From Bulimia to Pastry School
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nakedbreakfast
Posts: 10 Member
Hello, all :]
I was diagnosed with bulimia nervosa as a teenager (age 17) and again at 22 (with comorbid PTSD) but have since been able to quit binging and purging. I began engaging in ED behaviors (as I have come to know them) fairly young, but they didn't become a 'problem' until I was 12 or 13. Over ten years after onset, I finally feel as if I'm in a pretty stable place.
Sometimes things are still hard - I'll want to binge on a favorite 'binge meal', I'll hide what I'm eating, restrict, or very rarely I'll feel a strong urge to purge. However, my 'recovered' days far outnumber the 'sick' ones. My sporadic compulsions have led me to believe that (for me) recovery is something I will need to consciously work on for the rest of my life - and I've come to completely accept that reality. I love myself, even the residual 'disordered' bits that I will need to continue working on, and I see a terrifying yet thrilling future ahead of me.
I was an overweight child and grew up with the implication that 'while food is wonderful, you should eat less of it than anyone else' - which, I think, pushed me swiftly into mental illness (there were other factors, of course, but this is primarily what my mind comes back to). It has taken me until the last few years to realize that my long-time natural passion for food has never been a bad thing, but rather, it's a GIFT. I'M FINALLY RECLAIMING MY LOVE OF FOOD.
I went to college and received my bachelor's in a field that's more or less completely unrelated, but later this year - I WILL BE ATTENDING CULINARY SCHOOL TO BECOME A PASTRY CHEF. I'll probably be older than most of the students, but that's okay. What I am concerned about, though, are the use of meat and dairy products and how I'll get around using them. I've been vegetarian for about 10 years and have been on-and-off practicing a vegan diet for the last few years. I know I'm going to have to put in the extra time and effort to talk to my instructors and create vegan pastries/dishes - and it scares me to need to be 'that girl' - but it's important to me to do so. I consider myself pretty familiar with vegan food/cooking/baking substitutions, so that isn't a problem - I'M JUST AFRAID OF BEING CRITICIZED AND STICKING OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB. I need to get past this...
ANYWAY, what I really came here to post about is the fact that I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU ON HERE! I eat well, I get a very reasonable amount of exercise (not too much - I hate gyms haha), I love walking all over the place and have recently given in to doing Blogilates ;] I fancy myself a positive person (now) when it comes to balancing health and wellness - and I'd like to find similar minds and people who perhaps could benefit from my influence (haha that sounds so self-absorbed, but really it's more that I don't think I'm triggering at all?).
I hope you are all doing well, and if not, hang in there xoxo
I was diagnosed with bulimia nervosa as a teenager (age 17) and again at 22 (with comorbid PTSD) but have since been able to quit binging and purging. I began engaging in ED behaviors (as I have come to know them) fairly young, but they didn't become a 'problem' until I was 12 or 13. Over ten years after onset, I finally feel as if I'm in a pretty stable place.
Sometimes things are still hard - I'll want to binge on a favorite 'binge meal', I'll hide what I'm eating, restrict, or very rarely I'll feel a strong urge to purge. However, my 'recovered' days far outnumber the 'sick' ones. My sporadic compulsions have led me to believe that (for me) recovery is something I will need to consciously work on for the rest of my life - and I've come to completely accept that reality. I love myself, even the residual 'disordered' bits that I will need to continue working on, and I see a terrifying yet thrilling future ahead of me.
I was an overweight child and grew up with the implication that 'while food is wonderful, you should eat less of it than anyone else' - which, I think, pushed me swiftly into mental illness (there were other factors, of course, but this is primarily what my mind comes back to). It has taken me until the last few years to realize that my long-time natural passion for food has never been a bad thing, but rather, it's a GIFT. I'M FINALLY RECLAIMING MY LOVE OF FOOD.
I went to college and received my bachelor's in a field that's more or less completely unrelated, but later this year - I WILL BE ATTENDING CULINARY SCHOOL TO BECOME A PASTRY CHEF. I'll probably be older than most of the students, but that's okay. What I am concerned about, though, are the use of meat and dairy products and how I'll get around using them. I've been vegetarian for about 10 years and have been on-and-off practicing a vegan diet for the last few years. I know I'm going to have to put in the extra time and effort to talk to my instructors and create vegan pastries/dishes - and it scares me to need to be 'that girl' - but it's important to me to do so. I consider myself pretty familiar with vegan food/cooking/baking substitutions, so that isn't a problem - I'M JUST AFRAID OF BEING CRITICIZED AND STICKING OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB. I need to get past this...
ANYWAY, what I really came here to post about is the fact that I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU ON HERE! I eat well, I get a very reasonable amount of exercise (not too much - I hate gyms haha), I love walking all over the place and have recently given in to doing Blogilates ;] I fancy myself a positive person (now) when it comes to balancing health and wellness - and I'd like to find similar minds and people who perhaps could benefit from my influence (haha that sounds so self-absorbed, but really it's more that I don't think I'm triggering at all?).
I hope you are all doing well, and if not, hang in there xoxo
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