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What Others Think
TriLifter
Posts: 1,283 Member
So, I hadn't given too much thought to what other people would think about this bulk. I mean, it's no one's business, but last night my mom (whom I haven't seen in a month but will be coming down for Thanksgiving next week) told me that 127 is "too fat" for my height and that I "should be 120." Seriously?! I'm friggin' 5'6"! I'd rather be 140 and at 15% body fat than 120 at 20%. I am so mad right now. She doesn't get it.
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I guess she staring blindly at the number on the scale. Personally I would be offended too with such a reaction, I mean who the hell says something like that?! :grumble:
Perhaps try my mantra for dealing with obnoxious comments and reactions? Repeat after me: "I'm like a duck, just let it slide off like water droplets off feathers"
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I'm really disappointed that she would say something like that to you. First of all, at 5'6" 127 is a perfectly fine weight. Second, it's none of her damn business! In reality though, it means that she is like so many other people (and me a year ago) that think the number on the scale is what counts. It's not until you start having an interest in fitness/exercise/lifting that you start to learn how it really works. So while it was really rude for her to say that, the opinion comes from ignorance on the topic. It doesn't make it hurt any less though.
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She never will and it's something you will have to learn to roll off unfortunately. Different generation, different mindsets. I had this similar conversation with my sister here on vacation. She keeps making comments about getting too big but then quickly adds in "Not in a bad way." I know my sister, I know what she means and it was more concern than to try and hurt me. I simply had to sit down and explain to her my goals, my dreams and my passion and then she got it. She doesn't always agree women should have muscle but she is entitled to her opinion. I don't care what others think and quite frankly I can't care bc I have to keep my mind in the game. If I let others distract me it's going to hinder my progress. I have had some negative comments from my husbands friends wives even his friends have said something to him about not being so lean anymore or see I told you you'd quit! Nope, sorry you just don't get the process. Those people I have no problem putting in check well bc frankly I only tolerate them for the sake of my husband. Just keep pushing and know you do this for no one else but you. There will be support and there will be negativity. Simply brush it off anyway you can.0
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I'm sorry she said that. That was very thoughtless and not very nice, IMO. My mom is sort of like that too...with saying things without thinking first.
I have mentioned to a handful of people that I'm trying to gain weight and "get bigger" and, if it's someone not interested in fitness/lifting, they are surprised. I just think so many people are used to and expect women to always want to be smaller. It's sad, really.0 -
Aww, shucks. We must be long lost sisters because I have the same mom! The latest gem I got from her was when she was here visiting this summer, took one look at me in a bikini and said "It's a shame you lost all that weight only to be covered in saggy wrinkled tummy skin and stretch marks. What was the point?"... :noway: Gotta love moms...
Anyway, funny you posted this because last night my first wave of Thanksgiving visitors arrived. My SIL took one look at me and said "Omg, your arms are massive! What happened??". So, I said "Hey, THANKS! I've been busting my *kitten* lifting heavy weights and eating BIG! Trying to pack on some muscle. Awesome of you to notice and compliment me! I appreciate it!". Yeah, she wasn't complimenting, and I knew that. But, I thought it might shut her up, haha! Then, I got an earful about her old friend from HS who was "stunning and super pin thin" that "RUINED" her body from lifting and to slow down so I don't do that to myself. She also recommended I start taking Zumba if I want to pack on LEAN muscle... Cool story, bro.
FORGET EM ALL! Chin up- keep struttin'!! :happy:0 -
So, I hadn't given too much thought to what other people would think about this bulk. I mean, it's no one's business, but last night my mom (whom I haven't seen in a month but will be coming down for Thanksgiving next week) told me that 127 is "too fat" for my height and that I "should be 120." Seriously?! I'm friggin' 5'6"! I'd rather be 140 and at 15% body fat than 120 at 20%. I am so mad right now. She doesn't get it.
DONKEY PUNCH HER.
No just kidding.
My mom occasionally will comment but it's rarely a commentary- and more like- a comment to insight discussion- it's rarely judgmental. I've never been extremely over weight- so that's not been an issue.
I would be wildly offended with a comment framed like that and would have definitely had a snappy retort IMMEDIATELY. I do not deal well with people making assumptions/judgement about where I'm supposed to be.
I have had people definitely look at me funny when I tell them I'm trying to put on 10- 15 lbs. Anyone who works out and lifts understands. Most people don't though. So I just tell them I am trying to reach certain performance goals- hitting XXX dead lift- and I need a bigger engine- which means and the only way to do that is to put on weight.
