What's Your Story?

TriLifter

We've been talking a bit on our walls about our personal stories and where we're currently at both mentally and physically. Here's my story:

I suffered from anorexia in high school and college. At 5'6" I weighed in at 102 lbs. I ran track and my lunch consisted of a small box of raisins and some celery sticks. Once in awhile I'd have a 100 calorie yogurt. I restricted my food so that nothing would have more than 1g fat in it...and I became a vegetarian exclusively for that reason.

After college, I met my future husband and started eating meat again. I gradually gained weight until I was a fluffy 130 lbs. Before we got married, I went to the gym every day and ran or did the elliptical. Sometimes I'd even do the Planet Fitness 30-minute circuit routine. I ate 1200-1400 calories/day and didn't lose a damn pound. So I stopped working out. It obviously didn't matter what I ate or if I "worked out," 130 was my "happy place."

When I had my son in 2010, I started walking and lost the baby weight within a few weeks. So I was back down to 132 and living in my own little bubble. Thanksgiving of 2011 I was looking at photos of myself from my son's 1st birthday and realized that I looked bloated and disgusting. It just wasn't me. I immediately signed up on MFP and got up early every morning to do Tony Horton's 10-mintute Trainer. After a few months, I'd lost 15 lbs. I started running (I hadn't run in almost 12 years) and doing Jillian Michaels' 30-minute Shred and Ripped in 30 DVDs. I lost another 5 lbs and was down to 112. I looked...skeletal. So, I discovered StrongLifts 5x5 and started lifting. I got my weight up to 118-122. My racing range. I ran some 5Ks (won a couple), 10Ks, half marathons, and finally a marathon last October.

Immediately after the marathon I started my bulk. I started at 2400 cals and did NROL4W In retrospect I should have eaten MORE calories, but all in all, I gained a respectful few lbs of muscle. About halfway through I switched to a Power Muscle Burn split and at 2600 calories. Since I ended my bulk in mid-March, I've been lifting and triathlon training. My body looks completely different than it ever had before. I have defined shoulders and arms, which makes my waist look smaller, and I feel like I just look strong. I'm sitting pretty at 125 lbs (eating 2400/day) and would be happy to gain more muscle, but right now I'm just glad to be healthy and fit.

Please feel free to share your stories!

HMVOL7409

Sorta similar and love this idea. Hope mine makes sense, kind of a condensed version.

In high school I battled my weight until I was about 16. I still carried around my baby weight and well it slipped off somehow my junior year. Senior yr came and it wasn't enough. Battled a addiction to dexatrim pills and starving myself to the point I dropped to 98-103lbs. Size 00 in those days and still not happy. My father figure at the time (I do not speak with or desire to have a relationship with my biological parents) got wind and tried to help the best he could. He always saw me watching ESPN and wanting to be like the fitness girl Tiana and he pretty much schooled me my way was a no go. Slowly but surely he got me a womens weight lifting book and built a home gym for us. Taught me the basics and helped me get better and put some weight back on.

Fast forward a few years met an EX who was a college football player and worked at the gym I went to. Started lifting with him and some of the guys and added on some good muscle. Ended up competing in a figure show at 23 and lost site of the gym after a few years and 2 horrendous break ups.

Went back to lifting when I was 26 and was just going through the motions, met my now husband and got married at 29 and had to pretty much try to get pregnant right away due to medical issues. Fast forward 2 years and much infertility treatments that ran my life and I hit rock bottom. Gained 20lbs, depressed and my marriage was not on solid ground. Hormonal treatments were not kind to me, neither was the comfort eating.

