah, seriously. Well done and congrats!

RunIntheMud

Wow!!! I hadn't even seen that!! Awesome weight loss!! And, I just saw you are from WI. I grew up in Madison....So, hi!!

raige123

I went through a very similar breakup back in June. My boyfriend of 8 months who we were planning our future up until the night before he left, just left without reason saying he needed to be alone. Everything has a reason as I have found out since the breakup but I am replying to pass on this that was given to me.

A male friend of mine messaged me after my ex left and he said his gf had broken up with him a month prior and it took him 3 weeks to stop feeling sad, and then anger took over so just to try and keep my chin up. Sure enough ... it was pretty much the 3 week mark bang on I woke up and didn't feel sad ... I was pissed off and that anger put a new spring in my step. It helped me get over him ... to realize all the bad things about him I was too blinded to see when I was with him.

Chin up! You're getting closer to moving past the sad everyday! If you ever need to vent, feel free to send me a PM.

farmers_daughter

1. Kudos on the weight loss. That's freaking amazing!!
2. What have you done lately to fill your emotional bank... whatever you do, make a deposit! Right NOW!!!
3. TIME, you have to give it time. YOU have to give it time.... keep doing what you are doing, surround yourself with friends and fill up your plate with projects and events to distract you as much as possible.
4. If you feel like you need to think about him and the happy moments, do it. You lost something...it's ok to mourn it's loss. But limit your time and when you are done crying, wipe your tears fix your makeup and get up and move forward.


Never stop moving forward!!

Go, MAKE THAT DEPOSIT!!!! You got this chica!

JanieJack

So sorry to hear this!

Your broken heart will mend with time, but it does take time. Someone once told me if you didn't hurt you wouldn’t be human.. I'm no expert, so I'll just say what others have told me: allow yourself to feel the sadness. Don't try to pretend you're not sad or stuff your feelings. Ok, so you don't wanna go off into tears in front of your boss, but when you're home don't try to pretend this doesn't hurt because it DOES. Anger will come. don't try to stuff that either. Allow yourself to feel the pain and honor yourself by being kind and gentle to yourself.

I know that probably sounds hoaky but it really helped me. Especially the part about being "kind and gentle to yourself" because I have a tendency to be super critical ESPECIALLY of myself. I tend to take all the blame and not give the jerky party all the blame.

Hope that helps somewhat and, like others have said, congrats on the weight loss!

flimflamfloz

Write poetry or a letter to yourself.

AnnaPixie

Write poetry or a letter to yourself.

What the hell is wrong with you lately??? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

You even had Chris going with your 'angry' if she pays post the other day. Nutter!! Are you working too hard?? Mwah!! :flowerforyou:

smantha32

I have really be struggling to stay "afloat" for a week now due to my boyfriend of 9 months (who was living with and planning a future with me) abruptly breaking up with me. I feel I have no answers and we have not spoken since the breakup call. I know in my heart I just need to move forward at this point. Psychoanalyzing why he has chosen to leave me in the dust is destroying and immobilizing me.

Does anyone have any suggestions of how to get through an unexpected breakup...gracefully? I am so sad at this point and have no anger yet. He comes to get his stuff on Tuesday and I am planning on not being here for my mental health.

How do I get to MAD when all I feel is broken and sad? I really want to be mad...

Keep on your path.. get in better shape and get healthier. The best revenge is looking and feeling great a year from now.

I've heard many stories on here of women running into the ex's and seeing that the guys weren't doing nearly so well without the women they dumped. :flowerforyou:

flimflamfloz

Write poetry or a letter to yourself.

What the hell is wrong with you lately??? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

You even had Chris going with your 'angry' if she pays post the other day. Nutter!! Are you working too hard?? Mwah!! :flowerforyou:

I find that writing when you're sad is a good remedy, so I was actually serious. :grumble:

AnnaPixie

Write poetry or a letter to yourself.

What the hell is wrong with you lately??? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

You even had Chris going with your 'angry' if she pays post the other day. Nutter!! Are you working too hard?? Mwah!! :flowerforyou:

I find that writing when you're sad is a good remedy, so I was actually serious. :grumble:

oh! Sorry :blushing:

lol :bigsmile: