Let's talk about Boobs

aquapup

So I am 35 weeks (and so excited!!!) with my first baby and the topic that is making me crazy is breastfeeding. I have been getting more than enough stories about people being traumatized by a breastfeeding woman who "just whipped a boob out in public" to feed their kid. My favorite of these stories I got to hear twice about a woman feeding a toddler who was already walking at a La Leche League meeting (if you can't breastfeed there where in the * are you supposed to have a safe space?). I have been told often by family and friends that I can be discrete and don't need to just expose myself. I am getting the message loud and clear - many of my friends and family are offended/horrified that women would feed their children in public without thoroughly and completely covering up their boobs, and they want to head me off at the pass and make sure I know that the thought of my seeing my boobs is quite abhorrent. Message received.

Okay here is the deal. I have no interest in anybody seeing my boobs; HOWEVER, of all my concerns about breastfeeding, the comfort of the adults around me is not my top priority. I want to get a good latch, I want my kid to get enough milk, I want my baby to eat when she's hungry and I have to learn how to do it all correctly so the fact that people are telling me I don't NEED to breastfeed, that I can keep my kid and myself completely covered up like some kind of canary with medusa powers, that I can sit in a bathroom and breastfeed, that I can pump ahead of time every time I leave the house even though I am going to be a stay at home mom... here is my response that I haven't yet figured out a polite way to say.

GET OVER IT. I'm not going to be breastfeeding for the benefit of the other adults in my life. I am going to be having a baby in spring and while I am not going to try to show off my boobs if my child needs to eat, if I am having some trouble getting a latch, if an "appropriate covering" slips while I am around other people in the 100 degree heat this summer, if I am in my own home, if I can't find a "suitable" spot fast enough - then LEARN TO AVERT YOUR EYES BECAUSE YOU MAY SEE A BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBB. Besides it's my legal right to breastfeed wherever I am (as long as I am there legally, which I think is an odd provision) in Indiana.

Okay I had to, ahem, "get that off my chest." Any advice for politely telling people I don't want their breastfeeding 2 cents and they may see a boob before the year is out?

DawnieB1977

lol. I have a breastfeeding cover up. It's like an apron thing you just put round your neck and it covers you up.

I'm also 35 weeks...due on April 20th.

meggwyn

I have yet to ever have anyone give me an attitude or treat me disrespectfully for nursing in public. I know it happens, but I'm just saying it hasn't been my experience, thankfully! I do tend to be a private person anyway, so when they are still newborns and its harder to latch, I plan what I'm doing around their eating schedule. Meaning, if I need to go to the store, I will top them off in the car before heading in (knowing I have at least an hour to hour and half before needing to nurse again...again sometimes they will go longer than that). I love ring slings when they are tiny, so I always use that as a cover. Beautiful, airy, and plenty of room for draping! Of course, it gets so much easier as they become proficient nursers and get better body control! I have no problem easily and discreetly nursing in waiting rooms or sitting down near a fitting room or whatever to nurse. I've never been one to enjoy walking around nursing, like in a baby carrier, just because i'd rather sit and snuggle honestly! (and its hard to position things! lol) But plenty of people do that, too.

Anyway, just want to encourage you to not worry about impending judgement. Most people honestly are happy to see breastfeeding normalized. Most men (and women) avert their eyes once they realize what you're doing, but not in a grossed out way, but out of respect. I always try to catch the eye and smile at nursing moms I see out in public before looking away respectfully. I don't see the issue with wearing a cover of some kind, whether it be a blanket, nursing cover, wrap, or whatever. I don't think women should "have" to use one, but I think most feel more comfortable that way! lol And most of my friends irl are fellow nursing moms. Now in my home, its different story! I rarely have company, so when people do come to visit, I always have to remind myself to cover up! lol B/c when they are little, I just go around in a nursing tank and do "whip it out" as needed! lol

Good luck on your nursing journey! Its a difficult, but very rewarding thing to do!

HeyNikkita

Two things:
1. Congrats on making the decision to breastfeed! How long are you aiming for?
2. There are plenty of ways to be non-offensive and still feed...
All of the following is solely based on my experience and opinion.
Here are my credentials: I nursed one child for just shy of one year.

IMO - I personally don't mind seeing women BF in public, but I don't like seeing full on boobage IN PUBLIC.
I think modesty is important.

Receiving blankets make good/fast/easy/cheap "cover-ups"
They make special nursing COVERS... on Amazon they're 20-50 dollars. (Hooter Hiders has an awesome one)
I am using/used a pashmina scarf to cover up.

