Last baby blues

RBXChas

How do you deal with being bummed out about having had your last baby?

We're working towards weaning; my son will be 1 on 5/23. I'm not depressed or crying or anything like that, just slightly bummed. I'm ready to be done BFing (and to lose this weight, finally), so I think it's more about his no longer being an infant rather than stopping BFing. We plan for him to be the last baby (of two), and I should be excited to be heading into toddler territory because that means he will be a little less dependent on me each day. However I can't help but feel a little sad.

My FB feed is full of friends' newborns, and my uterus and ovaries audibly shout for joy, but when I think about pregnancy and those newborn days/nights, my reaction is NO WAY, NO HOW! (At least not again.) I'm quite confident that we're done, and unless he's lying to me, which I highly doubt, my husband is, too.

I think it hit me today because I'm already starting to keep an eye out for big boy beds...

So tell me, are we just biologically geared to feel this way, or is it just hitting me because Aunt Flo is in town and/or because I just realized how close he is to a year old? (We've only dropped one feed, the time for which hasn't even arrived yet today, so I don't think it's oxytocin withdrawal.)

Do you all go through this, too? How do you cope?

stellcorb

Haha! That's funny.... my youngest will be 2 in June and when people ask me if I'm having any more... I went from "Heck no!" to "I would if I won the lottery" ... still a no, but with a different tint. I know alot of women who are pregnant right now and I do feel a bit sad... but then my reasonable brain speaks up and snaps me out of it.
I think it's the start of a new stage of life... no longer a "breeder" ... with that comes a transition period that I think is part mental, part hormonal and part instinct...
Guess I can't advise you how to move on because I haven't really... but I really think it's part of being a woman... one of those fabulously, annoying things;)

RBXChas

Yeah, I kind of wondered if it's just something that we deal with as women or if it's just me because it's just now setting in that I'm done. Glad to know I'm not alone!

I got out and about with my baby, too, which made me feel better because I got to see his stinky little face and enjoy him as he is now. I wrote the original post while he was napping, and as much as I look forward to his naptime and bedtime, I wish I could still snuggle him in his sleep

RBXChas

Also, my older son is 3 and of the age when we can take him places that he actively enjoys, like the aquarium. I have to remind myself that once this little guy is 3, my older guy will be 5, and we can do fun things like that all the time (at least on the weekends). It's tough to get out and do stuff when you have a baby.

GinE73

I agree that it's part of being a woman and being in transition. I felt the same thing and it really hit me when my now 19 mo old son climbed onto his trike seat and started riding around the house. I thought- how did he grow up so fast?! I look at his growth chart and can't believe how tall he is too. Luckily he's a cuddler so during my down times I can get extra hugs & kisses. You're right- it is sooooo much easier going out when they get older. My DH & I talk about having another but it's hard to go back to non-sleep, poo explosions, and towing around luggage for outings.

Pepper2185

I'm itching to have another baby because I miss having a little snuggle worm that can't run away from me when I want to snuggle it. I think I'm going to be super sad after #2 turns into a toddler.

I'm so lame - I'm already getting sad about a baby I haven't conceived yet turning into a toddler. Stupid uterus.

stellcorb

That's it... ovaries just make us crazy... and that's that! But whatever... life is more fun as a crazy person! I always get caught up in wanting my kids to be more independent... then wanting them to stay babies.
Potty training will be the next step with my daughter... and I dread the mess and the fight... want to get it "over with", but it marks my baby as no longer a baby... sad and happy.

jls8209

I'm expecting #2, and RIGHT NOW the plan is to have 3 kids. However, some days I find managing one toddler hard enough and I wonder how I'll handle two, and whether or not we'll stick to our plan and have that third baby. I feel bad saying it but I haven't been enjoying this pregnancy very much (first tri was rough with the nausea, now in my second tri I'm just too busy with #1 to even remember I'm pregnant, and when I do think about it I'm just worried about the sky rocketing number on the scale despite my healthy habits). I keep telling myself I need to relax and start to enjoy this pregnancy because even though we're planning for another, there's a chance we may not go for it. I guess what's going though my mind isn't quite "last baby blues", more of a "this may or may not be the last pregnancy blues", but I think I know what you mean.

Claire594

I completely understand what you going through. I just had to wean my 9 month there due to work commitments and she is my second and my last and I am feeling slightly berift that I will never again breastfeed or be pregnant again but at the same time I was ready to finish breastfeeding and start working on losing this baby weight. I'm hoping it's just a residual hormonal thing. It's reassuring to know that this is normal though and other people feel the same way.

RBXChas

I'm expecting #2, and RIGHT NOW the plan is to have 3 kids. However, some days I find managing one toddler hard enough and I wonder how I'll handle two, and whether or not we'll stick to our plan and have that third baby. I feel bad saying it but I haven't been enjoying this pregnancy very much (first tri was rough with the nausea, now in my second tri I'm just too busy with #1 to even remember I'm pregnant, and when I do think about it I'm just worried about the sky rocketing number on the scale despite my healthy habits). I keep telling myself I need to relax and start to enjoy this pregnancy because even though we're planning for another, there's a chance we may not go for it. I guess what's going though my mind isn't quite "last baby blues", more of a "this may or may not be the last pregnancy blues", but I think I know what you mean.

