Tired of women putting restraining orders on me

SirBonerFart

I mean you just try to get to know someone next thing you know you have to stay 1000 yards away

_John_

she probably saw a BB gun of yours and thought it was an assault rifle.

homerjspartan

As long as there isn't high winds, you can still hit them from 1000 yards away.

pawnstarNate

I want to put a no contact order on my wife.....just during televised sporting events that I like to watch though

cmcollins001

I know what you mean, I tried to show my love, but the judge tells me that it's "the wrong kind of love"...like he would know!

usmcmp

It's only violating my restraining order if you see me sitting outside your window...right?

Some_Watery_Tart

I don't know what their problems are. I love how clean you keep my windows and trashcans. The bushes stay trimmed. Really, I should pay you to stalk me.

SpeSHul_SnoflEHk

I once was asked by a younger sailor to be a character witness for him in court. I agreed, not knowing what he was being charged with. When I got there, and sat through the trial, I discovered he had been madly in love with a girl in Orlando, and was being obsessive. She did not have reciprocal feeling. In fact, she was trying to make it so he couldn't contact her anymore. Apparently, the straw that broke the camels back was when he sent her a vibrator with his name etched on it.

miss_jessiejane

Restraining orders are just another way to say I love you. Frame it.

IPAkiller

I once was asked by a younger sailor to be a character witness for him in court. I agreed, not knowing what he was being charged with. When I got there, and sat through the trial, I discovered he had been madly in love with a girl in Orlando, and was being obsessive. She did not have reciprocal feeling. In fact, she was trying to make it so he couldn't contact her anymore. Apparently, the straw that broke the camels back was when he sent her a vibrator with his name etched on it.

Damn! Just when you think you're ahead of the game and get all your Chirstmas shopping done early... Anyone have any ideas on a alternate present?

odusgolp

I once was asked by a younger sailor to be a character witness for him in court. I agreed, not knowing what he was being charged with. When I got there, and sat through the trial, I discovered he had been madly in love with a girl in Orlando, and was being obsessive. She did not have reciprocal feeling. In fact, she was trying to make it so he couldn't contact her anymore. Apparently, the straw that broke the camels back was when he sent her a vibrator with his name etched on it.

Damn! Just when you think you're ahead of the game and get all your Chirstmas shopping done early... Anyone have any ideas on a alternate present?

Tattoo your d*ck.

SirBonerFart

I once was asked by a younger sailor to be a character witness for him in court. I agreed, not knowing what he was being charged with. When I got there, and sat through the trial, I discovered he had been madly in love with a girl in Orlando, and was being obsessive. She did not have reciprocal feeling. In fact, she was trying to make it so he couldn't contact her anymore. Apparently, the straw that broke the camels back was when he sent her a vibrator with his name etched on it.

Damn! Just when you think you're ahead of the game and get all your Chirstmas shopping done early... Anyone have any ideas on a alternate present?

Tattoo your d*ck.

Could tattoopinocchio's nose on it. Cause if its growing I'm probably lying to your face

IPAkiller

I once was asked by a younger sailor to be a character witness for him in court. I agreed, not knowing what he was being charged with. When I got there, and sat through the trial, I discovered he had been madly in love with a girl in Orlando, and was being obsessive. She did not have reciprocal feeling. In fact, she was trying to make it so he couldn't contact her anymore. Apparently, the straw that broke the camels back was when he sent her a vibrator with his name etched on it.

Damn! Just when you think you're ahead of the game and get all your Chirstmas shopping done early... Anyone have any ideas on a alternate present?

Tattoo your d*ck.

If I order now, it will be made and to my door for Christmas!

odusgolp

I once was asked by a younger sailor to be a character witness for him in court. I agreed, not knowing what he was being charged with. When I got there, and sat through the trial, I discovered he had been madly in love with a girl in Orlando, and was being obsessive. She did not have reciprocal feeling. In fact, she was trying to make it so he couldn't contact her anymore. Apparently, the straw that broke the camels back was when he sent her a vibrator with his name etched on it.

Damn! Just when you think you're ahead of the game and get all your Chirstmas shopping done early... Anyone have any ideas on a alternate present?

Tattoo your d*ck.

Could tattoopinocchio's nose on it. Cause if its growing I'm probably lying to your face

Did I send you that pic? (*serious question is serious*)

odusgolp

I once was asked by a younger sailor to be a character witness for him in court. I agreed, not knowing what he was being charged with. When I got there, and sat through the trial, I discovered he had been madly in love with a girl in Orlando, and was being obsessive. She did not have reciprocal feeling. In fact, she was trying to make it so he couldn't contact her anymore. Apparently, the straw that broke the camels back was when he sent her a vibrator with his name etched on it.