2012 was our time. We were going to get healthy, work on our marriage together and individually and take our lives back. Went back to gym but I couldn't get back into lifting right away, my interest wasn't there. Started running as a challenge and a form of therapy. Well that turned into running my first 1/2 marathon in 9 mths, 3 within a year. Joined MFP at that time (1/2012) as well at around 130lb and 25-30% BF. After my first 1/2 in 10/12 I got down to 108lb and 13% BF and still battled body issues. I was lifting more and a running injury put running to the sided or a solid few mths. So I focused on lifting while still running and ate above my TDEE, not really guided starting in February 2013. Got back up 124lbs with a low BF and that was this summer and can say the rest is history. Bulked Nov 2013-Feb 2014 topping at 138lb. I still love running, miss it as well, but my focus and drive is on lifting. I'm now sitting at around 134lbs and in the best shape of my life mentally and physically. Getting stronger everyday and weight is no longer a care for me. Lifting is a passion I have individually but share with my husband and it's crazy how much it's changed our lives for the good in the last few years. Proud of him, proud of myself and proud of a the ladies making strong changes for the good.

TriLifter

Love it, Holly. It's tough to condense almost 20 years of life into a few short paragraphs!

caseythirteen

Such a great idea! I can't wait to read so many of the stories. You get tidbits of our pasts along the way but nothing as thorough as these.

Leena and Holly - you guys have both done an amazing job of getting past your body issues and it's such a great example.

My story really isn't all that exciting. I always felt like the chubby kid growing up but now that I'm older I understand that it wasn't so much that I was the chubby one, it's just that I have a completely different body type than my two older sisters. They were both effortlessly thin with flat stomachs. My stomach was never flat. But I wasn't overweight at all. Combine two thin sisters and another physical issue of my own and I always had huge body issues growing up. Surprisingly, the sister part of this is a relatively recent revelation to me.

In high school I started running, was on the track team and enjoyed it and kept it up in to college but just on my own - no team. I started working in a gym which kept me active but never lifting - always just cardio. Kept up the running in to my adult years and really never gained much weight besides the baby years. I actually didn't weigh myself much but usually stuck in the 122-125 range with periods of dropping lower (before my wedding) and higher (the year after I had my daughter).

Fast forward to the summer of '12 and I didn't like what I was starting to see. I had periods over the years of being fit and losing a few pounds but I always got bored with it and stopped. At this point, I was getting very mushy and I hated it. I joined MFP, started tracking my calories and reading A TON of information. Anything I could get my hands on. I always knew in the back of my mind that I was interested in weights but it wasn't until joining here and learning so much about it, plus starting to gather an awesome group of role models (I think Holly was my 4th friend and two before her were my BFF and sis :flowerforyou: ) that I started getting in to it. I dropped my calories, started lifting and doing cardio and fast forward 6 months, I went from 122 down to 110. I was really lean and hungry all the damn time. I put some weight back on, had a couple injuries and by last Fall was finally feeling better so I decided to bulk. I knew I wouldn't get to my strength goals without making a change. Well, unfortunately that got cut short with my back issues and here we are today. I started the bulk around 115, was about 118 when I got hurt and am back up to 123 now.

I still have a lot to learn and don't plan on going anywhere! I absolutely love lifting and I have never stuck to anything and been so committed to anything like I am now. I would like to cut some of the fat I've gained over the last months and if I can manage that (proving to myself that I can) then I will hopefully try another bulk in the Fall.

TriLifter

Kim, you still come from a similar place: running. The three of us used that and finally found peace in lifting!

jdaley90

I love all you 3 women so much! I am so proud of each and every one of you!

caseythirteen

Kim, you still come from a similar place: running. The three of us used that and finally found peace in lifting!

Excellent point! While I still enjoy a running, lifting is definitely my first love now.

yogaga1

Love this.

I grew up active in general (always played outside, riding bikes, swimming, etc) but never did any sports. I did gymnastics and dance for a quick minute in my teen years and joined cross country in High School. Grew up on lots of canned, processed junky kind of food. Never had a fruit or veggie until my twenties! I was skinny, but always had a little pot belly.