Nursing bras are not necessary but so nice to have. I used sports bras that looked like a half-cami when I wasn't using my nursing bra.
Breast pads are a must, you'll probably leak on one side while feeding on the other so make sure to buy some!! I went through about 4-6 pairs a day. (Again, I think Amazon's subscribe & save program saves you more money than buying at the store)


For at home: GET A NURSING PILLOW!!!
Leachco makes one "Cuddle-U" for $20 and it is fantastic (Walmart sells them for sure).
I don't think spending $40 on a Boppy is reasonable.
I hated toting the pillow around in public areas so I kept it at home (or brought it when visiting someone's house).


Did you get a pump already?

HeyNikkita

Lol - I forgot to answer the main question while on my little soapbox... :laugh:

My husband taught me this one I love it..
"I accept your feedback: right, wrong, or indifferent."

You don't need to argue, it's an excellent "shove off" response.

lisapr123

I wouldn't worry much about it. I was a little concerned and it turns out I HATED breastfeeding and only did it full-time for about 6 weeks before deciding to pump and supplement with formula as needed, even though I'm a stay at home mom. Yep, it sounds selfish but I felt like I didn't have my own life when I was doing it full time, so I chose to change what I was doing. (Plus, she was sleeping thru the night at just a couple weeks old so it was messing with my supply and I wasn't about to wake her in the middle of the night to eat, or me to pump....) Take things day by day, week by week and see how it goes.

One thing I've noticed is that I tend to "hang out" in places where it's not an issue now. We're not at fancy restaurants, the theatre, major sporting events, etc.... (well, if we are the kid is at home with a sitter). We're mostly at parks, the library for story time, the homes of friends & family... all places where it's pretty acceptable. I, for one, always go into a private room if I'm not in my own home. Like a spare bedroom, den, etc. At my own home I bf wherever I want to. I think (hope) you're expecting more negative feedback than you'll actually receive. Most people are cool with it.

(I will say I was once at a very nice restaurant and somebody was nursing just a table away from me and yes, it irked me. But I think it was more about the fact that it wasn't a very "appropriate" place (in my mind) for an infant to be on a Saturday night. Most "complaints" I've heard re: bf'ing are more about the location being not necessarily child-appropriate rather than the fact that somebody saw a boob.)

DawnieB1977

I have big boobs anyway and after kids they get even bigger, so I feel self conscious about whipping them out in public, which is why I have a cover.

I wasn't successful in exclusively feeding my previous two kids. My son lost way too much weight by a week old so I was told to give him formula, and my daughter didn't stop feeding to the point where I couldn't do anything, and I had my then 22 month old son to look after too, so I mix fed her. I did feed my daughter in places like Starbucks using the cover, and no-one cared.

I live in England and personally have never heard any negative comments towards bf mothers, although I know it happens. In the news a couple of weeks ago, a woman sat on a step to bf her baby and eat her sandwich, and some random person snapped a photo of her, and put it on Facebook labelling her a tramp! You couldn't see anything, it's not like her boob was hanging out.

Anyway, my third is due in 5 weeks and I hope to be able to bf her exclusively. Third time lucky and all. This is similar to the cover I have: http://www.boots.com/en/Bebe-au-Lait-Nursing-Cover-Hot-Dots_1161153/

kcasey155

Haha, you made me giggle. I'm now breastfeeding my fifth and I admit I've never been shy about it. I don't whip everything out and try to be discreet, but it's taken ten years for my other half to come around to me feeding in front of his family lol. I once sat on his uncle's sofa (after a funeral) and fed my son when he was hungry and my other half nearly had a coronary there and then. I just said 'my son is hungry and I won't let him starve because you're embarassed when it's entirely natural and as mother nature intended'. Because that IS the thing, it IS natural and that's what most people have lost sight of. Boobs are not strictly sexual objects and they do have a function. I often sit and feed in the park while the older ones are playing and I get all the old dears coming up and saying how lovely it is to see a child fed properly and naturally. Lastly, don't expect to have 'issues' with breastfeeding, I've never had anything worse than a blocked milk duct. My babies and I all caught on after about three days and I have had very few problems in the last eleven years of feeding my kids. The only bit I hate about breastfeeding is stopping!

spunkychelsea

I personally choose to wear a nursing cover around everyone except a few close women to me (this includes in my own home when guests are over). I can still see to get a good latch, and I am still meeting my baby's needs. BUT I am a private person and would prefer people not see my boobs that don't have to (and trust me I showed them to everyone in the hospital cause that's what I needed to do at the time, but once I got better at it I chose to regain my privacy).

That being said I don't care if others whip theirs out. I don't quite know where to look, I mean you look in their eyes, but their boobs are out! Would it be weird to look? Would it be weird not to? You'd think after BF two children past a year (but under 15 months) I'd have this figured out, but I don't.

