New Mommy Advice?

sunshineandprayers

I am a brand new mom, lil man born 2-25-14, I am having a harder time than I anticipated. Been very challenging adjusting to no sleep, big cries and nursing issues on top of normal new parent woes. How do you focus on yourself? I feel guilty sometimes wanting me time so soon and yearning for some limits on caring for him 24/7, but also realize that those moments I do get (a shower, a solo doc appt) I come back to him happier. I would really love advice from moms on how they do it. Tips on staying healthy and finding a way to work out. Any great recipes or food ideas appreciated too.

RBXChas

Congratulations!

Your little guy is a month old, so for now I'd focus on those happy "me" moments, like a long(-ish) shower or a meal using both hands. As he grows and allows you to put him down more/naps more regularly, you'll be able to work in workouts. At this point walks with a stroller are probably your best bet. Trying to do it all right now is almost impossible and can be mentally taxing.

Convenience foods are key. Things you can eat with one hand (sandwiches), things you can grab and eat quickly (Greek yogurt), and things that are easy to prepare and heat up, like frozen or crockpot meals, are good.

One thing I learned after baby #1 that helped a lot with baby #2 (but actually was harder to do with #2 because he is breastfed whereas #1 was supplemented and then finally formula-fed): ask for help/allow dad to hold the baby for a while. I had this mindset that I needed to be able to do it all, otherwise I was a failure, and I ended up running myself ragged. If that means he holds the baby for 20 minutes so you can do a Jillian Michaels DVD, it will be ok.

At one month in, with both babies, I was still in survival mode (especially with #1). That's totally normal to be just getting by at this point, as frustrating as it is. It really is difficult to adjust to not sleeping and not getting time to yourself. There's no way to prepare, either because I feel like you can't understand it until you're in it.

You will do great, just go easy on yourself. You may not be able to carve out much time for or have any regularity in workouts right now. That will get easier later. Do NOT feel guilty for wanting time to yourself because that is how you stay mentally healthy. It is GOOD for you, and your baby will not be psychologically damaged because you took an hour to get a haircut or go for a run.

The crying will lessen, as will the never-ending spit-up. The crying also becomes meaningful (and so somewhat able to be anticipated/understood) and easier to stop. Newborns really are strange, unpredictable creatures. It's not you or your baby; it's just how it is.

Also, your baby will sleep. It may be two weeks from now (my first STTN at six weeks), or it may be six months from now (my second STTN at six months), but it will happen, I promise! My three-year-old has only woken up during the night twice since he was probably 15 months old, and both times it was because he had thrown up.

Breastfeeding is HARD. I didn't expect that. I thought it would fall into place because, well, it just would. With my older son, I ended up having a crappy supply and thus a screaming baby who wouldn't sleep for more than an hour at a time. As soon as he got formula, he was happy and started sleeping. I had lots of support for formula-feeding but still felt like a total failure, like I was depriving my son of health benefits and myself of weight loss. I saw the lactation consultant who assured me that my supply was fine and to keep nursing, that any amount of breastmilk I could give him was good. Formula saved my mental health because it allowed him (and me) to sleep for 3-4 hours at a stretch. I nursed as much as I could and pumped what little I could, but even taking all sorts of supplements (fenugreek, blessed thistle, brewer's yeast, etc) plus eating tons of oatmeal didn't help my supply. At three months I was not nursing at all but pumping all day long to get maybe three ounces a day, so when my period returned I went 100% to formula and never looked back. By then I had gotten over my breastfeeding guilt and felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders!

Oddly enough breastfeeding worked out with my younger son because I knew what to expect and just had that knowledge and experience to force it to work. However it has its downsides, in that I have to be present all the time because no one else can feed him, he's just now learning to drink from a straw cup because he doesn't know how to drink except "straight from the tap," and my weight loss has been non-existent. BFing is almost as likely to make you retain weight as it is to help you lose weight, but no one tells you that. I've just resigned myself to remaining fat until we wean, and then I'll still be fat for a while until I lose the weight.

I know this is long, but I hope this helps. I've been in your shoes. I had such a hard time with my first, which wasn't helped by the fact that I was "failing" at BFing. I contemplated not having any more. I finally got over that and (obviously) had a second. I expected that newborn time period to be so bad the second time around and was pleasantly surprised that I handled it much better. I think I was more forgiving of myself and more willing to let my husband help, plus I told myself not to feel guilty about BFing if it didn't work out well or about handing the baby off so that I could run to the supermarket on my own for 30 minutes (which feels amaaaaaaaaaaazing, btw).

I cut myself much more slack for baby #2, and I feel like I'm a better mom to both of my boys (three years old and 10 months old) for it. Be kind to yourself because what you're doing for your baby is more than good enough right now. Taking time to yourself will only make you better for both you and your baby.

The irony is that now that I feel like I've got this baby thing down pat, I don't plan on having any more

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