I got pregnant with my son when I was 20 and packed on over 70 lbs in the last three months of pregnancy. I was on bed rest due to hypermesis for the first 6 months, once that subsided, my body clung on to every little thing I was finally able to choke down. Had an emergency c-section that ended up with complications that put me back on bed rest for the first 3 months of my sons life. When my son turned 6 months, I signed up for the gym and went from 200 lbs to 110 lbs in the matter of 4 months. I was dealing with some nasty post-p depression and the pressure of being a young single mother. My life had turned upside down. I was always the "good girl" growing up…super prude…you get the idea, ha! One night I had some beer at a party and next thing I knew, I was pregnant. I was in a bad place mentally! It was a good day if I was eating more than 500 calories, but those were few and far between. I cardio queened myself to skin and bones.

I left the gym a few years later after landing a job which kept me locked in my office 65-70 hours a week. When I was home, I just wanted to spend that time with my son, not on the elliptical. I met my husband around that time and once he caught wind of my unhealthy habits, he confronted me and that was the end of that. Over the next several years of us dating, getting engaged and eventually marrying, I had ballooned up to about 155. Shortly before my wedding, I did the 1200 calorie thing and did Tracy Anderson workout DVD's to get down to a mushy 128 to fit into my wedding dress. Of course, once we went on our honeymoon, I gained about 15 pounds back!

My husband and I eventually separated. I discovered after several miscarriages that I have secondary infertility and it took a huge toll on our marriage. Around that same time, I was laid off from my job. I didn't want to fall into the trap of running myself into the ground again when everything goes wrong, so instead, I made healthy choices. I quit drinking (wasn't much of a drinker anyway, but figured I could very well turn into one given the circumstances!) and quit socially smoking cigarettes when meeting up with friends. My sister introduced me to paleo and I learned to fuel my body properly. I was finally eating the proper caloric intake for my body and getting in quality food and nutrients. I began running again and took up yoga and pilates. Running was my therapy. Anytime I felt like I was about to lose my ****, I'd go for a nice long run. I was (and admittedly still do...:blushing: ) tracking my calories on Lose It, but happened to stumble across the MFP forums during this time. I started reading about women lifting heavy and fell in love the second I saw it. How did I not know this was a THING?? Picked up an oly bar, weights, squat rack and bench off of craigslist and got to it!

My husband and I came back together and worked through our issues around the time I started lifting. We decided to pursue lifting together and had a blast challenging each other and supporting each other. I still go out for a run 2-3x a week and still enjoy a nice hot yoga session, but lifting is my true love. While I def still have days that I poke my belly and pinch my thighs in the mirror, I have MORE days where I am focused on how badass my body is for allowing me to do all the things I can do! My son always asks me to "bench" him. He thinks it's pretty freaking awesome that he was a strong mama.

It's hard to break out of that mentality that the scale weight is boss, but lifting has certainly helped me build confidence and break out of that cycle just a little bit every day. I wish I would have started earlier, but I am thrilled it's in my life now. After my current cut is done (any day now), I'm going to focus primarily on power lifting. Short term goal is to do a local meet this year and long term goal is to do a meet and …gasp… do well! :laugh:

Whew! That was like a mini therapy sesh.

TriLifter

Wow, thank you for your story! Common thread with you, me, and Holly is fertility issues. I had to go though three rounds of treatments to get pregnant with my son. That almost destroyed my marriage.

yogaga1

It certainly messes with your head when your body won't do what it's "supposed to do" as a woman. Lifting has given me back that missing piece by allowing me to see that my body isn't ruined or messed up.

HMVOL7409

It certainly messes with your head when your body won't do what it's "supposed to do" as a woman. Lifting has given me back that missing piece by allowing me to see that my body isn't ruined or messed up.

So very true.

Loved reading these ladies! Kim you've come so far and I'm so proud of you!!!

JoRocka

Welp,

not sure where to start LOL

I was raised by a Marine, I grew up "doing" things. Doing was the answer. Not doing wasn't acceptable. We rode horses competitively in long distance endurance racing, my dad was a firm believer in PT. We often got off the horses and ran hill work with them. I was no stranger to hard work or working out- or doing things I wasn't sure I could do- I'm fortunate now I can do many pull ups- because my dad believed if we were there- we should be doing them- so I've been doing them since I was probably 6 or so.

