What would you say.....

farmers_daughter

So been talking to this guy for a couple weeks now. Nothing earth shattering....
And the other night, I was headed home, and we were texting (I know shame on me) well, I was texting him and a girlfriend of mine.
The girlfriend and I were making arrangements to go to a Steakhouse for a mutual friends birthday. She was worried that it was a fancy place etc etc.... I was telling her it was no big deal .....well, because I tried to multi task, I sent the message to the guy.

No big deal right. I told him whoops, that was suppose to go to Raina...(the girlfriend) and I continue my conversation with both. (Again I know shame on me for texting and driving)
So the guy comes back with something to the effect of "are you done talking to other boyz" and "what's my name".

I kind of got pissed. I told him "I'm sorry someone in the past played you but that's not me, I'm talking to my gf Raina"

Well he kept it up "Right"... "Whatever".

I quit talking to him for the rest of the night. You're 37 years old, get the *kitten* over yourself..... I guess am I over reacting to that?

We've since started chatting again, but I'm sorry he does it again, I'll ask him to lose my phone number.

Opinions?

meshashesha2012

wow sounds like you went a little 14K carat there :laugh:

sounds *to me* like he was being facetious in the text where he asked if you were done talking to other boyz/ what's his name. i would have answered his initial question "this is paolo the pool boy right?"

farmers_daughter

what does going 14K carat mean? lol. Sorry for my ignorance.

AnnaPixie

I think maybe he could be the jealous type. I also think he could be joking and just a bit sarky.

I'm not really sure you should judge him before you know him a bit better ? And accept that IF his reaction is built on his past experiences, then that's perfectly normal until he gets to know YOU a bit better.

Early days. Benefit of the doubt. Etc. I'm sure there will be bigger issues to overcome if you get past the first date :flowerforyou:

meshashesha2012

what does going 14K carat mean? lol. Sorry for my ignorance.

just means i think you greatly overreacted and basically got pissed for something that he may have meant as a joke.

then again i tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and ask them to confirm they were trying to be an *kitten* before my claws come out.

pa_jorg

Sounds to me like he was trying to playfully tease you and perhaps get an assurance that he's the only guy on your hook right now. Take it at face value since tone is lost over text... If you meet and find out he's the jealous type, then it would be a different story.

grum84

It is very similar to something I had told a girlfriend jokingly when she did something similar. This is why I hate texting to begin with, tho my ex loved it. A text gives no inflection, tone, whatever. Sarcasm is so hard in text until you actually get to know the person well.

Like pa_jorg said, if he ends up actually be the jealous type (which should be fairly easy to spot quickly), then that is another story.

jesusHchris

wow sounds like you went a little 14K carat there :laugh:

sounds *to me* like he was being facetious in the text where he asked if you were done talking to other boyz/ what's his name. i would have answered his initial question "this is paolo the pool boy right?"

I agree. It's so hard to decipher a text without body language, tone, etc. He was probably trying to be light-hearted about it and if you responded like that you could have both laughed about it later.

Roadie2000

I usually try to add a winky face if I'm being sarcastic, or at least tell them I was kidding if they give me any attitude. Doesn't sound like he tried to do either of those. Maybe a text that said you can't tell if he's being sarcastic or if he really doesn't trust you wouldn't hurt either.

JanieJack

I told him "I'm sorry someone in the past played you but that's not me, I'm talking to my gf Raina"

Exactly what I would have done. no blaming, giving him an out in case HE was over-reacting, and then explaining concisely what actually happened.

Well he kept it up "Right"... "Whatever".

I quit talking to him for the rest of the night.

Also exactly what I would have done. I would give him another chance the next day (sounds like what you did) but I don't tolerate this kind of drama for long. Him even asking "what's my name" tells on himself and how *he* approaches the ladies he's getting to know.

I've met too many guys who get over jealous really quick - and usually turned out they were also talking to other women. Life is too short, and there's too many other men out there to deal with someone who's insecure.

farmers_daughter

Sorry to finally tap back into this thread, but this leads me to another question related to this.....

I've read many threads in here and elsewhere that imply it's ok to be talking to more person that once..... right?

So what if I was? Truthfully I wasn't and I don't know if I could....never had the opportunity I guess :ohwell:

Would that be a bad thing?

I've somewhat made it clear that becuase of the distance between us and the fact that he has his kids on the opposite weekend of mine, it wont likely blossom into a relationship, but I'm keeping my mind open to the possibility.... so if that gives you any further history. It's not like I've told this guy "omg he's my one and only" :bigsmile:

jesusHchris

Would that be a bad thing?

No, but it's awkward having it come out in a missent text.

Also, now that I think about it the "sorry someone played you in the past" comment comes off super b1tchy. Not that YOU are!!! I'm just trying to think how I would feel if I got that. Just my two cents.

He could have played the situation better, too, but he's not reading this thread so I'll let that be.

Roadie2000

Sorry to finally tap back into this thread, but this leads me to another question related to this.....

I've read many threads in here and elsewhere that imply it's ok to be talking to more person that once..... right?

So what if I was? Truthfully I wasn't and I don't know if I could....never had the opportunity I guess :ohwell:

Would that be a bad thing?