Damn! Just when you think you're ahead of the game and get all your Chirstmas shopping done early... Anyone have any ideas on a alternate present?

Tattoo your d*ck.

If I order now, it will be made and to my door for Christmas!

Can't we class it up and just do it with a bent hanger?

SirBonerFart

I once was asked by a younger sailor to be a character witness for him in court. I agreed, not knowing what he was being charged with. When I got there, and sat through the trial, I discovered he had been madly in love with a girl in Orlando, and was being obsessive. She did not have reciprocal feeling. In fact, she was trying to make it so he couldn't contact her anymore. Apparently, the straw that broke the camels back was when he sent her a vibrator with his name etched on it.

Damn! Just when you think you're ahead of the game and get all your Chirstmas shopping done early... Anyone have any ideas on a alternate present?

Tattoo your d*ck.

Could tattoopinocchio's nose on it. Cause if its growing I'm probably lying to your face

Did I send you that pic? (*serious question is serious*)

no?

Some_Watery_Tart

I once was asked by a younger sailor to be a character witness for him in court. I agreed, not knowing what he was being charged with. When I got there, and sat through the trial, I discovered he had been madly in love with a girl in Orlando, and was being obsessive. She did not have reciprocal feeling. In fact, she was trying to make it so he couldn't contact her anymore. Apparently, the straw that broke the camels back was when he sent her a vibrator with his name etched on it.

Aw...how sweet.

odusgolp

I once was asked by a younger sailor to be a character witness for him in court. I agreed, not knowing what he was being charged with. When I got there, and sat through the trial, I discovered he had been madly in love with a girl in Orlando, and was being obsessive. She did not have reciprocal feeling. In fact, she was trying to make it so he couldn't contact her anymore. Apparently, the straw that broke the camels back was when he sent her a vibrator with his name etched on it.

Damn! Just when you think you're ahead of the game and get all your Chirstmas shopping done early... Anyone have any ideas on a alternate present?

Tattoo your d*ck.

Could tattoopinocchio's nose on it. Cause if its growing I'm probably lying to your face

Did I send you that pic? (*serious question is serious*)

no?

lol nsfw

_Krys10_

I once was asked by a younger sailor to be a character witness for him in court. I agreed, not knowing what he was being charged with. When I got there, and sat through the trial, I discovered he had been madly in love with a girl in Orlando, and was being obsessive. She did not have reciprocal feeling. In fact, she was trying to make it so he couldn't contact her anymore. Apparently, the straw that broke the camels back was when he sent her a vibrator with his name etched on it.

Well, I can't say I have ever had a personalized vibrator *jealous

SweetLilyR

I once was asked by a younger sailor to be a character witness for him in court. I agreed, not knowing what he was being charged with. When I got there, and sat through the trial, I discovered he had been madly in love with a girl in Orlando, and was being obsessive. She did not have reciprocal feeling. In fact, she was trying to make it so he couldn't contact her anymore. Apparently, the straw that broke the camels back was when he sent her a vibrator with his name etched on it.

Well, I can't say I have ever had a personalized vibrator *jealous

The ultimate in personalized vibes - "Clone-A-Willy" http://www.amazon.com/Empire-Labs-Clone-A-Willy-Kit-Vibrating/dp/B00CFCSOR2/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1384360033&sr=8-4&keywords=Clone+a+Willy

SpeSHul_SnoflEHk

I once was asked by a younger sailor to be a character witness for him in court. I agreed, not knowing what he was being charged with. When I got there, and sat through the trial, I discovered he had been madly in love with a girl in Orlando, and was being obsessive. She did not have reciprocal feeling. In fact, she was trying to make it so he couldn't contact her anymore. Apparently, the straw that broke the camels back was when he sent her a vibrator with his name etched on it.

Damn! Just when you think you're ahead of the game and get all your Chirstmas shopping done early... Anyone have any ideas on a alternate present?

Tattoo your d*ck.

I took care of a patient who had the words "Your name" tatooed (jailhouse tattoo) on his dic[/i]k. I could only figure it was used to pick up women.

"Hey, beautiful. What's your name?"
"I'm Linda"
"Wow, that's cool. I have your name tattooed on my dic[/i]k."
"Yeah right."
"No. I will show you." Whips it out.