In junior high or pee wee- at some point I played soccer- I showed no extensive aptitude for it- but I had fun- I think because we lived so far from town- going to practices regularly wasn't realistic.

In High School for some reason I got roped into running cross country. Almost everyone there agreed running sucked- but we loved cross country. The team spirit and comaradery was worth it. I competed in finals and state championships twice- apparently I was a fair to middling runner as I was varsity for 2-3 years.

We did strength training- long distance and sprinting training- my coach liked to keep us well rounded! which was good.

I went away to college... manged to score a scholarship at a military school on the other side of the country.

A little bit about being at a military school... where as a rat (freshman) you are in "the rat line" which means you are pretty much verbally and mentally pushed quiet a bit- you do a lot of PT and you get yelled at a lot of sucking at doing things. Fun times- this process lasts from August to February roughly. The goal is to survive- and not piss everyone off by sucking and throwing people under the bus. As 1 girl of 4 in a company of 60 men- your other goals
> don't let them see you cry
> be faster than a guy and all the other girls
> don't be sneak/spook/crappy brother rat- be loyal- even if they aren't loyal to you
> and don't get raped.

I managed all those things. It sucks. you do crappy things- and the entire idea is don't quit. all you have to do is not give up- you can be broken and bleeding- but you get up and you put one foot in front of the other- or you hold whatever thing they tell you to hold. I would not wish this experience on anyone- but it certainly shaped who I am today.

On top of all this I was recruited to play on the women's soccer team - yes it was so bad they recruited me to play- I hadn't played in YEARS. I could kick a ball- but really my best skill was a long field sprint- I was rubbish under 40 yards- but I guess it took a while for the turbo to spoil up because after 60 I toasted people.

I wound up playing for 3 years while I was there- the last year I didn't play- we had become an offical D1 team- and the new coach never played me- he only used me to run the girls- I was that bad.

But our first coach made sure we did proper weight training- I learned real lifting- power and oly. Had a great time- I really loved it- I wish I could go back and do more. - no that's a lie- I hated college.


One year I did what is called "Ranger Challenge" which is the best of the best Army based club that competes in what's essentially a tough mudder- only you do not HAVE to crawl through mud. It's not a fixed length course- there are 12 events- and it doesn't matter how you get there. It's a team of 7 with 2 alternates - I think- can't remember. But you are docked automatically 100 points if you do not have a female on the team or a freshman. At a military school- those are high commodaties- and one girl dropped out- so my host father asked me to fill in as the alternate girl to secure those 100 points for the SandHurst competition.

Turns out I wasn't afraid of heights- and I was out running the primary girl- so before the events- they switched us. I knew it was going to happen- and it sucks. As the alternate- you would have had to run with the team- but you don't participate in the obstacles. So it sucks- but not as bad as actually running it.

That morning as I ran a mile through completely foggy wood land area- with men who were well my betters- a gas mask on my face I never wanted to sit down and quiet so badly- it was 7 AM- we were less than 30 minutes in and I was already going to puke- we had been training 3 times a day for this- I knew I was going to let them down. Turns out it wasn't' me who dropped the ball- and I was glad I did it- but it was probably one of the ****test things I've ever done. All the guys I trained with were the type of guys to go on to become navy seals and green berets and hooah rangers- they were complete and utter badasses. we finished at 4/5 PM- the team leader fu**ed up our course- we ran an extra 2-3 miles- and unfortunately since the competition was weighted heavily on time- we lost- but points wise we would have been in the top five had it not been for the extra 30 minutes we ran through West Point going the wrong way.

It was brutal.