We originally envisioned having three, but a crappy economy helped delay our starting. (If we had started when we originally wanted to, we'd have a five-year-old now.) We eventually decided to just go ahead, but it was literally two years after we'd wanted to start. Then once we had one and I lost all that weight, I was scares of doing it again and "ruining" all my hard work. I finally got over that, but I knew I wouldn't want to do it all a third time. My husband was less convinced and still kind of wanted to have a third. As our older one grew, he came around to the idea of only having two, and since having our second, he's confirmed that he agrees that we are done having babies

ETA that my BIL and SIL just had their second (their older one is 2.5), and SIL already thinks she wants a third. BIL is saying absolutely not, so I don't know how they're going to resolve that one. She is 31, and he's about to turn 39, so by the time they space things out, he'll be about 42 when they have another, plus he doesn't like the imbalance having a third creates. Lots of things are made for families of four, and you usually have to make special preparations for a fifth person.

jls8209

I'm expecting #2, and RIGHT NOW the plan is to have 3 kids. However, some days I find managing one toddler hard enough and I wonder how I'll handle two, and whether or not we'll stick to our plan and have that third baby. I feel bad saying it but I haven't been enjoying this pregnancy very much (first tri was rough with the nausea, now in my second tri I'm just too busy with #1 to even remember I'm pregnant, and when I do think about it I'm just worried about the sky rocketing number on the scale despite my healthy habits). I keep telling myself I need to relax and start to enjoy this pregnancy because even though we're planning for another, there's a chance we may not go for it. I guess what's going though my mind isn't quite "last baby blues", more of a "this may or may not be the last pregnancy blues", but I think I know what you mean.

We originally envisioned having three, but a crappy economy helped delay our starting. (If we had started when we originally wanted to, we'd have a five-year-old now.) We eventually decided to just go ahead, but it was literally two years after we'd wanted to start. Then once we had one and I lost all that weight, I was scares of doing it again and "ruining" all my hard work. I finally got over that, but I knew I wouldn't want to do it all a third time. My husband was less convinced and still kind of wanted to have a third. As our older one grew, he came around to the idea of only having two, and since having our second, he's confirmed that he agrees that we are done having babies

ETA that my BIL and SIL just had their second (their older one is 2.5), and SIL already thinks she wants a third. BIL is saying absolutely not, so I don't know how they're going to resolve that one. She is 31, and he's about to turn 39, so by the time they space things out, he'll be about 42 when they have another, plus he doesn't like the imbalance having a third creates. Lots of things are made for families of four, and you usually have to make special preparations for a fifth person.

We were a bit "late" by most peoples' schedules when it came to starting our family (we're the stragglers in our group!). First was born when I was 30.5, this one I'll be 32.5. We had what we felt were good reasons for not starting sooner - we didn't live together before getting married and wanted time completely to ourselves, DH was finishing grad school and needed to find a job, we knew we'd have to move long-distance for said job (and we did), and my career at the time would not have allowed me to take much time off for mat leave, nor could I support us financially for very long if DH didn't find a job right away. Because of our delay in starting I feel like we're now rushing a bit. We'll have a 22.5 month age gap, but I really would have preferred 2.5 - 3 years. If we stick with the plan and all goes well, I'll be 34.5 having the third. The funny thing is, I actually want 4 kids, but my age is a major deciding factor because I don't want to have back to back babies, nor am I sure I want to be having #4 when I'm pushing 37. I know plenty of moms have babies at that age, I'm just not sure if I want to. Plus, I'm not sure how I'd manage 4 kids with no family around (they're all a plane ride away)!

I know what you mean about the 2 vs 3 kids thing. I worry about all of the middle child stuff, how everything is geared for families of 4 (despite the increasing number of families of 5+ I've been noticing), not to mention the cost of having that many kids, especially given we need to travel to see family. We did cave in and buy a van, though, we need to have enough kids to justify the purchse! :laugh:

mrsgosch

I just had #2 about 2 months ago and even though its only been 2 months and super tough with a newborn and a 1 1/2 year old, I still feel like I want more but its just not an option I think my biggest problem is I ended up with the baby blues super bad since my DD had to spend 12 days in the NICU and we didnt get to hold her for a few days and I never got to breatfeed her like I wanted to. I feel as if I missed out on something with this one that I had with my first.

carstekj

Ugh, I'm not looking forward to that feeling. We had #2 in August. And there is no way (God willing) she is our last. I think I will have to mentally prepare myself before having my last. Children are such a beautiful thing. There are definitely difficult times with a toddler and a baby (#1 is 2.5yrs), but the smiles and giggles are worth it. Hopefully by the time we're ready for #3, I'll be ready to be done...

You're not alone!

mkcolombia

I am struggling with this! I have 2 kids and mentally/physically I am happy. Emotionally its hard! We started our family 3 years before we had planned (#1 was a surprise PPT 3 months after our wedding) Now that I am 27 and the age I had wanted to start, we have 2 kids and are done. My little one is 5 months old and is growing up so fast I feel like I missed her newborn stage! I know I don't want more kids but I don't know how to move into the next stage of life where I am done with having kids and now get to raise them. I guess it makes me feel old!

kcasey155

I've avoided this topic mentally for a long, long time. I really hate the idea of not having more babies and being past the baby stage. I now have five kids, the eldest eleven years old, the youngest six months old. This is where my head tells me I have to stop, however I love being pregnant and having babies, so my heart is reluctant. There are also more cons than pros for me to have more children now and I have to deal with this now. I did book myself in to have Essure implants to block my fallopian tubes making it unlikely for me to conceive again, but changed my mind the week before for numerous reasons. If asked, I say my youngest is my last, but I really don't like it.