I've somewhat made it clear that becuase of the distance between us and the fact that he has his kids on the opposite weekend of mine, it wont likely blossom into a relationship, but I'm keeping my mind open to the possibility.... so if that gives you any further history. It's not like I've told this guy "omg he's my one and only" :bigsmile:

I guess that's between the two of you. Either you didn't make it as clear as you think you did or he just doesn't want to hear it.

The whole dating multiple people thing is a slippery slope. Sure it's fine at first, but after a few dates and once I start talking to someone every day and I think it's actually going somewhere, I don't want to lead anyone else on so I will stop communicating with any others. So it's kind of like a slap in the face if I think something is going somewhere but I find out she is still dating like three other people.

kristen49233

Did you meet him on a dating website? The reason I ask is because I think it's common knowledge that the majority of people (men and women) on dating websites talk to multiple people--they don't want to limit themselves to just one person because they're basically window shoppong--always in search of the next best thing. I'm on a dating website and have read numerous profiles where men state they are tired of the games played online--as well as a few of them telling me they were about ready to shut their profile down because they were getting sick of it.

I feel the same way, which is one of the reasons why I usually go about 2 months online and then disable my profile--I get tired of the games played--seems people get off on filling up the pages of their little black book. I'm not implying this is you...I'm just saying that it might be easy for him to assume you are talking to a few different guys if you met him on the internet.

My apologies if you met him else where....that would make my post totally meaningless :laugh:

And in regards to your later question of would it be wrong if you were talking to more than just him...me personally...I don't like communicating with more then one or two people at a time. And if I start dating someone, I usually like to date one guy at a time. It just gets too confusing for me trying to remember details about each one. Plus what if I end up liking both? How do you decide which one's the keeper? But that's just my viewpoint. In reality....until you claim monogomy with one person you really are free to date however many you want.

farmers_daughter

True story, I can't multi task with talking to more than one at a time, I usually get confused. Hell I get confused while texting my girlfriends obviously.

I did meet him online. So Kristen you make perfect sense.

I just wanted to get opinions. Thanks!

kristen49233

True story, I can't multi task with talking to more than one at a time, I usually get confused. Hell I get confused while texting my girlfriends obviously.

I did meet him online. So Kristen you make perfect sense.

I just wanted to get opinions. Thanks!

LOL...confusion is so me too!! He's probably just tired of the dating website scene and is quick to judge based on what seems to be the norm. Be up front with him and let him know that it's not like you to talk to more than one at a time. Then I'd let it ago unless he tried accusing you again...he probably just needs to be reassured. If he does it again then I would think he has a trust issue.

JeffseekingV

You two are just talking. I'd be chatting up more than one also. You two haven't even seen each other in person LOL.

Carlyannabelle

I had a similar experience, however he was dead serious and turned into a scary freak like we were meant to be together and I apparently ruined it........So yes I told him to lose my number and thankfully he did...After about the 5th time. And no we never met in person it was just texting.

Just be careful, its quite possible he was teasing in a playful sense, but it could be just the beginings as well. Generally with online dating the majority of people understand that there are probably multiple people someone is talking to. As someone else stated. I knew that and understood that, but I would never call someone out on it, as it's none of my business. When you become exclusive, that's another story.

Happy dating!! )

JanieJack

Did you meet him on a dating website? The reason I ask is because I think it's common knowledge that the majority of people (men and women) on dating websites talk to multiple people--they don't want to limit themselves to just one person because they're basically window shoppong--always in search of the next best thing. I'm on a dating website and have read numerous profiles where men state they are tired of the games played online--as well as a few of them telling me they were about ready to shut their profile down because they were getting sick of it.

I feel the same way, which is one of the reasons why I usually go about 2 months online and then disable my profile--I get tired of the games played--seems people get off on filling up the pages of their little black book.

I still don't understand why this is a problem. Out of the 20 first dates I had (between April and Aug of 2012) only a handful of guys I met were 2nd or 3rd date material. Yet several guys would be upset when we hadn't even met yet and I was still online in the dating system. I don't get that.

The two guys that turned into something of a relationship (The bodybuilder and BB) quickly took up so much of my time with repeat dates that it wasn't long before I had no time for other guys. I think this is how it should naturally be. If someone is a good match for you, time spent with them increases (you're so happy you found this awesome person) and naturally crowds out time you would have had to look for others.

At the same time, I don't think you can know a person's TRUE personality for a couple months, so I would have no heartburn with a man who keeps his profile until we are "exclusive."

Now, people constantly looking for the "next best thing" or, as someone else said one time, "the bigger better deal" is a whole 'nother topic: Those people won't likely be satisfied (which means he won't be a good match for me anyway) so I just move one.

I never closed down my Match.com account with the bodybuilder because we never had the "exclusive" talk and because I saw that he was often online. With BB, his continued Match.com presence led to a mis-understanding about how far along we were in the relationship so I started answering Match.com emails again (went on a couple dates) which led to the "exclusive" discussion with agreement to shut down our profiles. We went exclusive after about 3 months.

My apologies if you met him else where....that would make my post totally meaningles

Actually, Kristen, I think your advice applies no matter WHERE you met the guy. I have many coworkers who juggled multiple women met in multiple locations. Used to make me sick - especially since two of those guys had the nerve to ask ME out after I got divorced.