Single, Fat and looking for IT!
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loopybec2002
Posts: 313 Member
Looking for confidence that is!
I am 28 Years old and have been single and haven’t dated in 4 years I am feeling so down about this fact, I have brilliant friends who support me so much in everything and a great family but I am at the point where that just isn’t enough.
So I have been off this site for so long and now I am really trying to get back into the swing of things and I am feeling so down about it.
I have been to Falaraki within the last two months on holiday and had an amazing time – I hated looking at the holiday snaps my friends took because on all of them I look fat and I do not like it.
I pulled while I was away a really nice looking lad who was very toned and good looking, Normally when approached in bars I turn away – Say I have a boyfriend. I cannot cope with the attention especially when I can hardly stand to look in the mirror.
The thing that made this fella different, when he approached me I noticed how big is muscles were and how good looking he was – He started by complimenting me and making me laugh (Brilliant start) didn’t give me a chance to back away. I mentioned his muscles and is response was “It’s not all Muscle I have got a belly under there too” – This made me melt I really like the fact he was gorgeous but also insecure. We had a good giggle and a dance and just for an evening it felt like I was special like my weight didn’t matter.
I weighed myself for the first time in two years last week and I hit the scale at 17stone (I have put on 2 stone in 2 years) – I am 5”9, people I know do not believe I weigh that much and my height hides my stomach well but I know it is there and when dressing I can feel It, I am now wearing a size 20 clothes and I hate it.
My head is a mess this morning I want a fella, I want to be able to speak to people in clubs who approach me, not just shy away from them not wanting to talk or take compliments. I find is so hard to get motivated to make a change when I feel so lonely (although I am surrounded by people who care).
Where can I find Motivation and Confidence?
I am 28 Years old and have been single and haven’t dated in 4 years I am feeling so down about this fact, I have brilliant friends who support me so much in everything and a great family but I am at the point where that just isn’t enough.
So I have been off this site for so long and now I am really trying to get back into the swing of things and I am feeling so down about it.
I have been to Falaraki within the last two months on holiday and had an amazing time – I hated looking at the holiday snaps my friends took because on all of them I look fat and I do not like it.
I pulled while I was away a really nice looking lad who was very toned and good looking, Normally when approached in bars I turn away – Say I have a boyfriend. I cannot cope with the attention especially when I can hardly stand to look in the mirror.
The thing that made this fella different, when he approached me I noticed how big is muscles were and how good looking he was – He started by complimenting me and making me laugh (Brilliant start) didn’t give me a chance to back away. I mentioned his muscles and is response was “It’s not all Muscle I have got a belly under there too” – This made me melt I really like the fact he was gorgeous but also insecure. We had a good giggle and a dance and just for an evening it felt like I was special like my weight didn’t matter.
I weighed myself for the first time in two years last week and I hit the scale at 17stone (I have put on 2 stone in 2 years) – I am 5”9, people I know do not believe I weigh that much and my height hides my stomach well but I know it is there and when dressing I can feel It, I am now wearing a size 20 clothes and I hate it.
My head is a mess this morning I want a fella, I want to be able to speak to people in clubs who approach me, not just shy away from them not wanting to talk or take compliments. I find is so hard to get motivated to make a change when I feel so lonely (although I am surrounded by people who care).
Where can I find Motivation and Confidence?
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Replies
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Where you'll find motivtion, I have no idea. You'll find confidence once you get the motivation and start seeing results.0
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When you are at the bar try and think that just because a guy is talking to you doesn't mean that he wants you. Once you get passed the initial contact it should be easier to interact with them.0
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It's all a process that is different for everyone, and it's not necessarily an easy at that. You just need to do your best to try new things and meet new people. One day at a time. :flowerforyou:0
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Where can I find Motivation and Confidence?
Within yourself.0 -
^^
True, but when you're confidence is down I would actually say start rebuilding it by getting away from yourself. I mean, but stop worrying about what other people think about you and what they must be saying (often they're too busy worrying about themselves to truly be derogatory of you). And, if they are, then they are very little people who talk bad about others to feel better about themselves.
Looking in the mirror can be motivation (it is for me). Creating a poster of all the things you want to get out of life when you get more fit can be motivation. Looking at success stories helps motivate.
One confidence builder, to help separate your weight from your confidence, is to build up success in other areas (say, your job or a side-business) or help others (tutoring, homeless shelter, etc) which not only benefits them but helps you because now that's less time we sit at home beating ourselves up (not saying OP does this). Plus the joy of doing for others and that confidence that we can make a difference. Sounds hoaky to some people, but those kinds of little victories can build the confidence you need to be public.
They say relationships aren’t 1/2 + 1/2 = 1 but rather 1x1=1. So we have to be whole first ourselves before we can really complement a partner. Hope that helps -JJ0 -
They say relationships aren’t 1/2 + 1/2 = 1 but rather 1x1=1. So we have to be whole first ourselves before we can really complement a partner. Hope that helps -JJ
I'm not sure who "they" are who say this but "they" suck at math. If 1/2+1/2 = 1 and 1X1 = 1, then 1/2+1/2 and 1X1 have equivalent values. "They" are quite proficient at non sequitors though. :laugh:0 -
They say relationships aren’t 1/2 + 1/2 = 1 but rather 1x1=1. So we have to be whole first ourselves before we can really complement a partner. Hope that helps -JJ
I'm not sure who "they" are who say this but "they" suck at math.
haha. Touché!
(I’ve missed your sarcastic wit)
All kidding aside, I do hope the point comes through that our stronger relationships will come from us being a strong, self-sufficient whole and not a broken (i.e. codependent) half.0