I bf my son through my grandmother's funeral. My aunt asked me how I was going to keep him quiet (we're not close - I've talked to her like 10 times my whole life) I was like my boob will do it. I tried to feed him while I was getting a hair cut to keep him entertained (under their cover AND mine) and the lady cutting my hair told me in a snotty voice if I wanted to feed him Icould do it in the bathroom. Ishould have gotten up and left, but I wanted a hair cut, so he sat, wiggling, on top of the cover getting hair all over him. That was the one time someone was rude about it. And she had kids, I didn't get it. I refuse to feed my kid in a bathroom. In my car, sure, bathroom? Nope.

I personally love Udder Covers, I have one in my diaper bag, one on my couch for quests, and a knock off somewhere else. They have a rigid neckline to see baby, can't fall off and when my kid starts throwing it around and thrashing I just tuck the end under my arm or something to keep them from exposing us.

Best of luck, once of the best and hardest things I've done in my life is to carry my children pregnant then nurse them. It can be painful and exhausting and frustrating, but so rewarding and beautiful and happy.

Nique85

I think the ladies gave a lot of good advice. I never had anyone give me dirty looks are anything. However, I could tell a few of my family members were uncomfortable when I pulled my boob out (that's the only time I didn't feel the need to cover up). In public I used a nursing cover. But my best advice is to wear easy access clothes with tank top under.

mycrazy8splus1

With my first child I was very self conscience about BF in public. I used a cover and tried to be discreet. I was not as successful as I wanted to be. I was only able to BF for 6 months. My second child was a better Bfeeder. He latched better, didn't mind the drape, and I was able to BF for a year. My third child was a summer baby. He completely hated the drape. I tried every kind imaginable. He just would not allow it (and I don't blame him, I would not want to be fed under a blanket in the Texas heat either). I had to decide then to either get over my issues with someone being offended and the needs of my child. My child won. I still try to be discreet but when it comes down to it what my children need will come first. I have BF all 9 of my kids with varying degrees of success. I am currently BFing both my 2 year old and my 3 week old. At home I will tandem feed but in public that is not possible to do discreetly. I am trying to get my 2 year old to nurse only at sleeping times (bed and naps) so he doesn't get to BF when we are in public much anyway. I did have some comments thrust my way when we lived in our old town but since moving I have been able to BF in diners, grocery stores, parks, church, school events, ect. No one has said anything. I still try to be discreet. Best of luck on your BFing journey.

Destanie_Robyn

Well Said, and sorry to hear that you are getting so much flack! I am planning on using cover ups and will follow a lot of the advice given in this thread, but I agree that bottom line is baby comes first! ABC once did a what would you do on breastfeeding in public, I was happy to see that many women came to the aid of fellow mothers who were given heck for breast feeding in public.

rhoule76

I plan to breastfeed in public, if needed. I do also plan to buy a cover up because I don't want strangers to see. If someone has the audacity to say something to me about it, I will push back. Screw what others think, it's for the benefit of the baby and you, not them.

tiggerhammon

I was never shy on this with my daughter and don't plan to be this time around either.
I am respectful as possible, try to keep covered and don't really care too much if the blanket accidently slips - big deal!

I couldnt actually care less about what the adults and strangers in my life think. My only concern is not weirding my daughter out. That might sound weird to all of you, but i am worried about my 8yr being very uncomfortable seeing mom in a light she didn't want to.

mycrazy8splus1

I was never shy on this with my daughter and don't plan to be this time around either.
I am respectful as possible, try to keep covered and don't really care too much if the blanket accidently slips - big deal!

I couldnt actually care less about what the adults and strangers in my life think. My only concern is not weirding my daughter out. That might sound weird to all of you, but i am worried about my 8yr being very uncomfortable seeing mom in a light she didn't want to.

Just try to make sure she understands that what you are doing is natural and there is nothing wrong with it. I have had my older children stand up for breast feeding in public. If we are at a park or something and someone says something or acts disgusted I have had even my 6 year old say something to like, "My brother is eating, what is your problem?" I try not to encourage them to speak adults rudely but sometimes it takes a kid being wise to show an adult they are being foolish. If you daughter understands the natural means of feeding a baby she should be fine with her mommy doing what is best for her sibling.

kcasey155

My niece is 8 yrs old and an only child. She loves having a new baby cousin and actually had lots of questions about breastfeeding when she realised what I was doing. She was far from embarrassed and actually tried to remove the baby from the breast to see what she was sucking on, then we had to have a conversation about touching other people's boobs, lol. Once I had explained that the baby was eating and that that was the whole purpose of boobs in the first place she's been fine with it. She keeps coming up with questions like when will she have milk for her (future) babies and she likes to watch the baby eat, which is a little uncomfortable for me as she's not even my child, but I decided to let it slide as I'd like her to learn from me that breastfeeding is natural and what you're meant to do.