Friend had miscarriage, how to tell her I'm expecting?

acpeters07

Hello! Just joined the group, expecting my second in August and very excited!

We've just started telling family and friends the good news, and I just found out one of my best friends had a miscarriage. She now lives in another state, so we don't see eachother often. Understandably she and her husband didn't want to talk about it much, and they forgot to tell us. I asked her when her due date was, and I was going to tell her mine and how awesome it will be that they'll be only a few months apart! And then she told me the news. She's one of my best friends and I want to tell her about it before we tell everyone else, but I also want to be sensitive about it of course. I'm a little worried that family might post on facebook or something before I get a chance to talk to her, so I don't want to wait too long, but of course I don't want to rush.

I'm not sure how long ago they lost their baby, but she told me they were having a hard time and are now doing really good. Does anyone have advice as to how to tell her the news?

Nique85

First, I'm so sorry for your friend. Second, congratulations to you :-) ! This is a very tough situation, but I probably wouldn't bring it up to her just yet. If she finds out on Facebook, I would just explain that you were going to tell her first, but wanted to be sensitive to her situation. And that you were waiting for a better time to tell her. Even though she is hurting right now, and will probably be slightly hurt about you being pregnant, I'm sure she will understand why you didn't tell her sooner. I hope this helps, and I hope your friend gets her BFP soon!

miranda_mom

My closest friend at work and I were both trying at the same time (we started about eight or nine months before they did). We both ended up having trouble getting pregnant. My husband and I had been trying for a year and a half before I got pregnant. She and her husband have now been trying for a year and a half and she is not pregnant yet.
When I told her I was pregnant, she was happy for me and took it well. What did not go so well was a few months ago when she was on vacation and two (!!) of our co workers announced they were pregnant the same week. I agonized over whether to tell her while she was still on vacation and in the end decided to tell her because I thought that would be better than her walking back in the door on her first day back and finding out. She said she was glad I told her.
I think it's fine to say "Hey, I know you're going through a tough time right now. I just wanted to let you know before you find out from someone else".

lisapr123

I've been in your friends shoes. After nearly a year of infertility treatments I got pregnant...then had a miscarriage. Meanwhile, one of my best friends and his wife were expecting. Talk about mixed feelings--making a handmade gift for a baby shower when they were getting all I ever wanted. But he was one of my best friends and I was thrilled for him and his wife, even though I was sad for me and my husband.

I honestly think you should just tell her. Let her know that you're sad you can't be pregnant together right now but you look forward to her getting pregnant again so you can raise your kids together. When people didn't tell me their good news, it hurt me even more, made me feel ashamed of my inability to carry that baby to term.

Now I'm the one with a precious little girl and I have some friends that are struggling with repeat miscarriages & infertility. I just try to be there for them and *not* always make it about baby on facebook, girls night out, phone calls, etc...

Congrats to you & best wishes to your friend!

dandelyon

I think Lisa said it wonderfully.

I would send an email or fb message, sooner rather than later, so she doesn't have to fake joy on the phone (I'm sure she will be really happy for you but it may also be hard) and at a time where she'll most likely be relaxing at home so she can process it privately if it's going to be upsetting. After my m/c, I never knew how a pregnancy announcement was going to affect me. I could be fine, then go home and totally lose it.