Struggling to manage so much, losing my faith

ElidaBravo

Hello Ladies,

I am real need. Please forgive me for being soooo raw and real. My faith is so rocky, i feel so abandoned.

. Last week my relationship with my boyfriend of 3.5 years ended. I was very emotional, but i did my best to keep "distracted" with every day list of to-do's, my mom's routine, mfp, working out, etc. I managed fine during the day, but felt awful at night. Yesterday was rough for me, but today, its the hardest of all, so far.

Mainly because i got off the phone with him, hearing him say how he probably wont repay all of the money that I lent him 2 yrs ago. He owes me about $10,000 thousand more.....all together it was 28k that i lent him over 2 years. He finally made money this season from his snowplow company, but he's playing games with his numbers....and he's taking advantage that i am not physically near him, so he's using all of my current physical limitations against me.

FOr the last 3 years i have lived with him in Michigan. I had a hard time finding a good paying job, so i decided to return to school. I came back to Oak Park Illinois/CHicago to attend that school. He initially said that its only temporary, 7 months....and that i would go back to live with him, continuing our relationship.

Well, I wasnt able to return right after school, because i am here still helping out my roommate, who had a hip replacement the week after i finished school on april 13th. . thats why i am not physically with him.....well he totally used that distance against me, regarding all kinds of things.

I feel sick to my stomach about the loss of this relationship and that i see him becoming so cold and sneaky regarding the money. Its like he's bullying me.

THIS is why its been soooo tough for me to keep a good eating schedule, or to get into my workouts...i'm so worried and my heart hurts. I feel soooo weak and crippled regarding getting my money back, the relationship i dont ever want back. I feel like he used me...and now wants to discard me.

i'm sooo stressed about this. Thats when i feel that all of this healthy stuff seems so trivial, silly.....when i am facing tough money issues....relationship....job hunting, talking an exam on june 2nd that i havent been studying for......i'm overwhelmed.

I sometimes feel like God is testing me, or maybe has forgotten about me.

Any words of encouragement will be appreciated, thank you.

Elida

KaelaLee88

Oh Hun,

I'm so sorry to hear about the very difficult and busy time you are enduring. Please know that you are not being tested or abandoned by God.

He is the same everyday and he promises never to leave or for sake us. God draws near to the Broken hearted and He is always with you.

Your ex sound like he needs to be let go from your life completely. At this point, the money isn't important - how you feel about yourself is. Choosing to move on is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Anger, upset and resentment are heavy burdens to carry that only hurt you and cause stress-related illnesses. I honestly believe that by choosing to forgive him and give everything else to God - you are freeing yourself.

You do not want any relationship with a man who lies, takes advantage of people, fiddles company expenses and uses your position in life to belittle or intimidate you. He is inviting trouble into his life by acting this way and that is for him to deal with the fallout when it happens - and it will happen.

I completely understand why you are feeling overwhelmed, is there anything that you can cut back on for a short while as you get back on your feet?

A healthy lifestyle will help you through this time, not hinder you. By exercising, you are focussing entirely on yourself and your betterment, by eating a balanced diet you are saving money and fuelling your body to get through the tough days ahead. Not to mention that a healthy lifestyle alleviates symptoms of depression, anxiety and is a real confidence booster.

I will be praying for your situation and your financial health. You are at college now, looking after others and improving yourself. A big drain on all your resources has now left your life - as difficult as it is, let it leave in peace.

God is with you, Elida. He gave you the words for your prayer :-) take each day at a time right now, don't be forced to make any hasty decisions.

Take your time Hun, God is with you in the Storm.

God bless you,

Kaela x

jmnicholas

Totally agree with Kaela.

Hiowever, you also need to stop and look at your relationship with God. He promises to be with us in everything, but sometimes it is us that walk away. Check on your relationship status and get close to God, who is our provider, comforter, strength, lover, rock...

Will pray for you.
Jo

ElidaBravo

Ladies,

Please know that I got such comfort from your replies. I truly appreciate each reply and the thought n effort behind them. I have been praying and keeping calm. The last few days were bad headache days, but at least I didnt have that horrible anxiety in my stomach. I am doing one day at a time. Thats my update so far.


Elida

KaelaLee88

Elida,

I'm so pleased to hear from you and that you are taking your time with things.

The headaches are to be expected from all the stress and disturbance. Keep sleeping, eating and drinking regularly and taking light exercise.

I get tension headaches that I often cause myself by tensing my shoulders, neck, back and face muscles. Don't forget to shake them all out every so often!

I will continue to pray for you Hun, you're doing great :-)

Kaela x

acogg

Try to look for the hidden blessings and know that as bleak as everything looks right now, you are being guided to a better path. It can be very hard to look at the moment that way. I came back to this forum to post my own trials, but I read yours and realized that mine are not nearly as difficult.