A year later- I trained and completed the Ba Ta'an Death march- a marathon length memorial march in White Sand's New Mexico with almost an entirely all girls team in the "light military" section. We rucked/ran the whole thing- Holly was our "team leader" she was the mental health/PE teacher there- suffered from MS as a child- I think she was 60 when she competed- and it was at least her 3rd trip to New Mexico- tiny slip of a thing- really amazing women. I still wonder where she is today.
Also an amazing experience.

I went through the Army ROTC course- and also the Marine ROTC course. I realized at some point in there- despite the fact I was doing well- and people thought I was a promising officer- that this was not that path I wanted. So I did not peruse a commission. I sometimes regret this to this day. But mostly I realize I love my life and I"m okay with it.

At some point during my super senior year I became obsessed with bellydancing- and was watching youtube- and learning all that I could.

In 2006 I left the hell hole of college and moved back to California to be with my mom while my dad was deployed.

Training slowed- I still did stuff but it wasn't much. I worked as a life guard at the summer camp- I took my two remaining classes at a local state college and did some minor running and lifting and a lot of swimming. Mom and I took some bellydance classes- I soaked up whatever I could wherever I could.

Got an offer to move in with my best friend who was stationed in the dirty Jersey and in August of 2007 I loaded up my dad's truck- a small trailer I purchased- my horse- and everything I thought I might need and moved across the country. I had 2000 dollars to get me there and sustain me. I suspect it wasn't the wisest decision but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

I got a job as an inspector- and worked construction for 5 years- field work with some manual labor. working out regularly was difficult- I didn't have fixed hours and often times I didn't' have the energy. I have floated around 165-170 lbs this entire time. Roommate and I lifted on and off together- go for jogs or take the dog rucking. Whatever- fitness was a thing that happened but it wasn't regular that's for sure!!! In 2005 we decieded we wanted to ride motorcycles before she left for Germany- so we jumped through hoops to get licenses- and saved up money and bought our first Honda's!!!


She eventually got stationed in Germany- and I moved to a small apartment and I learned about HIIT- and bodyrock/zuzka- it fit well into my life. quick- got my weight training in- and it got my cardio in and left me time to dance. I was still with the same company- I hated- it was sucking my soul from me- winter times were hard- I had no money- I was frequently depressed from money problems and the constant gray and being inside.

Through my sportbike forum I met a guy who had pants I wanted to buy for my first track day. Turns out he could teach me stuff- and was fun to hang out with... and now I can't get rid of him!!! Actually that's a lie- he's amazing- I'm grateful every day that I have him in my life. He rides- he's patient- not jealous- and takes very good care of me. We've been together for 3 years- he's not a fitness person and it makes me crazy. But oh well.

I used HIIT training almost exclusively for 2-3 years and started taking regular dance classes. "regular" as money and time would allow.

Two years ago this month (HAPPY TWO YEARS TO ME on the 21st!!!) I got a job with a state agency and my working out became more consistent.

I was training at my dance studio more- but I was known at my gym for my crazy hard core workouts- and dancing. The trainer sales manager asked me to work for them- so I started as a personal trainer after getting certified. I had to give it up a year later because of a trasnfer in my job- and the reality was compared to an engineering job at a state agency- it was a tax burden rather than giving me money.

A year or so ago I joined Nerd Fitness and realized how much I missed power lifting and started lifting for real again.

I now lift 3-5 times a week- I take upwards of 10 hours of dance class a week, I work professional as a dancer on my weekends- and tour doing shows with the group. (we have 3 this weekend)

Lifting and fitness is my life. I feel often like I am nothing with out it.

I love my body and I love everything that I can do with it. When it breaks I'm devastated.

I still struggle with body image issues occasionally- I wish I could be better at it because my brain knows better- but my emotions they lie to me. But for the most part- I'm wildly happy with what I'm doing with my body.

June 8th will be my first power lifting meet.

Hoping in the fall I can do my first Physique show.

I feel very behind on my dance skills- and I know I can only go so far with body image stuff and still be a professional dancer- super hard dancers are not particularly popular- so it's a balance for me- but that doesn't mean I don't want to try.




