Dilemma (long)
Carlyannabelle
Posts: 621 Member
Some of you are aware of my LD friend that I met while on vacation. It has been about two months. Well he was supposed to come see me this last weekend, while moving his sister over to this area, but plans didn’t turn out, and he didn’t make it. I was planning on visiting him over my birthday weekend in October and it is possible that is when he will move her now as well and that is completely fine. I know I do what to see him. I have been thinking a lot about the possibility of us actually being able to be together lately. I know if that is to happen, he would have to eventually be willing relocate, and I am not sure if he is willing to do that. Of course I am not ready to bring up that subject either, but at the same time I am thinking to myself. “What’s the point?” I know I have feelings for the guy and to keep going down this path I am only going to develop stronger feelings for him. I know that he has feelings for me as well, as he has told me how much he cares about me and I heard him talking about me to his friends while having some drinks after work at a bar. I only know this because he accidently butt dialed me and didn’t know it. I tried getting his attention and was about to hang up when he started talking about me. He said to his friends. “You know what I need right now?” I heard a friend say “Sex?” He replied. “No, I need my Montana girl. She is just so beautiful, and I just love her to death.” My heart just melted…..It was so sweet.
On the other hand he makes certain comments to me that make me think that he is actually trying to tell me something, without saying it specifically. For example he tells me that he knows life happens and if some really awesome guy comes along he doesn’t want me to give up on potential happiness. He just wants me to be happy. So the logical part of me says. “He is really just wanting me to be happy” while the illogical part of me says “He is telling me we can never really be together because we are so far apart and I don’t want you to put your life on hold for me, so find someone else.” He always refers to himself as a single guy (which he is). When his younger sister said she was moving to another state for a boy. He told me that he told her to do it while she is young and doesn’t really have any responsibilities. He told her that he would do it in a heartbeat, if he didn’t own his business and that he would be in Florida………which obviously has nothing to do with me, which again is fine, if he is trying to tell me to move along.
I just don’t know what to do! I am ready for a relationship and I would love to have that with him, but I am afraid to ask and I keep getting mixed signals. I have turned down some dates, because I don’t want to ruin something that I could have with him. I guess, I am just trying to figure out if I am should date other people or if I should wait and see if we are going somewhere.
On the other hand he makes certain comments to me that make me think that he is actually trying to tell me something, without saying it specifically. For example he tells me that he knows life happens and if some really awesome guy comes along he doesn’t want me to give up on potential happiness. He just wants me to be happy. So the logical part of me says. “He is really just wanting me to be happy” while the illogical part of me says “He is telling me we can never really be together because we are so far apart and I don’t want you to put your life on hold for me, so find someone else.” He always refers to himself as a single guy (which he is). When his younger sister said she was moving to another state for a boy. He told me that he told her to do it while she is young and doesn’t really have any responsibilities. He told her that he would do it in a heartbeat, if he didn’t own his business and that he would be in Florida………which obviously has nothing to do with me, which again is fine, if he is trying to tell me to move along.
I just don’t know what to do! I am ready for a relationship and I would love to have that with him, but I am afraid to ask and I keep getting mixed signals. I have turned down some dates, because I don’t want to ruin something that I could have with him. I guess, I am just trying to figure out if I am should date other people or if I should wait and see if we are going somewhere.
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Replies
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I honestly dont think you can sustain a relationship, of any distance, when you can't communicate.
The only person that has answers to your questions, is him!
So, you need to tell him about the mixed signals and your concerns. You'll feel a lot more informed after that conversation.
Good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
As for dating other people, that's only something you can answer. I think you need to have a talk with him and see where he is at as well. If you guys agree to be exclusive then you have your answer on the dating other people, but if he wants to keep things as they are, then keep your options open!0
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LD only makes it harder so you have to be a great communicator in order to succeed. So far, you're not really stating your needs to him which will only get harder as time passes by.
Im the master at keeping my feelings to myself. I can communicate greatly when I'm upset or offended but it's hard for me to be vulnerable and open. So I really don't think a LD would work for me. So this is just the beginning... Do you think you can really handle it?0 -
I honestly dont think you can sustain a relationship, of any distance, when you can't communicate.
The only person that has answers to your questions, is him!
So, you need to tell him about the mixed signals and your concerns. You'll feel a lot more informed after that conversation.
Good luck :flowerforyou:
I agree, good luck hun!!!
I know I probably couldn't do a LD relationship unless it was already well established and short term (work related?). I give you props for even trying. Some of this comments to you lead me to believe he isn't sure it is for him either - ie when he mentions don't pass up potential happiness if you meet someone else.0