Some people will NEVER get it. Don't expect them too.
HUGS!!!!
NOW GO FORTH
Eat all the ice cream... and be fabulous!0 -
I've never been fat, but my mom is 5'9" and weighs 108 lbs (so you don't have to do the math, she's 3" taller than me and weighs 9 lbs less). She's a perfect example of skinny fat. I think her actual bf% is somewhere around 40%, which leaves her with what? 65 lbs of LBM? My LBM is almost her entire weight. I mean, it's not totally her fault--she has rheumatoid arthritis and I am thankful that I didn't get it or carry the gene--so she has a lot of mobility issues and can't hold more than a 3 lb dumbell.
What bothers me is that she has always bought me clothes in the size that she thinks I should be. Yes, I'm a grown-*kitten* woman and can buy my own clothes....and I do...but I have a closet full of size 0 pants from her that, up until a couple of weeks ago, fit me just fine. What she doesn't understand is that I'd rather be muscular size 2, 4, whatever, than be a stickly size 0.
She constantly makes comments either that I look good or that I'm getting a little chubby or whatever. When she told me last night that I was too fat for my height, my husband rolled his eyes and was like, why are you surprised? I'm not. I guess I always just hold out this little glimmer of hope that she can just be normal and not such a *****.0 -
But you look amazing! Words like that can definitely sting, but just remind to keep your goals in mind. She doesn't get it, but because of what you're doing you'll never have that skinny-fat issue.
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If you are really bent about it- and feeling aggressive- create a collage of images of women all 5'8" and different shapes/weights/fitness levels.
I'm 5'8" and 160 lbs. Seriously. no joke. You see the pictures of me.
it takes ALL types. Create it- maybe a poster board of "motivational images" or educational images- for body re composition.
I'd pack most of those clothes up and donate them. And then I'd tell her to please stop buying me clothes.
My mom only buys me clothes after double checking it's something I NEED and what size she should purchase. Rude to buy clothes smaller than someone actually is- purposefully- that's so insulting.0 -
You're not alone. My brother asked me to flex my back muscles last summer, went 'wow' then confidently advised me not to show my boyfriends because they would feel insecure. Huh? He then said I was just perfectly right and not to get any more muscley. (I was about 5% bf higher last summer and still 'hippy'.
Mind your own business brother! I don't need telling what to do! Anyway I only choose totally buff secure guys, my current is 15 years younger and 16 stone of pure Venezuelan prime rib who presses 140kg! His idea of heaven is bigger booties.
I get comments all the time. Mostly of praise but people have to express their own insecurities in such weird ways! I'm sure if my mum was still around she would be a bit surprised (muscley fit women are more ubiquitous nowadays but in the old days I guess there wasn't enough protein, gyms, opportunities and education about) but she'd be very proud.0 -
Gotta love moms! LOL.0
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I guess this is where I'm lucky. I lost 35 lbs. since March. So I am still getting "your too skinny" "you need to eat" etc. So now I say "I'm gonna put on 10 pounds this winter" and don't even mention the cut that'll follow. Hopefully will gain enough mass to stop hearing how "skinny" I am. I love the way I look (most days).0
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Hilarious, ignorance is bliss. My mother thinks anorexic bodies are normal, and look model material. She comes from a generation I call crazy where her mom binded her feet, because small/tiny feet were considered beauty, my grandma is 95 yrs. How horrible! You stay positive and keep on your fitness goals, strength! I love my muscular build too!0
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I'm kind of dreading the inevitable comments that are going to happen when I visit my family next week. This summer my mom was like, "my friends think you might be anorexic" (Because I was dieting? Because I had been overweight and now wasn't? I have never had anorexic tendencies in my life. Also, um, you can't build guns like these by starving yourself. Sheesh.) and making comments about me having "no body fat"(pfft) and seeing my ribs (um, yeah, 'cause I stripped off several inches of flab, thank you).
I'm expecting prolonged hugs (not-so-stealthy-attempt-at-feeling-my-body-shape), hip-patting, and "ooh, you've put some weight on" with a dash of "you look better now" thrown in for good measure. I have mentioned that I am deliberately gaining weight to put on muscle, but I don't think they get it.
My mom and stepdad have been on every kind of yo-yo, trendy diet you can think of, and both are still overweight. My dad and his side of the family were obsessed with being slender and eating "diet" food. I grew up surrounded by that and it's taken me decades to let it go and figure out how to do this properly on my own. It's annoying. /rant0 -
Some people are just designed to undermine your confidence. I think my mum and yours must be related!
Your body = your business0
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