And holy schamloley's- I'm really sorry that's so effing long!!!!

TriLifter

Great story, Jo, I really enjoyed reading it! You're one tough broad!!!

caseythirteen

Wow Jo, that's one hell of a story! Good luck with your meet coming up! I can see how it would be a struggle between the potentially opposing body types of dancing and physique.

Kim you've come so far and I'm so proud of you!!!

Thank you!! That means a lot to me.

JoRocka

Great story, Jo, I really enjoyed reading it! You're one tough broad!!!

Thanks- it's weird looking back and trying to sum it up objectively- I definitely left out quiet a bit... some abusive relationships - I had a brief stint (3 weeks?) of severe- I"m going to live off carrots and celery business- but that really in the grand scheme hasn't been an issue- so I forget about it.

Wow Jo, that's one hell of a story! Good luck with your meet coming up! I can see how it would be a struggle between the potentially opposing body types of dancing and physique.

LOL- I wanted to write a book- I have several pages of stories I have written- maybe one day I'll write them out more thouroughly. Seems like it might be worth my while.

Yeah- I'm already too big to fit into "bikini" and almost to big for figure- so I"m pretty sure I'd have to go physique- but I mean- I'm not sure how far I'd get- I'm pretty sure professional dance would take a back seat- I could keep dancing- but restaurant or private gigs would probably have to wait.

I want a second me and more hours in my day- I just do NOT have enough time.

Speaking of- I have a new thread thought. But I'd like to see more stories here before we dive into that!!

yogaga1

Love reading these. Keep em coming, ladies!

__freckles__

I like to think that I never had an issue with my weight. I guess I have brainwashed myself into thinking that. I read all of your wonderful stories and thought to myself, what can I say? My life has been extremely ordinary and I don’t have any stories to tell. But after thinking about it, I realized that it isn’t true at all. It’s because the time I ballooned up to 185 lbs was a part of my life that I’ve tried very, very hard to forget about.

Up until a year after I graduated college, I never had a weight issue. I’m 5’8 and have always been around 135 lbs. I had started working out in college – mostly cardio and weight machines – when I noticed my metabolism wasn’t what it used to be, and I was able to keep my weight in check. About a year after I graduated, I became addicted to cocaine. It was only a 6 month period in my life. But things went downhill very quickly. Aside from my life spiraling out of control, I had let myself go physically. I would get high for hours and not eat anything and then binge on junk food during the comedown. I knew something had to change because I was either going to end up in the hospital or dead from an overdose. The only way I was able to pull myself out of it was to pack up my life and move in with my sister who lived in another state. I went cold turkey and haven’t touched the stuff in over 7 years.

So I had gotten up to about 185 lbs. It’s strange because the weight actually didn’t bother me at the time. Maybe because I’m tall and I carried it well. But more likely because I was trying to overcome an addiction and that was the last thing on my mind. I started going on walks and short jogs every day and the weight slowly came off. By the time I moved back to California 9 months later I was down to about 165. I moved to the beach and kept up with my walks and jogs, but now I did them on the sand. I settled on 155 and was pretty happy. I married my husband a few years later; we had our first child and I was able to lose the pregnancy weight plus 10 lbs. We had our second child last year. That’s when I joined MFP. I started learning about weightlifting and was able to lose all the pregnancy weight again, plus 10 more.

So I weighed around 135 late last year. Finally back to where I had begun. But this time, I wasn’t happy. I was getting a lot of comments from family and co-workers about how skinny I looked. And I agreed. I didn’t look fit. And I’m going to use a term that causes some buzz on the forums, but I don’t care. I was “skinny-fat” and I didn’t like it. So I decided to try bulking back in February. I’ve gained around 6 pounds so far and I’m loving the results. I feel stronger and more empowered than ever. I’m so happy to have found this group and to have met all you ladies I can’t even explain it. Thanks for all the support so far. We are in this together and I can’t wait to go through this journey with you all!

