Deal with grief and getting back on the horse

Dmkolls

I've been absent from here for a while and from crossfit since right before Thanksgiving. My brother died on Thanksgiving, and so I've been dealing with helping my parents make arrangements, getting his affairs in order, and trying to deal with my own grief.

Problem is that I've missed crossfit and think it would be a great distraction and outlet for my emotions, but I honestly haven't been taking care of myself in the past two weeks. I haven't been sleeping much and my appetite is virtually gone and I haven't' been eating unless someone forces me to.

My SO wants me to get my sleep and eating back on track before going back to Crossfit, but I somewhat want to go sooner than that. He's worried that I could hurt myself if I'm not 100%. I don't know how long it will be until I'm even remotely back to "normal."

Thoughts?

mkroyer28

I'm sorry for your loss, and around the holidays makes it even more difficult.
My first thought is that crossfit would help to stimulate your appetite, and help you sleep better. Not top mention help you re-establish that sense of normalcy. I have a tendency to OVERdo my distractions, so i dont have to deal...

bostonwolf

I've been absent from here for a while and from crossfit since right before Thanksgiving. My brother died on Thanksgiving, and so I've been dealing with helping my parents make arrangements, getting his affairs in order, and trying to deal with my own grief.

Problem is that I've missed crossfit and think it would be a great distraction and outlet for my emotions, but I honestly haven't been taking care of myself in the past two weeks. I haven't been sleeping much and my appetite is virtually gone and I haven't' been eating unless someone forces me to.

My SO wants me to get my sleep and eating back on track before going back to Crossfit, but I somewhat want to go sooner than that. He's worried that I could hurt myself if I'm not 100%. I don't know how long it will be until I'm even remotely back to "normal."

Thoughts?

FIrst of all, I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. That must be heartbreaking. One of my best friend's sisters was killed along with her children right before the holiday I can only imagine what the both of you must be going through.

I do think that you should go back, but maybe take the intensity down a notch. My guess is that if you start doing the workouts all those other things are going to fall back into place. You'll be famished at the end of the first one so you'll eat. You'll be a bit more relaxed after the effort and you'll sleep better.

I would try to live in the now, do what you can do RIGHT NOW and don't worry if it's short of your best workouts. That will come with time.

I work for Bank of America/Merrill Lynch. If there is anything I can do to help (knowledge or just general information about how we operate in case your brother banked with us) just ping me and I'd be glad to help.

cmay89

I can empathize greatly. Last year, day after Christmas, I lost my aunt. Not just any aunt, the baby of the family, the cool aunt who taught me everything I know and love about classic rock, the aunt who had a convertible, the aunt who never had children of her own who loved my sister and cousins and I like her own children. She hadn't been well for a long long time, technically she had never really been well her whole life, so it wasn't a crazy unforeseen thing.

Still, grief is not something to be underestimated. As difficult as it has been to get past my aunt, I could not fathom losing my sister. I am very very very sorry for your loss.

I will say this about crossfit. I went back as soon as I got into town and was able to. I did not want to wait. I knew I had a large community there that valued me and wanted to be supportive. Exhausting my body helped me to sleep better and expending the energy made me hungry when I didn't want to eat otherwise. It helped me to get back into a "normal" routine and out of my funk. Only you know how certain things affect you. If you think it will help, why not give it a shot and if it doesn't help, then stop for a while longer.

jordymils

So sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my youngest brother, at only 14 years old, quite suddenly 3 and a half years ago and as much as I would like to tell you it gets easier, it really doesn't. The pain never goes away, but you do learn how to deal with it better in your every day life. For me, part of that dealing is training.
When he passed away I hadn't yet started crossfit and didn't start until a year or so later, but now when I have days (like his birthday, anniversary of his passing, etc) where my emotions get the better of me, training is what I turn to. It makes me focus on something else, it makes me feel better (physically, anyway) and it gives me something to work towards.
I'd also second what has already been said - getting back into training will help everything else to fall into place without you thinking too much about it. It will take your mind off your emotions for a little while which is invaluable. I wish I'd had crossfit to turn to when I was going through the same thing. But you have to do what feels right to you. If you feel like you want to train, then train. You might find after one session that you just can't handle it yet, or you might find that it helps you to deal with everything else with a clearer head. At worst, you'll do one session and not go back for a little while..

Dmkolls

Thank you, everyone, for the support. I think I'm going to go to my first class back this afternoon. I think the physical aspect of it will help me channel those emotions. I'll just make sure to let the trainers know I'm not 100% yet.

It was a very sudden loss that we didn't see coming. I know it's going to take time to heal, if I'll ever heal at all. I live in a different state than my family. So, it makes it harder now that I'm back home after the funeral, arrangements, etc. I'm just glad that I have support from many different areas of my life.

MoJokes

Hi

I am very sorry to hear of your loss.

How was your first class at Crossfit?

MUALaurenClark

DMKolls, really really sad to hear about your brother

Idk if you've gone yet, but I think it would be great for you to go to CF sooner than later...It will be nice to be around other like minded people.

JanieJack

So, so, sorry to hear of your loss!! {{{hugs}}}

Did you go to class? How was your weekend? Even if you don't go to a box, something at home might help (like a yoga or pilates tape)

Dmkolls

Well, I went to my first class Thursday of last week. It was a lot of cleans, power cleans, and wall balls. Kept it light and tried to keep my coach in the know with my status. He kept his eye on me throughout the entire class.

I felt great and accomplished after. For a brief moment in time, I was able to focus on something outside of me.

Now, I would have gone back again, but apparently, me being away for two weeks just trashed my muscles. I've been extremely sore since Thursday night. I plan on going back this afternoon because the soreness has become tolerable.

Lesson learned: Two weeks away from Crossfit + lack of sleep + lack of eating = extreme newbie-like soreness.

Thank you all for your support.

bostonwolf

Glad you are getting back to it. Heck I'm used to most of the workouts now but every once in a while one just kills me.

We had one early last week that was 15 push presses, 20 lateral jumps over the bar and 4 up-and-down sprints that just absolutely demolished me. The one minute of rest between each of the four rounds was nowhere close to enough to catch your breath and that last 4 sprints I was just wheezing. I was sore until Friday after that

MoJokes

Good to see your back in the mix and very thoughtful of the instructor to keep an eye on you, there are some good people out there, i found this out myself today and reenergised me to see that their is life. I haven't suffered a loss but I am suffering with low self esteem and depression, I know its not the same, but like the instructor there was a guy who was keeping an eye on you.

GiddyupTim

Yay for you getting back to it!
Sorry for your loss.

bostonwolf

Good to see your back in the mix and very thoughtful of the instructor to keep an eye on you, there are some good people out there, i found this out myself today and reenergised me to see that their is life. I haven't suffered a loss but I am suffering with low self esteem and depression, I know its not the same, but like the instructor there was a guy who was keeping an eye on you.

I was there when my ex- asked for a divorce (though I was in complete agreeement) and then lost my job a month later.) That was a tough hole to dig out of. Running helped immensely. Any kind of exerciset hat will get you moving and trigger an endorphin release will help. Just commit to yourself that you will do it and don't let negative self-talk make you skip.

It helps a TON.

ascrit

I felt great and accomplished after. For a brief moment in time, I was able to focus on something outside of me.

This is key and I am so glad to read this from you. Keep at it.

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: