Guilt about weaning

redheadmommy

My baby is going to be 1 yr old in a couple of weeks, and I am toying with the idea of weaning her. I have not decided yet, but I already feel super guilty even thinking about it. I wonder how other moms deal with this feeling?

I BF my son until he was 2 yrs old. He was super attached and weaning was not without crying. I mainly weaned my son because we wanted a sibling, and for us that required fertility treatments. It is known that the hormones used int treatments go into to the breast-milk, so I couldn't do both. We already had serious problem conceiving, we knew that delaying might risk of never have a sibling. Hence I justified the weaning because having a sibling has much more benefit to my son than a little bit of extra Bfing. Plus WHO recommends BFing until age 2 , and I felt that I did what recommended.

Anyway my little girl started to wean herself quite fast and I after she started solid, and I wasn't sure we even last until she is 1 yr old, but here we are. We are down 2 BFing a day : before bedtime and right after getting up, but both times are super long like 45+ minutes, and honestly I am just extremely tired of it.

I am constantly exhausted as I am working part-time, also doing my Phd part time , and I end up doing housework, meal preps, cleaning, laundry etc after the kids are in bed, and I still only have like 6-6.5 hrs of sleep on average. My family lives in Europe, and we have no help whatsoever. My husband and I didn't have intimacy in ages, because we are just so extremely exhausted all the freaking time.

Plus, and this makes me super guilty, I am one of those women who can not lose weight during Bfing.The year before I had my baby I lost 50 lb and felt better than ever. Now I am again fat and ugly and run-down mom , who never have time to herself. I just want to cry every time I see myself in a mirror.

I am totally torn between wanting the best for my baby and satisfy her needs, but at the same time I am just tired and want to have a little bit of time for myself. I want to have time to exercise and lose weight and feel good again about myself.
Anybody else feels this intense guilt about nursing ?

chickybuns

I completely understand, it's such a weird feeling. My son turned one on 11/25 and I EP. I am so sick of it yet I feel extremely guilty not giving him breastmilk anymore for my own selfish reasons. I know the situations are a little different. But what helps me cope is I have 110 bags of frozen milk in my deep freeze. So when I transition him to whole milk, I am going to make sure he has a bag a day through the winter. I don't plan on starting weaning until the first of the year. If she is ready then she is ready, but I completely understand. Do what's best for both of you, kids need a happy momma!

RBXChas

I'm not even at weaning yet, and I get it. I just wrote a reply on chickybuns's post about being ready to be done at 6.5 months. BFing isn't that bad (though I can tell he's done eating quickly and is just comfort nursing after that), though I'm not a fan of oumping (I only pump once in the morning). However I am ready to regain my personal autonomy and be able to lose weight again. I was 50 lbs lighter than I am now after my first baby. BFing and the inability to be apart long enough for me to get truly effective workouts are ruining any good chance at weight loss. I've been stuck (yet again) for a month now.

Additionally, I don't plan on having any more children, so, unlike last time when I knew I would likely be "ruining" my weight loss, this time I intend for my weight loss and fitness goals to be achieved for all time

So please try not to feel guilty. Do you know what percentage of women BF for a full year? Something really low, like 2%. I don't personally know many who did. It sounds like she's a breath away from self-weaning anyhow, and weaning by choice at a year is totally reasonable! You've done a fabulous job!

ETA that the percentage I quoted is off the top of my head and I believe is based on US numbers.

FitMama2013

It isn't selfish if it means you can give your husband and babies the best version of their mama! We can't nurse them forever, and you've already given your baby girl exactly what she needed for her first year. Anything after that, in my opinion, is just a bonus! You spent 9 months growing her, and then the last nearly 365 days feeding her whenever she wants. You've been anything BUT selfish, for not only one baby, but two!

How long have you been thinking about weaning? If it's recent, then I would sit on it a few more weeks, but if you've been wanting to for awhile, then I say go ahead and do it so everyone in the family can be happier. When you get to the point where you no longer enjoy breastfeeding, I think it's time to be done.

So, instead of focusing on the guilt, focus on your accomplishments. You spent a year and a half of your life pregnant (between the two babies) and 3 years of your life breastfeeding. I'm sure you spent countless other months/years trying to get pregnant. That sounds like a pretty amazing mama to me to give 4.5+ solid years of your body to your babies. So please, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to move forward without feeling like you're doing something wrong. You're amazing mama!

kcasey155

IMO if your daughter is good at eating solids and getting everything she needs from them then you've got nothing to feel guilty about. If she no longer needs your milk and you're both ready to get a full nights sleep then quit. If feeding is just for comfort now though she may still wake for that comfort whether you feed her or not, so don't think getting a good nights kip will be instant as it may take a few months to train her to sleep through and she may even wake more to start with. On the other hand it may only take a week for her to realise that waking is pointless. Either way, if you're both ready to take the next step don't feel guilty about it, you're doing a great job. Good luck!

sissidevore

i just recently had to cut my son off all at once. we found out he has a MMA and alot of other allergies. he was breastfeed for about 9 months, he just turned a year old. i had a bit of guilt about it , because i always imagined breastfeeding him until around age 2 or 3, but i guess it wasn't in our plans i wouldn't feel guilty about it, just do what works for your family.

redheadmommy

Thanks for all the support ladies! I still haven't decided what to do. Although I haven't actually was thinking of the weaning for long, but she started to self wean herself right away as we started solid and I expected her to be done around this time. She is done for the day for a couple of months already, and she throws a fist if I try to BF her during the day , when she is busy exploring the world. Now she is teething again and it is a huge comfort her , but I feel like my nipple is just a chew toy Since she is only willing to take the left breast for the past few months,and my right side has started shrinking and there is like more than a cupsize difference between my boobs now.

I know that most women do not BF this long, but my close circle did. I only told about this to my mother, and she was already was kind of judgy. It is ironic, because she only BF her children for a few months, but she think that is ok, because that was a different time....
My sister BF her son until he was 3.5 yrs old . My BFF is a LLL consultant and she has BF her 3 kids for 7!!! years in total, and there was a couple of years when she tandem BF a baby and a toddler/preschooler.
Also the fact that I BF my son for 2 years and I want to quit on my daughter after only 1 year, makes me feel so bad for her. She is a second child and she is already getting much less attention than her brother.

But I am just want to be over with the cracked nipples, no sleeping, the hormonal aspect and everything BF related. Because we finished having kids, I am so much more eager to get my body back, because I know this time it will be permanent. There is no more hormone therapy and in-vitrro fertilization, no more 70 lb weigth gain during pregnancy.