JoRocka

That's a hell of a story!!! Congrats on your clean. That's a hell of an obstacle.

Also- even though you may have not been fit- it was still work to get to 135- and then more work to make the decision to put ON weight.

I'm 5'8" and I'm perfectly comfortable at 170 (well- perfectly comfortable is relative- I was just under 160 last year and now that I've tasted 156- 170 isn't satisfying!!!)

You've put in a lot of work- it's impressive.

Actually everyone here has some amazing things to say- it's crazy how strong we really are when we LET ourselves be- and we look back and see how far we have come- how much we have grown coming out of the hell we found ourselves in at some point or the other.

__freckles__

Actually everyone here has some amazing things to say- it's crazy how strong we really are when we LET ourselves be- and we look back and see how far we have come- how much we have grown coming out of the hell we found ourselves in at some point or the other.

I fully agree with this ^^. We are a pretty awesome group.

Kestrelwings

You guys are AMAZING! It is really inspiring to read your stories, and I have found this forum to be incredibly supportive.

I am not sure my story can measure up, but for what it is worth:

As a kid, I was the 'fat one who is no good at sport'. Or at least so I was told. I was put on my first diet by the age of eleven, with my mother dictating strict regimens of 1,000 calories a day and long lists of what I was not allowed. Unsurprisingly, I would lose a couple of pounds only to put it back on as soon as I was able to sneak to a sweet shop.

Only years later, when looking back at childhood photos, I realised that I was at worst 'plump' or 'had some puppy fat'. I was never 'fat' by any stretch of the imagination.

Luckily I was able to escape to University. As soon as I was free of my parents I was able to cook for myself. Well in truth, more like 'microwave for myself', as I lived on quick & easy junk food! By the end of a year, I must have put on ?20lbs, as I was horrified to discover I was over 150lbs. I put myself on a diet, unfortunately relying on the same unhealthy 'rules' that I had experienced as a child. However I also started to exercise, and found I rather enjoyed it. I joined the rowing club and captained one of the teams, and the weight melted away.

Problem was, now I could not stop. I would do cardio until I hated the sight of the gym, and ate virtually nothing for fear of gaining a pound. My weight plummeted to about ?95-100lbs I guess (I am just under 5”6') and I was hauled in front of the Uni health dept and sent to a psychiatrist. He told me I had to stop exercise and eat or I would get chucked out of Uni, so I did as I was told. I completed my course, but was not any better in my headspace.

Fast forward through several years of restrictive eating and overworking, and eventually I burnt out. Completely. I was mentally and physically broken, and my weight fell to about 90lbs. It was the worst period of my life, and I nearly did not make it out again. Luckily I had brilliant support from friends and colleagues, and they got me slowly back on my feet.

Looking for a new activity to maintain some work-life balance, I heard about a new gym opening from one of the cleaners at work. I was wary as I had bad memories of endless slogs on the treadmill at Uni, but gave it a go and started doing some of the classes. I found, to my surprise, that I really enjoyed myself. Quickly I made friends, and began to find that I was actually quite good at doing lots of the classes. I got steadily fitter and fitter, and could easily do several hardcore classes in a day – and still be ready for more. However something was missing.

Then one of the P.Ts offered to do some work with me to help my posture (I fractured my pelvis several years ago). It turned out he is a lifter, and I have always been weedy, so he introduced me to the world of weights. Ker-ching! Something clicked, and I fell in love. OK so I am not a natural lifter, and am much weaker than most of my mates at the gym, but it 'feels' right. I get an unbelievable buzz in being able to do things that I had always thought were impossible. The weights room is like a second home, and the guys there are super supportive (not to mention tolerant!) of my training. I do still do cardio, but because I enjoy it with my headphones blasting.

So still a long way to go, and in order to lift more I need to gain muscle. I am happier with my body than ever before, as despite its lumps and bumps and twiggy arms and legs - it lifts more and more each time I ask it. Now I am taking a deep breath and trying to undo years of disordered eating, replacing old 'rules' with healthy new ones. Step by tiny step. The weight on the bar matters more to me than the weight on the scale for the first time ever.

Sorry that is rather a long story! Love being here with such a great group of ladies who lift.x

SilentDrapeRunners

So many inspirational stories! Thank you everyone for the inspiration and support!

I was never an athletic kid. I wasn't overweight, but was never super skinny either. I couldn't really tell you what I weighed in high school because it was never something I was conscious of. I probably weighed around 125 lbs (5'4"). When I started college, the freshman 15 hit me hard- I was 150 lbs. at the end of my freshman year. That was when I first became aware of my weight and what it feels like to get fat, and I hated it. I also have scoliosis (had to do the whole brace thing in junior high/high school which was awesome), so I don't carry any extra weight well, because my posture is horrible and my shoulders are very rounded, so everything is kind of slumped unless I really make a conscious effort to stretch my torso upright.

Anyway, luckily I was able to quickly lose 20 lbs. But I wasn't happy at 130 lbs, so I became addicted to cardio & counting/restricting calories. I also became much more reclusive (which literally meant staying in my apartment and seeing no one) because I didn't want contact with anyone until I reached my weight loss goals (which was never going to happen because you can't function as a skeleton). Also started using OTC weight loss pills, which wasn't good for me physically or mentally. It really became an obsessive problem & the food deprivation made me severely depressed. I've always had anxiety/depression, since for me it is a biologic issue. But I didn't start taking medication for it until my sophomore yr of college. The meds helped and I was able to break away from being a slave to calorie restriction. I think I leveled out at around 118 pounds.

After undergrad I started vet school, which was very stressful for me and time consuming. I pretty much stopped exercising and started eating crappy foods again. I also went through some medication changes. You're probably thinking I gained a ton of weight, but the opposite happened- I lost weight. Got down to around 110 pounds. In my mind that was super great, because I was losing weight without exercising AND I was eating crappy foods (although I wasn't overeating).

Started my residency 3 yrs ago and also joined a gym to 'get in shape'. Also changed up my medication to Vyvanse which caused me to lose even more weight. 95 pounds was probably my lowest. I was watching what I ate, but not calorie restricting by any means. Then I got a DEXA scan in July 2012. Here were my stats- 5'4", 99 lbs, 28% body fat. I had no idea at the time what a 'good' BF should be, so I looked it up and was shocked to find out 28% was average and approaching overweight. But according to my weight I was severely underweight. So that was a reality check that what the scale says is not always an indicator of good health & body composition.

So I promptly started strength training with dumbbells and worked my way up to a barbell. Started doing Mike Matthew's program in June 2013, and that helped me a lot, but I wasn't really making significant progress. It wasn't until I faced reality again in January 2014, and committed to bulking that I started to see the scale go up and my muscle mass start to increase. Prior to that, I had hoped I could magically transform my fat into muscle without gaining any fat or significant poundage.

Since my DEXA in 2012, I've lost fat and gained weight (currently ~108 pounds and maybe somewhere around 20% body fat). I still have a long ways to go. Weightlifting has definitely helped my scoliosis and associated upper back pain, but if I push myself too hard, it can make the pain worse, so it's a delicate balance. I've also come to the realization that my medication induced weight loss really wiped out my muscle mass (as evidenced by my DEXA), so putting the muscle back on has been difficult. I'm currently bulking at 2150 calories, but I may need to increase even more, especially since I'm still taking the Vyvanse & Viibryd (and will be for the foreseeable future). It's tricky because I can't say for sure exactly what the meds are doing to my metabolism and hormones.

So that's my story (I tried to condense it, but it still came out long, sorry :yawn: ) All in all, I feel much better and stronger since I've started lifting heavy and fueling my body so that I can lift heavier. Thank you all for your support, stories, and insight!